Tuesday, 15 October 2019

Feet stuff

Thank you for comments yesterday, I need to clear a few things up as I may inadvertently have given the wrong impression.

Both husband and I will be having our foot ops (in his case) and investigations (mine)....but in due course, for various reasons we can't have them now.  We both have to ring today and make arrangements - would have done it yesterday but our phone and broadband were off for most of the day, BT were here dealing with it on and off throughout the day.

It's not a question of not having transport to get us to/from our various hospital appointments if husband has his foot ops now - that will make things difficult, of course, with me not driving, but not impossible.  Various neighbours have offered help.  It's the fact that his upcoming UTI tests and prostate op take precedence over his feet - he can't have everything done at once, it's not possible or logical, it's a question of priorities.

Same with me.  I'm having so much gut trouble that it's a priority to get the cause identified and then treated, my feet are not a priority right now.  It may be that my foot problems do turn out to be diabetic neuropathy, and I do know that's serious (nobody wants toes or a foot amputated)….but it isn't going to happen overnight, and it may not be that at all.  Incidentally, my diabetes nurse doesn't think it is, she's referred me to podiatry as a precaution.

It's just that everything has come at once, we both have so many health things going on, some of which are more important than others.  

Thank you all for your concerns, it's really nice to know people care.

Mum seems to have rallied, she was feeling much better yesterday.  But yes, as was mentioned in comments, it is an emotional rollercoaster all the time.

It's sunny today, thankfully, it seems to have been almost neverending rain recently, which is always depressing.  Husband has a GP appointment later on this morning, I have to wait in for a delivery, then after lunch we're going to our favourite place, Dunster beach.  Betty's not had a good run for ages, due to the rain (she doesn't like being out in the rain anymore than we do, she just wants to get back home more or less as soon as she's done her business).  And all of us need a walk in the fresh sea air.

Monday, 14 October 2019

Self pity

Thank you for all the encouraging comments, I wish friends and family were the same, I feel totally abandoned by them lately.  I don't blame them I guess, it feels like they're all either totally fed up with me, don't believe there's anything wrong with me or just don't want to know.

My life has been completely taken over with not feeling well physically, in fact there are some days where I feel so ill I'd like to just stay in bed, not that I ever have.  And all the physical stuff is pulling me down mentally, I feel depressed, empty and tearful.  It's all medical stuff at the moment, for both husband and I (we both have several hospital and GP appointments coming up), and my mum has gone downhill again, sister texted on Saturday to say that it looked like mum was on her last legs, although she did improve slightly yesterday afternoon.  To be fair, this has happened several times - mum being at death's door, by the looks of things, and then pulling out of it a few hours later.  But we know that one day soon, she won't.  

I've just had another choose and book letter in for yet another hospital appointment, this time for my feet.  I'm having a bit of a problem with mainly my right foot, being diabetic it might be a neuropathy thing or it might be nothing.  When it first happened, months ago, my diabetes nurse referred me for further investigations, I had a letter (eventually, after several weeks) from the hospital, basically saying go away, we're very busy and you're not a priority.  Well, now it's come in and all I can think is oh I can't be bothered, it's just something else to add to the list.

Husband has also had an appointment for a pre-op assessment for his feet - his is a tendon problem, he needs an op (on both feet) to reverse damage caused by years of wearing constrictive steel-capped rigid work boots.  The problem is, once he has the op he'll be on crutches and unable to drive for 6-8 weeks, and won't actually be able to walk much at all for the first week or so.  With his current UTI and prostate problems and upcoming further tests and an op for that, it couldn't have come at a worse time, so he's going to have to postpone the foot thing.  Oh, and we're going on holiday in 3 weeks, and we both desperately need it.

I did actually feel slightly better the latter part of last week, for the first time in weeks.  But it was shortlived, I had a terrible weekend, felt worse than ever and still feel very unwell now.  

It's all getting on top of me at the moment, I just feel like hiding in a corner and doing absolutely nothing, don't think i could even cry, just feeling empty.  Well i know i can't carry on like this, i don't want to be moping around doing sod all on holiday, i want to enjoy it.  So I have to pull myself out of it and help myself - nobody else is going to!

I need to do some food prep and batch cooking for the freezer, it's all gone by the wayside recently as I just haven't felt up to it, we still have loads of home grown fruit and veg languishing in the utility room and if I don't do something with it in the next few days, it's going to go to waste and I don't want that to happen.

Thursday, 10 October 2019

Still alive!

Thank you to those who have left messages and emails.  We are ok, I've just got nothing much to say at the mo, husband's awaiting another test, I've got two scans coming up.  Have lost my blogging mojo....will be back when I find it.

Saturday, 5 October 2019

Success for husband

We did actually get to see husband's consultant yesterday, nice man, if a bit abrupt (aren't they all?).  He confirmed husband's wee sample shows yet another infection....or rather, a continuation of the ongoing infection.  He doesn't think the antibacterial medication our GP put husband on instead of the antibiotics is doing any good at all, and said he may as well stop taking it.  He also thinks the prostate-shrinking med husband has been taking for 4 months has probably done all it's going to do, he said it would have worked by now if it was going to work at all.

I asked the consultant if the fact that the GP keeps giving husband only short courses of antibiotics (he's had about 7 or 8 so far), with a break in between courses, and then stopping them altogether, has contributed to husband having ongoing UTIs - the infection never gets controlled or eradicated.  He said Yes, exactly that.  But....he also thinks that antibiotic use is far too prevalent nowadays and resistance to them will soon be a massive problem, so it's a bit of a Catch 22 situation.  

He thinks husband's ongoing problems can be cured, hopefully, with an operation on his prostate.  He needs to do a particular test first, something to do with finding out where and how big the blockage in the prostate is, and he can't do this test whilst husband still has an infection, it will distort the results, apparently.  So he's recommending to the GP that husband has a 7 day course of a targeted strong antibiotic, followed by a wee test, and then another 7 day course and another wee test.  But, and this is a crucial bit, he's to take a low dose maintenance course of antibiotic in between the strong 7 day courses.  He's hoping that this approach will get on top of the infection properly.  At last, a positive response after all these months of waiting!  We're happy that an end may be in sight, it's taken long enough.

I was up just after 2 this morning, in total agony again.  I'd not eaten much at all yesterday, so it wasn't any food disagreeing with me.  Took some painkillers, which did take the edge off the gut pain, so I went back to bed after about half an hour.  Woke up again a couple of times feeling sick, but went back to sleep quite quickly each time....and finally woke up at 06.40 am.  That's virtually unheard of for me, I can't even remember the last time I got up that late.  Despite having far more sleep than usual though, I still feel totally knackered, as if I haven't had any sleep at all for days.

I'm in the throes of making a Halloween card, various ideas popping into my head as I'm doing it so it's kind of evolving as I go along.  I'll show it on my cardmaking blog when it's done.

Friday, 4 October 2019


Cherie of North Yorkshires Craft Guru blog mentioned having the munchies last evening (hope your leg allowed you to get some sleep, Cherie).  By coincidence, I also had the munchies - it was before I read Cherie's blog, so I must have been psychic!  Instead of Cherie's onion rings though (which I wouldn't have as onion disagrees with me, unless it's well disguised in a stew or something), I had some little baked spelt crackers with pumpkin seeds and parmesan baked into them.  They sounded healthy in the shop, as well as looking delicious....they were delicious, if somewhat harder to crunch than I'd expected. 

Well, it's now just gone 03.30 am and I'm in agony with gut ache, it's like there's a pair of hands inside my gut grabbing hold of my organs and twisting them round.  Horrible.  And I feel as sick as anything.  

Lots of perfectly innocuous foods seem to be upsetting my stomach right now, it almost makes me feel like not eating anything.  Seeing my GP on Monday for the results of my blood tests.  Sounds strange I know, but I really hope the various tests come back as abnormal - at least that means something is wrong and it can hopefully be treated.  If they're all fine, well what on earth is causing me to feel so ill?  I'm downstairs with a hot water bottle (well, one of those wheat bag things you put in the microwave) on my tummy, can't see me getting any more sleep, it's too painful and am pretty sure I'm going to throw up soon.

We're going to see husband's urology consultant today, following the cancelled appointment a fortnight ago.  It had better not be cancelled again!  Oh, we had a reply back from my complaint to PALS - they basically just said sorry, and blamed it on an administrative error.  Well, that's alright then 😒  They also said the reason he hasn't yet seen a consultant - well, any specialist doctor of any grade - is that they wanted him to have all the tests first, so they had all the relevant results to hand before seeing him.  So it's taken 6 months to have all these tests and he's suffered with constant UTIs during the whole of that time?!  Hmmm.

We both had our flu jabs a couple of days ago.....husband says his arm's been killing him since, like someone has punched him, oddly my arm feels fine, no reaction at all.

Wednesday, 2 October 2019

Stomach playing tunes

Thank you for the lovely comments, I do appreciate the support.  Thankfully, I only rarely get troll comments and if I do, generally just bin them and don't even mention them - why give them publicity?  But it's hard to ignore and brush them off when feeling at a very low ebb.  

Some of you suggested making my blog private - I did try that, back when I restarted this blog.  Unfortunately, despite following Blogger's instructions, it just didn't work - can't remember why now.  I'm not the most techie person, techie stuff confuses the hell out of me, so possibly I was doing something or other wrong.  Whatever, I simply don't have the energy or will even to try doing it again, at this time.

I'm going for my armful of blood tests this afternoon, and it can't come soon enough, I'm feeling increasingly unwell, all the time now.  There's definitely something going on, my guts are playing up the whole time, I was actually sick yesterday for the first time - been feeling very nauseous for some weeks but not actually been sick before.  Literally everything I eat right now seems to upset my stomach....just had a bit of scrambled egg - just that, no toast or anything, and couldn't even finish it because it just made me feel sick.  Never mind, the dog happily finished it off, she loves scrambled egg.  

As well as the gut issues (my abdomen is so bloated I look like I'm pregnant - scary thought!), I've also had constant back pain for a couple of months, and feel knackered the entire time, from the minute i get out of bed.  Permanent headache too, which isn't something i usually suffer with.  Got lots of gripey pains in my gut and gurgling all the time - bit embarrassing as it can be quite loud, in fact it puts me in mind of the 1812 Overture!  When my GP listened to my stomach with her stethoscope, she said it sounded like a volcano erupting.  Even Betty is noticing, when she's sitting near me she keeps doing a double take, ears pricking up, her head whipping round suddenly and staring at my stomach, it is quite funny though.  Or it would be, if I felt well enough to laugh.

I can't remember what it's like to feel well, it seems to have become the norm to feel ill, and it's downright bloody horrible.  We're going away in a month and at this rate I'll be spending the week away in bed.

Sunday, 29 September 2019

The troll comment

The nasty comment on my blog post came from an anonymous poster (of course it did!  Comments like that are always from people who don't have blogs of their own, presumably because a) they're cowards, and b) they don't have anything interesting in their lives to write about.  Not that my life is particularly interesting, it's just my life).  She/he/they, however, did put a name at the end of their spiteful comment, perhaps because they hoped I'd publish it, having previously said that I will only publish anonymous comments if the poster puts a name at the end.  They called themselves 'Deborah' - who this is or whether that's their real name I have no idea, they've not commented before, to my knowledge, seems something about my post irritated them enough for them to crawl out of the woodwork.

They basically said that my health problems are nothing compared to husband's - how would they know?  I don't even know that myself yet, as I'm currently undergoing tests.  And, as I've mentioned, I don't write everything on my blog - why would I tell the world everything about me?  I may be blonde but am not stupid.  They also said husband actually does a lot for me (again, how would they know?  Do they live with us?) and does all the garden....he doesn't, actually, although the veg garden is mostly his domain, although I do all the planning for what we're going to grow and where, work out the crop rotation, and help with the planting, pruning and harvesting.  And the front flower garden is my domain.

And then their last sentence....they said I should find more ways of helping my husband.  And that just proves they know absolutely nothing about me.  Family and friends know just how much I do for my husband, and you know what?  It's absolutely sod all to do with anyone else.

Somebody said that I'm lucky to have my husband - yes I am, he is my soulmate, my best friend, I've always said that and I couldn't ever imagine life without him.  But he is also bloody lucky to have me, and freely admits it.

I don't know if I will blog again, right now I really don't have the energy to do it regularly, nor the frame of mind.  But, 'Deborah', don't waste your breath (or fingers) making any more comments, because you won't be published and I won't waste any more time on some spiteful little nobody who doesn't even know me.