Thursday, 31 December 2020

A crap year

 What a crap year this has been, for most of us.  I got sent flowers from my friend on Christmas eve, very unexpectedly, I had to throw them away yesterday as they were all wilting and dying.  They didn't even last a week, oddly for florist flowers....somehow it just seemed to sum up how crappy things have been.

Last night, having woken up in the early hours, I couldn't get back to sleep (as usual), so put the light on to read.  I sat on the edge of the bed and accidentally knocked my book off the bedside cabinet, it bounced off my foot and shot under the bed....I just burst into tears, in a strange way it kind of felt like the last straw.

Some of my plans are unravelling - I had planned on going away for a week after my recovery from the operation (assuming it does go ahead).  However, the new covid restrictions have put paid to that...well, postponed it indefinitely, I have no idea when I'll be able to get away.  I'm not going to dwell on it though, I'll keep myself busy by starting another declutter, a major one this time, starting with my kitchen equipment cupboards.  Anything I haven't used for months, or isn't in the best condition, is going....either to the tip or to be sold cheaply on the local selling pages.  It'll all have to be stored in the garage for the time being, until restrictions are lifted.

Wednesday, 30 December 2020

Confined to barracks, more or less

 We went out to the supermarket early this morning to get a few fresh bits and some dog chews, it wasn't busy, thank goodness, and there didn't seem to be any shortages - well, not on the things we needed anyway.  That's the last time I'll be going shopping for several weeks, I'm under orders from the hospital to observe strict social distancing and safety measures from today, and self isolation (house arrest) from Sunday 10th until my op on the 13th.  I have to go for a Covid test on the morning of the 10th.  I've also been advised to do the strict social distancing for 14 days after my op.  I do hope it goes ahead, I'm really banking on having this op, my life is on hold until it's done.

I had to go to the surgery for a blood test yesterday.  When I got there, it turned out to be a different nurse from the one I usually have, the one I saw yesterday admitted she doesn't usually do blood tests and my heart sank.  My blood is very reluctant to come out, I always make sure i drink at least a couple of glasses of water beforehand to plump up my veins.  As I've had 100s of blood tests over the years, I know exactly where the best place is to get it from and my usual nurse doesn't have too much trouble.  This one, however, didn't seem to have a clue...I've ended up with half a dozen punctures and bruising (I bruise easily) in both arms, it's a good job I'm not remotely squeamish about it.  And she still didn't manage to get any blood at all, not a drop (3 tubes for different tests required).  So I have to go back next week to see my usual nurse, which I'm not very happy about, bloody nuisance.

I've spent the last couple of days batch cooking meals and freezing them....chilli, chicken casserole, savoury mince, meatloaf and fish pie.  So after my op when I'm recuperating, I won't have to keep getting out of bed to prep and cook meals, husband can just get one out of the freezer and do some veg to go with it, I'm sure he can manage that.  We've got pizzas, sausages, burgers, cod in batter, chips etc in the freezer too, but those kind of things I only eat once in a while, I certainly don't want them every day.

Isn't it great news about the Oxford vaccine being approved?  Hopefully it'll speed things up and we'll be getting the vaccine sooner.  Can't have it soon enough as far as I'm concerned.

Thank you again for all your support, I'm very touched.  xx

EDIT  As we're now in Tier 4, we won't be going anywhere in any case.  Good job we don't need anything.

Tuesday, 29 December 2020

On my own

 If there's one thing I've learnt over the past couple of weeks, it's that I'm on my own, I have to sort things out by myself, FOR myself.

Having said that, I want to thank you all for the lovely supportive comments, and messages offering me support - coming from people I've never even met.  They made me cry, you're so kind.

With the covid situation escalating, it's looking increasingly likely that my operation may be cancelled....well, postponed, whatever - I wouldn't be surprised if I'm not having it anytime soon.  Nothing I can do about that, I'll just have to carry on coping with the problems, unfortunately they've been getting worse lately.

Sunday, 27 December 2020

At least christmas is over

 I spent most of Christmas eve and Christmas day in tears, I found it a lot harder this year than when Mum died last year.  Probably because it was just husband and I on our own at home.  My siblings, all of whom live a long way away, had their (adult) children with them in their own 3 household bubbles.  We couldn't see the friends we usually see at Christmas.  We didn't see any of them on screen.

This year of lockdowns, and all the problems we've had, has revealed cracks in our marriage that I've been papering over for years.  I have no idea what the future holds for us right now, I can't even begin to think about it.  I'm not going to be talking about it on here, what happens happens.  All I'm focusing on now is my bladder operation on 13 January...unless covid postpones it.  

I have to stop taking my CBD oil for 2 weeks prior to the op (orders of the pre op nurse), I actually stopped it 3 days ago just to see how I feel.  I've also stopped taking the codeine - I didn't like taking it anyway, I'm not one for taking painkillers on a regular basis as I think your body just gets used to them.  And the constipation side effects meant I was having to take other medication to combat that, which I didn't like doing either.  So I'm in pain and not sleeping very well at all.  Well, it's only pain, and at least the pain helps take my mind off other things.

Wouldn't it be nice to just close my eyes and wake up in March next year.  I hate winter.

Wednesday, 23 December 2020

Temporary shut down

 I'm closing the blog until after Christmas, possibly until new year, will see how I feel.

This is a bad time of year for me, as you know....well, even worse this year with the covid situation meaning we can't go anywhere or see our loved ones, of course it's the same for everyone.

My siblings and I have decided we'll try and post only funny memories of mum (there are loads, especially unintentionally funny ones, mum was a bit of a character) on our family WhatsApp group today and tomorrow.  

The rumours of another national lockdown, possibly starting on Boxing day, are depressing me....I know it's probably necessary to try and contain this new variant.  But on a personal level, I'm just worried it'll postpone my operation yet again.

Thank you to everyone for reading, commenting and supporting me over the past year.  I hope you all have the best Christmas you can under the circumstances, and here's to a better new year for all of us, with an effective vaccine for those who want it - I do.  Love and best wishes to you all xxx

Tuesday, 22 December 2020

Funny time for a diet

 With my recent depression, and knowing my bladder op had been put off for 6 months, I'd more or less given up with my diet.  Now that it's been set for 13 January, I need to get losing weight again....I knew I'd put some back on, I thought probably about half a stone.  So it was with some trepidation I got on the scales this morning....4lbs on, so not as bad as I thought.  So now I'm back on the diet properly....Will be a test of my willpower as I'd bought crisps, nuts and chocolates for Christmas, and made loads of mince pies and sausage rolls.  The crisps etc are all put away out of sight in the utility room, the sausage rolls and mince pies I'd frozen when I made them...I'm not really a fan of mince pies anyway, I'd made them for husband and visitors (who we won't be seeing now in any case), but I do like sausage rolls.

I'll relax the diet a bit for Christmas day, I may even have a couple of G & Ts, but will be straight back on it on boxing day.  This operation is important to me and I need to lose whatever weight I can.  I've lost the 10% of body weight (slightly more than that actually) that my consultant suggested, but whatever extra I can lose will be good.

So give me a kick up the backside on boxing day to get me going again case my motivation has buggered off!  (M, that means you, help me out 😉).

Monday, 21 December 2020

Well here's a turn up for the books

 Some good news, for a change, and entirely unexpected.

As I've said before, I have a bladder problem caused by diabetic damage to nerve endings in my bladder (who knew such a thing was even a 'thing'?  I didn't).  I was supposed to have an operation to fix it in early November, but had to postpone it until mid December because of husband's foot operation - I wouldn't have been able to look after him and walk the dog, as my consultant said I will be incapacitated myself for a week or 2 afterwards.  Then a couple of weeks later, I had a letter from the hospital saying they were having to postpone all non-urgent operations, including mine, for around 6 months due to the covid situation.

Now, I know my problem is neither life threatening nor urgent - but it does have a significant daily detrimental effect on my life, physically and emotionally.  The news that I would have to put up with the problems for another 6 months or so I found very hard to cope with.  Well, on Saturday when we came back from dog walking, there was a message on the answerphone for me to ring the hospital admissions office today.  I did and the upshot is I'm going in for my op on 13 January...covid permitting, of course.  I have to observe strict social distancing, hand washing etc (I always do anyway) from the 30 December, have a covid test on 10 January and self isolate from then until I go in for the op.  To say I'm pleased is an understatement.

And I've just had a 25 minute phone assessment with the orthopaedic team re my hip, during which I had to answer a lot of questions and do a lot of precise movements, reporting back to the therapist on the range of movement and pain.  It's very weird doing exercises by yourself in a phone call in your dining room!  She confirmed the greater trochanteric pain syndrome diagnosis and is referring me for physiotherapy, which could take several weeks to get the first appointment.  More waiting....oh well, I've had the hip pain for 2 years and put up with it, another few weeks won't make much difference.  At least possible relief is on the cards in due course.  If the physio doesn't work sufficiently, then they'll give me a steroid injection.  Although she said it carries a risk of compromising my immune system (which is somewhat compromised anyway due to my diabetes and liver problems), so is something to think about.  If the physio doesn't work then I will have the injection, 2 years of pain is more than enough.

Saturday, 19 December 2020

Keeping busy to stay sane

 Once again I'm very grateful for all your comments, they really do help, thank you.

I've kept myself occupied the last few days...reorganising the big freezer (how it gets so muddled up I don't know - well, I do, and it's not me!).  I did a week's menu plan using up things in the freezer to free up space for all the extra milk etc I bought in this week's shop - I got enough shopping, along with what we've got already, to see us through well into January.  We do have a big organic veg box delivery due on Christmas eve, that should last us 2 weeks.  I've organised the food cupboards in the kitchen and the extra stores cupboards in the utility room.  

I've spent time every day in my craft room, making and writing Christmas cards and some gift tags, along with thank you cards for the friends and neighbours who helped us out, and a couple of birthday cards.  Betty comes in to lie on the spare bed watching me, it's nice to have her company.  I've enjoyed crafting, it's been stimulating and calming at the same time and kept me occupied.

I realised I'd completely run out of books to read, so asked a neighbour who's an avid reader and buyer of books if she could lend me some.  She sorted out a large carrier bag full and left them on her doorstep for me to collect, that should keep me going for a while.  One of them is the supervet Noel Fitzpatrick's autobiography, should be interesting.

I'm still wishing for this year to be over, and for us to have the covid vaccination as soon as possible.  I think only then will I start to feel like the anxiety and stress might ease up.

Tuesday, 15 December 2020

Closing the shutters

 Somebody on a blog yesterday (I think it may have been Mrs Tiggywinkle, apologies if not) said they'd shut down emotionally in order to cope with things.  I thought how coincidental, that's exactly what I've done.  Everything's got on top of me and I'm dealing with it by closing myself off, basically.

Husband's hospital appointment went well yesterday, no replacement plaster or bandage, he's free at last.  He has to go back in 8 weeks for the surgeon to have another look once the swelling has hopefully gone down a bit more, she'll then decide whether he's to have physio.  Seems he's had 6 metal pins put in his foot, he didn't know before...well I'm sure he would have been told, he just didn't take it in.

So she said he can now resume normal life (whatever 'normal' is in this Covid world) and drive again.  We had to go to a shoe shop yesterday to get him some new footwear...most of his current shoes he can't get on as his foot is still so swollen.  The retail park was so busy, even on a Monday, it was horrible and I couldn't wait to get home again away from all the crowds.  I have to do some shopping, I'm fast running out of things like toiletries and some store cupboard and freezer staples, so I'm planning to be at the store at 8 am when it opens this morning (it's 3 am now, I can't sleep as usual), to get it over with hopefully before the crowds appear.  And then I won't be going near a shop again until the new year.  I'm having a big organic veg box delivery and a meat order next week, I shall get plenty of milk, cheese and butter in the shop this morning, so we should then be stocked up for weeks.

Ironic that now husband can drive, everywhere is far too busy for me to want to go anywhere.  The only place I'd be happy to go is my beloved Dunster beach,  but it's forecast to rain for the next week or so, and husband's foot is too tender for him to comfortably walk much right now.  So that's out as well.

Christmas?  What Christmas?  For me it's a total non event this year.  The image of my Mum 10 minutes after she died last Christmas eve is weighing heavily on my mind at the moment, as is my lovely friend's funeral - it's on the 22nd and I won't be able to go.  I'd just like to hibernate and wake up in Spring.

Thank you for all your lovely comments, I do really appreciate the support.  I sometimes feel that any emotional stuff I tell friends and family falls on deaf ears.  So I won't be saying stuff like that to them anymore.  I'm just shutting down.

Monday, 14 December 2020


 Life feels like it's on hold here, nothing is happening, we're hardly seeing anyone other than to wave to when out with the dog.  Neighbours who normally have outside decorations up aren't bothering this year by the looks of things, or only in a very subdued way.  I've not really bothered either...not that we do a lot in terms of decorations anyway, I have even less enthusiasm for it this year.  Christmas is going to be a non event, I doubt we'll be going anywhere or seeing anyone.  I just can't wait for this year - and winter - to be over and done with.  At least it's very nearly the shortest day, we'll start to get a few minutes more daylight soon, and there are spring bulb shoots appearing in the garden.

Husband goes back to the hospital today (I still can't go with him) to have his plaster off, foot xrayed and examined by the consultant.  He's hoping it will be the last time....I'm not so confident, as his foot is still swollen.  If he comes back with yet another plaster or dressing on and news that he still can't drive for another few weeks, I think I'll just sit and cry.  It just feels like it's gone on forever.

Friday, 11 December 2020

Doing our own thing

 Lockdown hasn't been good for lots of us, and with our current Tier 2 restrictions it's not much different really, it's just lockdown by another name, we still can't visit friends or family or have them come to us.  Ok, so shops are open, but I don't much like going in them and have only been a couple of times in the past few weeks.  Lockdown has been even longer for us personally, due to us having to self isolate for 2 weeks prior to husband's operation...well, only he had to self isolate but obviously it more or less meant I had to also.  Since his op, his incapacity has meant we've been thrown together 24/7.  As we normally spend a fair bit of time apart, when he's out gardening or doing jobs for people, it's been difficult for both of us to adjust.

I think some time apart will do us both good - just short periods, I don't mean a trial separation, that's not on the cards at all.  So in the new year, when restrictions are lifted, I intend to go and stay with my brother and sister in law in Cornwall for a few days (they are aware, I'm not just going to turn up on their doorstep!).  I shall be making it a regular thing, every couple of months or so, having a few days away on my own whilst husband stays home with Betty.  In between my trips, husband can have a few trips of his own, going up to stay with his daughter in the Midlands, leaving me and the dog at home...although I have a very good relationship with his daughter, she'll be delighted to have her Dad to herself for a few days.  I think this will work well for both of us, giving us space and time to see relatives and do our own thing.

Thursday, 10 December 2020

Small changes and some plans

 I've done a fair bit of baking the last couple of days....3 dozen sausage rolls, 2 dozen mince pies, most of which have gone in the freezer.  Also a couple of cheese, onion and tomato pasties using leftover pastry (we had those for lunch yesterday), and a cake.  I used to make cakes twice a week when husband worked, for him and a workmate...since he retired 3 years ago I don't make them so often.  I don't often eat cake at home, partly because of my diabetes, partly due to making cakes that husband likes, but I'm not very fond of.  He likes bread pudding and fruit cakes, any kind really, so long as they don't have nuts in.  I'm not keen on fruit cake and certainly not bread pudding, and I do like nuts in cakes!  The cake I've made is a chocolate orange cake....yummy!  Husband isn't so enamoured of it though.  I'm not going to be regularly making cakes I like but he doesn't - coffee & walnut, lemon & blueberry, Bakewell tart, chocolate hazelnut brownies - because it won't suit my diet.  But I will occasionally make one that I like, for a change, rather than just what he likes.

Once husband retired, I'd looked forward to us spending more time together, having days out, long walks in woods or countryside with the dog, picnics on the beach, exploring little towns and villages here in Somerset (it's a big county and we've not seen all of it), or further afield in neighbouring counties.  Or just browsing round a garden centre and having a drink in their coffee shops, and going to lots of local car boot sales.  I was hoping for trips out 2 or 3 times a week.  Well, that's not really happened, we've had trips out certainly, but nothing like as many as I'd hoped, once every 2 or 3 weeks if I've been lucky.  Car boot visits have been a rarity, I could count on the fingers of one hand the number of times we've been to one in the last couple of years....obviously this year has been a washout for that.

Since husband retired, he's taken to doing gardening and odd jobs for friends and neighbours...during spring, summer and autumn he's out several times a week, sometimes for a couple of hours, sometimes most of the day, although he does usually come home for lunch.  Which means I'm stuck home alone with the dog, apart from walking her in the field.  To be fair, car maintenance has been a bit of a problem sometimes, necessitating expensive repairs a few times, and husband's prostate and bladder problems did stop us from going out sometimes last year, until his doctors finally got it under control.  Well, I've decided that I'm not going to continue in the same vein, being confined to barracks twiddling my thumbs more or less, whilst husband's out doing what he wants.  I wouldn't stop him doing what he likes doing, but I'm going to start doing things I like too....things like going to the Walled Gardens in the village (lovely gardens open to visitors, not very large but pretty, with glasshouses and a nice little cafe).  Or the Marshes nature reserve, miles of walks there - no cafe but I've bought myself a little backpack big enough to hold my small flask, sandwich and a book.  Or the town - not huge and not my favourite place, but it'll be nice to have a browse round the shops on my own, something I rarely - well, never - get to do.  All these are things for next year, of course, husband can drop me off, go off and do his jobs, then pick me up later.

I'm also going to investigate what courses are available at the local college....I quite fancy doing something arty or crafty, like pottery or jewellery making or papercraft.  I might see if there are any local groups who go on coach trips to cathedrals, gardens or manor houses...none of which husband is that keen on, but I am.

So there are a few of my plans.  I'd still like days out with husband, but if he's going to continue to be too busy next year, I shall do my own thing.

Wednesday, 9 December 2020

Changing and evolving

 Having done a lot of thinking over the past few weeks, I've realised something - I've been a bit of a doormat over the years.  I've allowed things to happen - that goes back to things that happened to me in my childhood.  I've kept my mouth shut and my opinions to myself, I've gone along with what others wanted, even if it wasn't what I wanted.  I've sat back and let others do the talking, because it was easier to just sit in the background and let others take centre stage.  I've done mostly what those around me wanted to do, rather than choosing things myself.  There have only been a handful of times over the years when I've asserted myself and said No, I'm not doing that, when I've felt so strongly about something that I just couldn't let it go on.

This year has had a big impact on all of us in different ways....negative for some, positive for others.  And husband's operation and subsequent incapacity has been a major factor in how things have been for me, the catalyst if you like.  I've felt for a long time that I was fading away....not my physical health, but as though I was becoming more and more invisible, like bits of my shadow were breaking off and disappearing.  I've felt taken for granted, ignored even - and not just by husband, I have to add.

Well, not anymore, things WILL be changing.  I'm 61 and have (thankfully relatively minor) health problems - I'm going to have a life, the kind of life I want, before it's too late.  I've started in a small way, making a few small changes here and there, and being more assertive.  It feels empowering.

Monday, 7 December 2020

Sad but lovely memories

 My lovely friend didn't manage another week, she died yesterday.  No pain anymore...and she always had pain, as she had scoliosis.  You'd never hear her complain, although sometimes a little frown would cross her face when she was walking or even sitting...when I asked if she was ok, she'd wave it off and say something like 'oh I'm a little stiff today darling....but how are YOU?'.  There's an example there to follow, I think.  She called me Lovely Girl, which always made me smile...I'm 61 so it's a long time since I was a girl.  She was 74, but had a very young outlook and wore some lovely stylish colourful clothes, she did love colour.  

I've been keeping busy, and smiling when I think about her.  It was a privilege to know her.

Sunday, 6 December 2020

A better but ultimately sad day

 I felt much better this morning, after a lovely chat with my best friend last night.  Things are what they are, there's not much I can do to improve matters right now, that can only come with time.  So I just have to grin and bear it....or be miserable for weeks.

To answer a few turned out to be a bit of a misunderstanding between myself, friend and their spouse...friend assures me there's no problem with lifts, it's all fine.  Good, that's that out of the way.

I'm well aware that it's not practical for us to stay here, and husband's current incapacity has certainly brought that into sharp focus.  We've lived here, very happily, for more than 8 years - when we first moved here we were a long way off retirement, mobile and in very good health.  Perhaps we should have thought (a long way) ahead....hindsight is a wonderful thing!  We don't regret moving here though, it's lovely, especially in summer, and we've made some wonderful friends in this little hamlet.

Finding a new place is not going to be easy....quite difficult in fact, due to our personal circumstances (which I have no intention of talking about here).  Difficult is just that though, not impossible.  I'm sure something suitable will turn up in due course, I'm a firm believer both in fate and in making things happen, if you want something enough then you go out and get it!

And then the sad thing....a very dear friend of mine, a lovely lady I've known for several years, is terminally ill with spinal cancer which has spread.  I had a phone call today to say the end won't be long now, a week at most.  She's being well cared for at home by her lovely long term partner and daughter, with support from carers and Macmillan nurses, she is now unable to speak and is on intravenous morphine, so is hopefully not in pain.  I last spoke to her on the phone about a month ago, although weak she was as cheerful as ever...she's always been like that.  I'm very sad that I won't be able to see or speak to her again, or go to her funeral, but am glad I got to talk to her one last time.  And I'll always have very happy memories of her and her lovely man.  We've had so many deaths of close family and friends in the last 2 or 3 years.

Saturday, 5 December 2020

Can't be arsed (swear alert)

 It's one of those 'can't be arsed to do anything' days.  For 2 pins I'd wrap up and take myself off for a day out somewhere on my own, but that's an impossibility.  And before anyone thinks of saying just make a flask and go out for a walk....don't, it's just not feasible here, certainly not in winter.  We live in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by farmers' fields, the lanes are very narrow and very muddy, with NO pavements (literally none), and the fields are so muddy and waterlogged you're up to your ankles or even calves in mud.  I can't go anywhere unless I ask someone to take me, which I really can't do - having had to ask people several times recently to take me to GP or hospital appointments, and 2 appointments for the dog, I'm fed up with having to ask, it's embarrassing enough when it's a necessary appointment.  And one friend said the other day their spouse had raised eyebrows when they said they were taking me to an appointment, so I'm clearly making a nuisance of myself.

I'm just so bloody fed up of being imprisoned indoors, other than the twice daily dog walks, which aren't exactly thrilling for either Betty or myself, given that we can only walk the narrow lanes or a quagmire of a field.  And fed up with being taken for granted.  And just plain downright sodding bored to tears - there's only so much housework or cooking I can (or am willing!) to do.  As for crafting, e.g. making Christmas cards.....I'm just not in the mood for it, Christmas can bugger right off this year as far as I'm concerned.

Husband was very rude about the dinner I cooked yesterday - he didn't like it, fair enough, I wasn't forcing him to eat it, but he could have just said 'sorry darling, it's not to my taste but thank you for the effort you made' instead of being tactless and insulting.  I'd leave him to do the cooking if it wasn't for the fact that he has no imagination and I'd have to spend so much time constantly telling him what to do (because everything I tell him just goes in one ear and straight out the other), it's just easier to do it myself.  He's dyslexic so can't follow a recipe.

I'll be fine tomorrow I expect....tomorrow is another day (well not another one like today I bloody hope!!)

If anyone says 'think yourself lucky ' or 'count your blessings ' though, I shall probably scream - you have been warned!

Friday, 4 December 2020

Good news

 Well, the GP wanted to see me because he wanted to examine my hip and leg, and to give me some surprising news about the xray.  I don't have arthritis, he said there's no sign of it at all on the xray.  He went on to say that having no arthritis in my hips at my age (always makes me feel ancient when they say that!) is quite amazing, especially since close family members have/had it...many people will have at least some signs of hip or knee arthritis by the age of 60, apparently.

What I do have is Greater Trochanteric Pain Syndrome, formerly called Trochanteric Bursitis....I knew that anyway, the previous doctor I saw last year said I had it, although she also said she thought I had osteo arthritis too.  It's good news as far as I'm concerned, as it means I don't need a hip replacement, and the condition is treatable.  The GP (a new doctor to our practice, a very nice Scottish man aged about 50) said the pain I'm currently experiencing has very likely been exacerbated by all the dog walking I've been doing, he said resting my leg would be preferable!  Not going to be happening though, until husband has his plaster off....I've done the twice daily dog walks for the past month or more, another 10 days or so won't kill me.

He's sending me for an ultrasound scan, followed by an injection - corticosteroid I think.  No idea when that might be though.  In the meantime, he said cold packs would help...oh and he also said I'm not taking enough codeine, just 1 per night is not enough to get on top of the pain, he said if I didn't want to take the 4 doses per day he'd originally prescribed, then I should at least consider taking 2.  I'll see....I don't really want to take any more if I can avoid it.

I did take 2 yesterday evening....after he'd been throwing my leg around and poking it about, I was in agony.  It's still very sore today, I think I'd rather take more CBD oil than codeine though.

On the whole, I'm pleased at the outcome - I don't have to have an op and the pain should be reduced, if not disappear, in due course.

We've started receiving Christmas cards....I have hardly even made a start on making mine yet, let alone thought about writing and sending them.  I did play around with some design bits the other day, I guess I'd better get a move on.  I don't feel in the mood at all really though, that's the problem.  No idea what we're doing at Christmas with the 3-household covid restrictions in place....staying home just the 2 of us, probably.  I'm still feeling ambivalent about Christmas anyway, seeing as this will be the first anniversary of Mum's death on Christmas eve.  

Thursday, 3 December 2020

Fog lifting

 Two things happened yesterday which lifted my spirits.

Firstly, an unexpected dog walk with my best friend, who I don't see nearly enough of due to Covid and just general life stuff.  It was chilly and fairly short, but really nice.  We went to the Marshes nature reserve, which I haven't been able to get to since before husband's operation.  Betty enjoyed running up and down the long paths and rolling around in the long grass verges, and I enjoyed the brief catch up with my friend.

Then in the evening we had a family quiz, organised by my sister, on WhatsApp video, I'd forgotten all about it and had to be reminded.  It was so good for us siblings (my 2 brothers and my sister) and spouses to be able to get together, albeit on computer, for an hour and a half, we haven't all been together since just after mum's funeral.  The quiz part turned out to be hilarious, we were in stitches half the time.  Then we just sat and chatted for a while.  We've agreed to make it a regular thing, taking it in turns to be quizmaster.

This afternoon I'm going to the GP, for the results of my hip x-ray.  I am a bit concerned about it....I don't know why he wants to see me, in view of the covid restrictions meaning that most consultations are done by phone.  If it was just to say that the x-ray shows I definitely have arthritis, then he could tell me that on the phone, but he specifically asked to see me in surgery.  Still, I'll find out soon enough, I might be worrying about nothing.

Thank you so much for all the supportive comments, they really moved me.  The depression is beginning to lift, although the Tier 2 thing is getting me down - it's just lockdown by another name, we still can't visit people or have hugs.  I am cheered by the thought of the vaccine though, husband and I will certainly have it as soon as we can.

Saturday, 28 November 2020

Taking a break

 Due to the worst depression I've had all year, just finding everything so very hard.

Take care of yourselves.


Friday, 27 November 2020

Cold then warm

 It was freezing when I took the dog out at 07.15 this morning - same as yesterday, but at least it was dry.  My face was so frozen I could barely speak, and my fingers were numb.  And that's just a couple of degrees below freezing, goodness only knows how people in really cold countries cope....we're a nation of softies here.  I don't wear gloves because I've only got woollen ones and don't feel I have a secure enough grip on the dog lead whilst wearing them, I need to get some leather ones I think.  Will have a look on the internet in a bit.

So it was nice to spend a couple of hours in the warm kitchen doing some baking this morning.  I made cheese scones to have with home cooked ham and salad for lunch, a meat pie for dinner this evening, and a fruit sponge topped pudding for husband.

I've been making scones for years, both fruit and savoury...I prefer savoury scones myself.  Sometimes I do plain cheese, sometimes with sun dried tomato and tomato puree added.  I generally use half white/half wholemeal flour.  This morning I added smoked paprika and chopped spring onions.  A few weeks ago I saw a recipe for 3-ingredient cheese scones - just self raising flour, mature cheddar and yogurt, I was a bit sceptical but the recipe was from a well known writer and the pictures looked good, so I tried it.  Well, they're brilliant...light, fluffy, flaky and well risen, I use the same recipe all the time now.  Here's the link: the writer is Marie of The English Kitchen, a Canadian lady who lived in the UK for many years, she's just returned home to Canada after a marriage break up.  I love her recipes.

For the meat pie I used bought puff pastry and a tub of cooked and frozen minced steak and veggies, it'll do 2 meals for us so we'll have it again tomorrow.

The fruit pudding is our home grown apples, pears and blueberries out of the freezer, topped with a sponge mix flavoured with cinnamon.  I'm not much of a pudding eater, but husband is.

Thank you for comments on my last post, I'm still working on my Plans list.

Thursday, 26 November 2020

Life up till now

 In my late teens/early 20s I had a very busy social life, Sunday evening was just about the only time I stayed at home (well, I needed to do my washing!).  Mondays to Thursdays my work colleagues and I went to the pub straight from work, had a few drinks, played pool or darts, got a takeaway on the way home.  Fridays we always went to a local disco, Saturdays we had a proper night out at a bigger disco, either in London (Hammersmith Palais was a favourite) or at Heathrow in one of the airport hotels...several of them had good nightclubs, exciting because they always had glamorous handsome airline staff in them (although they might have been baggage handlers posing as pilots to get us girls interested 😂).  Sunday lunchtimes we went out for meals or just for a drink, usually nursing a hangover.  I also managed to fit in a lot of boyfriends 😉.  Surprisingly, I was quite slim back then, amazing considering the takeaways and drinks and bacon sarnies for breakfast every morning and burgers for lunch (our office was opposite a bakery and a MaccyD).

Then I met my future husband, we moved to the Midlands and got married, I was 23, he was 32.  I had a good secretarial job with friendly young colleagues and continued to go for nights out with them, without husband, although only once or twice a week.  Eventually that fizzled out though, I just stopped going....because I felt guilty.  Husband never, and I do mean never, went out with his workmates - not because he didn't get on with them, he did.  Husband is the world's most passionate and vociferous anti-smoker (ex-smoker!), most of his workmates smoked and they nearly always went to pubs.  He's never been much of a drinker, and back then everyone smoked in pubs, so he didn't much like going in them.  So he preferred to stay home...whilst he didn't object to me going out, I felt uncomfortable doing it and leaving him at home.

Because husband drove for a living (he was a lorry driver, hence why he didn't drink much, had to protect his licence), he didn't like driving on his days off...understandable I suppose.  So we didn't go out a lot.  For holidays, he preferred cottages in or near towns, or holiday camps (my idea of hell), as a perfect holiday to him was one where he parked up on arrival and didn't have to drive at all for the rest of the week, whereas I like walking, exploring, mooching around craft shops and visiting stately homes.  He also liked spending the day on a beach soaking up the sun - I'm fair skinned, burn very easily and the sun gives me a headache, so not my idea of a nice time!  We compromised by having a couple of days out...I'd go inside a stately home whilst he had a nap in the car, or he'd drop me off in a nearby town for some shop browsing whilst he went on the beach.  The rest of the time he'd be relaxing watching tv and I did A LOT of reading.

Since he retired, 3.5 years ago, he's been quite busy - his life is outside, doing projects in his veg plot and shed, helping friends and neighbours with their gardens and doing lots of DIY jobs for them...he's quite a handyman, fixing leaking gutters and pipes, mending sheds and fences, helping to fix cars, etc....he's always out doing something.  Well, obviously not at the moment whilst he's incapacitated, and not so much during lockdown.  Whilst he's out, I'm generally at home doing housework, cooking, weeding and pruning my flower garden, or doing my crafts.  A few times I've been invited out by neighbours to go for coffee in a garden centre, or a browse round the shops....I nearly always say no.  For no good reason really, other than being out of the habit of socialising, it's been so many years since I did it.

Well, to be feels like my life has been on hold for years and years, lockdown and husband's incapacity following his operation have exacerbated how I feel.  Hence why I've decided that I'm going to start actually having a life....before I get too old!

I'll go into what plans I've started to make in the next post.

Tuesday, 24 November 2020

Feeling my way cautiously

 Thanks so much for your supportive comments on my last post.  I've been having a bit of an internal battle...whilst I am determined to change things in the new year, I do kind of feel a bit selfish.  I've run a few of my plans past husband and best friend...I get the impression they're a bit surprised.  Certainly husband seems a bit disgruntled about one or two things, although he's not tried to dissuade me.  I won't let it put me off though, I think it will benefit us both in the future if I'm happier about things.

Now that I know things are going to change in the new year, I'm feeling a bit happier and more positive.  I can't make any real changes before then....partly due to Covid restrictions, husband's incapacity, and just the time of year - some of my plans depend on decent weather.  But I can at least make plans.

Yesterday and today husband actually took Betty out, for short walks only (on my recommendation), he's much more stable on his feet now and in a lot less pain.  It's the first time he's left the house in 3 1/2 weeks, other than a hospital appointment, he managed pretty well, hopefully he'll be able to go a bit further in due course.  It'll make my life a bit easier as well, and benefit him....he's been spending too much time lying on the sofa, usually asleep, he needs to start getting his life going again.

I'm going for my hip x-ray tomorrow, I'll be interested to see exactly how bad my hip is.  If I do need a hip replacement, I can't see it being anytime soon, it's not a priority operation (unless I fall over and break it, not something I plan on doing!).  But it might open the way towards more treatment, possibly acupuncture or pain relief injections?  I'd consider anything, I'm really not happy about taking codeine every day.

Sorry I've not commented much on your blogs recently, no excuse other than not being on the internet much, had so much to do.  I will endeavour to catch up!

Sunday, 22 November 2020

A new me

 Husband's foot is getting better, the swelling is going down in his toes and ankle and he's stopped taking painkillers.  I know it's not so painful because he's not complaining about it all the time.  So I'm hopeful that when he goes back to hospital for x-ray and another chat with the consultant in 3 weeks time, she'll say it's healed so well he can start driving again and walking normally.  Fingers crossed she does, I don't think I can take many more weeks of this enforced personal lockdown and life being put on hold.  It feels like we've been doing it forever.  He's asleep on the sofa as usual, with the tv playing away to least it's a David Attenborough nature show with nice relaxing music, and not some noisy boring car doer-upper show, which he watches endless repeats of.

Had a nice squelch, erm walk with betty this afternoon in the hasn't rained for a couple of days so the field is slightly less boggy than usual, I even let her off the lead for a good run around.  It would take a month of no rain to dry the field out though, and that's not going to happen.  Hope my wellies last out!

For reasons that I'm not going into, my life since the age of 13 has consisted of taking care of family members, doing housework, shopping and cooking, being mum to my younger siblings, being a carer, helping husband with stuff he couldn't do himself, providing emotional and physical support to family, whilst holding down a full time job.  Doing what others wanted and needed...willingly, I might add.  Over the years I've kind of lost myself and felt that I'd become invisible and taken for granted, and lockdown has made things worse.

Having had so much time to think lately whilst I've been cooped up or walking the dog, I've decided that at the grand old age of 61, I'm going to start living my life, doing what I want for a change, rather than just what others want or expect of me.  I'll still take care of husband, home and dog, but will be doing things for myself as well.  I will also practise saying No!  Nothing much can or will change this side of Christmas, but come January it will be new year, new me.   I have lots of plans for the new me.

Thursday, 19 November 2020

Doing a lot of deep thinking

 Woken up by the wind howling outside and rattling the windows (they're double glazed but old and poorly fitted - the curtains even move!).  No chance of getting back to sleep with that going on, so I've been downstairs reading since about 4 am.  Not looking forward to taking Betty out.

Sue, you asked why I never learnt to drive....I did actually have lessons, twice (2 separate periods of time that is, not 2 lessons) - the first time in my early 20s, and then again in my 30s.  It didn't work out either time - around both times we had a car accident...not whilst I was driving, I hasten to add, husband was.  It wasn't his fault on either occasion, both times I suffered whiplash and was in a collar and having physio for several weeks.  And then my cousin, a front seat passenger, was killed in another car crash.  It all left me too nervous to drive after that, so that was the end of my attempts to learn.

My brother and I were discussing covid conspiracy theories the other me how people can say it doesn't exist, it's all an attempt to control us - what do they think 50,000 people have died of then?  Presumably, the theorists don't know anyone who's had it (lucky them!).  Personally, we have several relatives who've actually had covid - 2 of my nephews and my cousin's husband all had it (and recovered, thankfully) early on in the pandemic.  Recently, 2 of husband's siblings, their spouses and their adult children have had/still have it, one is seriously ill in hospital.  And several friends of my sister have it too, one hospitalised.  We've not come into contact with any of them, none of them live near us and we haven't seen any of them since mum's funeral back in January, so no danger of us becoming infected.  All those infected seem to have caught it in places where there were lots of others around - work, for several of them, and with several of husband's relatives, from a holiday camp (!! Why anyone would want to go stay in a holiday camp during a pandemic is beyond me - I certainly wouldn't.  But each to their own, I suppose).

Well, I certainly don't think it's a conspiracy, I do my best to stay safe, and I've just signed up to go on a list of volunteers for covid vaccine testing.  That's another thing I don't understand...the anti-vax brigade.  Why would anyone not want a vaccine to protect oneself against a deadly disease?  Well, again, each to their own I guess.

I've just weighed myself, for the first time in diet has completely gone out of the window, can't be bothered with it at the moment, so was expecting to have gained a few pounds.  Well, to my amazement, I've lost fact I've now lost the 10% of my body weight that my consultant recommended (ironically, since my op has been postponed for 6 months!).  As a matter of fact, I've actually lost a pound more than the 10%.  Must be all the dog walks.

Betty's just got up, asked to go out and did a big wee in the garden....good, so no rush for me to take her out now, we can wait till the wind dies down a bit.

I've been doing a lot of deep thinking lately whilst I've been dog walking, or marooned at home.  Things are going to change in the new year.

Tuesday, 17 November 2020


 So husband had his stitches out yesterday, new thickly padded dressing on and new boot thing.  Told again to stay off foot for at least another week, has to go back to hospital in another 4 weeks, at which time he'll be x-rayed and told what the next steps are in terms of possible physio and whether/when he can start driving again.  So essentially no change for the next 4 weeks for either of us.  Brilliant.  As if I wasn't depressed enough already.

The consultant did apologise for not giving him crutches, said it was an oversight on their part - well yes!!  Now, if I'd been there with him - which I wasn't as he had to go alone because of covid restrictions - I would have asked for him to be shown how to use the crutches.  He didn't think to ask though, he never does think of relevant questions, it's always me who does that.

Can't sleep again, hip is agony after a particularly horrible dog walk in the rain yesterday, so am sitting downstairs making lists of things I need to do.....sort out and rearrange stuff in big freezer, defrost small freezer, make 2 lots of dog food, prep and freeze a load more of our home grown apples.  All exciting stuff!! 😒

Betty's just come and sat beside me for a cuddle.  I do envy dogs their ability to sleep anywhere, anytime.

Sunday, 15 November 2020

It's like this...

 Thank you all for comments, they are helpful.  

It's not that I don't have enough to do, or a routine - I do have a routine, I'm very organised (years of being a personal secretary make sure of that).  I have too much to do though, with husband being unable to do a lot of things it means I have to do the jobs that he normally does but presently can't, as well as the housework, cooking, washing, shopping ordering, banking etc that I always do.  And then of course having to walk Betty twice a day - which I would enjoy if it wasn't winter and my hip wasn't so painful.  

As for not feeling safe to go out because of the fear of catching covid - actually, I don't worry about that much at all...for the simple reason that I don't have close contact with anybody.  If I see any neighbours when out with Betty (rare), I only converse with them from a distance.  When I have to get one of them to give me a lift anywhere, I wear a mask in their car, as do they.  I've not been inside anyone else's house, nor anybody in ours, since March, other than a couple of times with best friend when we weren't in lockdown.  I keep as safe as I possibly can, so no I'm not overly concerned about catching the virus.  I'm just so fed up with not being able to go anywhere or see family and friends, with husband being unable to drive for weeks and me being a non driver, I just feel so isolated and cooped up.  

Finding some gripping tv series to watch....if only!  As husband is more or less immobile, he's watching the bloody thing all day every day - he's had car racing on for almost the entire day today, I had to go upstairs to escape it.  By preference I'd have the radio on, on a music channel like Heart, Gold or Smooth Radio, which I do in the kitchen or upstairs.

He's going to hospital tomorrow, to have his stitches out, a new dressing put on and instructions as to what happens next.  He still won't be allowed to drive for a while, but I'm hoping he'll be given a date when he can.

Locked down forever

 It's been 2 weeks since husband's operation.  What with the first lockdown, then husband (and thus me also) having to self isolate for a fortnight prior to his op, then unable to put weight on the foot for another fortnight, nor drive for weeks, plus the current lockdown....I feel like a prisoner who's been locked up for a year.  Ok so I take the dog out....but we don't see anyone.

I'm just going stir crazy.  Finding it all very difficult at mo.

Saturday, 14 November 2020

Oh bugger it

 Horrible weather here, strong winds and rain, although strangely warm - had to get dressed up for winter weather to take the dog out, but was sweating like a pig (do pigs actually sweat?) by the time I got home.  I went out earlier than usual, at 06.30, as it was only spitting then, the heavier rain forecast to start a bit later.  We walked along the lanes instead of in the field....the field is too treacherous right now, it's so waterlogged and thick with mud, which makes it even more difficult to walk through as I can't see trip hazards like ridges and humps when they're under water or thick mud.  I don't like walking the lanes though as they're so narrow, meaning it's difficult to get out of the way of passing traffic, particularly tractors or horse boxes....fortunately only 2 vehicles this morning.  It was dark still, making it even more hazardous (no streetlights here), so we didn't stay out long.  If only husband's op had been in summer!  I really loathe walking in bad weather, don't think Betty likes it much either, but needs must.

I booked my hip x-ray yesterday, a fortnight's time at the local hospital.  I could have got in earlier at one of the more distant hospitals, but didn't feel able to do that as obviously I've got to ask someone to take me.  Whilst most of the neighbours have already been very helpful and keep saying just ask, it's difficult really, I don't like having to keep asking them to take me anywhere....although I don't have any option, I simply can't get anywhere under my own steam.  I just feel bad about having to ask, I feel like a nuisance.  It's become apparent that a couple of people, despite saying cheerfully 'give us a shout if you need anything', only really mean 'I'll give you a hand at such and such a time when I'm not doing anything else'.  Now, I don't expect people to drop everything just to help me out when I need it - certainly not!  But don't offer to help if you don't actually mean it!

Had some unwelcome news yesterday about my bladder op, which I should have had at the beginning of November but had to put off, as I needed to look after husband and dog...I postponed it until mid December.  Had a letter from my consultant saying that because of covid, the op is being postponed for 6 months, so that makes it May next year (unless he means 6 months from the postponement date of December!  Oh I hope not).  Which means I have to put up with the problems for even longer, as if it isn't already difficult enough.

This isn't my favourite time of year under normal circumstances....right now, with everything that's happening, covid and lockdown, it's even worse.  I wish I could hibernate and wake up in Spring next year.  I expect we all do.

Thursday, 12 November 2020

New shopping and veg growing plans

Betty's face is healing nicely, the sore isn't red and weeping anymore and is getting smaller already, and the puncture wounds are almost healed.  She's back to her usual playful self so obviously feels better.  

It's a nice sunny day, following strong winds and heavy rain during the night...consequently, the field this morning was like a quagmire, up to our ankles in muddy water.  I had wellies on, Betty doesn't seem to mind the water and mud, it's just a bit of a pain (quite literally seeing as it hurts my back to bend over) cleaning her up when we get indoors.

I've been thinking about our growing of veg, and the shopping, and have decided to change things.  For a start, husband grows far too much veg for our needs, he does it every year despite me saying please grow less....he sows twice as many seeds as we need, just in case they don't all take!  And then invariably they do (mostly) all germinate, and then he can't bear to throw any away so grows all of them.  Which then means he has far too much to look after and doesn't have the time anyway, and I end up with trugs and boxes full of veg that I have trouble processing, cooking and storing!  Well not anymore, I'm putting my foot down and insisting he only grows half as much.  And I'll give him a small list of just the things I want him to grow, and he will have to stick to that.  Or else!  I simply don't have the time or the storage space for vast amounts of veg and fruit (nor the desire to deal with it all, frankly).  And he's physically no longer as capable of maintaining a large veg and fruit garden, so we're doing it my way from now on.

I've discovered, quite by chance, that a local organic veg farm does box don't have to commit to having one every week, you can have one as often (or not) as you want.  Whilst you can't choose the contents of the boxes (it's whatever they have in season and ready for harvesting that week), you do have the option to ask for 1 or 2 things to be substituted if you don't like or want them.  So I'm going to have one of their boxes every couple of weeks or so, the first one is coming in 2 weeks' time.  The butchers in the village also does a meat box, the contents change every week - there's always a small joint or a whole chicken, 500g steak mince, their own sausages and bacon, plus either steak, chops, gammon steaks or chicken breasts, sometimes 6 free range local eggs as well, £30 a box.  We've had it a couple of times and like it, it's all from local farms, the contents last us for about 3 weeks or so.  
I have a shopping delivery booked for next week (already had one this week).  From the week after, I'm going to have a veg box delivery probably every fortnight, a meat box every 3 weeks, and will go and do a store cupboard/dairy supermarket shop every couple of weeks.  I might investigate having a fresh fish delivery sometimes too, we used to have one years ago.  It will cut down the amount of times I have to go shopping (I really don't like doing it online), and we'll be supporting 2 local businesses.  Betty's food I sometimes get delivered, or else we go and do a bulk shop once a month for her food.

I've had a lot of time to think the past few weeks, and things are going to change...I have a few other plans in the pipeline too.

Tuesday, 10 November 2020

My baby's ok

 Afternoon all, and a lovely sunny one it is.  

The vet yesterday said she's sure it is a barbed wire wound to Betty's face.  She said the raw bare patch, hidden as it is within her wrinkly skin folds, is the perfect environment for infection to fester - warm, moist and airless, there was already some infection forming.  She assured me I did the right thing in taking her quickly.  Antibiotic tablets and antibacterial cream given, £58 lighter of pocket but I don't care what it costs.  She seems brighter this afternoon....she was quite subdued yesterday.

To answer some comments - Gemma's Person, thank you for the corn starch (cornflour here in the UK) tip, I'll remember that for the future.

Briony, I'm glad Rupert is better, our furry family do give us worries as well as joy don't they?  I can't take ibuprofen or naproxen, I have an adverse reaction to them, so it has to be codeine plus the nasty orange drink.  At least the stronger codeine does help me sleep.

Annabeth, no husband wasn't measured or given any instruction for crutches - the hospital didn't supply any (cutbacks presumably), I had to buy them myself.  He's having a look on YouTube for demos, I've also tried them out myself and shown him how (and it really isn't that easy when you've never had to use them before!  But I'm sure practise makes perfect).

Joy, for various reasons, I'm the only one who can walk Betty, it's just a case of getting on with it.  It's ok when the weather is reasonable, not so good when it's raining and the field is very muddy indeed.  She is actually quite well behaved with me, more so than with husband, except when she sees prey!  

Thank you everyone for your comments, we're getting there slowly, and with help from lovely friends and neighbours.

Monday, 9 November 2020

Doc and vet

 Got my friend coming this afternoon to take me to the doctor's, and to the vets with Betty.  My hip pain has worsened significantly over the past 10 days or so since I've been dog walking....Pain doesn't usually bother me much, I can ride it out, but not now, it's just got so bad.  The GP is giving me stronger painkillers (the dreaded codeine, plus the stuff to combat the resultant constipation), and referring me for x-ray.

Betty has a 2 cm long raw wound on her cheek....I noticed it yesterday after we came back from the walk, I saw she was scratching and rubbing her face so had a look.  The wound is buried in her cheek wrinkles so was hard to spot initially, I first noticed several small puncture wounds on her face.  She's a right bloodhound when out, her nose is to the ground sniffing all the time, and she frequently shoves her entire face into the hedges or undergrowth if she's following a scent.  So I think she's caught her face on brambles or most likely barbed wire, as friend suggested.  I've been bathing it with cooled boiled salty water, but its a bit weepy and red looking this morning.  I'm concerned that if it was barbed wire, it may have been rusty and so cause infection, and of course she was scratching and probably has dirt under her claws.  So it's off to the vets as a precaution.  She is a bit subdued and hasn't eaten breakfast, although that in itself isn't totally unusual.

There's always something.

Husband is still struggling trying to use the crutches, he's still not quite got the hang of it.

Saturday, 7 November 2020


 Thank you for all the birthday wishes.  For lunch I made a Stilton spread (just crumbled stilton mashed and mixed with butter, Philadelphia cream cheese and smoked paprika), we had it on some bought crackers.   I cooked a simple but nice meal for dinner - a small gammon ham with honey and mustard poured over, spicy wedges and I made coleslaw to go with it.  I also made a pudding - a dish of our home grown blueberries topped with chocolate sponge made with cocoa and dark choc chips, I had cream with it, husband had custard.

When walking Betty yesterday afternoon on the extendable lead in the field (it's really muddy, waterlogged and squelchy right now), she saw something in the distance, I know not what, pheasant or rabbit probably.  She took off like a rocket, nearly yanking me over in the process, consequently my hip, back, side and right shoulder are agony now.  I've decided that if (when) she does it again, I'm going to drop the lead and let her go, hoping she doesn't catch whatever it is.  She does come back to me when I call her, with a bit of encouragement.  She gets so caked in mud though, which is why I'm not keen on letting her off the lead right now - bending down to clean her off when we get home is a problem for me.  

I've just had some of that chocolate pudding, with some Greek yogurt, for breakfast - and you know what?  It was bloody lovely!  Sod the diet.

I have no idea what I'll cook for dinner tonight, something out of the freezer I expect.

Once this is all over and husband is back on his feet and able to drive, walk the dog and take care of himself (some weeks away yet), I'm going to go away for a week, I need a break on my own to do - well, nothing.  Oh, and provided there isn't another lockdown by then!

Friday, 6 November 2020

Bless ya

 Bless you all, you are kind.  It was just a blip, feeling much better today.  Husband's crutches came yesterday, but he's struggling to use them, he can't seem to get the hang of keeping his bad foot off the ground, he's using them more like walking sticks.  Perhaps I need to demonstrate....! 😒

It's my birthday today, an odd one that's for sure.  We sometimes go out for a meal on my birthday, or else husband cooks something of my choice (something easy!), or we have a takeaway.  I'll be cooking today, obviously.  I've had some nice cards and flowers, and the sun's shining.  I might commandeer the tv later on (for a change) and watch one of my favourite musicals, Phantom of the Opera or My Fair Lady.

Wednesday, 4 November 2020

Mrs Grump

 It's been one of those days today, things going wrong and loads of minor irritations, I've been weepy and irritable all day.  Being so tired doesn't help.  Nor does husband when he keeps saying how much his foot hurts still...well of course it does.  And the bloody crutches I ordered and paid extra for next day delivery still haven't arrived, when they should have come yesterday.  Covid delays, apparently (yes blame everything on Covid!).  And new lockdown starts tomorrow.....not that we'll notice much, seeing as husband can't drive or go outside....oh and no working car even if he could drive.  Got a right case of the grumps today, one of those days when I felt like staying in bed with the quilt pulled over my head.

Tuesday, 3 November 2020

Crap morning, lovely afternoon

 Husband's still really struggling to get around, the crutches haven't arrived yet, hopefully they'll come tomorrow.  He's very constipated because of all the codeine he's taking, fortunately we have plenty of those laxative orange sachets.  Being so immobile doesn't help much either, and his appetite isn't yet back to normal.  He'll get there in due course.

I got drenched taking Betty out first thing...feels like it's been raining forever, although luckily it's mostly showers.  She caught sight of 2 other dogs and nearly yanked my arm off straining on the lead to get to them, and then a van raced past, no attempt to slow down or move over, splashing us and almost whacking me with his wing mirror.  It was the first and last time I shall be walking down the lane with the dog....I only went that way as the field is so waterlogged and muddy.  It'll be wellies and sloshing about in the field from now on, it's the safer option....not that it does my hip much good.  Oh and the car was collected by the garage and taken off for the MOT - it failed.  Hey ho - just as well husband's foot and the impending lockdown mean we don't need it imminently.

Later on though, my best friend came and picked me and Betty up and took us to my favourite beach, Dunster, for an hour's walk - oh it was wonderful.  My happy place, Betty having a ball charging around the beach, and spending time catching up with my lovely friend, pretty much a perfect afternoon.  Thank you M 😘

I need to do some serious housework tomorrow, not that I want to but it does need doing.  I'll sit husband at the kitchen table and get him prepping the veg for dinner, to save me a job, it'll just be roasted veggies and chicken legs so easy to do.  After lunch - easy again, cheese, crackers and an apple - I'm going to sit up in my craft room, I have several cards I need to make.

Monday, 2 November 2020

And its only day 3

Husband's foot hasn't been put in plaster as we'd thought it would be, it's heavily bandaged and padded, he's been given a big shoe thing with Velcro straps for when he has to stand up.  But no crutches....Yet he was told not to put any pressure on the foot for 2 weeks.  So how is he supposed to go to the bathroom or move around from room to room, go up and down stairs, have a shower (it's an over the bath one, not a cubicle) without putting any weight on that foot?  We don't have a downstairs loo, only upstairs.  He can't move around without holding onto something - he's almost 70, unsteady on his feet at the best of times, and not skinny!  So I've ordered him some crutches, they'll be delivered tomorrow.  In the meantime, I was going to borrow a Zimmer frame for him from a neighbour whose husband used it before he died....unfortunately, she's gone to stay with her son for a few days so I can't.  Ridiculous not to give him crutches, how on earth did they think he/we would manage?

I've been up and down stairs so many times (he stayed in bed yesterday) - what with that, walking the dog 2x daily, doing all the housework (minimal I have to say!), cooking, washing up, washing, taking rubbish out, sorting his bedroom out which looks like a bomb's hit it, he's so untidy, I will lose stones without even trying.  And I am totally knackered.  Just trying to keep up with giving him pain meds 4x daily, along with the 8 or 10 normal heart etc meds he takes every day, wears me out...He's so forgetful, I have to do everything for him, it's like having a demanding child.  Not that he demands anything, he doesn't, he is aware how helpless he is without me.  I'm just so tired.

He's got to go back to hospital in a fortnight to have the bandages taken off and renewed, the consultant will check his foot then and decide on the next steps....whether/when to start physiotherapy.  Although now we're back in lockdown I can't see how he will be going for the weekly physio sessions for 6 weeks that was originally mentioned.

He says if he knew how painful his foot would be and how difficult it would make everything, he wouldn't have had the op.  Well, I'd guessed it would be, I don't know why he thought it would be a breeze.  At least he won't be in daily pain like he was before the op, once he's recovered.

He's a very difficult patient and I'm not cut out to be a nurse.  Sorry to moan, but I'm so totally knackered, physically and emotionally.

Sunday, 1 November 2020

All done

 Husband was first on the list for his op yesterday, as his was the most complicated procedure.  It all went well, he was done and dusted and home early afternoon yesterday.  He's spent today in bed.  And that's all I have to say for today.  

Saturday, 31 October 2020

Husband's op and dog walking

What a horrible day, peeing down and galeforce winds.

I've recovered well from the flu...just as well seeing as husband will now be incapacitated for at least a fortnight.  He was collected by a neighbour and went off at 7 am this morning to the hospital for his op.  He's going to ring me once he's seen the consultant and knows what time he'll be having the op.  It's a complicated op by the sound of things....I don't know all the details seeing as he had his previous consultations on his own, I wasn't allowed to go with him because of the Covid restrictions.  And he never remembers what's said to him, or thinks to ask any questions, so the details I have are sketchy.  As far as I know, he's having 3 tendons broken and reset, something else done to a 4th tendon, and something done to a bone in his foot - he didn't know what.  He'll be in plaster for a fortnight initially and has to keep off the foot entirely (I'm assuming he'll have to move around a bit on crutches and try to keep a bit active, to reduce the risk of a blood clot).  Then he has to go see the consultant again, for the plaster to be taken off and the foot examined....he doesn't know what happens after that, although he says regular physio for a few weeks was mentioned.

How that's going to pan out/work with the upcoming full lockdown I don't know....

I didn't sleep well last night, although husband said he slept reasonably well, strangely.  And my guts are really being irritable today (no surprise there).  Although I do feel much better, I still get horribly tired come the afternoon, after doing a few jobs in the morning, so afternoons are spent lying on the bed reading.

Weighed myself yesterday for the first time in about 3 weeks - I had no idea whether I'd have lost or gained...although I didn't eat a lot during the first week I was ill, what I did eat was very carb-heavy.  Husband does his best with providing meals but he's not exactly a cook, so healthy eating went out of the window and it was mainly things on toast or something with chips or wedges, other than a couple of my pre-made frozen healthy meals.  I was quite surprised to find I'd maintained - my weight is exactly the same as it was 3 weeks ago.  I'm not doing anything healthy for myself tonight, it will probably be fish and chips out of the freezer, not sure if husband will want depends how he feels when he gets home I suppose, assuming he does come home today.  I guess the fact that I will have to be more active for the next few weeks, taking Betty out for a walk twice daily (it's normally husband who does the dog walking) will help to keep my weight stable, regardless of what I eat.  Although I don't do fast or long walks, due to my arthritic hip.

On the subject of dog walking....John of Going Gently had a spiteful comment on his blog the other day regarding him taking his dogs out.  He's a nurse for goodness sake, he knows and understands the rules and knows how to do things safely!  And it's the same here - we have a very big field literally just behind our house, I will be taking Betty in that field, at times when no other neighbours are there (we can see the field from our house, so can see when it's empty), exactly what husband has been doing for his 2 weeks of isolation.  How do people think dogs are going to cope in a lockdown?  They need walking, not only to do their business, but also because they NEED exercise and stimulation - not all of us have giant gardens (or any garden!).  Honestly, why can't people just mind their own business?

Wednesday, 28 October 2020

Getting better slowly

 Thank you for all the comments, I am getting a little better every day.  I still feel like I've been in a rugby scrum, my limbs all feel very heavy, all my joints ache, brain feels like it's stuffed with a mixture of cotton wool and treacle.  And I'm so emotional, for some reason the slightest thing has me weeping, sometimes for no reason.  I've been trying to get a few things done, just a little bit of housework, loading the washing machine and tumble dryer, making a cottage pie and soup to last a few days....just normal stuff, nothing strenuous.  Even this wears me out though, I do it in the morning then have to go and lie down in the afternoon.

Husband has to have another Covid test today - hospital policy, he must have one 3 days before his operation, they're sending someone round to do it here this afternoon apparently.  He also has to go to the dentist tomorrow to have a loose tooth out - the pre-op nurse said he must have it done before the op, because of the danger of the tooth being knocked out by the ventilator tube and him possibly swallowing it or bleeding causing him to choke 😳.  I guess they know best, the tooth has been giving him a lot of trouble for a while anyway.  He had the third degree from the dentist on the phone first though, before he would agree to do the extraction, they're only doing emergencies.

Don't we all wish this year just hadn't happened?  What a waste of a if we've got years to waste when we're getting older.  But we've been lucky, we haven't died, our relatives who've had the virus (including husband's brother, Sil and nephew, recently) have all recovered, and, being retired, we haven't really been financially affected, although people close to us have.  I'm really missing my friends and family even more now.  Will things ever get back to normal?

Sunday, 25 October 2020


 For the first time in nearly a week, I didn't wake up during the night drenched in sweat, feeling like I was in a sauna and suffocating from the heat, so think the fever has (fingers crossed) finally gone.  I still feel like I've been run over by a truck though, and all the other symptoms are still there.  Got up, showered and dressed this morning, even helped husband prepare veg for dinner....whether I eat much of it later remains to be seen, appetite is still coming and going.  It's odd, often I have no appetite at all, then sometimes I'm suddenly ravenous.  Going back to bed now, overwhelmingly tired again.

Jill and Joy, to answer your questions - yes we had the flu jabs a month ago.  Have had them for years and never had any reactions other than a mild arm ache or feeling a bit tired.  I don't think it's a reaction to the jab - too long ago.  I do think it's the flu - there are many different strains of flu and each year's vaccine only protects against the 3 or 4 strains the scientists reckon will be most prevalent this year.  Well, as far as I'm aware.

Saturday, 24 October 2020


 I feel like crap, there's no part of me that doesn't ache, I feel like I've been hit by a truck.  Dozed this afternoon, only to wake up drenched in sweat again, despite having the window open and a cold wind blowing.  I've never felt so unwell for so long, nor stayed in bed for so many days.  I'm assuming it's flu.  Can't think straight, trying to think is like wading through treacle.  Waves of dizziness when I get out of bed.  Sick of the sight of my bedroom so am downstairs at the mo, will see if I can manage to watch Strictly before going back to bed.  Am so tearful too.  I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

Friday, 23 October 2020

No it's not

The emails and texts arrived at 18.15...negative.  I cried and cried.  Still am very unwell, and now have a king size headache, but at least I know we haven't got THE virus.

So husband can have his tooth out, and more importantly his foot op.  And I haven't infected the friends we visited.

I can't tell you just how worried I've been, how guilty I've felt, how low it's made me.

Is it?

It's been a stressful few days.  Husband and I have been sleeping in separate rooms and trying to keep our distance, as he's self isolating leading up to his operation on the 31st.  Not entirely easy or successful when you live in a small house(!) but we've done our best.

Monday during the night I didn't feel very well and hardly slept at all.  Throughout the day on Tuesday I felt and feverish, coughing and with a much reduced sense of taste and smell, it all came on quite rapidly.  By the afternoon I was wondering if it could be the dreaded Covid, so went online to the NHS Covid website, did the questionnaire and ordered tests for myself and husband.  They arrived early afternoon on Wednesday - very quick - we did them (not pleasant, made me cough even more) and despatched them as per instructions in the kit.

I've swung between feeling sort of alright, and feeling really ill ever since.  Husband feels fine, he has no symptoms at all, thankfully.  Waiting for the results is incredibly stressful.  I don't feel at all well this morning.

Sunday, 18 October 2020

I'll let you into a secret...

 ...only it won't be a secret now, of course!  Recently, we'd given serious consideration to moving to Devon, and actually went to view a property there (it was the day we got held in stationary traffic on the M5 for several hours, as a result of a fatality on the motorway).  This is how it came about.

Much as we love living here, and we really do, we know it won't be possible to live here forever, for lots of practical reasons.  To cut a long story short, we'd had a lot of discussion about where we'd like to live, and what would be the best option for us for the future, bearing in mind we're not in a position to buy a place.  We have friends who live in a park home on a retirement park on the east coast...they love it, both the house (it's one of those so-called 'mobile' homes, double wide, which looks just like a modern bungalow), and the active social life on a lovely park full of like-minded friendly people, and close to a town.  That really appealed to us, both the lifestyle and living in a small friendly secure community.  Most of those park homes are owner occupied, I had no idea whether any have rentals, although I thought some might.  After extensive internet research I found a few, and sent off some emails.  Several replies said either they don't have any vacancies or they don't allow dogs (so no good!).

Then I had a reply from one park in North Somerset, who said that whilst they didn't have a vacancy on that park, they did have one at their sister park in mid Devon. wasn't one of their park home bungalows, but a two-storey cottage on the site, their suggestion was that we might like to consider renting the cottage until such time as one of their rental homes (they have several there) became available.  They'd apparently just totally refurbished the cottage following the departure of the previous residents (they'd moved out, not died!).

We love living here in Somerset, always have done - from the minute we moved down here 10 years ago I felt like I'd come home....I hadn't lived here before but it just felt so right.  So we hadn't really considered moving to another county...but the proposition was so intriguing we just had to go and have a look.

The cottage was gorgeous, built originally in the mid 1800s but extended and remodelled over the years, from once being a 2 up, 2 down it's now a large 4 bedroomed house, with lovely refitted kitchen and bathrooms, big range cooker, wood burning stove in a large stone fireplace in the huge lounge, master bedroom suite with big dressing room and an en suite shower room that's bigger than our bathroom.  Good size manageable tidy garden with a large patio and shed.  Separate garage too.  It was really lovely, but too big for us, and the rent was more than we could afford...although they said they were open to negotiation (we'd have had to negotiate quite hard though to get the rent down to an affordable level!).   

After a lot of discussion back at home, we decided it wasn't for us.  Whilst we do like that area of Devon - well, all Devon in fact - we don't really want to move out of Somerset, we have made so many good friends here for a start, and moving to Devon would make for a much longer journey to visit our close and extended family up in the Midlands.  Long drives wear husband out nowadays, he really doesn't like it anymore.  So we had to decline.  Pity, as the park was lovely as well as the cottage, and we got the impression that the park manager (who was a really nice man) was quite keen for us to move there, he said we were exactly the type of residents they like and was sure we'd fit in really well.  When I got back in touch to say we wouldn't be moving there, he said please ring him if we ever change our minds.  Nice of him.

So we shall continue to look, but only in Somerset.

(I have no idea why the font has changed and I can't seem to change it back, sorry about that!).

Saturday, 17 October 2020

We've had better days

It wasn't a good day yesterday, for either of us.  We went to town in the morning, had a list of a few things we needed to get - we don't go to town very often, and that'll be the last time for at least 8 weeks now.  In Wilkos (which frustratingly didn't have a couple of things I wanted, as they're clearing shelves making way for Christmas stuff), a man literally bumped into me - so much for social distancing.  He did have a mask on, thankfully.  I noticed several people whose masks were pulled down not covering their noses - none of us like wearing them do we, but what's the point of wearing one if you're not going to wear it correctly?  And there were several discarded masks littering the car park - ugh, disgusting, what is the matter with people?!  Forcing somebody else to have to pick up and dispose of your potentially hazardous used mask is even worse than general littering.  So I didn't manage to get everything I needed in Wilko, and completely forgot to go in another shop to get the lavender pillow spray I like that I've run out of.  Hey ho.

In the afternoon husband went off to do a job for a friend and overdid things (I'm always telling him not to, but does he take any notice?).  He felt dizzy and had to sit down a couple of times, a combination of heart not pumping efficiently and low BP caused by bending over a lot...he's on meds to keep his BP down anyway, because of his heart failure.  When he got home he didn't feel (or look) very well, so sat down and promptly went to sleep, he looked better when he woke up.  However, in the kitchen later he dropped a large glass storage jar full of flour - smashed glass and flour all over the kitchen floor.  His hands were shaking from the work he'd been doing earlier, so he had no grip.  Never mind, fortunately he didn't cut himself and I had a couple of spare bags of flour, having stocked up.

Something I was really hoping to do yesterday didn't happen, and now there won't be another chance for weeks, if at all, which upset me a bit.  

My hip was sheer agony yesterday afternoon, hurt to stand or sit, I just couldn't get comfortable in any position.  My TENS machine did nothing for the pain, nor did my hot wheat bag or deep freeze spray.  In the end I had to resort to taking codeine twice, which means I'll be constipated for a couple of days...hence why I rarely take them.

C'est la vie!  Tomorrow (today) is another day (to quote Scarlett).

Thursday, 15 October 2020

Some lovely things to report (for a change lol)

This morning we went to our favourite place, Dunster'll be the last time we can go for 8 weeks, if not the rest of the year (depending on how the weather is from mid-December, and if I have my operation then).  It was beautiful as always, not many people there at all, despite the bright sunshine - although it was freezing cold with a strong icy wind coming off the sea.  Betty loved it, she really loves the beach and it makes me happy to see her enjoying herself so much.  She runs around like a mad thing, grabbing mouthfuls of seaweed and flinging it up in the air, and digs big holes in the sand....she's always covered in sand by the time we get back to the car, when she washes her mouth out with the water we take for her, the bowl is always full of sand!

You might remember I was asking about small food processors or grinders a couple of weeks ago, several of you came up with suggestions, thank you, I had a look at all of them.  Whilst looking on Amazon at the one Cherie suggested (the Ninja), I noticed on the same page another small was a bit bigger than the Ninja, larger capacity and more powerful motor, although it was cheaper - not a well known make.  Having read up on it and looked at reviews (which were all good, other than saying it was a bit noisy), I decided to go for that arrived 2 days later.  Here it is:-

I've used it several times since it arrived, for grinding oats into flour, and chopping does it with ease - yes it's a bit noisy, but it doesn't frighten Betty or the neighbours and it's not like I use it for hours!  I love the stainless steel bowl, it's so easy to wash up and takes up a lot less space than my old food processor.  It's really easy to use as well, just one big button on the top.  I'm really pleased with it.

It's my birthday on 6 November, normally I just tell husband what I want and he buys it for me....or sometimes I buy it myself and he gives me the money.  It's easier all round, as he always says he has no idea what to buy me (we will have been together 40 years next March, you'd think he'd have cracked it by now 😂).  However, this time he said he'd already got me something, and assured me I'd love it and it was one of the best things he's ever got me....I was slightly worried!  He brought it home a couple of days ago, originally he said he wanted to give it to me the day before he goes in hospital for his operation (31st) - just in case he said!  But when he got in from collecting it, he was practically hopping around with excitement and couldn't wait for me to see it, so I opened it....well, he really has excelled himself, want to see?

A portrait of my beloved Betty!  One of our neighbours is an artist (I had no idea, she's a retired optician!), she specialises in animal portraits, and husband commissioned her to do this picture of Betty for me.  It's so lifelike, and so incredibly detailed (it's not paint, but pencils) - she's got Betty's fur, and wrinkles, tongue and muzzle details and even the spots on her nose so exactly right.  Apparently it took her about 25 hours to do!  I'm stunned, it is truly fabulous, I can't thank husband and J (the artist) enough.  I was going to put it in the lounge, but our lounge is south facing and gets lots of sunshine so thought it best not to put it there, I don't want it fading in the sun.  So husband has put it up in the hallway, where I pass it a 100 times a day.  I just love it.

Tuesday, 13 October 2020

Confusing or what?!

Well, I'm getting more confused by the minute with all this medical stuff.

Husband went for his pre-op assessment today, he had to go alone due to Covid restrictions.  I normally (in pre-Covid times - remember those days?!) go with him to all health appointments....a case of having to as he never asks relevant questions, doesn't really take in what he's being told, and forgets to tell me everything that was said.  Fortunately, he brought a load of paperwork home with him, which I've just sat and read through, and it's all quite confusing and even contradictory.

He has to self isolate for 14 days from this Saturday...ok, I was more or less expecting that.  A note stapled to the front of the paperwork states he must not leave the house for any reason.  However....he has 2 further hospital appointments next week, one connected to his upcoming operation, the other for an unrelated matter - he was told at the assessment that he can still go for these appointments, as they are in a sterile and safe hospital environment!  That's all very well...but he has to drive there, park in a public car park then walk past numerous other people to get to the places he has to go - so how does that work then?  How is that self isolating?

Apparently, I don't have to self isolate - it says so in the paperwork - but we are supposed to stay apart from each other, preferably in separate rooms and using different bathrooms.  Impossible, we only have one bathroom, so I'm going to have to clean it after every use.  Lovely 😡.  But seeing as I don't drive and there's no public transport here, I can't go anywhere anyway.

He has to go for a Covid test 3 days before his op, and then go into strict isolation until the day of the op.  But a neighbour is taking him to the hospital....she won't have been isolating!  And I don't have to have a test, despite living with him whilst he's self isolating, so let's hope I haven't got the virus.

My head is exploding.

Sunday, 11 October 2020

Nice day

Yesterday I had yet another text from the surgery, confirming my (non existent) late night appointment for tomorrow, that I hadn't even asked for and they told me was a mistake when I rang to query it the day before 😒.  I shan't bother ringing them again, if they sit there waiting for me to appear late tomorrow night then that's their lookout 😂.  (They won't, obviously, they don't do late night appointments).

Had a brief visit to my lovely best friend and spouse's most likely the last time we'll see them now until mid December, seeing as husband will be incapacitated for weeks 😕

I went to bed very late last night...well, early hours of this morning actually, and slept like a log.  Perhaps that's the secret to me sleeping better - go to bed later.  A lot later.  Didn't wake up until 07.22, which is a massive lie in for me!

It's been a lovely day, bit cloudy at times but nice warm sunshine in between, we sat outside in our friends' garden.

Got a busy week, husband has his pre-op assessment on Tuesday, when he will be told how long he (and thus me as well) has to self isolate for prior to his op, if it's the full 14 days then we're in quarantine from this coming Saturday.  Which means I have to make sure we have everything we need beforehand...I think we probably have.  The garden needs tidying up for winter, the lawn needs a final cut, pots of summer flowers need emptying and replanting with spring bulbs.  Weather is forecast to be good from Wednesday onwards, thankfully.

Saturday, 10 October 2020


Yesterday morning I had a text confirming the date and time of my appointment for the 24 hour heart trace I'd rearranged for December...but they'd already texted the confirmation the day before.  A minute or so later, I had a 3rd text, giving the same date...but a time of 2 hours earlier!  So I don't know whether they've changed the time, or I have 2 appointments (can't think why), or it's simply a mistake.  I'll ring and ask nearer the time.

A couple of hours later I got another text....confirming my appointment for this coming Monday at the surgery....oddly, the time given was 'between 9.00 pm and 10 pm'!  Even odder, I hadn't even requested an appointment.  I rang to query it...after much tapping of keyboard and whispered voices in the background, the receptionist said 'erm just ignore it, it's a mistake'.  Well, clearly.  They don't do hour long appointments, and certainly not at night 😂.  I think the virus is scrambling everyone's brains.

It's just after 03.00 and I can't sleep again, brain is on overdrive and my anxiety palpitations are back.  Having come off my anti-anxiety meds about a month ago, I didn't really want to start taking them again, but looks like I might have to.  Right now I'm going to have some warm milk, snuggle up with my dog on the sofa and read a book.  A cuddle with an actual human friend would be nice (husband is upstairs snoring), but Betty will have to do! (No hardship).

Friday, 9 October 2020


I've come to the conclusion that I'll have to postpone my operation, there's just too many problems and other things to fit in and I simply can't do it all.  I'm disappointed about it, but have no choice really - husband has been waiting for his foot operation for well over a year and has already had to postpone it twice because of his prostate and UTI problems, so he needs to have this foot op now, so that takes priority.  I'll just have to cope with things for another few weeks.  I had an appointment come through yesterday for the 24 hour heart trace my GP said he wanted me to have as a precaution, after the virus and heart palpitations I had a few weeks ago.  Well, it's an inconvenient date (literally just after husband's op) so I've put that off till the middle of December.

On a positive note, I've lost another couple of pounds and now only have 3 1/2 pounds to go before I will then have lost 10% of my body weight, the target recommended by my consultant.  By the time I do get to have my op I should have lost even more than the 10%, so that should please him!

And the thing is, I haven't even been consciously trying to lose more weight (certainly not recently with everything else on my mind).  It's become so much a way of life now to eat very low carb and much smaller portions, I rarely even think about it anymore, I just do it.

Husband's got to go for an ECG today, he should have had it when he goes for his pre-op assessment next week but they couldn't coordinate a time near his assessment time 😒.  He then has to go and see his consultant a couple of days after the pre-op.  It's a pity the hospital couldn't have arranged for all 3 things to happen on the same day - all 3 appointments arrived in the same envelope!  The hospital is an hour's drive away and he's got to go there 3x in the space of a week, that's one of the downsides of living in a rural area.