So that's that, and blanket photos

 Back from our one night trip to the caravan, and it's so good to be home.  It wasn't an unqualified success at the van - except for the gas boiler being serviced and pronounced ok.  Being there this time did, however, confirm for both of us that we no longer want to carry on going to the van, so I guess that counts as a positive thing, we now know for sure.  Several reasons for this - there were even more dogs on site this time, several fellow owners don't just have one dog, they have 2 or even 3, and when one starts barking, it sets all the others off.  Barking dogs make Betty very anxious and unsettled, thus making her whine or even bark as well.  We don't want to keep telling her off or trying to pacify her.  The main road that runs past the site seems to attract motorbikes, which roar up and down the road, even at night - last night was particularly bad, it was like a racetrack.  It's just not a peaceful or relaxing retreat anymore.

And then this morning when we got up, it was absolutely freezing - a very old caravan with no central heating and single glazed windows gets very cold very quickly.  We do have an electric fire in the lounge and a few portable electric oil filled radiators so it did warm up fairly quickly with those on, but gets cold again as soon as they're switched off.  Neither husband nor I cope well with the cold nowadays.

Yesterday, husband apparently made a statement to one of our caravan neighbours that was patently untrue - I didn't hear him, I wasn't present, the neighbour came and spoke to me about it later and I had to smooth things over.  I mentioned to husband that he shouldn't have said it, whereupon he became aggressive - verbally that is, he's never been physically aggressive.  That's his reaction every time I question or pull him up on something - I know why he does it, he knows he's in the wrong and feels guilty, even though he can't or won't admit it, he's unable to accept being in the wrong.

But I am feeling like I'm almost permanently filled with anxiety, I just never know what husband is going to say or do next and it feels like I'm always having to make excuses for him or pour oil on troubled waters.  We've lost a few friends recently, as in them withdrawing from us, they haven't died.  Part of me thinks well if they can't (or don't want to) cope with our troubles, then they're only fairweather friends.  But the other part of me feels decidedly let down and abandoned.

The weather is apparently going to be good for the next week or so - great, it will give us chance to clear away all the spent veggies and flowers and put the garden to bed for the winter.  I'll have lots of empty pots to bring home from the caravan (we'll go there again one more time to drain the water systems and close it down for winter), so I might fill them with Spring bulbs.  I do love Spring flowering bulbs, Spring is my absolute favourite season.

For Donna - a couple of photos of a lap blanket and single bed size blanket I made, they're both in the caravan:-

As you can see, I like colour!  I don't do fancy patterns, I just like the easy, almost monotony of simple crocheting.

Replies to comments

 Julia, thank you for the 'Oodie' review, I'll go for a cheaper one!

Jean, re your blanket/wearing comments.....I'm sorry if I was a bit ambiguous.  I only crochet blankets - baby, lap and bed size ones, I don't crochet things to wear, although I have made shawls as gifts.  I wouldn't attempt to crochet a 'wearable' type of blanket - I meant I was going to buy some, probably off the internet - the 'Oodie' type of thing which are made of fleece.

Regarding your suggestion for me to get a provisional licence, so I could drive in the event of husband not being able to, with him sitting beside me as the qualified driver....I admit I was quite surprised at that.  For a start, that kind of assumes that I can, or know how to, drive - I don't.  I have no intention of getting a provisional licence and taking lessons - I'm far too nervous for that, the more so the older I get.  I did have 3 or 4 lessons a very long time ago (I was 21, I'm  now nearly 65) but for various reasons it was not a success and I quickly gave up.  And in any case, as husband pointed out when I read your comment out to him, if he had blurry eyesight (due to eye drops e.g.), it would not be legal for him to supervise a provisional driver.

Scarlet, I did realise your comment was in reply to mine on your blog - made me laugh!

It's definitely blanket weather

 Husband took the car for MOT first thing, it passed with flying colours, thank goodness.  So that's a worry off the list.  The engineer came yesterday and serviced the air source heat pump thingy and the central heating - all fine, no worries there either.  The next appointment is Friday, the caravan boiler service - we're off to the van tomorrow afternoon, just for the one night - the engineer is coming early Friday morning so we need to stay over the previous night.  It's forecast to be quite a bit colder so we won't be staying the weekend, we'd rather be at home in our nice warm bungalow.  And then husband has his annual diabetes retinopathy check at the hospital on Monday morning - he's not allowed to drive for several hours afterwards, which means we'll have to go on the bus.  It'll be our first time using the buses here - well, first time on a bus in years, actually.  I've checked the timetables and the timings should work out OK.  Husband said he'd be happy to go on his own, but that's not a good idea - the drops they put in to dilate the pupils make your eyesight blurry for a few hours, so he does need someone with him.  And I am his carer, of course, I'm supposed to be with him.

It's an open top tourist explorer bus that goes past the hospital - not that we'll be going upstairs!  Especially not if it's raining 😁

I've booked our flu jabs for this winter - the surgery here does things differently to our previous surgery, there they always held them on Saturdays and we both went together.  At this surgery they do all over-65s on the same day, then under-65s on a different day.  I was aware that over- and under-65s have different types of the vaccine....I guess doing the age groups on different days means there's no chance of mistakenly giving someone the wrong vaccine for their age group.  But it does mean we have to make 2 separate trips to the surgery - never mind, it's not like it's miles away, and we can always combine the trips with going to do another job.....like shopping or going to the tip.  I wonder if we'll be getting any more Covid booster jabs this winter?  I've not heard anything about it, have you?  I did hear someone on TV the other day saying there will be another pandemic sooner or later - not necessarily Covid, but perhaps another type of illness.  There's a comforting thought 😒

I looked through my yarn stash this morning - I found a completed baby or lap blanket I'd made sometime last year.  The main body of the blanket is done, and I'd crocheted a dozen or so small flowers to be sewn onto it for decoration - I just never got around to sewing them on, I suspect because packing up and moving to our new home took precedence.  So that's an easy job for me to finish first.  I've certainly got enough yarn to make another larger blanket, maybe even two.

I might order a couple of those hooded fleecy gown things for us both to wear this winter, we both feel the cold much more nowadays and I like the thought of having something snuggly and warm to actually wear, rather than just a blanket to throw over our laps.  We will have the heating on, of course, not even the loss of the winter fuel allowance will prevent us putting the heating on, it'll just be nice to have something extra.  I won't ask husband if he wants one, he'll just say no!  But I'm sure if I get one for him, he'll actually be happy to wear it in the evenings, he feels the cold even more than I do, with his heart failure.

Although it's been sunny this morning (showers forecast this afternoon), it's not very warm at all, there's a chilly wind blowing.  Sunshine and showers forecast for while we're at the caravan the next couple of days too, and decidedly chilly overnight Thurs/Fri....fortunately, we've got electric heaters and spare blankets over there so we'll be fine.

Soups and stashbuster blankets for winter

 Well, husband got the shed and car port sorted yesterday afternoon, I think he realised he'd tried my patience a bit too far...not that I told him so, I didn't.  I do know he can't help a lot of what he does, still frustrating though.

We went to Tesco in the evening, I found I was nearly out of bottled water - I drink a lot of water and the tap water here tastes like mud.  We needed milk too.  I'm glad we went, there were lots of good yellow sticker bargains - 2 packs of tiger rolls and a seed & granary loaf, a pack of Yorkshire ham that husband really likes, all reduced to a quarter of the original price.  I also got 2 large tubs of Greek yogurt, reduced to 39p each - why I don't know as they had long use by dates - 25th Sept!

The weather doesn't look very good for the next few days.....showers forecast every day, and it's considerably cooler.  No heating on yet, but we're both wearing jumpers now.  I've done washing but only put a few bits on the line, so there's less to bring in if - well, when - it starts raining.  The rest has gone on the airer which I've put up in the car port.....now there's room to actually put it.

I gather there's a vote going on in Parliament today regarding the Chancellor's decision to take away the Winter Fuel Allowance from most pensioners....although apparently the decision will go ahead anyway, regardless of voting - I don't understand the ins and outs of it.  Although we've had the WFA in the past, this year we won't be getting it as we're no longer eligible under the new rules.  Fortunately, we don't actually need it (although it's always nice to be given extra funds!) - we certainly won't be in the awful position of having to choose heating or eating.  As I've mentioned before, since we moved house just before last Christmas, this year has been a challenging one financially - moving house is such an expensive business.  We are now back to solvency I'm pleased to say, just in time for the winter expenses.  Giving up the caravan next year - if indeed we do, although it does seem very likely - will save us a considerable amount of money, which we can put to good use AND build up a good savings amount.  Having had to use most of our savings on and since the move, I feel very vulnerable and on edge without that safety net, so building up the savings again will be a priority.

I wouldn't say I'm looking forward to winter (it's my least favourite time of year, as is Christmas), but I'm certainly not dreading it.  At the old place, in view of the very rural area we hardly saw anyone, even our neighbours, over winter, making it quite lonely and isolated and dragging the winter period out.  Here it's not like that, thank goodness.  And now, with our lovely new kitchen, I'm looking forward to making soups and stews and baking things.  I think I might also crochet another blanket - not that we need anymore blankets, we have plenty, but I like crocheting in the winter, I still have a yarn stash, and it's nice to have a lapful of warm wool when it's a bit chilly in the evenings!  I think I'll make a scrappy stashbuster one, I have plenty of odd balls and half balls.

A moany post

 WARNING - this is a ranting post, so look away now if you don't want to read it!

I know some of you feel I should be glad I've still got a husband who's alive (I know, because a few of you have actually had the nerve to tell me!), but all I can say is that you don't live with him, I do, and I'm very glad that you had such perfect marriages.

Having first popped into town this morning to go to the library and the new vet to sign up Betty there (they seem lovely), we then went for a drive to a village on the outskirts of Exmoor, I'd read about it online.  It's a lovely little very traditional small village, full of very old cottages with gorgeous flower and veg gardens, a rural life museum (which unfortunately is closed on Mondays), a working forge, and an old post office with a beautiful tea garden.  There's a river running down through the village, with a stone bridge across it, and glorious views to the Exmoor hills rising up behind the cottages.  The whole village looks like it's been untouched for 100s of years, the sort of place where our grandparents would have lived.  After having a walk through the village, we went back to the tea garden for a pot of tea and a homemade cheese & chive scone, a huge one that came with a thick slab of Cheddar and a generous pot of homemade chutney.  The lady also brought out some dog biscuits for Betty and made a fuss of her.  Husband has always been a messy eater, I've said before how he frequently drops food all down his front and on the floor, he eats and talks with his mouth open and full of food.  He's always been like it (all his family are the same), I've long since given up trying to teach him table manners.  Well, today he really disgraced himself, I won't go into details but even I was aghast at the mess he was making and his atrocious manners.  He gets worse the older he gets.

Back home he decided to get on with putting back all the contents of his shed, which he'd emptied out into the car port to give him room to fit in the 2 double old kitchen units he'd asked the kitchen fitters to save for him.  I've just been out there to go in the garden to get the washing in, only I couldn't get to the garden, as the car port is even fuller than it was before - either his shed stuff has multiplied overnight, or he's somehow managed to acquire even more junk.  Honestly, I don't know where it all comes from, he's such a hoarder!! 😠  He says he's sorting things out - all he seems to be doing is making more of a mess.

Oh, and while he was out there and I was busy indoors, the housing officer lady came - he spoke to her outside and didn't tell me she was here....I've asked him numerous times to let me speak to her, as he forgets things we need to tell or ask her, gets things wrong, or forgets to pass on any messages to me.  She was supposed to be testing our smoke and lifeline alarms today, but husband told her not to bother, as WE WILL DO IT ourselves from now on.  He didn't discuss this with me first, and when I asked him if he knows how to do it/which button to press (there isn't one which says TEST, although I think I know which one it is) - he admitted he's not sure and assumed I'd know.  So he's now added another job to my list.  He also apparently confirmed to her that we would be home next Monday when she next comes - we won't, as he's got a hospital appointment that day!  😒  Honestly, he cannot be trusted.  I've rung her and left a message on her phone.

We said our marriage vows 41 years ago, and I will honour them and look after him till the day I die (or he does).  But he is not the man I married, that man has gradually disappeared over the last few years and I don't really recognise this one.

40 days and 40 nights....

 Betty's back to normal today thankfully, I'm so relieved, it was such a worry.

Another day of almost continuous rain is forecast, how depressing.  It's meant to be sunny tomorrow though, which is great as I have a full washing basket.  It feels like it's been raining for 40 days and 40 nights - it hasn't really, it's only been a few days, but the rain has been pretty relentless during those few days.  And it also feels like we've been cooped up inside for ages so, once I've done 2 loads of washing and got it all out on the lines, we're going to take Betty and go for a drive.  Oh, I've just remembered - I need to go to the library first, and then check out the other vets that we've had recommendations for and probably sign up Betty with them.  Although the lady vet I spoke to on the phone when Betty was ill the other day seemed nice enough, the very first thing she said was that they charge a fee of £168 for emergency callouts, plus the cost of any treatment, examinations, x-rays or overnight stays on top.  Oh, and the £168 is for callouts before 10 pm, after 10 it goes up to £198.  Plus treatment.   It's all about fees with them, and that comes before the animals, they really appear to be more of a business.  Whereas our previous independent husband-and-wife owned practice was all about the animals, they were just so kind and compassionate.

So after we've done that, then we'll go for a drive.  We've not really explored the Exmoor Hills (behind Minehead) much since we've lived here, there are lots of woodland trails apparently, which Betty will love.  It would be nice if we could find a few wild fruit trees and bushes, I'll take some bags and plastic boxes just in case.  As Autumn, and thus winter, is definitely approaching fast, we want to take advantage of any sunny days.

We've got several appointments over the next couple of weeks, it's a bit of a juggling game trying to fit them all in.  We've got an engineer coming on Tuesday to service the air source heat pump thingy and central heating at home.  The car is going in for MOT on Wednesday, always a worrying time as all of our cars have been 2nd hand so there's the inevitable concern that it might fail.  Then on Friday we've got to whizz back to the caravan (assuming the car passes the MOT!) for the plumber to come and service the van boiler, we'll probably stay overnight.  Next week husband has his diabetic retinopathy screening, mine is due a couple of weeks later.  I also need to arrange an eye test at the opticians for myself.  

We're having a gammon roast dinner today - well, husband's having the gammon, I'll just have the veggies and stuffing.....I might do some Yorkies as well...just because - who doesn't love a Yorkshire pudding?!  I even like them cold as a snack with a dollop of apricot jam on them.  Tomorrow I think I'll make meatballs using a couple of skinned sausages mixed with the rest of the stuffing mixture, minced carrot and tomato puree, to have with pasta and a homemade leek & mustard sauce.   Actually, I'll make the meatballs tonight, seeing as we're going out tomorrow, so they'll be ready to cook when we get home.

Betty sick

 We had a very anxious evening yesterday, Betty was very poorly indeed.  Having slept all afternoon and not wanting to go out for a walk, she showed no interest whatsoever in her dinner, wouldn't even go near or sniff it.  Come early evening, it was obvious she wasn't well - she looked decidedly unwell, her back was arched, head and tail down, she was trembling and was very clingy, then was suddenly sick.  Throughout the evening she kept drinking loads of water, kept being sick (mostly in the garden but didn't make it out there a couple of times) and had the runs - thankfully, outside.  I rang the vets, the nice lady vet said it sounded like Betty had a bug or an upset stomach, possibly as a result of eating something she shouldn't - she doesn't eat socks or anything like that indoors, but has always been a bit of a scavenger outside - she'll happily root out bits of decayed food (or who knows what!) and eat it if she gets half a chance.  Anyway, the vet said to keep an eye on her but to ring back and be prepared to take her into the surgery if she got worse or we got more worried - I was very worried anyway!  

Betty always sleeps on my bed every night - she's always been a restless sleeper, frequently fidgeting and changing position, sometimes she jumps off the bed and goes to lie in her own bed for a while, then comes and jumps back on the bed.  Last night, as soon as I went to bed she immediately followed me (she hadn't wanted to leave my side all evening) but - and this was a first and rather worrying - she couldn't jump up on the bed, it was as if she didn't have the strength.  Husband had to lift her up - not easy when she weighs 30 kg.  She immediately snuggled right into my side and stayed there - again a first - all night.  She did go to sleep very quickly, but for the first hour or so I could feel her body trembling and her breathing was ragged - not laboured as such, but not normal for her.  I eventually dozed off and by the time I woke in the early hours to go to the loo, she was still fast asleep and resting peacefully, no trembling and her breathing seemed back to normal.

Thankfully, this morning she seems much better - she jumped off the bed ok, has wee'd and pooed normally in the garden, no trembling, her head and tail are back up.  She seemed hungry, so we gave her a scrambled egg, which she ate straight away, and kept it down.  She's still quite subdued but has wagged her tail at me several times, she's currently dozing on the sofa (she jumped up by herself).  So I'm optimistic that it was just a stomach upset and she'll be fine.  I was so very worried last night though - she's my baby and my world.  I'll give her plain cooked chicken mince and grated carrot this evening, which she loves, and keep a close eye on her for a couple of days.