Friday, 28 February 2020

Things that make me joyful

As an antidote to yesterday's 'irritated' post, here's a list of things that fill me with joy.

1.  A £3 bunch of spray carnations from the supermarket that last for 3 or 4 weeks and make me smile every time I come into the room.

2.  My dog snuggling up to me on the sofa, resting her head on my thigh and looking up at me....makes my heart melt.

3.  Taking her to the beach and watching her race around chasing bits of seaweed, digging holes in the sand and throwing herself down on her back and rolling around in sheer unadulterated joy.

4.  Husband doing the hoovering without being asked, because he knows how much it hurts my back and hip.

5.  Seeing Spring bulbs flowering, yellow primroses in the roadside grass verges and blossom coming out on the flowering cherries.

6.  The smell of homegrown carrots and tomatoes in the summer.

7.  The first night in bed when you've just changed the bedding - love fresh clean, preferably line dried, bedding.

8.  Finding a really well fitting, comfortable bra!

9.  The photo of Mum I have as my screen saver - makes me smile every morning, although it's tinged with sadness.

10.  Hearing the birds singing the dawn chorus - makes it worthwhile waking up early every day.

11.  Any programme on TV that makes me laugh out loud.  Not many of those.

12.  A visit from my best friend - sadly a rarity nowadays, due to a busy life.

(ooh, there's more joyful things than irritated ones - that's good).

What makes you joyful?

Wednesday, 26 February 2020

Things that irritate

I thought I'd do a post listing all the minor things I find never know, seeing them written down might cure the irritation!  In the interests of being fair and balanced, tomorrow I'll do a list of things that bring me joy. 😁

1.   Getting a carton of milk out of the fridge, to find that somebody - naming no names but it isn't me - has left just a teaspoonful in it.  Same with just 2 sheets of paper left on the toilet roll.  

2.  Being given a load of copper in my change.....pennies are virtually useless and they weigh my purse down.  And what's with charging 99p (or 2.99, or 16.99, whatever) for everything?  Just call it what it is and round it up for goodness sake!  There'd be no need for the pennies then.

3.  Tin openers that work for about a week, then give up the ghost.  Same goes for salt and pepper grinders.  Lost count of the number of them we've bought.

4.  Endless repeats of programmes on TV, especially things that don't interest me in the slightest (like Top Gear) but husband would happily watch over and over.  And only repeats of films that we've all seen dozens of times on TV on Saturday nights.....they clearly think everyone goes out on a Saturday night so no point in putting anything new or decent on.

5.  Shrink wrap plastic on vegetables, and thick plastic encasing things like batteries or toothbrushes - almost impossible to get off without cutting yourself.

6.  People who don't answer texts or emails.  I get that people are busy, but to never answer at all is just plain rude (Yes I'm talking about you, M!!!).

7.  When you have to phone a company, only to be confronted with about 6 or 8 different "Press 1 (2/3/6 by which time I've forgotten the first one) for ….." options.....and then, to add insult to injury, being left on hold with terrible tinny musak for ages before an actual human answers.

8.  Delivery men who don't shut our front gate, and those who constantly try to deliver parcels to us which aren't for us at all, but for our neighbours two doors down who they've just driven past to get to us!

9.  Neighbours who don't take their rubbish bins in for several days after the dustmen have been, thus leaving their bins blocking up our driveway, especially when the wind keeps blowing them over.

10.  Cracking eggs into a bowl and a bit of shell falling in, which you then have to chase around the bowl trying to get out.

What irritates you?


Thank you all for comments, I do feel less stressed, which is obviously being reflected in my BP readings.  I've slept a little better the last couple of nights too....well, better for me.  I'd still love a couple of nights where I slept for a whole 8 hours without waking up once....

As I type this the wind is howling outside....again, seems to be a permanent fixture, according to the local forecast we've got it until next week at least.  Last night it was lashing down with sleet which was being hurled at the windows by the howling galeforce wind.  There doesn't seem to be any trace of the sleet this morning though, well as far as I can see in the dark.  It's blooming cold though.  Aren't we all just totally fed up with the weather?  I know we've got off extremely lightly here, no flooding to speak of (well, not like they have in Glos, Shropshire, Yorkshire, etc), just our normal large puddle filled muddy lanes and the fields more water than soil, and the odd few power cuts which only last for seconds.  But it feels like it's been a very long winter and spring is a long time coming, despite the spring flowers out everywhere and blossom appearing on the trees.

I want to get on with the front garden, it badly needs tidying up, dead stuff removed, pruning done, some seeds sown and dahlias, gladioli and foxgloves planted.  I'm very much a fair weather gardener though, there's no way I'm getting out there to do that until the wind drops and it's quite a bit warmer.  And not raining, of course.

I do feel for people who have to work's their choice, of course, and I suppose they're used to it and can cope if they're wearing appropriate clothing.  But it can't be very nice, I wouldn't want to do it.

I'd rather stay indoors in the warm today, but we have to go to town to pick up a few things, and then supermarket shopping.  Husband had the car fixed yesterday, the brake caliper had seized and the wheel was smoking and smelt disgusting.  The garage said they've done it, but it's only a temporary fix apparently, something else needs doing with the brakes (I know not what, it's all in one ear and out the other with me when it comes to car stuff).  They advised short local journeys only until it (whatever 'it' is) gets seen to.  Bloody cars, they're a necessary evil (we couldn't live without one here where we live) but total money pits.

Tuesday, 25 February 2020

Things looking up/BP coming down

Thank you for comments, saying no to things I don't want to do and only doing those I do want is working out well, I feel lighter somehow.  As for my hair colour....I am getting used to it, which takes some doing as it really is SO much lighter than I've ever had before.  Although I quite like it, it's not the colour I originally wanted (which is a bright silver), so I will hopefully be buying the colour I do want tomorrow.  Catherine, I gave up wearing makeup a few years ago.  Never liked it much anyhow, I've never been a fan of the painted face look and didn't like the feel of makeup on my skin, although I had to wear the full slap when I was working.  As a secretary and greeting clients, it was expected of me.  Thank goodness I don't have to do it now - farmers, cows, sheep and Betty don't care what I look like!  Husband doesn't like heavily made up women either.

I'm having to do another week of BP testing, as I have more blood tests next Monday and another appointment with Nurse Rose the following week.  Last month my blood pressure was sky high, hence my being given the new medication which gave me such horrendous side effects I stopped taking it.  Since then, I've been having a glass of beetroot juice daily (it's good at reducing BP, although doesn't taste very nice - I mix it with orange juice), and my stress levels have gone down a bit.  Well, whatever, something is working as my BP has come down considerably, only just above normal in fact.  Which is fantastic as I really didn't want to have to try yet another BP medication.

Our latest highly stressful situation has eased up a bit, it's still ongoing but I've done the bulk of what I needed to and it's mostly just a waiting game now.  Never easy, I don't do patience very well.  It does mean that I'm feeling a bit more relaxed, and have the time to do some proper cooking and even some card making (newest cards will be put on my card making blog).  

I'd been using my oven a lot, almost every day, and quite often only having one thing in it instead of making sure I filled it.  We've noticed our electricity consumption has gone up quite a bit the last couple of months - ok, so it's winter so we're having the heating on more and I've been using the tumble dryer more too.  We want to reduce our usage though, so looked at other means of cooking things, I was particularly interested in the multicooking pots that seem to be all the rage now.  After a bit of research, we bought one, it's the Drew & Cole CleverChef if anyone's interested, it has 14 functions including stewing, sautéing, baking, roasting, slow cooking etc.  

I've used it several times now and can honestly say it's brilliant, easy to use, easy to clean, cooks perfectly and in much less time than the oven, doesn't take up a lot of room.  I've made a stew, pulled pork, done chicken pieces (which I sautéed first in the pot before cooking in stock) with vegetables steaming in the basket above at the same time - all cooked perfectly.  Today I'm making a pork and bean hotpot in it.  Very impressed with it.  Saves time and washing up several different pans.  I'll have a go at making a cake in it soon.

Monday, 24 February 2020

For Scarlet

I wish there was something I could do, or say even.  All I can do is to let you know I'm thinking about you.  X

Saturday, 22 February 2020

Saying No

Thank you all so much for the lovely, kind and encouraging comments on my last few posts, and the emails I've received....special thanks to Catherine and TA (you both know why!).

One or two things have settled down a bit in the last day or so, which means I'm less stressed.  I've also been a bit selective over the last week or so, saying No to some things I really didn't want to do, for one reason or another.  Eg, an invitation to go with friends to a function at a nearby village hall - I'm really not that interested, it's a themed dress up night with dinner and entertainment, just not in the mood for that.  Besides which, the villagers from that particular village are so cliquey and up themselves, they're never particularly friendly to those like us who don't actually live in their village.

Husband wanted to invite a couple of friends round for dinner - neighbours who we're friendly with, but have never had round before.  And I know one of them is a bit of a finicky eater - into all sorts of ultra healthy stuff.  So I said No to that as well....unless husband was willing to plan the menu, shop for it and cook - he wasn't.

I have a dentist appointment on Monday, it's only a check up, but bearing in mind I had a dental phobia for years and still have to psych myself up to go, I hate going.  So I've put it off.  I don't have any problems with my teeth right now....well, not that I'm aware can do without that stress for the time being.

On the other hand, I've done something that I've been thinking about for a while now.....dyed my hair a different shade.  My natural hair colour is what I'd call dirty blonde....well, it was, it's coming through mostly grey now.  I've coloured it a light honey blonde ever since I was about 14, I've nearly always done it myself.  I've usually used blonde, although had an occasional foray into other colours....copper, brunette (neither of those suited me and didn't last long).  I did it purple for about a year - loved that but not the washed out lilac it faded to after a few weeks.  I've also had electric blue and bright pink highlights, loved them as well.  The last year or so I've found the blonde colour (I usually use the same colour and brand) doesn't effectively cover all the grey.  So I'd been thinking why fight the grey, why not go with it?  Not that I want it just plain ordinary grey - that just wouldn't be me.  I do like the very light and bright silver blondes that a lot of people seem to have nowadays - think Helen Mirren, Jamie Lee Curtis, and now Sharon Osbourne.  So I went for it today.  Except the colour hasn't come out the shade that I really wanted, it's more clotted cream than silver....

But it's ok, for now - it's covered all the grey and is certainly bright (it's actually a bit more creamy looking than in the photo).  Reminds me of Debbie Harry in the 80s.  I'll have a look for a different shade next hairdresser friend has told me what to choose.

Wednesday, 19 February 2020

gone - updated

I can't scream anymore


I'm not suicidal, i'm not even depressed, just very stressed and struggling with problems at the moment.  I just meant i'm not reaching out anymore, it's too hurtful.  Nor will i be blogging for a while.  Thank you for comments and emails, the kindness of strangers is amazing.

Tuesday, 18 February 2020

Silent screaming

Sue of A Smaller and Simpler Life has said today she feels like a sponge, absorbing other people's problems and information, whether she wants to or not.  She must feel saturated.

I've had to absorb so much information lately that my head feels like it cannot take so much as a dot-sized pencil mark more, or it will explode.

But my main thing is that I feel like I am screaming, have been for weeks now, but nobody can hear me....or at least, they're not listening.  It's like I'm talking in a foreign language, nobody seems to understand a word I've been saying.  Or they just don't care.  I'm not talking about you blog readers.


In an effort to get away from all the stressful stuff that is consuming me, I thought I'd do the quiz Joy and Sue put on recently.

1.  Who are you named after?
No-one, as far as I know.  As Sue says, Susan was a popular name in the 50s.  I was nicknamed Suzy Wong by my parents as a child....think that was a film out at the time.  I like Sooze, it's what my Granddad used to call me.

2.  Last time you cried?
This morning, and every day recently.

3.  Do you like your handwriting?
I used to, now I just find it a chore (everything is typed nowadays) and get cramp in my hands.

4.  What is your favourite meat?
Lamb and gammon.  We eat a lot less meat nowadays though.  Not keen on steak, I can take it or leave it....usually leave it.

5.  Longest relationship?
I've been with Stevie Wonderful for 39 years next month....married for 37 years in May.

6.  Do you still have your tonsils?

7.  Would you bungee jump.
Not even for a million quid.

8.  What is your favourite cereal?
Used to be CocoPops, now I hardly ever eat cereal - too carby.

9.  Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
Don't possess any shoes with laces....but if I did, I wouldn't bother untying them.

10.  Do you think you're strong?
Physically - nope, weak as a kitten.  Mentally - I used to be, now I'm just hanging on by a thread.

11.  Favourite ice cream?
B&J used to do one called Cherry Garcia - dark choc chunks and cherries, scrumptious.  Not seen it for years though, probably just as well.....if I had any right now I'd probably eat the whole tub.

12.  What's the first thing you notice about a person?
Their smile.  Used to be their bum! (if they were male!).

13.  Football or rugby?
Rugby - although not so much nowadays.

14.  What colour trousers are you wearing?
Pale blue jeggings.  That's pretty much all I wear....well, different colours, I have lots of pairs.

15.  Last thing you ate?
Do you know, I can't even remember what we had for dinner last night.  Despite the fact that I would have cooked it.

16.  What are you listening to?
Husband's got the tv on, not sure what's on though.  The tv is always on when he's at home, nearly always off when he's not.  I prefer the radio - Radio 2 or Heart 80s or 90s or Scala.

17.  If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?
Blue or purple.  I'm definitely a crayon right now, soft and blurry.

18.  What is your favourite smell?  
Fresh mown grass, or the smell of my dog...but not when she's been rolling in something disgusting.

19.  Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Nurse Rose.

20.  Hair colour?
Blonde (out of a bottle) and grey.

21.  Eye colour?

22.  Favourite foods to eat?
Cheese and crisps.  I could happily live on them.

23.  Scary movies or happy endings?
Neither really, I like an absorbing film with a strong storyline.  Or a Bond movie with Daniel Craig.  Or musicals....My Fair Lady with Audrey Hepburn is my favourite.

24.  Last movie you watched?
No idea - husband watches lots of films, usually sci-fi or something violent, but I rarely take any notice of what it is.

25.  What colour shirt are you wearing?
I don't really wear shirts....big boobs mean they gape too much.  Am wearing a dark blue jumper with embroidered flowers.

26.  What is your favourite holiday?
A pretty cottage in a lovely country area, with water (river or sea) nearby.  Probably in Cornwall.  And one where we had enough money to eat out a lot, so I didn't have to cook.

27.  Beer or wine?
I don't drink anymore (liver problem....and no it's not alcohol related!).  It was never beer, nor wine really, apart from the odd glass of white.  G&T was my fave.  Still is, on the very rare occasions when I do have a drink.

28.  Night owl or morning person?
Seeing as I'm up through the night almost every night, I guess I'm a night owl.  Not really by choice though.  I've always been an early riser, never used to have a lie in even as a teenager.

29.  If you could live anywhere, where would it be?
I like Somerset, but Cornwall would be nice too, in a non-touristy area (is there such a thing anymore?).

30.  Favourite day of the week?
Weekdays when there are less tourists/crowds about.

Monday, 17 February 2020

I'm sorry my posts are so depressing at the moment.  I know tomorrow is another day....unfortunately, it'll be more of the same.  The current situation (which I can't and won't talk about on here) - oh and it's not just one thing, it's several things - will hopefully be resolved in due course....well, one part of it will, the others are more long term.  

Some of it is beyond my control.  I know some people say if you can't control something, well there's no point in worrying about it.  Easy to say - not easy to do!  Especially not if you're a born worrier.  And when the thing will affect you, directly or indirectly, it's still bloody worrying and stressful.  And telling me not to worry about stuff is something I don't find remotely helpful.

I just feel completely bogged down by worry and stress, have done for months.  And I wish some people would realise that just because they cope with things admirably, it doesn't mean we all can.  Don't people think that if I could stop worrying and smile and brush it off and just get on with things, I would?  I can't be all funny and smiley and laughing to order just because someone wants me to!


Saturday, 15 February 2020

Sod them!

Do you know what, I think I'm going to stop doing nice things for others, because where does it get me?  Bloody nowhere.  I don't do it for reward or praise, I do it because I want to.  But when I don't even get a thank you in return, and just feel I'm being ignored and taken advantage of, what's the point?

I've been up to my eyeballs in stressful stuff this past couple of weeks, more of it this weekend and Monday, and boy is it telling on my health right now....terrible night, can't sleep for tossing and turning with things churning over in my brain.  Really painful tension headache and neck and shoulder muscles that are so rigid and stiff they're like planks.  And my guts are giving me hell.  

For 2 pins I'd say stuff the bloody lot of them and go and live on that desert island. 

And as for Valentine's Day - that can bugger off as well.

Wednesday, 12 February 2020

Sleeping arrangements revised

Thank you for comments, I'm sorry I don't reply to them individually.  Also sorry for not commenting on your blogs much lately, I've just been so busy.

I'm having my hair cut this morning, then we have to take Betty to the vets this afternoon for her annual booster jab and check up.  In between I have dog food to make and a bit more admin stuff to do.  Incidentally, the ton of admin stuff I've been doing lately is not just related to the ongoing family things following Mum's death, it's also admin stuff for us.  I won't be going into details, as I'm sure you'll understand.

We'd decided that rather than just get rid of our lovely antique pine double bed and rush out to buy 2 singles, we'd both try sleeping in the twin spare room for a couple of nights, just to see how we got on with it.  We don't want to just swap rooms, for 2 reasons - I really love the decor in our bedroom, and the front spare room, being south facing, is far too hot in the summer, as it gets full sun all day (when the sun is out, of course).  Both of us have slept the odd night, separately, in the twin room, but this is the first time we've done it together.  We've decided it's not for us.....we like sleeping together in the same bed!  Even if we do keep each other awake occasionally.  Plus I really love our bed and don't want to get rid of it.  So we're going to stick to our bed, in our room, with one or the other of us having a night in the spare room occasionally so we can both get a good night's sleep.

I've decided I don't want to try yet another BP medication for the time being - I'm on 2 already (well, one specifically for high BP, the other primarily for anxiety but it is a beta blocker), and the horrendous side effects of the new one Nurse Rose gave me to try last week put me right off.  I'll be seeing her again in a month and will keep an eye on my BP between now and then, i have a BP test machine.  I've done some research into natural ways to lower BP and am now not using salt at all in cooking, and am having a glass of beetroot juice every day.  It's supposed to work almost as well as medication for lowering BP - I did used to drink it daily a few years ago, but eventually got sick of the earthy taste.  Well, now I have a splash of orange juice in it as well, which makes it more palatable.  I'm also trying to do a bit of exercise every other day, which should help too.

Monday, 10 February 2020

A brain bending day

I've spent the day doing a load more admin and financial stuff, sending a lot of emails and making what seems like dozens of phone calls.  One of the admin tasks involved checking and signing a form full of financial stuff that was filled in by an official body, using information supplied by me.  Good job I didn't just sign it without checking....several pieces of info were wrong, some missing altogether, one or two sections seemed to be completely made up, I can't imagine how they even arrived at the figures.  So the form has to be redone and resubmitted, annoyingly.  My head now feels like it's exploding.

We've not had much damage from Storm Ciara - well, none at all really, a few things got blown around the garden but that's it so far.  We've certainly not suffered like other parts of the country, I do feel for those whose houses and businesses are flooded or property damaged.  Betty hasn't been liking the strong's the noise she doesn't like, and she's not terribly keen on going out, unsurprisingly.  However, the last house in our little row of 4 (2 pairs of semis) has a problem - the main electricity cable has been almost disconnected and is hanging off their wall.  The tenant has been in touch with the power company who will be coming out as soon as they can (they couldn't say when).  They did say that they'll probably have to temporarily cut the power supply to all our 4 houses.  Oh well, dinner's in the oven but we do have a camping gas stove and I've just filled a flask with boiling water.  We have plenty of blankets, candles and torches and our mobiles are charged, so we'll be fine for a short while if the power does go off.  We have regular (short) power cuts here anyway, always have done, so it's nothing new.

Lack of sleep continues to be a problem, as do my stomach and bowels (I know, too much information).  I'm sure they'll settle down once all this stressful stuff is over.

Meanwhile, I'd like to go and live on a desert island with basic facilities, enough simple clean food, warmth, light and plenty of books and crafting supplies, but no technology.  A sea view would be nice.

Friday, 7 February 2020

Done and dusted for the time being

Family stuff done, it wasn't too stressful....the journey there and back was more so.  I find long car journeys so tiring, both physically and mentally....sitting in a fixed position for hours makes my shoulders, back and joints hurt, and the amount of traffic, particularly on motorways, makes me anxious.  And I'm not even the driver!  How brother does it so often (he's had to go up to the Midlands nearly every week, and that's from Cornwall) I don't know.  It's not over by a long shot, it will be going on for a few months to come yet, so we'll need to make more trips up there in the coming weeks.

I slept pretty well last night - sheer exhaustion I think.  Didn't get out of bed, only woke a few times and managed to get back to sleep within a few minutes.  It helped that husband chose to sleep in the spare room last night, so he didn't disturb me, bless him, so I had the bed to myself without him fidgeting around or kicking me in the shins.

On the subject of beds - our twin beds in the spare room are pine slatted ones.  Both husband and I have slept in there several times, when one or the other of us wanted a chance to have a peaceful night's sleep, or one of us was unwell, the beds are perfectly comfortable.  They're good sturdy beds and have decent mattresses.  I like pine beds, I love wood furniture, our lovely double is antique pine and very sturdy.  So if we do get single beds for our room, they will be heavy duty solid pine ones.

Despite my good night's sleep I feel totally worn out today, so won't be doing much.  Having said that, I do need to go to the town for a couple of things.

A friend told me yesterday about a Tai Chi class in the village, it's for over-55s and is run by AgeUk (so no skinny lithe young things jumping about and showing how bendy they are).  I want to do something, some sort of gentle exercise....I did enjoy the yoga I'd started doing a couple of years ago, except for the fact that most of the positions were done on the floor - getting down on the floor wasn't too bad, it was getting up again that was the problem.  I'd rather have just laid there and gone to sleep!  Tai Chi with its gentle controlled movements done whilst standing up, or so I understand, sounds much better.  Even husband has expressed an interest.  Can't go next week, as the class time coincides with a dentist appointment I have (boohoo, I know which I'd rather do), but hopefully will start the following week.

The new meds for high BP I started on Monday have given me horrendous side effects which I'm not prepared to put up with (added stress I can do without), so am not taking them anymore and will need to have a word with Nurse Rose.

Thursday, 6 February 2020

New sleeping arrangements....for our sanity!

Husband and I have both come to the conclusion that we each wake the other up at night.  I get up almost every night....not always for the loo, it's usually just because I simply cannot sleep, and me getting up and opening the bedroom door wakes husband up.  I sometimes go back to bed after an hour or two, and that wakes him up again, although he does usually go back to sleep quickly.  Unlike me.  

He's a very fidgety sleeper, always has been but it seems to have got worse as he's got older.  He also has restless legs and jerks his arms as well as his legs, so I frequently get elbowed in the ribs or kicked in the shins.  He's asleep when he does it, he's not doing it deliberately! (well, that's his story and he's sticking to it, lol).  Whatever, it constantly wakes me up....that's assuming I'm actually asleep in the first place.  And when he's having one of his 'jerky' nights (it's not every night, thank goodness), he does the jerking stuff literally every couple of minutes, for about an hour or so, so there's no chance of me getting back to sleep then.

This last night (it's now 05.30 and I've been awake since about 02.00) has been particularly bad, he's been incredibly restless, even keeping himself awake and he's up too, unheard of for him to be up at this hour.

So we've both reluctantly come to the conclusion that we need to get rid of our bed and get single beds.  It's a shame because I love our bed.  We do have 2 spare bedrooms.....well, the single one is my craft room now, the larger spare room has twin single beds for visitors - some of our visitors are friends who obviously don't want to share a double bed, so we can't just swap rooms and beds, we need to keep the spare room as a twin.  Having separate bedrooms is an option too far for us - I know some couples do, each to their own, whatever works for them, but we don't want to.  So we'll be looking for 2 pine single beds in the near future.

Am off up to the Midlands for the family stuff today, leaving here just after 07.00.....could have done with a decent night's sleep but hey ho.  I shan't be sleeping in brother's car, I always try to stay awake as I don't think it's fair on the driver....he can't sleep, after all!

Wednesday, 5 February 2020

A quiet day

Thank you for comments, once again, they are appreciated very much.  It's so nice to know that people care.

I slept last night for a total of about 6 hours....marvellous.  It was in two sections, with a period of about 1.5 hours spent downstairs in the middle.  I woke with terrible palpitations - could be the anxiety (I get palpitations regularly) or maybe down to the new BP tablets I'm on, apparently palpitations are a possible side effect.  Whatever the cause, I'm used to them by now and although they wake me up, I'm not worried by them as I was at first....I know if I sit quietly and do some slow controlled breathing exercises, or have my meditation app on, they'll go away eventually.  And if it's down to the new meds, it'll be a temporary thing anyway.

I'm having a quiet relaxed day today, as it'll be a long stressful one tomorrow.  Have to go up to the Midlands (my brother is taking me) to do some family stuff relating to the aftermath of Mum's death.  It'll be an early start and I won't be home until late evening, and the hours spent up there won't be pleasant, but it has to be done.  

One thing I will be doing up there is collecting a small sample of Mum's ashes from sister, for an idea my SIL gave me.  When her mother died a couple of years ago, she planted a portion of the ashes into a pot in the garden containing a plant which was a favourite of both her and her Mum.  What a lovely idea, I'm going to do the same, I've just bought a Magnolia (variety 'Susan', appropriately enough, it's a compact one in a lovely purplish-pink colour, suitable for a pot - we had one before in a previous garden years ago).  Mum liked Magnolias too, it'll go in my front garden where I can see it every day.

So today I'm just going to potter around the house, do another batch cook of fish pies to go in the freezer (and keep one out for husband's dinner tomorrow whilst I'm up North), and possibly have a nap this afternoon.

Tuesday, 4 February 2020

Only 6 weeks

There's not a day goes by without me thinking about my mum, and it's nearly always in the present tense - e.g. the other day when I saw a Jay in our front garden for the first time, I thought 'must remember to tell Mum that later'.  Picked up a pretty bone china mug with blue tits on it in a shop last week and thought I'll get that for Mum, she'll love it.  And then a second or 2 later I realise she's gone.  

We like the TV programme Cold Feet, watched it years ago when it was first on and have enjoyed watching it again now they've updated and revived it.  But last night's episode was about the character Jen's mum dying, and I had to leave the room in floods of tears, it was just too close to home, especially when her sister arrived at the hospital just too late to say goodbye, which is what happened to me and my sister (who's also called Jen).

I know it's very early days yet, it's just 6 weeks today since Mum died, it's still very new and fresh.  I expect it will get less painful with time.

The pedicure was lovely (another thing that reminded me of Mum, she had a chiropodist come to the house regularly).  The nurse appointment not so much....not because of Nurse Rose, she's very nice as it happens, it's just that I have to have yet more medication, more blood tests in a month, have to continue with BP checks at home (that in itself puts my BP up, having to check it all the time), and another appointment following the next tests to check on how I'm doing.  And a long discussion about my high cholesterol, with gentle pressure applied (which I resisted) to go on statins.  It's more stress that I could do without.

Sunny with bits of blue sky in amongst the clouds, but it's very windy.  I'd like to go for a beach walk but really don't like walking in strong winds, I'm very much a fair weather walker.  I don't mind if it's just cold, walking warms you up anyway, but I don't do wind or rain walking.

Monday, 3 February 2020

One of those days (weeks)

Thanks for comments, as always, I do appreciate them.

It's a good job I'm going for the pedicure and foot massage this afternoon, I need a bit of pampering.  It's one of those days where everything is going wrong - well, it was yesterday too.

I've got tons of things to do, most of which are not going the way they're supposed to, for one reason or another.  It's all a load of minor irritations, nothing earth shattering, but together they're all adding up to get under my skin and just generally piss me off.  And give me gut trouble and a perpetual headache and terribly stiff and painful shoulders and neck from tension.  

Got nurse appointment this afternoon, after the pedicure so hopefully I'll be a bit more relaxed and able to have a useful conversation with her.  Got a lot to discuss - diabetes review, weight, sudden significant rise in BP and cholesterol.  Weight isn't moving, hardly surprising given that recent events and lots of ongoing stress mean I can't stick to the diet, although I do try to eat healthily and low carb at least a couple of days a week.

Got a couple of appointments later this week, and a possible trip up to the Midlands as well for important family stuff....the ongoing aftermath from Mum's death.  That's if I can fit it in.

Sleep continues to elude me every night - well, decent amounts of it I mean.  I can't stay asleep for more than an hour or so at a time.  I do things like listening to a meditation app on my phone just before bed, not drinking coffee after mid afternoon, using a lavender face cream and spraying my pillow with a calming lavender spray, practising relaxation and breathing techniques.  All to no avail.  I dare say it will get better when the stressful stuff reduces.  Right now though, I'm really suffering from lack of sleep just when i need it the most.

Saturday, 1 February 2020

Still here....just about

Sorry for the lack of posts, had a very busy week with some very stressful admin stuff going on, which has really knocked the stuffing out of me.  Severe, even worse than normal, lack of sleep hasn't helped matters....I feel like I could happily stay in bed and sleep, just sleep, for a month.  (Seeing as I can't even stay asleep for more than about 2 hours max at a time, that ain't gonna happen).

Normal service will be resumed within the next few days, hopefully.

One bright thing....I bought myself a bunch of spray carnations along with the shopping about 10 days ago.  Sitting here looking at them now, they still look as fresh and new as if I bought them just yesterday.  Carnations last SO long and are such good value, £3 well spent.  And the bonus being they smell nice, unlike most commercial grown shop bought roses, which have no smell at all.