Sunday, 5 January 2020


I know i said i wasn't going to post negative stuff....well sorry but there's loads of negative things right now and i'm struggling to cope.  And yes as many of you have said, it's true that writing things down helps, it gets it off your chest and out of your mind, for a start.  If nobody wants to read it, fine, don't, I don't write it for anyone else.

I can't stick to the new diet at the moment, I just can't give it my full attention, it will just have to wait.  Trying to work out 2 good very low carb meals that will satisfy husband's appetite, and doing it within a time restricted window is too much for me to cope with right now.  

My insomnia is worse than ever, as are my gut troubles.  Well, considering the amount of time i'm spending on the loo right now, i should lose weight without even trying.

There's a family thing going on that's really worrying at the mo, and some other stuff, equally worrying.  Plus a couple of people (not blog readers) have upset me a great deal by being totally bloody insensitive, so i'm coping with that by just ignoring them.  Quite frankly, i feel like i'm drowning in a big ocean with no lifejacket, no sign of a lifeboat and nobody to rescue me.  Please don't think i'm suicidal - i'm not, nor am i depressed, just stressed up to the eyeballs and full of anxiety, which is manifesting itself with palpitations, forgetfulness and hot/cold sweats.  I am on anti-anxiety medication and the palpitations aren't heart related - I know, my GP said so.  It'll all blow over in time, i'm sure.

Mum's funeral is this week.  Mum was a Jehovah's Witness and they do funerals differently to the norm.....she's being cremated on Wednesday (sadly, as it's husband's birthday that day) and the memorial service for her is on Saturday.  My elder brother will be present at the crematorium, but there'll be no service there.  We'll all be up there (it's in the Midlands) for the memorial service, held at Mum's Kingdom Hall (what JWs call their church), staying in a Travelodge overnight - they're dog friendly, we have to take Betty, there's nowhere we can leave her overnight - well, nowhere I'd be happy with.  We can't come home on the same day, husband can't take 2 long journeys (it's 3.5 hours plus each way) in one day, he gets too tired and finds it very stressful.  In any case, I expect there'll be things to do in Mum's house and other stuff to organise after the service.  We're expecting a big turnout at the service, quite a lot of extended family and loads of Mum's friends and congregation members.  There are even people Mum knew from long ago coming from London and a couple from Paris.  JW memorial services are upbeat and very personal, it's not something to dread, unlike some funerals I've been to.  We're not JWs ourselves, but Mum was for about 50 years and it gave her great comfort.

As with all deaths, it just feels like we can't move on until after the funeral.  Even then, things aren't going to be easy.


  1. Just to let you know that you're not alone in experiencing dark times at the moment and we must all support each other. We have had 5 bereavements since end of November - some family, some friends. One was the suicide on Friday of my cousins son (my cousin's mother was my aunt who passed away at the end of November). My daughter was travelling in SE Asia and broke her elbow in November and we had to get her home pronto. And there has been a load of nastiness going on between my two half sisters which is impacting us all. I have felt as if I am drowning at times - and tomorrow I've got to go and have a gynae procedure done with no sedation/pain relief and am dreading it!! Ever felt like crawling into a cupboard and hiding for a while? Me, too. Rooting for you - these times will pass soon, with any luck.

  2. One bite at a time - that's what it's about really, isn't it.
    There are things that are time related, such as the funeral. They have to be attended too. Other things are not so much so and can be shelved.

    You've had a rotten time in the last however many months and right now, I guess there's no room for anything more until some of the older stuff is sorted. One bite at a time.

    Sending love and I'm glad you felt you could 'talk' about it.

  3. Oh Sooze - you are definitely in a bad place at the moment. I agree it is not a good time to start a diet that requires a lot of your attention. I have been reading a lot recently about staying healthy as I wish to get my own health back on track and reduce the ongoing stress we have had over the last year. One of the main things that kept coming up again and again is that the mind is so powerful it will always have more effect on your body than your diet. There has been a lot of research done into how to reduce stress levels and walking in nature is very beneficial, especially a wood, as is stopping to breathe deaply now and again and letting the mind relax a bit by sitting and focusing only on one thing - it might be a view outside, a word you repeat to yourself or a candle flame anything that keeps your mind in the present and not wandering. It is hard to sit and be still when worries are going round and round in your head and they will keep flooding into your mind as soon as you are still and you have to try and let them pass and keep focused. The first few times are hard but it does get easier and although it takes time it does work. Worry is such an awful thing to deal with but no matter haw much worrying you do it never actually helps to solve anything or changes an outcome. Even getting involved with some of your craft work would help or anything where you allow the brain to switch off from the negative thoughts for a while. Alternatively watching a very funny film also has great benefits.
    When the funeral is over you will feel a sense of relief and it will help to celebrate your mum's life with all her family and friends.
    Sending prayers and hugs xx

  4. Sooze, you are having such a rough time of it lately that I think dieting can wait until your head is in a better place. If you lived anywhere near to me I would invite you over for a cuppa and a good old fashioned natter. x

  5. Take things a day at a time, you will get through. Sending many virtual (((hugs)))

  6. As always Sooze you are in my thoughts.

  7. Sending love to you and yours Sooze and two emails in your inbox xx

  8. Just take things a day at a time, Sooze. Your new eating regime can start when you feel better in yourself, plenty of time xx

  9. Good thoughts for you from here. Life just sucks sometimes and sometimes it doesn't.


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