I know i said i wasn't going to post negative stuff....well sorry but there's loads of negative things right now and i'm struggling to cope. And yes as many of you have said, it's true that writing things down helps, it gets it off your chest and out of your mind, for a start. If nobody wants to read it, fine, don't, I don't write it for anyone else.
I can't stick to the new diet at the moment, I just can't give it my full attention, it will just have to wait. Trying to work out 2 good very low carb meals that will satisfy husband's appetite, and doing it within a time restricted window is too much for me to cope with right now.
My insomnia is worse than ever, as are my gut troubles. Well, considering the amount of time i'm spending on the loo right now, i should lose weight without even trying.
There's a family thing going on that's really worrying at the mo, and some other stuff, equally worrying. Plus a couple of people (not blog readers) have upset me a great deal by being totally bloody insensitive, so i'm coping with that by just ignoring them. Quite frankly, i feel like i'm drowning in a big ocean with no lifejacket, no sign of a lifeboat and nobody to rescue me. Please don't think i'm suicidal - i'm not, nor am i depressed, just stressed up to the eyeballs and full of anxiety, which is manifesting itself with palpitations, forgetfulness and hot/cold sweats. I am on anti-anxiety medication and the palpitations aren't heart related - I know, my GP said so. It'll all blow over in time, i'm sure.
Mum's funeral is this week. Mum was a Jehovah's Witness and they do funerals differently to the norm.....she's being cremated on Wednesday (sadly, as it's husband's birthday that day) and the memorial service for her is on Saturday. My elder brother will be present at the crematorium, but there'll be no service there. We'll all be up there (it's in the Midlands) for the memorial service, held at Mum's Kingdom Hall (what JWs call their church), staying in a Travelodge overnight - they're dog friendly, we have to take Betty, there's nowhere we can leave her overnight - well, nowhere I'd be happy with. We can't come home on the same day, husband can't take 2 long journeys (it's 3.5 hours plus each way) in one day, he gets too tired and finds it very stressful. In any case, I expect there'll be things to do in Mum's house and other stuff to organise after the service. We're expecting a big turnout at the service, quite a lot of extended family and loads of Mum's friends and congregation members. There are even people Mum knew from long ago coming from London and a couple from Paris. JW memorial services are upbeat and very personal, it's not something to dread, unlike some funerals I've been to. We're not JWs ourselves, but Mum was for about 50 years and it gave her great comfort.
As with all deaths, it just feels like we can't move on until after the funeral. Even then, things aren't going to be easy.