Screaming inside

Our lives have been dominated by health problems recently - physical, mental and stress related.  Husband has suffered from excessive tiredness ever since being diagnosed with heart failure, he usually falls asleep within minutes of sitting down in the evenings (after putting on some rubbish on tv that I'm not remotely interested in).  Although I think that's a general man thing anyway 😒.  But for the past few weeks it's been much more prevalent, it's now every time he sits down, whatever time of day.  And any physical work tires him out quickly.  He says he feels alright other than the tiredness, but feels he's not getting enough sleep (despite dropping off whenever he sits down!).  He reckons he's awake a lot during the night....I know he does wake up more often than he used to (he's always been a good sleeper, unlike me), but goes back to sleep within minutes, although claims to lie awake for ages.  (Funnily enough he never seems to be awake when I'm lying there awake for literally hours!).

He's been having increasing pain with his feet lately - he has damaged tendons caused, the consultant said, by wearing rigid steel toecapped work boots for years.  He needs an operation to break and reset the tendons, which means he'll be on crutches and unable to drive for 6 weeks. He actually had the op scheduled for last year but had to postpone it due to his repeated UTI and prostate problems.  Now that's under control, he can go ahead with the foot thing, he's got an appointment with his consultant on the 27th, although has been told that the op may not now be for several months, due to the covid situation.

With my new health problem, I had a phone consultation with a specialist, she gave me her opinion of what was causing the problem but said I needed a scan and tests for a firm diagnosis. When I rang the Choose and Book line for an appointment, however, I was told that they're not accepting any new referrals and thus couldn't give me an appointment at all and would unfortunately just have to wait.  Meaning I have no diagnosis and therefore no treatment and just have to manage on my own as best I can.  Last Friday, out of the blue, a letter arrived with an appointment for 12 August - an actual real face to face hospital appointment.  So things are progressing, finally.  It's not for a scan or tests though, just a chat with another consultant.

The covid situation affects us all in different ways.  For me, it's my mental health that's suffering, in a big way, I am finding it so very hard to cope with not seeing friends and family.  Yes I know restrictions are lifting and we can see people socially distanced in our gardens, and even indoors in some circumstances.  But when your friends and family don't live on your doorstep, and your own circumstances mean you can't travel for hours to see them, or they can't (or won't) come to you, it's bloody hard to cope with.  And if one more person says to me "well at least you're alive, many aren't" I think I'll scream.

Stress and anxiety is playing havoc with my digestive system and bowels, I've hardly been able to leave the house recently and haven't managed one single night staying in bed the whole night for weeks.  We did go out yesterday for a few hours, to Dunster beach, where I know the toilets are now open every day, thankfully.  That wasn't without drama though, we had a near miss on the way when some idiot almost crashed into my side of the car, leaving me shaking with nerves, and Betty's lead somehow came off at one point on the beach (we weren't letting her off the lead in that particular area as there were too many other dogs around).  Fortunately she did come back when called.