Monday, 24 August 2020

Dumb and invisible

Dc of Frugal in Norfolk blog wrote a very heartfelt post today, it made me feel very emotional, I could have written exactly the same thing myself.  Word for word.

It's all about her getting no replies to emails/texts (personal ones I think she's talking about).  About her being the one who has to get in contact all the time, as it's not reciprocated, nobody contacts her.  She's the one who always has to make arrangements for coffee meet ups etc, as again nobody else bothers.

Same here.  Emails and texts I send get ignored.  We've had several family deaths in the past year or two, I thought it would bring us (both immediate and extended family) did for a short time, now we never (or very rarely) hear from them, only when we (or I) make the effort.  WhatsApp or FB messages I send sometimes don't get answered.  I sometimes think if I didn't make contact weekly, I wouldn't hear from them at all, it's almost always me who sends the message asking how we all are.  It's the same with close friends, it's always me who makes the running. 

As for my best friend - too busy, and doesn't understand depression and what it does to people, at all.  I get the distinct impression they don't care about me anymore and have pushed me out and don't care how that hurts me.

Yes Dc, you're so right, it does hurt and really does make me feel like I don't matter to anyone, other than husband (and even he takes me for granted).

I've got a few health concerns going on, all of which I'm having to have investigations for, which require ongoing hospital and GP visits.  If I didn't write them all on the calendar, I'd forget which thing is being looked at on that occasion.  The very fact of having to attend hospitals/surgery is daunting enough as it is with the covid situation - although I have to say every medical appointment I've had is carried out with the utmost care and safety measures.  But it just feels like I'm on my own with all this, other than husband ferrying me to them.  And he has his own health problems.

Well, I've gone through life coping with things, even big things, pretty much on my own, and from an early age.  So it's not exactly new.  It would just be nice for friends and family to show some interest....And not just once in a blue moon, but sustained.

(Dc and Sue of A Smaller and Simpler Life, apologies for jumping on your bandwagons, both your posts struck a nerve with me today xx).


  1. Oh Sue. It's tough when people treat us like that and I too know how that feels. Thankfully I have a few really good friends and we are always there for one another. You have your blog family and we care. x

    1. I can offload a bit (though not go too deep) to our walking buddy as they know the situation but never experience it themselves so can’t empathise. I don’t really have friends I can talk to about things. DB helps but has never suffered the same way. Must be blooming nice! Sorry if the post upset you a bit. Better out than in.

    2. I was hurt for you Sue. I am used to being treated shabbily by some people so it doesn't bother me any more.

  2. Life is especially tough at the moment, for everyone. Not trying to make excuses for people, but there may be a reason they're not being supportive. I must admit though, I hate it when emails aren't acknowledged. I always reply, even if it's just a couple of lines. I think it's only polite. As Cherie says, your blog friends are here for you, and we do care. And you have Betty to offload onto. Animals hear all and say nowt! They don't judge, just give unconditional love. xx

  3. ((((hugs))))
    Again, I do wish we lived closer. xxx

  4. I totally get this. Sending a hug.

  5. I feel for you Sooze, I get the same treatmentsome of the time but just shrug it off. I am one of the few in "my group" with no dependants or commitments. When I was working full time I was one of the guilty people. My Granny held the family together and when we lost her we lost the glue that held us together. Then when we lost Mum and Dad we really let go and became immersed in our own lives. Now that my sister is retired we are in closer touch than ever before. I hope that you feel a bit better for letting it out. It does help to get on the soapbox and bang your drum.

  6. It is difficult visiting family who live away when your husband has health problems and Covid has made it worse. Pam is right when she says that the older generation held the family together, happened in my husband's family.
    His siblings have their own families or work full time. It is frustrating when messages are not answered and family or friends don't seem to understand your situation. I don't think it's that they don't care, folks get wrapped up in their own lives.

  7. I’m one of those people you are speaking of, as far as blogs are concerned. I avidly read your blog Sue but haven’t yet replied. I know I should and I will from now on, and I hope others follow suit.
    I am good at keeping in touch with friends and family both here and overseas but it dawned on me that the bloggers out there work hard to put their messages together and it up to us to let you know we are here, following, interested and concerned for you all. So please keep it up and I for one hope your medical trials soon get sorted out. Love from Marilyn in Western Australia (formally Sussex) xx

  8. Oh how I feel for you. I send you hugs. I am a regular reader of your blog but sometimes I feel I cannot comment but I will try harder in the future

    Julie xxx

    Julie xxxxxx

  9. I am like Marilyn I have friends that I keep in touch with and they wriite back. It's a two way of friendship, I have stop blogging with a couple of people who write on there blog but they never comment back on what I have said and I wonder if they even read what I have commented on. It takes me a long time to write because of the stroke but I like to think that the blogger is pleased I have commented on what they have said.
    Hazel c uk ๐ŸŒˆ

  10. Hi Sooze, Here I am again, I’ve never replied before but now two replies to one of your blogs.
    Following on from what you were saying about how how people not replying to emails and texts and not bothering to keep in contact can hurt us. In these days of lockdown and so many suffering from frayed nerves and feeling a bit low I believe we should all buoy each other up in every way possible, and one sure fired way to help each other is to give a kind word or compliments where they are deserved. I always compliment people for anything they have made an effort with, be that sewing, cooking, gardening or even clipping their dog (you know what I mean). If a friend has a new item of clothing or a new hair style I always say something nice about it, if someone has invited us for coffee, afternoon tea or a meal I always say how much I appreciate their effort. I believe a nice comment or compliment goes a long way to boosting someone’s ego and can turn a bad day into a good day. Often the person giving the compliment doesn’t realize just how appreciated that is. We all know how we feel when someone says something nice to us.
    We lost some old friends a few years ago. Whenever we went to their house I always thanked them for having us and for the nice meal but when they visited us they made no comment or even a thank you. This went on for a while until I felt enough was enough. I just wish I had had the courage to tell them the reason we didn’t invite them anymore. Good manners are what we were all taught as children (they cost nothing) and right now those good manners are needed more than ever.
    I hope you don’t think I am rambling. I am always trying to think of ways to make myself and others feel good about themselves and right now that is more important than ever before.

  11. I lovely post from Marilyn and wish she was my friend she thinks like me, if you cannot say anything nice don't say anything. .๐ŸŒˆ๐ŸŒˆ๐ŸŒˆHazel c uk


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