Sunday, 30 June 2019

following on...

To follow on from this morning's post.....thank you all for your concerns.

However, husband feels much better today than he did yesterday, it's not an emergency situation (i.e. he doesn't need - or want - an ambulance), I'm fairly sure he doesn't need to go to A&E.  As stated, I can't drive, therefore I can't get him there anyway - unless we called an ambulance, which he doesn't need.  The nearest A&E department is 40 mins drive away.  As for him peeing blood - he's been doing that on and off for the past 10 weeks, and neither the (various) GPs we've seen, nor the hospital docs we saw for his cystoscopy, seem to think it's an emergency!

As i said, we will be getting an emergency GP appointment tomorrow (we can always see someone on the same day we ring), and i will take the discharge letter from the hospital with me (the GP has a copy of it already) and point out that they say the GP needs to refer husband back to hospital in the event of further visible bleeding....i dare say it will be another 'urgent, within 2 weeks' appointment, the same as his cystoscopy referral.

I would be happy for him to have a short stay in hospital - at least he might get sorted then, all this 'it takes time, he's just got to grin and bear it' crap that the doctors keep coming out with is all very well, but it's not them suffering.  By the same token, however, it's clear none of them think it's an emergency, or else he would be in hospital.  It will make things decidedly awkward for me with regard to getting him into hospital, should a stay be offered - and home again - and it's doubtful i will be able to visit him.  But if a hospital stay is able to be arranged, then fine, we will take it.

I don't know what more i can do or say.

Oh dear

Things have got worse again over the weekend....husband felt very unwell yesterday and spent most of the day asleep on his recliner chair.  We did think perhaps it could be the heat, as it's no good for heart failure sufferers.  However, he's felt very feverish during the night, although feels better in himself having got up, but is now back to peeing blood again.  On his discharge letter from the hospital following his cystoscopy, it says if he gets visible haematuria again then the GP should refer him back for further investigations.  

So it's back to the GP tomorrow for yet another emergency appointment.

We're going to do a big shop this morning (husband will sit in the car whilst I whizz round the shop), to make sure we're stocked up with everything.  We have to face up to the possibility that he may need to have a hospital stay in the near future, so i have to be prepared.  I'm ok with the emotional side of that, it's the practical side of things that presents more of a problem, bearing in mind where we live and my lack of transport.

Saturday, 29 June 2019

Too hot! (well i need something else to complain about haha)

Not even 8 am yet and I'm already uncomfortably hot, I really don't like it hot and muggy, doesn't agree with me at all being fair skinned and freckly.  Being fat doesn't help either lol.

Cheryl, you asked about laser surgery.....the consultant did mention the possibility of an op in the future, but their policy is to try the shrinking meds first and see if that works.  Oh, and his infection's not gone yet, he's still feverish and shivery at times (oh to be feeling cold in this heat!!  I wish I could!).  

Betty has her grooming session this morning, the one that I forgot last week....must remember!  We've got someone coming round (allegedly, i'll believe it when/if they actually turn up) to hopefully take our exercise bike off our hands.  All it's doing is taking up space, neither of us uses it anymore, hurts my hip like hell and husband's too knackered, unwell and sore to use it.  I'm a bit fed up with rude lazy people who bombard us with (mostly stupid) questions and messages about the thing, and then don't bother letting us know that they're no longer interested or won't be coming round.  The woman who's supposed to be coming today has already changed the arrangements a couple of times, so we'll see if she actually does come.

There's a country fair on locally today, I would have liked to go but husband doesn't feel well enough, and it's not near enough for me to walk to.  Wouldn't fancy walking in this heat anyway.

The bbq party tonight has shrunk to being just a small bbq for a few neighbours only.....the neighbour doing it hasn't been well and doesn't feel up to a big do.  Fine by me, I'll still go anyhow.  I've said I'll make some cupcakes to take along....should have said a salad, so I don't have to have the oven on.  Duh!

I had a really bad day yesterday, everything was getting on top of me (plus the usual lack of sleep) and I felt weepy and down all day.  Husband was also very down (he still is today) so I've had to pull myself together in the hope that he will too.  

Friday, 28 June 2019

Suggestions and coping

Thank you for all the recent comments, commiserations and suggestions.  I'd like to answer a few of them here.

Husband has been taking antibiotics repeatedly, with just a few days off in between courses, for the past 8 weeks or so, he's on another course right now.  I don't suppose the anti-b's are doing his friendly gut bacteria much good, as they kill off everything indiscriminately.  I know live yogurt will help with that, but it won't be of much help whilst he's taking the meds almost continuously.

From everything that we've been told by the various doctors we've seen, and from what I've read during the vast amount of research I've done online, it does appear that it should get better in time - eventually, although it may (will) take weeks.  The recommended treatments are 1) painkillers, which he does now take regularly, although says they don't work.  He is also (because of his heart condition) only allowed to take paracetamol and codeine, along with the ghastly orange drink to counteract the codeine constipation.  2)  Antibiotics if infection is present (see previous paragraph).  3)  Alpha-blocker meds, which the hospital prescribed him, he's been taking 2 different types of these for the past 9 or 10 days, they could take weeks to work though.

Some of you suggested cranberry juice drinks - he's been drinking this every day for a few weeks now....doesn't seem to have helped, other than keeping him hydrated.

He's also got the pee bottle and pads I bought him (which he has started to use, albeit reluctantly), and has a medically approved cushion to sit on, which the elderly neighbour whose husband died has lent him.

So he's doing everything that has been suggested or prescribed, and so far nothing has helped significantly.  Let's hope it does sooner rather than later.

We sleep in separate rooms about every other night now, so both of us get more chance to sleep.  It's not something we want to do permanently though - my opinion is what's the point of being married if you're going to have separate bedrooms?  I'm not passing judgement on anybody else - that's just MY opinion.

We all have our own ways of coping with might seem at times as though I don't cope at all well and do a lot of complaining on  here - well as it happens, that is one of my coping mechanisms.  If I don't get things off my chest, then I just brood about it and get very depressed and introspective.  It's my blog, I can say what I like, if people don't want to read my moans (and I can understand that) - well, nobody is forcing you to read (yes I mean you, VH!!).  

I do want so much to go and see my mum, but it's out of the question right now - husband is unable to drive for that distance and length of time, and I don't feel able or willing to leave him for that long either.  I could go with my brother, he has said he's more than willing to take me, but I'm not going until husband is better.  I have spoken to my mother (who is very happy to be home and feels so much better for it) and she understands perfectly and has in fact insisted that I not make any attempt to go up there until he is better.

I am doing something selfish tomorrow - I'm going to a bbq party, on my own, something i've never done before.  Husband doesn't feel well enough to go, it's at a neighbour's house so I will be nearby and will have my phone with me in case he needs me.  I need some time for myself and husband is happy for me to go alone.  As I don't drive and there's no public transport here, this is about my only opportunity (other than dog walking in the nearby field, which is a bit of a problem with my poorly hip but I still do it) to get out by myself.  Something I feel sorely in need of right now.  I haven't had any offers to take me out anywhere, people always think of the unwell person, understandably so, but it's hard for carers too.

Lovely day, I'm glad there's quite a strong breeze though or it would be too hot for me.  I'm just off into the garden to pick a load of lavender heads for pot pourri.

Thursday, 27 June 2019


The surgery rang at 6pm yesterday.....husband has yet another UTI.  Honestly, it just seems to be neverending, we feel like he's never going to get better at this rate.

Re my last post and the 'helpful' person....she isn't nasty and she doesn't comment on my blog.  She thinks she's being helpful - but the point is she's just so OTT, she bombards me with all this stuff via email and text, whether I want it or not (I don't).  It's all things she thinks I should be doing - but it's what SHE thinks, it's not what I think or want.  Like I said, I know she thinks she's helping, but there was just so much of it I ended up feeling like I was being smothered and just wanted to run away from her.  And it's the tone of what she says too, she more or less TELLS me what to do.  I thought it was all over months ago when we had words (via email), so why she's started up again I don't know, my heart sank when I saw her email yesterday.  Considering our last communications months ago were quite acrimonious, I can't understand why she's got in touch again, nor why she's still reading my blog.  

My mother is home, finally, she got my brother to post one word on FB yesterday.....BLISS!  I didn't ring her last night as I knew she'd be tired and settling in to her new living arrangements, with all her bedroom furniture now being downstairs.  Hopefully I'll have a video call with her today or tomorrow.  I'm so glad she's home.

Wednesday, 26 June 2019

Oh no not again :(

Some months ago I fell out with an online friend, whom I'd met in real life on one occasion (and who could talk the hind legs off a donkey).  At the time of the falling out I was in quite a deep state of depression, and she bombarded me, via email and text, with 'helpful' suggestions.  She gave me lots of instances of things she does (she doesn't suffer with clinical depression, by her own admittance) and reckoned they'd help me too.  She even suggested what I should/shouldn't write about on MY blog!  I know she thought she was being helpful, but I just felt like I was being lectured and told what to do all the time, in the end I just wanted to crawl into a hole and pull a blanket over my head and hide from her.  She also insisted that some things I'd written were about her, when they weren't at all (I do know people other than her!), but there was no convincing her of that.  Eventually, words were exchanged, she was clearly offended (and let me know about it in no uncertain terms) and that was that, I didn't hear from her again, to my relief.

She was one of the reasons I tried to make my blog private - although failed spectacularly (techie stuff is not one of my strengths) and just gave up in the end.

Well, now she's back - she's clearly still reading my blog and is now offering more unsolicited advice and suggestions.  I know she thinks she's being helpful, but really I just wish she would leave me alone! 

And now for some really good news.....on Monday my mother was released from hospital and transferred into a neighbouring hospice/care home.  It's a private care facility but they do take some elderly hospital patients who are nearly ready to go home - so they're not bed blocking in hospital, I guess.  Sis has been to see mum in the home and says it's lovely, she has her own en-suite room, she found out she knows one of the care staff and she's been well enough to get dressed and go and eat in the dining room.  And sis has just had a call from the hospital to say mum can go home either late today or some time tomorrow.  Such good news.

Husband and I have talked again and he's agreed that just sitting around moping (which is all that he's been doing, understandably when he doesn't feel well) is not doing him (or me, by extension) any good.  I know he can't do much, or go far, but we will be trying to get out a bit more.  We'll start by taking Betty out for a longish walk this afternoon - well, somewhere she can be let off the lead and run around to her heart's content, and where we don't actually need to do too much walking ourselves, as my hip is killing me again lately - probably because I've been more or less confined at home too and thus not getting any exercise.  My hip and back are definitely much worse when I don't do a lot of walking around, even though walking still hurts, especially on uneven ground.  It's quite dull and overcast here at the moment, but is supposed to be sunny later.

Tuesday, 25 June 2019

What the GP said

The GP was very sympathetic, but wasn't able to prescribe anything.  He tested husband's latest wee sample and said it shows no sign of any current infection (well that's something, I suppose).  Therefore, he didn't want to give him any more antibiotics, because of the risk of becoming resistant to them.  He said the tablets prescribed by the hospital to shrink the prostate will (or should!) eventually work, but the fact is it does take time, it's not an overnight process and will take weeks.  He said the reason husband is so uncomfortable at the moment (he's having to sit on a cushion all the time) is because of the investigations he's had.  Understandable, I guess.  And the other tablets to relax the bladder are to make sure he empties his bladder - hence the increased frequency and need to go.  But if he doesn't take them and isn't able to empty his bladder properly, then he will carry on having repeated UTIs.  It's a Catch 22 situation.

He said husband will basically just have to grin and bear it (I bet he wouldn't be saying that if he was going through all this, he is quite a bit younger than husband), in the knowledge that it will get better with time.  Meanwhile, he suggested husband take painkillers at recommended times throughout the day - anti-inflammatories would be the best thing, he said, but unfortunately husband can't take them because of his heart failure and heart meds.  So he said paracetamol and codeine is the next choice, but of course codeine use means constipation, which will exacerbate husband's problems, so he will have to take a medication for that every day too.

I used to think men have it easy - no periods, smear tests, boob squashing, pregnancy, childbirth, menopause.  But with what husband's currently going through, I no longer think that.  

But he's not really been helping himself much - eg refusing to use the pee bottle and pads, not taking painkillers regularly, not going to the loo until he's desperate and in agony - the GP had suggested previously that he should go regularly, whether he feels he needs to or not, and not leave it until he's desperate.  And he's just been sitting around moping a lot, but refuses to even consider antidepressants.  I know he's feeling very unwell, but by not doing what he's been told to do or taking up suggestions made to help him, he's making life difficult for both himself and me, and we've had a chat about it.  Last night was the worst night yet, and it's rapidly getting to the stage where I simply cannot cope anymore.  And if I can't cope, then everything falls apart.

I've had a few anonymous comments recently with no name given at the end of the comment - I'm sorry but I'm not publishing comments from complete unknowns.  If you don't have a Blogger account and have to comment anonymously, can you please put a name at the end of your comment.  Thank you.

I've also had a couple of comments that weren't particularly helpful and had a bit of a spiteful undertone.  I'm not publishing those either.  If you don't like what I say on my blog, then please move on.  With the way things are for us right now, I have no patience for negativity.

Monday, 24 June 2019

Wearing us out

Husband feeling marginally better was very shortlived - he's back to feeling absolutely awful, and is in so much pain when he pees.  It's horrible, mostly for him of course but also for me, as I hate him being in so much pain and knowing there's nothing I can do for him.  We slept - well I say slept, what I mean is we spent the night - in separate rooms, but neither of us got much sleep again as he's having to get up for a pee so many times.  This has been going on for so many weeks now (since April) and it's just so draining, both of us feel so down about it.  

It's affecting our lives in so many ways - obviously it's making him feel so unwell all the time, he can't be far away from a loo which means it's difficult for us to go out anywhere (plus he's embarrassed about people seeing/hearing him in so much pain).  We only have the one loo which is a bit awkward at times - when he needs to go, he needs to go RIGHT NOW, which is awkward if I'm in there!   I have bought him a pee bottle and some male incontinence pads but so far he's not used them, he absolutely hates the thought of using them.  I do understand, he just finds the whole idea of it totally shameful, a typical male reaction.  But if it helped him, then he should use them - most women would, right?

I guess that's the thing - women talk about this sort of stuff, men don't.  I have tried to explain to him that, according to the doctors (and what I've read), most men over the age of 50 will be starting to have prostate problems, and by husband's age (68) an enlarged prostate and the associated problems will be quite common (by the age of 80 nearly all men will have them).  So there are literally 1000s and 1000s of men having exactly the same problems he is - they just don't talk about it!

We both want to go and visit my mum (who is still in hospital) - no chance of that right now, however.  We have commitments and appointments that we have to keep changing, when husband's not well enough.  The dog isn't getting many long walks - she gets walked twice a day, she's just not getting the long 1 or 2 hour walks or beach walks that she normally gets at least a couple of times a week.  We're not having days (or even half days) out, because he's just not well enough.  Although, to be fair, the weather's not been too good anyway.  He's not doing the gardening that he normally does, either for us or for the people he usually helps out.  And from a purely selfish point of view, I'm not getting much time to myself as he's here nearly all the time.  Which means the telly's on all the time, with a load of crap stuff that I would never watch (and he often goes to sleep within minutes of putting the damn thing on anyway!).  When I'm here on my own, I almost never have the TV on, preferring music stations on the radio or my CDs, or even just silence.

Husband feels down and depressed, which isn't like him, and I feel stressed up to the eyeballs.  We're both completely knackered from lack of sleep.  He's got yet another emergency GP appointment this morning, I really hope they can do something for him as neither of us can cope with this much longer.  And chronic illness is just so isolating - we can't socialise much - well, we haven't at all recently - it's embarrassing to talk about, and people don't want to hear us banging on about it anyway.  I find myself crying a lot lately, because it's just so bloody hard.  I don't do it in front of husband, I shut myself away, I wouldn't want him feeling even more down than he already is.

Saturday, 22 June 2019

Oh bum!

Stress and lack of sleep is really getting to me again,  I can hardly remember my own name at the moment.  We were supposed to take Betty to the groomers first thing this morning - I totally forgot about it, despite it being written on the calendar and an appointment card in my phone wallet, and having mentioned it to husband just a couple of days ago.  Her nails really need clipping too.  Oh well, I've rung and apologised and rebooked her for next Saturday.  And the daft thing is, I got money out this morning thinking 'I know I need cash for something, but can't remember what right this minute'.  Fool...

I was up at 03.30 this morning, husband had got up for yet more wees a couple of times, waking me up as well (if I sleep in the spare room he still wakes me, as I'm such a light sleeper).  Couldn't get back to sleep after the 2nd time of being woken up, so went downstairs.  I did actually doze off in the armchair, until Betty had one of her more 'active' dreams and woke me up with her woofing.  I think I need a very dark, very cool, completely soundproof room to sleep in - alone.  

Husband said this morning he hardly dared mention it for fear of jinxing it, but he actually feels very slightly better....not feeling the urge to pee so frequently and a smidgeon less painful.

I'm not doing anything much today, for the simple reason that I can't be bothered, as my head feels too woolly to concentrate on anything.  I might just sit in the garden and read.

Friday, 21 June 2019

That DNR thing, and poor husband

Thank you once again for all the comments.  

Regarding the DNR, our issue wasn't with that itself - we're all in agreement that it's entirely Mum's decision (she's said she DOES want to be resuscitated).  The point is that the medical staff just thrust the subject on Mum and sis completely out of the blue, and didn't mention it's a routine question they ask everybody, they gave the impression that Mum was about to pop her clogs imminently and frightened both mum and sis out of their wits.  Us too when sis told us, clearly distressed.  And coming on top of all the stuff going on with husband at present, it knocked me sideways.

Mum and sis have both said that the hospital staff are lovely, very kind....BUT they are extremely busy, to the point of being rushed off their feet - it sometimes takes ages apparently for them to bring mum a bedpan or some painkillers, when she's asked for them.  It's a very big and busy hospital in a large town and they are shortstaffed (what a surprise, our wonderful NHS - and it is wonderful - is being run into the ground).

Husband is still in a lot of pain when peeing, I hate hearing him suffer, I feel so sorry for him and so helpless.  Painkillers do nothing.  He's also extremely uncomfortable, having had things shoved up both his (look away now if you're of a delicate disposition!) willy and his bumhole.  He continues to have a frequent and very urgent need to pee and is having to get up several times a night, meaning both of us are knackered (although he does nap during the day, which I have no objection to - he needs the sleep, whereas I can cope without it, having had years and years of practise!).  But it is all getting to him, he was very quiet last night and said he felt very down and depressed, unsurprisingly.  Today though he does seem more upbeat, and we've decided to try going out for lunch, just down to the Walled Gardens café in the village.  It's only a few minutes away, it has a toilet, and we'll only be there about an hour, so it should be ok for him.  I think we both need to get out.

The consultant did say the tablets will take time to work (the prostate shrinkage ones could take weeks, the bladder relaxation ones quicker).  I did mention to husband that perhaps he should consider going to the GP again for the pain and feeling so down, he said he'll give it till next week and see how he feels then.  If he's no better, I'll make sure he goes to the GP.

50 and counting, yes the hospital did mention a TURP to us - well, they didn't call it that, I had to google it when you mentioned it, but yes that is what they talked about, if the tablets aren't successful.

We do both feel very battered emotionally and physically at the minute, and I am finding it hard to cope....keeping busy is the only thing that's keeping me going.  I've done a load of food prep the past couple of days, details on my food blog.  

Wednesday, 19 June 2019

Deep lows and more highs

Thank you for all the supportive comments and emails, they do help a lot.  It's been a worrying few days.

My mother was asked by the doctors to decide whether she wanted to be resuscitated if (they made it sound like when) her heart stops.  She does have heart trouble, which has worsened since she's been in hospital, her red blood count had dropped significantly and, for unknown reasons, they weren't even treating it, hinting that her heart problems outweighed everything else.  However, after my sis and their church minister talked with mum and the doctors, it seems that the DNR question was simply a routine one they ask every elderly person and Mum isn't in immediate danger of dropping dead.  They're also now going to treat her low red blood count, they're giving her a large iron injection today apparently.  And they're back to saying she can hopefully go home soon, whereas the past couple of days they've been giving the impression she wouldn't be leaving hospital.  I really don't know what's been going on there, sounds a bit like they'd given up on her (unless my sister just got the wrong end of the stick), it's difficult to know exactly when we're so far away.

Husband has been very unwell again the past few days, had another emergency GP appointment on Monday, she said she'd rather not give him anything until he'd had the hospital tests (which were this morning), she felt it was better to wait until we knew exactly what we were dealing with.  She did say he could take anti-inflammatories for the pain, but as they interfere with a couple of his heart meds, he'd have to temporarily stop taking them (a worry in itself) until he'd been to the hospital.  The anti-inflammatories didn't help anyway.  

He had an ultrasound scan of his bladder, bowel, kidneys and prostate first, followed by a cystoscopy and rectal examination (I left the room for those!).  He doesn't have prostate - or any other - cancer, which is a huge relief.  However, he does have a very enlarged prostate which is severely squashing his bladder and urethra, preventing his bladder from emptying completely.  The leftover wee is stagnating and breeding bacteria, hence the repeated infections.  The huge prostate is squashing his urethra so much that the wee has trouble squeezing out, which is why it's so painful (sorry for the graphic descriptions!).  He's been prescribed two more meds, one to hopefully shrink the prostate (it doesn't always work successfully though), the other to relax the neck of his bladder to allow the urine to come out easier.  Fingers crossed they work.  He was told he'd be in some discomfort and probably peeing blood again following the procedure (he is! the groans coming from the bathroom sound like he's being murdered) but that should wear off in a couple of days.

Whilst we were waiting to be seen, a young couple came in for a pregnancy scan....the girl was I'd say about 6 or 7 months pregnant and was carrying a pregnancy pack.  They were extremely young, she looked to be 16 or 17, the boy even younger, 14 or 15 I reckon.  They sat there playing on their phones, the girl draped her legs over the arm of the chair with her feet on the neighbouring chair.  She occasionally spoke to the boy showing him things on her phone, he just grunted and never even looked up.  Shortly afterwards another pregnant girl came in, around the same age as the first girl and about as far gone, she was with a much older man, her father I guess.  She was a right drama queen, pulling faces, theatrically heaving big sighs and giving loud groans, fidgeting and rubbing her back and stomach, even pulling her top right up, exposing her entire belly and stroking it, whilst giving surreptitious glances around to see if everyone was watching her.  The thing that struck me about both of these children (for that's what they were!) was how totally immature they were and certainly far too young and silly to even be thinking about bringing a child into the world.  OMG don't I sound old!!

I've asked the sleep clinic for a temporary break for a couple of weeks - there's been (and still is) so much going on that my sleep patterns are all up the creek again and there's no way I can stick to their programme right now, it's just too much pressure.

Sunday, 16 June 2019

Going AWOL

I won't be posting for a while, life has got in the way again and I just don't have it in me right now, sorry.

A load of old twaddle - EDITED

I've not heard a single word from the sleep clinic for 3 days now, not very supportive of them!  Thank you to my blog readers who've left supportive comments, at least I'm not totally invisible, despite feeling it even more than usual right now.  The suggestions about Vit B12 are interesting, I have to go see the nurse for a diabetic checkup within the next couple of weeks, I'll mention it to her.  

Sleep was crap again last night, got so much on my mind at the mo.

I've had an absolute deluge of anonymous spam comments over the last day or two, all on one particular post from months ago.  They're all meaningless rubbish, so probably aren't even a person, obviously I'm not publishing them.  Why all on that particular post though (one about HRT) I have no idea.  I tried to set it to stop comments, but it didn't work (probably my foggy tired brain doing something wrong), so in the end I just deleted the wasn't anything interesting anyway.  I did have to smile about the fact that a load of comments telling me how brilliant and interesting I am are all a load of twaddle.  How ironic.


I've now added word verification (at least, I think I have) for comments, as since writing this post I've had nearly another dozen anonymous spam comments on this post now, and am fed up with it.  It's either that or stop accepting all anonymous comments, including the ones who are genuine readers, and I don't want to do that.

Saturday, 15 June 2019

So tired

I've always known I get very little sleep, but this sleep clinic thing and keeping a nightly sleep diary has really opened my eyes as to just how little sleep I get.  The recommended nightly amount of sleep for a healthy adult is 7-8 hours, a total of 49-56 weekly.  According to my sleep diary (which I record accurately - what would be the point otherwise, I'd only be kidding myself!), I got 29.5 hours last week, so far this week (6 nights) I've had 25 hours.  So I get about half the amount of sleep I should be, to be healthy.  

Some people think that because I've had insomnia my whole life, I should be used to it - it's been said to me lots of times.  Well, I say bollocks to that - just because I'm used to it, doesn't mean it's healthy or good for me or even satisfactory - I'm a human, my body and mind need sleep just as much as the next person.  And i'm not functioning at all well without it - I'm permanently exhausted, from the moment I get out of bed.  

I'm extremely forgetful, much more so recently - I forget I've got a pan of eggs boiling on the stove and only remember when the pan's boiled dry and I suddenly hear the eggs rattling around, I forget to turn the oven on to cook dinner.  I put the kettle on for coffee and completely forget about making it.  I put my washing in the tumble dryer and only remember it hours and hours later.  I go to get something out of the freezer in the utility room, have to take out something that's blocking the way of the thing I want to get out, put it on the worktop and forget to put it back in the freezer, finding it defrosted several hours later.  I run out of milk late in the afternoon because I'd forgotten to get one out of the freezer early in the morning.  I make a card for someone's birthday, put it in the envelope, seal it up and address the front and put a stamp on it, then realise I'd completely forgotten to write INSIDE the card.  I write a list of things I need to remember to do, put the notebook down somewhere, and then can't remember where I put it.  All of these things have happened to me this week.

I'm so crotchety because I'm so tired that I keep biting people's heads off - they look startled, injured, offended, and act like I've stabbed them in the heart.  They don't stop to think there's maybe a reason why I'm like it.

My sore hip and back are a permanent fixture now....normally I just try and ignore the pain and carry on, but it's getting increasingly difficult now I'm so tired all the time, I'm less able to cope with the pain.

My head feels like it's stuffed with cotton wool, my brain is so foggy I struggle to work out the simplest things, like what I have to do next or what it is I'm actually doing right now.  My husband asks me how to spell a word (he's dyslexic) and I simply cannot remember - and spelling and English were always my best subjects at school.

I'm really worried about my Mum and really want to go and see her, but am also worried about my husband and don't feel able to leave him right now.  I just can't decide what to do for the best.  

All my family and friends have far worse problems than I, my health problems are nothing compared to theirs, my life is relaxed and easy compared to theirs.

But I just wish someone would take me by the hand and say 'don't worry Sue, I'll take care of everything for the next few days, I'll look after you and do everything for you, you don't need to do anything'.  I just feel that my needs and wants get forgotten about and pushed aside because mine are nothing and everyone else's take precedence.  And I feel terribly guilty and selfish even thinking that.

Friday, 14 June 2019

Sleep (lack of), and veg plants bought

Well, I 'fessed up to the sleep clinic about rule breaking....not heard from them since, perhaps they're disgusted with me 😁 

Went back to the sleep deprivation, erm restriction routine last night, so bed at midnight, up at 05.00, boy it was hard....I was having to try really hard not to nod off before midnight, and didn't want to get up at 5 this morning, but forced myself out of bed.  Strange....I'm normally up before 5 anyway, but then I did have a particularly bad night, felt like I was awake more than asleep.  This sleeping malarkey is blooming hard work!!  How most people just get in bed and sleep through the night I really don't know, I just can't seem to crack it.

We've bitten the bullet this morning and been to the garden centre to buy veg seedlings, seeing as so many of our sown seeds have either not germinated at all, or sprouted and then died off.  We spent about £25 and bought 4 pots of leeks, a tray of peas, 2 strips of French beans, a strip of baby spinach and one of golden beet, and 1 green and 1 yellow courgette (we do have a couple of courgettes that have actually grown from seed).  Oddly enough, the butternut squash and baby sweetcorn seeds husband sowed have nearly all germinated and are growing strongly, as are tomatoes and cucumbers in the polytunnel.  We won't have shallots this year, most of the ones husband planted earlier have bolted and gone to seed....not had that happen with shallots before, although some of the onions did it last year.  We're not bothering with any brassicas this year, because of the dreaded white butterfly problems, husband just can't seem to keep them out, they always get through the netting somehow (usually when the strong winds we get here blow it off).  Nor are we growing aubergines or peppers anymore, they just never seem to start ripening until right at the end of the growing season, when it's almost too late.

Now all we need is some dry weather so we can get outside and plant them all!  It keeps raining on and off today, it's 'supposed' to be better tomorrow.  However, we've been fortunate, I think, unlike some areas of the country....we've not had any flooding.

Mum's had a bit of a setback, her red blood cell count has dropped and they're keeping her in for a few more days until it goes back up again.  Poor thing, she's desperate to get home.

Thursday, 13 June 2019

Holds wrist out to be slapped....

I'm afraid I broke the rules last night.  I was SO tired I felt ill, and found it impossible to stay awake.  So I went to bed at 10 pm, a full 2 hours earlier than I'm supposed to.....although I got up at 04.30, 30 minutes earlier than my scheduled time.  And I only woke up once during the night.  I've yet to fill in my sleep diary and 'confess', so have no idea what they'll say or if I have to re-start the task.  I doubt I'll be given 100 lines though 😁  I do feel better for it this morning.

It's chucking it down again this morning and is forecast to be heavy rain all day, although next week is supposed to be better.  I really hope so, I think we must all be fed up with constant rain, wind and as for the cold....for goodness sake, it's June, nearly midsummer's day, get your bloody act together up there!!!

Gemma's P, our GP mentioned kidney stones but was a bit dubious about husband actually having them, for various reasons.  Well, we won't know anything until he gets seen at hospital.

I spoke to Mum via video call on sister's phone at the hospital yesterday.  I have to say she looks dreadful, so much frailer than when we last saw her in person.  But she seemed cheerful and said how eager she is to get home, the nurses keep telling her she's going home 'soon'.  They're very pleased with how her mobility has improved (the physio has been working with her every day), and they're building her up by giving her vitamin drinks daily.  This latest bout of illness and prolonged spell in hospital has certainly taken it out of her though, poor old thing.

Going shopping first thing this morning, will try to be there for when Lidl opens, to see if we can get one of their veg boxes.  However, the last few times we've been early they haven't had any, and when we've asked the staff about them they claim not to know why.  Seems to me like they just can't be bothered anymore.  This new store was lovely when it first opened a few months back, it's gone downhill a bit since then though, the displays (such as they are) sometimes look scruffy and pricing/shelf edge labels are a bit haphazard - or missing altogether.  It's not that they don't have enough staff - they do, seems to be plenty of them, they just don't seem to do a lot, and their customer service skills leave a lot to be desired.  We don't use Lidl all the time, but I do like some of their products, hence am prepared to put up with the failings.  And their prices are so cheap, we do save a lot of money by shopping there occasionally.  E.g., the redbush tea I drink is 69p on offer, it's between £2 and £3 everywhere else.  I buy about 6 boxes at a time and they last me for months.

Wednesday, 12 June 2019

Anyone got any matchsticks?

😔  I think I'm going to have to stand up all day....if I sit down I'm in danger of nodding off, I'm so tired.  This sleep restriction is so hard!  I found it very difficult to stay awake until bedtime at midnight last night, but still woke several times during the night.  Consequently, come 5 am I could happily have turned over and stayed in bed for another hour, but that's not allowed this week.  I did briefly think about throwing in the towel, but I'm not a quitter and I can see the logic behind this sleep restriction, so I will persevere.

Husband has now finished his umpteenth course of antibiotics - the pain on weeing persists, I hope his hospital appointment comes soon, for his sake.  His blood test for prostate cancer has come back clear - however, the test isn't infallible, apparently, and 15% of men with 'clear' results do actually have cancer!  It still means that 85% of men don't, so the statistics are in his favour.  

Scarlet, thank you for the information, I've been reading up on it, very interesting and something to think about.

We're going to a family wedding in August, it's taking place about 70 miles away, we're not staying overnight.  We were debating what to do about Betty - we wouldn't leave her home alone for that length of time (we're anticipating we'll be out for 7 or 8 hours, if not a bit more) and don't want to put her in kennels - we're probably never going to do that.  Our friendly neighbours with the little spaniel (Betty's frenemy Poppy) have offered to have her in the past....very kind of them but Betty and Poppy sometimes don't get on, they have lots of little scraps, and I don't want them falling out in Poppy's home, it wouldn't be fair on anybody.  We would have taken Betty with us, she's happy enough in her travel cage in the car, she just goes to sleep and is no trouble at all.  But it means that one or the other of us would have to keep going out to the car to check on her and take her out to stretch her legs, and of course if it's a hot day we can't leave her in the car anyway.  So now a (dogless) good friend is going to have her for the day, he's used to her and knows her well, and she likes him.  This is a Very Big Thing for me - Betty is my baby and I wouldn't trust just anybody to have her, particularly in view of the fact that she's so strong - and strong-willed too.  But I trust him to look after her.  

We're going to have to go and buy some more veg plants this week, our garden (both veg and flowers) is so far behind this year, it's been so wet and cold which has affected everything.  Around half of the veg seeds husband sowed earlier have either not sprouted at all, or died off as seedlings.  So disappointing.  We must have plenty of veg growing, as we eat so much of it nowadays, so will have to bite the bullet and buy veg plants.

Tuesday, 11 June 2019

My first sleep task

I've had the assessment of my first week's sleep diary, along with the task set for the first proper week of the sleep retraining course.  The assessment was quite interesting, there were one or two things that I didn't agree with, but I guess it's thought-provoking to see things about yourself from someone else's point of view.  The report reckons I'm stressed (really?!?!), anxious and somewhat depressed.  I wouldn't say I'm depressed at all right now...I have been in the recent past, but not now.

The task for the coming week is a bit of an eyebrow raiser.  They ask you to try your best to follow the task through for a complete 7 days, even if you find it hard.  They say I'm spending too much time in bed for the amount of sleep I'm getting, so I need to retrain my body to actually sleep in bed, rather than lying there not sleeping.  To do this, I have to have a period of sleep restriction - quite literally, restricting the amount of sleep I get each night.  My normal night routine is to go to bed around 10.30 (sometimes earlier, if I'm totally shattered) and get up between 04.00 and 05.00, having several periods of wakefulness during the night, sometimes going downstairs.   The clinic wants me to go to bed at 12 midnight and get up at 05.00 for 7 nights/days in a row.  The idea is that by the time I go to bed, I will be so tired that I should get off to sleep very quickly (I usually do anyway, it's staying asleep that's my problem) and stay asleep for longer during the night.  So just 5 hours of sleep - well, in bed - each night for this first week.....which sounds quite scary, but as my sleep diary has shown I only normally get around 4 hours sleep a night anyway, it's not really that bad.

I also have to turn the clock to face the wall and put my phone in the bedside cabinet, so I can't keep checking the time (which is a habit of mine).  I'm also not to get out of bed during the night, if I can help it.  I'm supposed to set an alarm for 5 am to get me up in the morning....I wouldn't think I need to, but the clinic say that the later bedtimes during sleep restriction training may mean that I am actually still asleep at 5, but I must get up at that time even if I'm still tired.  We'll see!  Should be an interesting week.  

I started last midnight, I was really ready to go to sleep, very nearly nodding off in the armchair (not allowed, naps before bedtime are a definite NoNo on this plan).  Think I must have gone off to sleep pretty much immediately.  I did wake up 2 or 3 times during the night, but again went back to sleep with little trouble.  And finally woke up just before 5 - luckily, as I forgot to set the alarm.

I'm still knackered though, but then I have a lot of sleep to catch up on!

In other news, Mum and sis have been told that Mum is ready for discharge home - as soon as the care plan has been put in place for her.  Apparently, it's all been ordered on paper, so it's just a question of when.  Mum is so ready to go home, she's totally fed up with hospital now, she's been in for 2 1/2 weeks, that's the longest time she's been in hospital.

It's a blooming awful morning, chucking it down and really blustery.  We don't have anywhere to go today, thankfully (other than dog walking, which will be short), but I don't envy anyone who has to work outside today.

Monday, 10 June 2019

Being referred to hospital

The GP tested husband's latest wee sample this morning and said there's no blood in it and hardly any white cells, so the infection has gone.  He said husband shouldn't still be having pain, so there's clearly something else going on, as we thought.  He was a bit dubious about it being kidney stones, as husband has no other symptoms such as fever, sweating, feeling sick or pains in his back or sides, and said in any case, once kidney stones have been passed the pain goes.  He took a blood sample for PSA (prostate) testing, and is referring him to hospital for further investigations, he should have an appointment within 2 weeks.  I'm not speculating as to what might be wrong, no point in worrying about the 'C' word before he's had more tests.  But it is worrying, all the same, and I don't like seeing him in so much pain.

I feel like death warmed up today, but have plenty to keep me busy and my mind occupied.

Who needs sleep anyway?!

Terrible night, been awake since before 03.00.  Worry about husband, who said yesterday his pain is becoming unbearable, and awful pain of my own in hip and back which meant I just couldn't get comfortable in bed.  Thoughts are always worse in the middle of the night.  Finally gave up on sleep and got up at 04.00.

Sunday, 9 June 2019

A nice weekend, and sexual orientation

Apart from the weather, that is.  Yesterday wasn't too bad, a fair bit of sunshine, but with a chilly wind, following loads of very strong winds and rain through the previous night.  This morning it's been ok-ish, the chilly wind had dropped, some sunshine again.  About half an hour ago though we had a dry thunderstorm - lots of thunder but no rain, didn't see any lightning either.  Now it's come over very black so looks like we're going to have heavy rain very soon.   The week's weather is forecast to be very changeable....fortunately, we've not really got a lot on this week, after having had a busy few weeks with lots of appointments.

Anyway, other than the weather (and husband's ongoing wee problems) we've had a nice weekend.  I had a bit more sleep than usual Friday night, so woke up feeling fairly alert - for me, anyway - yesterday.  Did a bit of housework, rearranged my new craft desk stuff a bit more.  Told husband I wanted to get one of those 3-tier letter trays to hold my card blanks and envelopes....he said he could make me one, he'd got plenty of offcuts of timber.  He's been twiddling his thumbs a bit lately, as he hasn't been able to do much because of his health stuff, so I said go ahead as it would give him something to do.  He's put it all together now apparently, and is in the process of painting it - the bases he's covered in sticky back plastic, he's painting the sides white.   I haven't seen it yet as it's in the shed, but am sure it'll be fine.

Yesterday afternoon I went to hospital for my diabetic eye screening.  All fine, as usual, other than the blurry eyesight afterwards.  Oh, and they have to ask a couple of new questions nowadays for the admin stuff - the nurse said it's now compulsory for them to ask, but we can refuse to answer!  She had to ask about my sexual orientation - although what on earth that has to do with my eyesight or how my sexual orientation can have any bearing on my medical treatment I don't know!  It did annoy me and I asked her why they need to ask - she said it's because transgender people insist on all-inclusivity.  Now, before anyone says anything, I have no problem whatsoever with any LGBT orientation, each to their own (we have family members who follow different paths).  They shouldn't have to ask such questions because there should be no need to ask, it shouldn't be an issue.  It's just political correctness gone mad I think, everyone is so afraid of getting sued.  

Went over to our lovely friends late afternoon for a cuppa, they always make me smile.  Had a late night catching up with some stuff and slept reasonably well afterwards. 😊

Today I've done washing (had to tumble dry it as the weather's been so changeable) and a bit more housework, went to do a small top-up shop, cooked dinner, watched last week's recorded episode of Gentleman Jack, which I'm really enjoying - Suranne Jones is such a brilliant actor.

Husband is still suffering agonies when peeing, we can't wait to see the GP again tomorrow to try and get to the bottom of why he's still in so much pain.  

My sleep programme starts properly tomorrow, will be interesting to see what they have to say about my first week's sleep diary.

Saturday, 8 June 2019

A lie in

I didn't get up until 5.30 am this morning - a big lie in for me!  And I only woke up twice during the night, didn't need to go for a wee and didn't get up and go downstairs.  And I got back to sleep pretty quickly the first time of waking up, and was awake for probably less than an hour the second time.  I think last night was one of those times where the lack of sleep had really caught up with me and so I slept pretty well - for me anyway.  Hazel, you mentioned me drinking coffee at 4.30 am is not very good for my sleeping pattern....I don't go back to bed when I get up then, that's my normal getting up time, so my morning coffee - even if it is at 4.30 am - has no impact on my sleeping time.

I started filling in my sleep diary, but the website crashed soon after I started (was it something I said?! 😂), so will have to finish it later.

Yesterday was a horrible day, it was really dark and nasty and chucked it down practically all day.  I know it's good for the garden, but meant we were stuck indoors all day and even Betty didn't want to go out.  We had a bit of thunder as well, which she's not keen on, fortunately it didn't last very long.

Today is sunny and dry with a lot of blue sky with some fluffy clouds, it is a bit chilly though.  I'd spent some time in the front garden a couple of days ago, pruning, deadheading and weeding and it looked a lot of the flowers look very bedraggled and my lovely David Austin rose Munstead Wood, a dark red double flowered shrub rose with the most glorious strong 'old rose' scent, has dropped its petals all over the lawn (it's in the middle of the lawn).  Oh well, there are more buds and the rest of the flowers in the garden will pick up soon, I expect.  At least Betty doesn't bite the flower heads off now like she used to, she's grown up a bit thankfully, the little monkey.

I've got my diabetic eye screening this afternoon - our local health services seem to be doing more out of hours general appointments now - I had an evening GP appointment last week.  The eye screening is fine, over and done with very quickly, but the drops they put in my eyes to open up my pupils sting like mad and make my eyesight extremely blurry for a couple of hours afterwards, and very sensitive to bright light so I have to wear my prescription sunglasses.

Husband's peeing agony hasn't lessened at all, poor thing, I do feel sorry for him and he's getting really fed up with it.  He's going back to the GP again on Monday.

Friday, 7 June 2019

A new craft area

As I mentioned before, I've been doing my cardmaking on the dining table - not ideal, and looks messy, so I've been looking to get a small desk to go up on the landing....there's enough room and the landing is plenty light enough.

Well, yesterday I found the perfect thing for sale on our local neighbourhood website:-

It's solid pine, painted white, with the most gorgeous replacement purple glass drawer knobs, just what I would have chosen myself as replacement knobs, it's like it was made for me!  The seller was only asking £30, we went to have a look yesterday evening and brought it home with us.  Incidentally, the chair is one of a pair of spare dining chairs we have in the garage, is comfortable with a padded seat and just right.  The Ikea 8-drawer unit on the right is full of my yarn.  So I now have my own little crafting area on the landing.

As I was up early again this morning, as always (4.30 am), I had my big mug of coffee, glanced through the paper online, then got on with sorting all my craft stuff on the dining table and boxing it all up ready to take upstairs.  Most of it is now put away in the desk drawers, with a couple of boxes on the floor tucked between the desk and the yarn unit, and one on top of the desk.  I'm going to get one of those 3-tier letter trays, to put all the card blanks in, that are currently in the box on the desk top.  I think I might get a couple of little baskets to hang on butcher's hooks over the banister, to put my most-used little bits of equipment in - like scissors, craft knife, smoothing tool etc. 

I'm really shattered today, the continued lack of sleep is really getting to me now.  As for the sleep clinic - I know it's early days, I haven't even started the programme yet as we're still in the sleep diary assessment week, but I'm beginning to get a bit fed up with them already.  They email me with questions and 'tips' several times a day...most of the tips are just plain common sense and nothing I didn't know already.  And I'm starting to get the feeling that, rather than being a personalised programme tailored especially for me, they're just churning out automatic computer-generated suggestions.  But as I say, the actual programme doesn't start until next Monday when I've completed a week's worth of diary entries, so perhaps I should reserve judgement.  Oh, and a few of the questions they've asked I've thought....huh, if they actually read my sleep diary, they'd have known the answer to that!

People today just don't take enough notice, don't you find?  And they don't listen!  Is it just me?  I don't think so though, you often hear of menopausal women saying they're sure they've become invisible, and I agree.

Thursday, 6 June 2019

Thanks, cardmaking and sleep (continued lack of)

Thank you for your continued good wishes for husband, he only got out of bed for the loo a couple of times last night, so I'm cautiously optimistic he might be getting a bit better.

Mum is still in hospital, it's almost a fortnight now and no sign of her going home just yet, in fact her consultant says he wants to keep an eye on her for the next few days.  He's pleased with her UTI progress but she has another problem now, fluid retention - she does have this quite a lot, but she's been leaking fluid from the pores in her arms apparently.  He's doubled her diuretics - that won't please Mum, nor will the fact that she has to stay in hospital a while longer.

I'm grateful for the suggestions for how to glue delicate die cuts.  I do have several Pritt sticks of different sizes, but don't think they'll work on the more fiddly delicate cut outs, they'll tear them as I'm trying to apply the glue to them.  But Sheila, Marlene and Hazel, your ideas for using PVA glue with fine paintbrushes, cocktail sticks or even pressing the die cut shape onto a thin layer of glue are brilliant, I'll definitely try those. 

I sat and made half a dozen cards yesterday, just simple birthday and best wishes ones, for when I need a card at short notice.  With the basic card already made, I can quickly personalise it when I need it.  I really enjoy doing the cardmaking, it occupies my mind and satisfies a creative need, when it's too warm to be crocheting.  I do really need to look for a small desk or table to put on the landing for my cardmaking, though....using the dining table isn't ideal and looks messy.  At least upstairs on the landing it would be out of sight.

I'm progressing with my sleep diary, it does seem as if there's a pattern to my nights.  I can generally go off to sleep fairly quickly when I first get in bed (there are exceptions, last night was one of them).  I have good quality sleep for 2 or sometimes 3 hours, then it's all downhill after that - I wake up and either take forever to get back to sleep, or just doze for seemingly a few minutes at a time, continually waking up, or just give up on sleep altogether and go downstairs.

I don't know what's caused my lifetime insomnia (a combination of things, I suspect), but do know why I'm sleeping so badly over recent's not rocket science, it's all the tribulations we've been through recently, and continue to have.  But, other than being hit on the head with either a chemical cosh (which I won't do) or a big hammer, I don't know what the answer is, and will be surprised if the sleep clinic do either.  It'll be interesting to see what they come up with after I've completed a week's worth of sleep diaries.  They bombard me with questions and tips every day....the tips so far have more or less been just common sense, nothing earth shattering or even particularly useful, I have to say.  I mean, we all know not to have a big drink just before bed, and to make sure the bedroom is dark and not too hot or too cold!

Yesterday was a particularly irritating day, for one reason or another, and I feel a bit mentally as well as physically shattered today.  It would be nice to have a day out away from everything.  A holiday would be even better!

Wednesday, 5 June 2019

Quick question for cardmakers

I've been having a little play with my die cutter and am pleased but also puzzled with the results.  The embossing plate that came with it is fab, I think I'll be using that a lot.  However, I'm a bit flummoxed with the die cut outs - not how to do it, I know that, and like the finished cuts.  Here are some I've just done (love the butterfly one):-

I suppose I'd thought that the machine cuts the design into the actual paper or card, leaving it in there, rather than cutting the design out and leaving just the holey outline of the design in the paper, if you see what I mean.

My question is, now that I see the designs are cut out, how do you fix them to paper or the card?  I obviously can't use my glue dots or strips or double sided sticky pads, as the designs are too delicate.

Sorry if it's a really blonde question, as you know this is all very new to me!  Thanks in advance, I know all you experienced clever crafters will know the answer.

More antibiotics

Husband went back to the GP yesterday, he had to take in yet another wee sample (his 4th) and she's changed his antibiotics for the 3rd time.  Hopefully, these will do the trick.  He's getting really fed up with it now, it's so debilitating, he can't do anything much as he constantly has this urgent need to go for a pee, every half hour or so, and it's so painful for him as well.  During the night he's been having to get up for the loo about 5 or 6 times, which wakes me up as well as him.  He does go back to sleep pretty much straight away though, whereas it takes me a while.  So we're both knackered now.  On rare occasions we do sleep in separate rooms, when one or the other of us is unwell and doesn't want to disturb the other.  I don't really want to make a habit of it though, but I might go in the other room for a night or two this week.  It's having an impact on our daily lives as well, as we can't go out for a dog walk on the beach, or for a drive anywhere, because husband needs to be near a loo.

Jessica, thank you for the suggestion to drink pomegranate juice rather than cranberry, we bought some yesterday....husband says he's willing to try anything.

The workmen laid the loft insulation quickly and quietly....although they did inadvertently pull the aerial wire out of its socket!  Fortunately, husband had the TV on at the time so was able to tell them immediately what they'd done, when the TV went off.  Apparently, the kitchen ceiling isn't in any danger of collapsing, it's only the plaster skim that's cracking.

My sleep diary that I fill in every morning calculates the amount of sleep I'm getting each night, taking into account the times I wake up and how long's an average of 4 hours or so, which is longer than I thought actually.  It also asks me how I feel each morning, I have to check however many boxes apply out of their list....the first two are 'energised' and 'refreshed' - I'd laugh out loud at those if I had the energy!  They don't have a box for 'knackered', which is my default setting.  I tick 'tired' every day, sometimes 'moody', sometimes 'frustrated', sometimes 'groggy'.  Today I've ticked all of those.  I think my list should be 'knackered', 'in pain', 'aching like I've been in a boxing ring', 'no motivation to do anything' and 'feeling like I'm 100 years old'.

At least the sun's shining today, and my lovely Betty is curled up beside me.

Tuesday, 4 June 2019

Sleep (lack of) and husband's UTI (still!)

Thank you for answer some of them:-

Cherie, yes we bought 4 cartons of cranberry juice at the weekend, he's been drinking several glasses a day since then.  No improvement so far.

Viv - yes you're right, Mum's world has indeed shrunk so I guess it's not surprising that she doesn't have a lot to talk about and tends to repeat herself.  She'd hear my answers too a lot better if she wore her hearing aids!

Joy, I fill in the sleep diary in the morning, I don't have to do it every time I wake up (thank goodness!).  They don't need me to be precise about exact time I woke up etc, they just ask whether each wakefulness period was early in the night, middle or end of the night, roughly how long I was awake, what woke me up (I don't always know actually), whether I got out of bed, etc etc.  

I feel like death warmed up today, I was really restless during the night.  And husband woke me up to tell me it was raining, not long after I'd gone to sleep, I could have kicked him.  He didn't deliberately wake me, he just woke up himself and announced it was raining, thinking I was awake too - which woke me up.  Do I need to know what the weather's doing when I'm in bed?  I think not, but he obviously thought so!

He didn't want to go back to the GP yesterday as he said he felt better.  However, come evening he felt quite bad again, started needing to go for a wee every half hour or so again and it was really painful again each time, he had to go several times through the night as well.  He's just got up and I've told him he's ringing the doc at 8 am regardless of how he feels.  This has gone on long enough now.

The workmen appear to have finished next door (she says, fingers crossed).  They're coming to us this morning, to lay loft insulation (we haven't had any since moving in, despite us asking the landlord several times to have it laid....husband put a few old duvets on the part of the ceiling above our bedroom) and to have a look at a crack in our kitchen ceiling.  It's only narrow but seems to have lengthened a bit.  It'll be good to have it checked out, as I don't really want the kitchen ceiling falling on me when I'm cooking, but am not keen on the work required to repair it if necessary.  

Monday, 3 June 2019

I wish I could wave a magic wand and make them better!

Thank you for comments, and I see I have a couple of new readers - welcome, I hope my moans don't put you off!

Well, I didn't get much (any) sleep during my supposed nap time.  For a start, I'd forgotten to put my phone on silent (I always take it upstairs with me in case my sis needs to get in touch about Mum) and it pinged with texts and emails a few times.  And I made the mistake of allowing Betty to come up with me....she's so fidgety, she's worse than husband and he's bad enough.  She must have changed position at least a dozen times.  It was lovely having her on the bed with me though, she's not allowed upstairs during the night, never mind in the bedroom, we'd never get ANY sleep.  At one point she stretched out her entire body down the length of my side, pressing herself right up against me and rested her head on my ankle.  Pity she wasn't the other way up, as it meant her bum was a few inches away from my face - luckily she didn't fart!  (she is a farter, she's definitely not ladylike).  I got some rest for an hour though, at least.

I suddenly had a bright idea yesterday (shame it's taken me so long to think of it though) and asked sis to let me know when she was at the hospital, so I could video call her and Mum, which we did.  Mum couldn't see me very well as her eyesight is so poor (she's nearly blind in one eye and has only limited sight in the other), but at least we could talk.  I have to say I was quite shocked by the sight of Mum, she's gone downhill so much in the few weeks since I last saw her, she looked terrible actually.  She's clearly confused still as well, several times she asked me the same question ("What's your weather like?"), told me she hasn't seen a doctor (she has of course, every day) and then 2 minutes later told me what the doctor had said that morning, when actually it was the previous morning as the doctors don't come round on Sundays.  (Clearly, people in hospital aren't sick on Sundays).  Mum said she's fed up and wants to go home....I hope she doesn't insist on discharging herself, as she's obviously not ready physically or mentally for going home yet.  Sis later said that Mum was very happy to be able to chat to me, it lifted her spirits, so we'll do it again.  

Husband wasn't very well yesterday either, his UTI seemed to get worse yesterday, he was in a lot of pain and needing a wee even more often and he didn't look well, he looked grey and tired.  He did seem to sleep quite well last night though, I'll see how he is when he gets up and if he's no better, I'll get him to ring the GP again.  He's halfway through his latest course of antibiotics.  This is the 12th day of meds, I'd have thought he'd be showing signs of improvement by now.

I filled out my first sleep diary this morning, I had to say what time I went to bed, how long it took to get to sleep, every time I woke up, what woke me up, how long I was awake, whether I got out of bed, what time I got up this morning, what the quality of my sleep was like, how I felt when I got up (knackered, as usual).  Quite detailed, but it was interesting seeing it in black and white.  Seems I got a total of 4 1/2 hours sleep last night, quite a lot for me!