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Thursday 3 November 2022

Anxiety again, Xmas food shop done

 I'm having a lot of anxiety symptoms at the moment - palpitations or big thumps in my chest, shaking hands, tension headaches, dizziness, hot sweats, being on edge, not being able to concentrate, thoughts crowding my head, forgetfulness.  During the day, I'm nearly always busy so try to ignore it all, but it does all affect my sleep at night, a lot.  And of course lack of sleep makes it worse.  I know it is certainly anxiety, I've had it many times before, and got it all checked out by the GP a few years back, so I'm not worried it might be something else.  And I know why it's happening at the moment (life stuff), so I know it will all wear off in time.  I do take anti-anxiety medication and have upped the dose (I can take up to 3 tablets a day) for the time being, to try and get it under control.  But it is all wearing me out right now, and making it quite difficult to cope with everyday stuff.  When this happens though, I do wish I could be away from home and all the stuff that needs doing, it would be lovely to be in a beautiful peaceful place and have absolutely no responsibilities for a while.

As that's unlikely to happen....moving swiftly on.....I really don't like this time of year when the clocks have gone back and the days seem so short and dark - particularly when it's so cold and rainy and windy out.  It's my birthday soon and that always depresses me too, nobody likes getting older do they.  My birthday is never a cause for celebration.  And December brings several anniversaries - 3 deaths of close family and friends, including my Mum on Christmas Eve, and 2 birthdays of people no longer with us.  The only saving grace, and one I cling to, is that the winter solstice/shortest day is on 21 December and after that the days start getting longer, by a minute or two.

I made a smoked salmon and smoked haddock risotto yesterday, due to my lack of concentration I left it a bit too long on the hob and it got a bit burnt.  Oh well, it still tasted alright, albeit with a bit of a charcoally flavour!

I managed to do the Christmas online shop yesterday, there weren't a lot of slots left but I got one for Tues 20th, which will be fine.  I'm just glad we won't have to go out shopping now that week.  It will be very interesting to see just how much this shop has gone up from yesterday to the 20th December when it's delivered.

10 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry you're feeling anxious. Never good, and always worse in the middle of the night. Hopefully, it will quickly pass. I hate this time of year, too. So cold, dark and miserable - I just want to hibernate. I can remember when a big Christmas shop came to about £20. That would barely get you a few essentials now! I suppose prices have always risen, but they seem to leap daily nowadays. xx

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    1. Even just the fruit and veg came to more than £20. Yes prices have gone up every time we go shopping.

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  2. I'm sorry for your latest bought of extra anxiety. Not sleeping does make it harder to be resilient. November is my tough month, much like your December. I don't care about getting older when so many have not had the opportunity, so I still try and celebrate, or at least appreciate my birthday. It's this month too.

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    1. You're right of course Sam, I should just celebrate being alive. Happy birthday for this month.

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  3. It's a miserable time of year made even worse if you aren't feeling on top of the world. I liked that you say the winter solstice is just around the corner and it will start to get light then. It will be here before we know it. Xx

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  4. So sorry to hear that you are feeling like this at the moment. But the saving grace is that you recognise the cause and are actively doing what you can to help yourself start feeling better as soon as you can.

    I'm not a lot of help really as I absolutely LOVE this time of year. The first couple of weeks after the clocks go back when we have a smidge more light in the mornings is always welcome to me, and I love being able to draw the curtains early and snuggle in for the long Winter nights with the television or a good book. Even last night with high winds rattling the roof and rain driving down was wonderfully invigorating ... maybe not so much for anyone that needed to venture out though!!

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  5. I guess it would be difficult to organise but you're always welcome to spend some time here, should you wish to. xx

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  6. Celebrate your birthday because you are cared about…we are happy you are having one…prayers

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  7. You celebrate your birthday; we all think the world of you. My goodness are you ever organized. I haven't even thought of Christmas shop yet.

    God bless.

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