Friday, 10 June 2022

A new way of living

 Looking back at some of my posts, I can see that this bout of depression started around December/January, although I wasn't really aware of it actually being depression for some weeks.  I suffer from reactive depression, meaning that it comes on as a reaction to something, usually some stressful event or period of time.  I think this time around it was mainly caused by the problems we had with the car husband bought in late November, and which began exhibiting problems very soon after we got it.  I'm not going into all the whys and wherefores of it, that's ancient history, and hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Suffice it to say that we are still having problems with it, the friendly mobile mechanic has done all he can with the car, changing several parts, none of which have cured the root problem.  He says there's little point in changing any more parts, and it unfortunately looks like the root problem (which he and husband have established is something to do with the clutch) is going to persist.  Whilst the car is driveable and the problem doesn't actually impact the use of the car, it will be an MOT failure.  The MOT is due in November, so we need to get rid of the car and get another before then.  Husband has dithered about, bored the pants off me with his constant online searching for and telling me about cars (I'm not remotely interested in them), we've been to see a few likely-looking cars, and for whatever reasons (some of which seem downright plain stupid to me), he's discounted all of them.  Well I've told him he needs to get his finger out, stop being so bloody picky and unrealistic in his expectations, and actually get on with the business of finding a suitable car, before he runs out of time.  And that's my last word on the subject, it's up to him to get on with it.  He knows he's got to, I've left him in no doubt about my feelings on the matter.

Having had that chat with him, rearranged our budget and implemented a few changes to it, done the full freezers and larder inventory, worked out a month's menu plan and made the decision to shop monthly from now on, and got to grips with a few other things, I now feel totally back in control for the first time in months.  I've changed myself too - in that I've changed how I deal with things that I find stressful or anxiety-inducing.  That applies to family and friends too - I don't suffer fools gladly, I'm choosing not to do things that I don't want to do, I'm not getting involved in things that others do if I don't want to.  I've changed the way I deal with the problem relative - if they genuinely need assistance then I'll help where I can.  If they're just being overly dramatic for no good reason, I just don't engage with them at all until it blows over.  And I'm certainly not going to put up with the rudeness and spitefulness, that's a complete No-No.

I guess I'm now standing up for myself and doing what I want (or don't want), after a lifetime spent looking after other people since the age of 13, doing what others want, and not being taken notice of.  At the age of 62, I think it's about time!


  1. Good for you, Sooze. It's not easy putting yourself first after a lifetime of putting others first, but sometimes you just have to say enough is enough. I think I've got to the stage in my life when I don't care what others think of me. If they don't like it, it's their problem. The first time you say no is the hardest. Like everything, it gets easier with practise! xx

  2. Good for you. Sometimes putting your foot down is not the easy option, but it is the right one.
    Well done in respect of your car, right now it has 5 months MOT left which increases the value significantly over trying to sell it as an MOT failure when it would be worth much, much less.

  3. You have to look after your own mental health first and foremost. I do hope you can find a very reliable vehicle very soon.

    God bless.

  4. Well done to you for putting your foot down and saying it how it is! I bet you felt a lot better afterward! Fingers crossed that he finds something really quickly as, like someone said, your existing car is worth more right now than it will be after a failed MOT.
    And I totally agree with you about not getting involved in things that are bad for our mental health. Making those choices can be hard but, my goodness, they are necessary. It's not selfish, it is essential. xx


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