A grand day out

Thank you for comments, we had a fabulous time yesterday.  Here's where we went:-

Selworthy is a small, hilly, very unspoilt village near Minehead, it's part of the National Trust Holnicote estate, which encompasses several small villages.  It's like stepping back in time....centuries old pastel painted cottages with huge chimneys (some of them were round!), leaded windows and thatched roofs, and well kept gardens laid out like allotments but with lots of cottage garden flowers and Spring bulbs too, just like my Granddad's garden when I was a child.  It was a glorious day with an azure blue cloudless sky and wall to wall sunshine, which affected some of my photos...well, that and the fact that I'm no photographer anyway.  I did take loads of snaps, but some of them didn't come out very well - half the time the sun was so strong that I couldn't even see what I was taking a picture of...I just pointed my phone, pressed the button and hoped something would come out!

The view from the car park - Betty's tail did a lot of photobombing!

The church, which looked lovely from the outside and has the most marvellous views:-

A cottage behind the church - it has round chimneys, never seen those before:-

Another very pretty cottage, they seemed mostly to be painted primrose yellow, perhaps it's by order of the Holnicote estate, who I believe own all the cottages:-

How's this for a tea room?  The front of it:-

And the back, where we sat in the very pretty garden (just look at that sky!):-

Husband's Ploughman's lunch (Betty's tail got in the shot again!):-

And my Brie and Cranberry toastie (it was delicious):-

Another cottage, this is a gift shop selling a wide range of handmade goods, locally made by very talented crafts people.  Too costly for me to buy anything, although I could easily have spent a couple of hundred pounds if I had it to spend!  However, the prices reflected the quality and amount of work that had gone into everything:-

I think I'll leave it here, as it's 04.12 and I'm now tired enough to go back to bed!  Our broadband is so slow here, it takes several minutes for each photo to upload, so it's already taken me about an hour to do this post.  It's a pain in the bum, frankly, hence why I don't put photos on every post.

Getting back to normal, and a day out

I'm not completely better yet, but am getting better every day.  My mouth and face are still a bit sore, the abscess site itself is sore, as are all the points where the two dentists gave me several anaesthetic injections (blimey, the ones they give you on the inside of your gums don't half sting!).  And of course the gum socket where the tooth was taken out is also very tender and smarty.  I still feel like I've been smacked round the face, and my shoulders and back of my neck are really achy - I think because I was so rigid with fear in both of the dentists' chairs.  Mr Grainger, who took the tooth out, gave me express instructions not to clean my teeth or use mouthwash for 24 hours.  I hadn't been able to clean my teeth properly for several days anyhow, due to the awful pain of the abscess, so being able to do it finally yesterday was bliss, that in itself made me feel so much better.  Well, it's all over now and this is the last time I'm going to mention it!

Got a doctor's appointment this morning, then we're going out for the day, to a village not too far away - it's supposed to be very pretty and 'olde worlde', with thatched cottages and lovely gardens and no tourist tat shops, we've not been before.  We're taking Betty - there is a tea room with nice garden apparently which has a very good reputation and very reasonable prices, so we'll have lunch there, they're dog friendly.  It'll be so nice just to get out for a few hours, although it's not far from here it'll feel like a hundred miles away.  According to the forecast, today is the last nice sunny day for a while, so we're making the most of it.

Mum has seen the consultant for the results of her CT scan - there are no significant problems with her bowel or stomach, other than the diverticular disease and hiatus hernia.  However, the scan showed a shadow on one of her kidneys, just like my sister had a couple of years ago.  Sister's did turn out to be cancer, in the early stages, she had a lumpectomy and is fine now.  Mum's shadow is apparently smaller than sister's was, the consultant said it's probably a case of wait and watch, most likely no action required at the moment.  He's referring mum to the kidney specialist for further discussion though.

Thankful for the NHS

It's just after 3 am, I woke up with my mouth and face hurting and can't get back to sleep, I've taken some pain meds and am downstairs on the computer whilst the meds get to work.  Hopefully, once they kick in, I can go back to bed and sleep again.

Thank you again for comments....Scarlet, OMG!!  How utterly brutal, I cannot imagine how you got through that, and can't get over how sadistic that man was.  Pam, I had to think for a minute what on earth you meant, but then remembered old Mr Grainger from Menswear in the TV series...the dentist was nothing like him though, haha.  Yes, I guess it was the anaesthetic that tasted disgusting, along with some blood.  Have to say though, it didn't taste as bad as having the abscess drained...that was vile (as Scarlet knows!).  Mrs, I've never had a baby so couldn't compare the pain to that, but I can tell you I'd much rather have a migraine, backache or the awful Achilles Tendonitis I had a couple of years ago, all of which are very painful, but not as bad as the abscess.

I've had a look inside my mouth and have a round blackish spot slightly smaller than a 5p piece on my gum, where the abscess was.  Yuck.  It's sore, but bearable.  Whereas the abscess pain itself was making me almost delirious, it hurt so much.

So in the space of 4 days I've been to the GP, 2 different hospitals A&E departments (the first one didn't have the facilities to treat the abscess, as they're only a minor injuries unit, and could only give me codeine) and the dentist...and I have the GP again tomorrow as a follow up to last week, unrelated to my teeth.  And husband has the dentist on Friday, and a hospital appointment next week.  

A quiet, boring, uneventful week would be wonderful.

Dentist - update

In my drug-addled state this morning I posted this on the wrong blog....on my food blog instead.  Nobody wants to read about dentists when they're hoping to read a post about food, do they...sorry about that!!

Thank you for all the lovely comments.  I've rung the dentists and have an appointment for 10.30....not with my lovely dentist, sadly, she's not there today apparently.  I'm to see a Mr Grainger - I hope he's nice!

Had another bad night, the pain isn't anywhere near as bad as with the abscess, but it's still painful.  At the hospital yesterday they asked me what my pain score was....0-10, with 10 being the worst....I said it was 12!  This morning I would say it's a 7, so still quite bad.  The emergency dentist at the hospital said they don't routinely prescribe antibiotic tabs for dental stuff as, when we've swallowed the tabs, they've dissolved in the stomach and been transported around in the bloodstream, there's not much of them left by the time they reach the mouth!  But my dentist gave me antibiotics when I had an infection before, and the dental receptionist this morning said Mr Grainger may not take my tooth out today, he may want to give me antibiotics first....so I don't know!

UPDATE

The tooth's out - it was quick and painless.  Mr Grainger is very nice.  My face is a bit swollen and droopy, but no pain, although my gums are gradually coming back to life so he said there may be a bit of pain later, normal painkillers should sort it out.  A bit of blood but nothing to worry about, apart from a horrible taste in my mouth.  

I do feel totally shattered now...lack of sleep and ease of tension after being in such awful pain I guess.  Honestly, I wouldn't wish that pain on my worst enemy.  I might go upstairs for a nap this afternoon.

A yucky start to a lovely day

Well, to cut a (very) long story short, my awful toothache turned very rapidly into an excrutiatingly painful abscess.  After a largely sleepless night, I spent this morning in A&E (over 3 hours, and that was before the footballers and injured small children started flooding in) waiting to have the abscess lanced and drained, which took about 5 minutes.  The lovely emergency dentist said I need to ring my dentist first thing tomorrow to have the offending loose tooth removed....she said as I've had an abscess treated in A&E the dentist is obliged to see me within 24 hours.  As I was dosed up to the eyeballs with painkillers and she gave me a mouthful of anaesthetic, I felt nothing at all.  It's all wearing off now though, so shall have to take some more meds.  

All's well that ends well, once again I am grateful for our fantastic NHS, and it's a lovely day so shall be sitting in the garden this afternoon.

Bit of a 'huh' day but lovely sunshine

Well, we went out at 8 this morning to go to the car boot sale....and it wasn't there.  Huh.  We've not been to this one before, but it's advertised on the website as being open all year round, and it's at a big venue (the grounds of a large manor house that does weddings, corporate events etc), so why it wasn't on I don't know.  I suppose we should have rung and checked first.  Never mind.  At least it wasn't far from our favourite garden centre, so we went there for a mooch round and a coffee/cake in the café.

It was foggy when I got up...well, more misty than foggy actually.  The sunrise was beautiful, the sun was a huge glowing red ball, it looked fantastic, it burnt the mist away quickly.  

My toothache is agony today, it feels like I've been whacked round the side of the head with a baseball bat, I'm having to take painkillers every 4 or 5 hours to keep the pain at bay.  I shall have to ring the dentist on Monday, don't think I'll be able to tolerate it until my checkup appointment at the end of March.  I've had pain in this same tooth before, it's a back one and is wobbly anyway, so I think I'll ask the lovely Emma to just take it out.  She did suggest it before, but I was reluctant at the time, not having had a big back tooth out before.  Not looking forward to that, but am sure having it out will be better than ongoing pain.  

As it's such a lovely day and I don't really feel like doing anything, I think I'll sit in the garden and watch husband do a bit more to prepare the ground where he's going to lay the concrete.  Means I can keep an eye on him too and make sure he doesn't do too much and wear himself out.

Where did the day go?

The day seems to have rushed past, without me being sure what I've actually done.  I went to have a blood test this morning, made the bed, sorted some washing out and put some away, made lunch and dinner, washed up a couple of times, did a bit of banking...but that doesn't seem enough to actually fill the day.  It's as if I woke up, got washed and dressed, then suddenly noticed several hours had gone by without being aware of it.  Just as well not all my days are like that!  Oh yes, I wrote a sourdough tutorial blog post as well, that took a while.

Got the toothache back again and have had to take painkillers a couple of times, perhaps that accounts for my feeling a bit vague today.

We're going to our first car boot sale of the year tomorrow morning, it's forecast to be foggy in the morning but brightening later, so I hope that's true, otherwise it'll be chilly first thing.  I'm not looking for anything in particular at the boot sale, I like to go with an open mind and just see what's there.

Typical really - just when i'm feeling a bit under par and want a quiet evening, Betty is very restless, prowling around, wanting to play then wanting to go out in the garden every 10 minutes (not that she does anything out there, she just stands and sniffs!) and generally being very lively.  And yet yesterday she slept literally the whole evening.

Plans for the front garden

Thank you for all the comments on the menopausal post.  I know different things are likely to work for different people, but as Starflower oil capsules are working so well for me, I shall stick with them.

It's been a lovely day, sunny and warm, warm enough to be outside without a jacket.  I've had a productive day, did some washing and a bit of tidying up first thing, made my first sourdough loaf in years this morning and it came out really well, went to the town and managed to get a few amazing fruit/veg bargains, and did some gardening this afternoon, my first of the year.

I didn't do a lot, as I knew my back wouldn't like it - I just did one of the corner beds in the front garden, weeding it and pruning the shrubs in there, then pruned all the things in the pots dotted around the garden.  I shall do some more tomorrow, hopefully.  Betty 'helped' me - she was stood right beside me, sticking her nose into everything, then grabbing the prunings and running round the garden with them.  She's such a little monkey, but so funny.

This year we're (well, husband is) getting rid of the lawn on one side of the front path and laying concrete.  He's doing it a bit at a time, over a period of a month or so, for the sake of his health - I don't want him overdoing things and making himself unwell, he'd do it all at once if I let him and wear himself out for days afterwards.  I shall help where I can.  It means we'll have to temporarily fence each section off as it's done, to keep Betty from walking all over it and treading wet cement indoors.  We're doing it to make life easier....less grass to mow, and the grass there isn't very nice anyway, it's full of weeds and Betty tends to dig holes there which we're always having to fill in.  We'll have our wooden companion seat and a lot of pots there, so it'll look alright, and there's a flower bed along one edge.

Backache moved upwards!

Thank you for all the comments, my back is considerably better today (just as well as I now have toothache...honestly, if it's not one thing it's another.  It's not too bad though and I already have a check up appointment for next month, so will wait till then).

Wherethejourneytakesme, I've never heard of Somatics...I looked it up on youtube, so it's a sort of yoga.  Looks interesting, I'll have a go when I get some time to myself.  Osteo and chiro are just too expensive when we have little money now, and the wait for non-urgent physio appointments is too long - by the time I got an appointment I probably wouldn't have a problem.  Sorry some of you are suffering too - it's so debilitating isn't it, and pain and lack of sleep make you crotchety.  Well, it does me.  There's always something, isn't there, as we get older - we really take our healthy young years for granted!

There's one good thing about feeling unwell, for whatever reason, though - when you feel better it's such an enormous relief and you really feel how great it is to be alive.  And our problems are minor compared to lots of other people.

I'm spending a lot of time in the kitchen today (just for a change, lol) - details on my food blog.  Just sat down to have a break with a cuppa and catch up on blog reading, then start my shopping list for the weekend.  I did think of a couple of things I need this morning when I got up....of course I've forgotten now what they were, I really need to have a notepad and pen on a string around my neck, I think.  Duh.

Mum's very poorly again, I do feel for her.  She was too unwell to talk much on Sunday, but said again she's fed up with being ill and wishes she just didn't wake up in the morning.  She's still waiting for an appointment with the consultant to find out the CT scan results, everything up there just takes so long.

I've got blood tests this week, followed by an appointment next week with the diabetes nurse, to review how I'm doing on my new diabetes med I started last November.  I know it's making me wee a lot!  That reminds me, I'm supposed to take a week's worth of BP and blood glucose readings with me to the appointment, better start doing them today!

Not so ouchy

Thank you for comments, my back is much better today, getting out for a short walk in the morning and again in the afternoon (even if it was just around the supermarket) helped a lot.  Walking does hurt, but is infinitely better than just sitting down all day - the walking loosens everything up, whereas sitting makes me more fixed and ultimately much more sore.

Wherethejourneytakesme asked if it's a condition that comes and goes - yes.  I had a slipped disc in my lower back when I was 19 (I did it playing tennis with a friend....see, sports are dangerous, hence why I never do them hahaha!), I've had lower back trouble on and off ever since.  I've had numerous courses of physiotherapy, osteopathy and chiropractic over the years, both NHS and private, even tried acupuncture and yoga.  They all work to ease the condition at the time, but of course it comes back again when I forget to bend correctly, or stand in one position too long, or reach up to grab something...or it just happens for no particular reason!  I do have long periods when I'm pain free, although they tend to be shorter as I get older.

Normally, ibuprofen and paracetamol take care of it, but if it's particularly bad or shows no signs of going, then I have anti-inflammatories and muscle relaxants from the GP.  Fortunately, I haven't needed them this time.

Today I'm doing a freezer and larder inventory - I'll stand on a small footstool for the higher shelves and sit on a chair for the lower, so I don't have to reach up or bend down.  There are some spaces appearing in the freezer....if I rearranged it all (which I won't be doing right now!) I reckon I'd have 2 empty drawers in the tall freezer.  Then I'll do a menu plan for the week and shopping list, again I don't think we'll need much.

A gentle walk

I didn't have a very good night, went to bed early as I was so knackered - several doses of painkillers making me feel zonked out, as much as anything else.  And somehow the sheer amount of effort it takes to stand and walk, and the muscle spasming making me gasp, wears me out as well.  Every time I turned over in bed, it gave me a jolt, eventually it was just too painful to go back to sleep so I got up early and went downstairs.  But it's another sunny morning, albeit quite windy, so decided to get out for a short walk when I was washed and dressed (that in itself is a painful trial, just getting my knickers on seems virtually impossible!), to meet up with husband and dog on their way back from their walk.  I managed to walk about 300 yards or so, stopping for a chat with a neighbour who was washing her car.  Betty saw me coming and was so pleased to see me, straining at the leash and practically dragging husband towards me....she is so strong, for a medium size dog.  Back home for breakfast (scrambled egg and leftover sliced sausages, cooked by husband) and my first dose of painkillers.

Husband wants to work in the garden today, so I'm going to have a go at cooking dinner.  I might have to sit down to prep the veggies.  We're having some of the faggots I made a week or 2 ago, so that's one thing done already.

Ouch

Crippled with backache today, it's been sending out twinges for the past few days but now it's full on agony - can't get comfortable sitting, standing, walking or lying down.  Stomach muscles going into spasm, sciatica in my left bum cheek radiating down the back of my leg.  Left knee feels like it's been forcibly twisted around, right hip agony (although that might be arthritis).  Just shoot me now 😝

Couple of days dosed up with ibuprofen and paracetamol and doing nothing much and normal service should be resumed.

A mooch around the shops...by myself for once

It's been a perfect day today....bit of early morning mist that was soon burnt off by....sunshine!  And warm sunshine at that, really Spring-like.  I'm not under any illusions that Winter is over quite yet, though.  Temperature when we were out earlier was 16 deg, amazing for this time of year.  

Husband had to go to the dentist today, which is just off the town centre, so I got him to drop me off in town so I could have a browse round by myself.  A rare luxury - as I don't drive and there's no public transport, the only way I can get to town is if he takes me, and then he's like a small boy, trailing round after me with a face like a wet week and hands in his pockets, constantly bleating 'are we done yet?'.  Which means it's no fun for me and I feel rushed and get stressed, especially as he constantly exclaims at the price of everything.  "HOW much??".  He lives in the Dark Ages when it comes to prices.  Grrr.  I didn't buy anything except a nice purse (for overseas readers, we call the little zipped or clasped wallet you keep your money in a purse, whereas I think a purse to you means what we call a handbag).  The purse is a little leopard skin one and cost £3 in a charity shop, it looks unused.  But it was just lovely to browse around at my own pace without husband harassing me.

Our Valentine's dinner out last night was....mostly nice, I've written a review on my food blog.  We enjoyed it anyway, it was a rare night out and our friends are good company.

Veg and fruit growing

Joy asked what we're planning on growing this year.

Fruit wise we have 3 apple trees, all young so we haven't had loads of fruit yet....a cooker, Bountiful, and 2 eaters - Fiesta, and a Cox that was given to us last year.  We also have 2 Conference pears and a Victoria plum.  The plum tree is 5 or 6 years old, but has yet to give us any fruit - the last 2 years it's had a very few fruits on it early in the season, but they've dropped off before they matured.  The tree looks very healthy, we have no idea why it's not fruited successfully yet.  Husband has only pruned it lightly - unusually for him, he does have a tendency to hack huge bits off of things!

We also have quite a bit of soft fruit...lots of raspberries, 2 blueberries and 3 blackcurrants, plus lots of strawberries.  We'll probably get some new strawberry plants this year, some of the present ones are several years old and a mixture of varieties, some producing only tiny and not very tasty fruits.  We're getting rid of some of the raspberries, leaving only 3 canes - although we like to eat raspberries, they're thugs, they send out runners everywhere (they continually come up in the lawn) and grow so rapidly that they end up being a tall jungle and overshadow everything else in the fruit bed.  Husband gets rid of some every year....not enough though!  And it's too much work for him now.

As for veg, we're cutting back on the amount we grow this year, both in terms of type and quantity.  There's just the two of us, but husband always grows enough to feed almost our entire hamlet, he ends up having the garden swamped with plants and produce and simply doesn't have enough time to look after it all, and then feels overwhelmed.  And I get a bit fed up with having mountains of veg to deal with in late summer.  Nice as it is to have plenty of home grown produce, there's only so much I can process, cook and store!

So we've made the decision not to grow any brassicas of any type this year...they get so infested with white butterflies and then eggs and caterpillars, of course, husband just can't manage to keep them covered well enough.  And we don't do chemical control, at all.  Nor are we growing onions - we had loads bolt last year, due to the weather, and in any case, onions are cheap enough to buy and I wouldn't say they're one of the veg that tastes miles better home grown.  And no aubergines or sweet peppers this year either - they take so long to come to maturity here, it's usually the very end of the growing season before one or two start ripening and then there's not enough warm sunshine left to ripen the rest.

It is quite difficult to convince husband that he's getting older, he has a heart condition which is progressive, and he needs to take things a bit easier - sometimes he seems to think he's still in his prime, until he overdoes things and wipes himself out for a couple of days.  There's also the fact that some of his heart medication (blood thinners, eg) means that he bleeds easily - he's quite clumsy and is always cutting himself, virtually every time he sets foot in the garden, it seems.  I often say he really ought not to go outside unless he's wearing full body armour!  But this year I am insisting, and making sure, that he doesn't go overboard and only grows what he can cope with easily.

So this year we're growing carrots, leeks, runner and French beans, peas, yellow and green courgettes, butternut squash and, new for us, asparagus.  Charlotte and Rooster potatoes, which we grow in bags (they get eaten to death by slugs and eelworm in the ground here).  In the greenhouse, tomatoes, cucumbers, salad crops and land cress.  It's possible that one or two other things might creep in during the year!

Decluttering and planning

First, a clarification:  It's not our anniversary until May, I only mentioned how long we'd been married to illustrate the fact that we've only ever been out for a meal on Valentine's Day on a handful of occasions in all those years.  Sorry if it was a bit ambiguous.

Husband's out for a couple of hours this morning, leaving me and the dog with some free time.  I think I might do a bit of decluttering upstairs, the wardrobe in the twin spare room is full of clothes we haven't worn in ages, and the top of it is piled up with 'stuff'.  I really need to sort out my craft drawers on the landing too, the yarn is getting a bit mixed up and I need to see exactly what I have left.  

We've decided what we're growing in the way of veg this year, sorted out what seeds we've got and bought ones we didn't have.  Now I need to make a plan of what's going where...and make sure husband sticks to it!  I do this every year, rotating what goes in which raised beds so we don't have the same crops in the same soil, to reduce the risk of disease.  But husband has the annoying habit of forgetting to consult the plan and just sticking things in wherever there's a gap, making a mockery of my carefully thought out crop rotation plan.  Huh.

Anonymous comments

I'm starting to get a lot of anonymous comments now, some of which are clearly spam, some which just say things like 'I love your blog!!!!!', which I'm not inclined to believe are genuine - too many exclamation marks for a start.
If people don't have a Blogger account but still wish to comment, then please add your name at the end of your comment, it only has to be a first name or whatever you wish to be known as, just so I know you are a genuine reader.  It's only polite, after all.  Otherwise, I'm afraid I won't be publishing them.

Reflections, and Valentine's Day

Thank you very much for all the supportive comments.  The loss of my friend is weighing heavily on my mind, but if they're not willing or able to support me emotionally and have some understanding or tolerance of why I react badly sometimes, then that's not being much of a friend.  It seems they only want to be friends when all is well with me and I'm happy and upbeat, otherwise they don't want to know.  I miss them so much though, we used to be so close, we went on holidays together, stayed at their house for weekends sometimes, went out for meals, told each other everything.  I'm so sad it's ended.  I'm not even going to try to contact them to see if we can work things out, I know there's no point as they're so rigid and blinkered in their outlook.  It might sound as if I'm painting them in a bad light, but that's only a tiny part of them, on the whole in the past they've been wonderful, best friend I ever had.  But if they choose to bugger off and cut ties with me, well there's not a lot I can do.

Spoke to Mum over the weekend, she's ok physically, no current sickness or diarrhoea (although that can change on a daily basis), no more falls, only normal arthritis pain and soreness from her bruised knees and hands where she fell.  But she is feeling very depressed, it's partly the weather, partly still having to wait for further test results and diagnoses, partly being so very restricted in what she can do.  Her sight is still deteriorating, with little the doctors can do, she's almost totally blind in one eye and has limited vision in the other.  As she loved reading and bird watching in particular, it's a big blow that she can no longer do either.  She does have her radio and audio books, but she says it's just not the same.  She is on antidepressants.  She used to love sitting by her window and watching the birds in her garden - she has lots of bird feeders and gets lots of birds - she just can't see them now.  Her hearing isn't good either, even with her (expensive) hearing aids in, so it's not even as if she gets much pleasure from listening to the bird song, as she can't hear that properly either.  She just feels like her life as she knew it is being slowly eroded daily.  I really feel for her.

We hardly ever go out for meals, can't often afford it and, having had very mediocre food the last 2 or 3 times we did, I often feel I could cook far better meals myself at home.  The last time we went out for dinner was in October last year and we didn't pay for it, we were treated by husband's daughter and son in law, very kindly.  We did go to my ex-best friend's house for dinner on New Year's Eve, that being the last time we saw them, lovely meal and beautifully cooked, but I'm talking about meals out that you pay for in a restaurant or pub.  Well, we're actually going out for dinner on Valentine's Day - we've been married 35 years and this is only about the 4th or 5th time we'll have done that, previously we haven't wanted to pay the vastly inflated prices charged for a Valentine's meal.  However, a local pub is doing a very reasonably priced 4-course meal (one of the courses is a gin & tonic sorbet - oh yum!), we paid half a couple of weeks ago as a deposit, so not loads to pay on the night, which makes it much more affordable.  We're going with our friendly neighbours and are looking forward to it very much.  The food choices do sound delicious, I hope it lives up to expectations, else I think that'll probably be the last time we pay to eat out! 

Friendship

Hello all, thanks for the comments on my previous post.  TA, Mum won't hear of her rugs being removed, she loves them.  Having now fallen twice in the past week (once in her bedroom tripping over the edge of a rug, once in the kitchen simply by losing her balance), she does now realise she has to use a zimmer or one of her many sticks ALL the time.  She's so stubborn, that's half the trouble (must be where sister and I get it from!).  Mum's now had a CT scan and has to wait for an appointment to see the consultant to get the results.  

Chris, I remember reading about your fracture and the numerous and ongoing problems you've had since, and I can empathise with your disappointment at friends not getting in touch.  Goldensunflower, you're right, the friend I alluded to in my last post can't cope with my depression, they run a mile.  Fair enough, not everyone can or knows how to cope with depression.  Not that it's rocket science or involves anything complicated - a listening ear and a hug works wonders and is all I ever want.  

But it's not just that.  When I'm very depressed or stressed, I have a tendency (not a pleasant one) to lash out at people - verbally, not physically! - who have the misfortune to be close to me at the time.  I do it to everyone, not just that particular friend (husband obviously gets the brunt of it, as he's usually closest.  He's a treasure and I love him dearly).  But the friend takes it personally and seems to think I single them out for it, which is simply not the case.  Everyone else close to me is understanding and tolerant of my outbursts, but not that friend - they take umbrage and lash right back at me, which reduces me to tears every time.   Well, they've taken themselves off now, indicating our friendship is over.  Some friend.  In some ways I don't blame them, but I sincerely hope I'd be a lot more tolerant, understanding and forgiving if they ever suffered from clinical depression.  Which I sincerely hope they don't, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.  I guess what hurts the most is that i've known that friend for about 12 years and we were so close in the past.

Having had a break from blogging here, although posting regularly on my new food blog, I shall be writing the occasional post here.  Thanks for bearing with me.

Thank you

Thank you everyone for the lovely comments, mum is ok (well, as ok as she can be) and hasn't suffered any lasting ill effects from the colonoscopy or the fall.  She has some bruising and stiffness, of course, but that's all.  She tripped on the edge of a rug, apparently, she's so unsteady on her feet that she could step on a pin and fall over.  We've told her she should make sure she uses her Zimmer frame (she has 2, one up and one downstairs) or stick, of which she has one in every room, when moving around.

She didn't have the CT scan on Saturday after all, she's got that to come in a week or two.  

Things are fairly stable at the moment, thankfully (perhaps I shouldn't say that!).  Anyway, thanks so much, I'll post again if and when there's anything to say.  I just don't feel I want to post much on here, it was getting to the stage where I felt life and this blog was dominated by mum's and our problems, I wanted my focus to be elsewhere, on other more positive things.  And I also feel quite strongly that if real life friends are really interested, then they should get in touch and show genuine personal interest, and not simply read my blog and call that interest.  It's not, it's a cop out.

Update on mum

I've had several messages and emails from readers asking about my mother....thank you so much, it's heartwarming to know you all care (which is more than can be said for some people, but that's another story).

So I thought I'd give an update here.  Mum finally had her colonoscopy and CT scan yesterday (on a Saturday, her local hospital is so inundated and behind they have to do weekend and evening appointments to try and catch up), she was in there for over 2 hours, sister who had to wait outside was getting worried.  They got the results straight away, no cancer but she does have diverticular disease and some other relatively minor problems.  The doctor said the diverticular disease would be the cause of mum's stomach pain and diarrhoea, and possibly some occasional sickness, but it can be managed with medication and diet.  She also said that the prolonged and severe sickness and diarrhoea mum had for several weeks was most likely due to a particularly nasty bug, and probably lingered because mum is so weak and run down.

We're relieved it's not cancer, as is mum, but she feels it's just another thing to add to the long list of problems/ailments she already has.  None of them are that serious per se, but combined they all make her feel very unwell indeed and really drag her down and add to her feeling that life isn't worth living anymore.

Unfortunately, a couple of hours after getting home, mum had another nasty fall in her bedroom and couldn't get up, it took my brother, sister and BiL to get her up and onto her bed.  She's got grazed knees (her skin is paper thin and grazes easily), bumps and bruises and was very shaken up, but didn't need or want paramedics this time.  Sister checked her over, gave her some painkillers and sat with her until she went to sleep.  

There's always something to worry about.