Disgusting chocolates

 A week or so ago husband said he fancied some Quality Street chocolates, now we've not had those for a few years, so we got a pack.  I do like chocolate now and again but am certainly not a chocoholic (just as well, being diabetic) - I much prefer savoury things.  And on the rare occasions I do fancy a bit of chocolate, I like dark choc, the darker the better, Lindt being my favourite.  So anyway....well, the Quality Street chocs now are a whole heap of difference from what they used to be, both in size and taste.  I used to like the Big Purple One the most, as they had a whole hazelnut in them.....the current version of it is literally half the size, there's no discernible caramel around the (small) nut, and the chocolate itself was horrible, artificial tasting and just foul, frankly.  The 2 others I tried - green triangle and orange chocolate crunch - were equally disgusting and tasted nothing like I remembered a few years back.  The chocolate shell itself is just awful, never mind the insides.  And the small size of each individual chocolate was an eye opener too.  I suspect we'll end up throwing the rest away, husband didn't like them much either.

Whilst we were in the supermarket buying the chocs and a few other things, I saw a large piece of salmon in the reduced cabinet, knocked down to half price, so I got it and froze it when I got home.  I've decided that's going to be my Christmas lunch - salmon en croute with a chopped broccoli (in place of spinach, which I'm not keen on) and cream cheese filling.  I'll use bought puff pastry - I got that too and froze it.  Husband said it sounds really nice so would have it with me....unless he changes his mind (quite likely) and goes for a big slab of meat instead.

We've got torrential rain and very strong winds (45 mph) forecast for this afternoon - the wind is already quite strong now, so it'll be a case of putting the heating on and staying indoors.  I hope you're all safe, warm and dry where you are.  The garden should be alright, although my rose obelisk is already being battered, it might end up on the ground.  Oh well, the climbing rose on it needs cutting back anyway, and the obelisk itself was only a cheap one, so it's no big deal if it does get blown over.  

We had a visit yesterday from my best friend, which was very nice, not seen them for months and months.  My sister was supposed to be coming down for a long weekend this month, her best friend was going to bring her, but sis hasn't managed to pin her mate down for a date, which unfortunately is typical of her friend - very lovely woman but notoriously scatterbrained and disorganised.  Let's hope it happens next month!

We've got our flu jabs booked for next week, along with husband's nerve conduction tests on his feet and my diabetic retinopathy screening.  Covid jabs booked for the week after.  I know we can have the flu & covid jabs at the same time, but didn't fancy it, just in case we get a reaction from them.  Haven't really had much of a reaction to either jab in the past, but I'm not willing to risk it.

What you see is what you get....except it isn't now

 Firstly, I want to say thank you for all the wonderful support I've had from you lovely readers - you know who you are.

What you see is what you get with me, I wear my heart on my sleeve, and my blog has always been 'warts and all' - if I have trouble and strife going on, then I write about it.  It helps me enormously to get things off my chest, and I've never really been a fan of those cutesy, flowery, 'isn't life wonderful' types of blogs - real life just isn't like that!  Well, mine isn't anyway, and I doubt anyone else can say, with total honesty, that theirs is always wonderful....I just wouldn't believe them.  Would you?

No-one has the right to tell me what to do - especially if they don't know me.....which 95% of you don't.  Nor does anyone who doesn't know me have the right to 'offer' me unsolicited and unwanted so-called 'advice' - which is almost never genuine advice anyway, it's merely what someone else MIGHT do in the same circumstances.  And, with respect, none of us actually knows what we would do in any given circumstance, until and unless it actually happens to us.  We might think we know what we'd do in that circumstance, but actually that is what we HOPE we would do - when the circumstance is thrust upon us, then it might well be a different matter.  And quite often the 'advice' is merely a way of saying something quite nasty, under the guise of supposedly being helpful, or 'I hope you'll take this in the spirit in which it's given', for which read 'do this, not that, you stupid woman'.

Well, the trolls haven't won, they've actually lost - because from now on I'm not saying anything much.  My blog, when I write one that is, will simply be an account of what I've done - feelings, worries, problems will not be written about.  It'll just be one of those cutesy, flowery, life is wonderful blogs that I'm not keen on....but without the cutesy flowery stuff!  Anything personal won't be written about.  So there's nothing to interest any nasty spiteful people anymore, so just move on!

I'm not switching comments back on either, although I may do in the future.  At the first hint of any troll or unwanted comments, however, I'll turn comments off again.

I'm not putting up with crap anymore.

Switched off

 I continue to receive comments which are downright rude or offering unasked for and unwanted 'advice' - another 2 today.  Therefore, the commenting facility is now turned off, and I'm taking an extended break from blogging.

THIS!!

 Over the past few days, I've had a few downright nasty comments come in on my blog - none of which got published.  Let me be clear - to those people who made the comments - YOU DON'T GET TO BE SO DAMN RUDE, OFFENSIVE AND PERSONAL ABOUT ME - you don't even know me!  For everything I write on this - MY - blog, there's a damn sight more I don't write, so don't presume to think you know what you're talking about, what goes on here in MY house, or how I feel or cope with things.  

I know some of you say....don't take any notice of them, they're not worth your time, just bin the comments, they don't matter.  Well, no they don't matter - why should I care about nasty comments from random idiots off the internet?  Except that they could be very damaging.....when you're already suffering from depression, stress and anxiety, comments like that could send someone spiralling down even further - how would you feel if someone you'd made a nasty comment to, out of sheer spite, took an overdose, say,  because of it?  Would you congratulate yourself on a job well done?

I was tempted to say that I won't be writing my blog anymore, or that I'll only write about what I cook - or wear! or listen to on the radio each day!  But it's my blog and I'll write what I bloody well like.

But I reserve the right to turn off the commenting facility if I so choose.

When it all gets too much

 I admit I'm really struggling at the moment, there's so much stressful stuff going on, which is all on my shoulders, I'm the one who has to deal with it, husband is unable to....he breezes through life without a care in the world.  

Case in point - a few months back husband bought a second hand gas boiler from a fellow static owner on site - he paid £100 for it and didn't discuss it with me beforehand, the first I knew of it was when he appeared in the van doorway with his arms full of what looked to me like a jumble of metal parts and a big metal box.  When I asked what it was, he said he'd just bought a replacement boiler for our present old one in the caravan - which still works perfectly, I might add.  He said it was for when the boiler breaks down, with a big beaming 'look at me, aren't I clever?!' expression on his face.  "Who's going to fit it?" I asked him.  "Jack will" he replied (Jack being the contracted plumber for the site).  I told him that I would be extremely surprised if Jack agreed....husband asked why, I replied that I doubted very much that the plumber's firm would agree to fit parts that they hadn't themselves supplied.  The next time Jack was on site, husband asked him....and was told, as I suspected, that they wouldn't do it as they hadn't supplied it.  So now he's stuck with a heap of metal which is no use to us, and has now decided he's going to bring it home and sell it.  Only HE won't be able to sell it - he wouldn't know the first thing about how to advertise it online.  Which means I'll be stuck with it.  Yet another job he's thrust in my lap, and a totally unnecessary one at that.

I have enough trouble coping with our day to day lives - juggling our medical appointments (he has more than me), rearranging things when he's booked himself appointments without consulting the calendar or me and has double-booked (that's happened quite a few times).  Smoothing things over with neighbours or friends or the housing officer when he's ruffled their feathers by saying something inappropriate or just plain wrong, and doesn't even realise what he's said.  Having to repeat things dozens of times a day - you can't imagine just how wearing that gets.  Looking for things in kitchen cupboards or the car port or shed that he's moved for some unknown reason, or has put down somewhere and forgotten where.  I could go on.  I'm just so tired.

I've spoken to the GP, he said he could refer me to the Talking Therapies service, which I don't really want.  Nor do I want to go on antidepressants - been down that route a few years ago and don't want to again.  He did say I could double the dose of the anti-anxiety meds I already take, I've agreed to that.  I'm keeping busy most of the time, and writing lists of things to do etc - it helps no end to know just what I'm doing and lets me feel like I'm in control.  I'm also taking an hour or so a day to shut myself in my bedroom and read, or go for a walk on my own.  I want to buy lots of Spring bulbs and get them planted up in pots, that'll please me no end, knowing I'll have all those Spring flowers to look forward to. 

Thank you so much for your comments and support, I sometimes feel like you're the only ones who understand.  I will get through this, I know I will.  One day at a time.

Break

 My guts are absolutely churning up with stress and anxiety right now, due to lots of things.  I'll be taking a bit of time off.

So that's that, and blanket photos

 Back from our one night trip to the caravan, and it's so good to be home.  It wasn't an unqualified success at the van - except for the gas boiler being serviced and pronounced ok.  Being there this time did, however, confirm for both of us that we no longer want to carry on going to the van, so I guess that counts as a positive thing, we now know for sure.  Several reasons for this - there were even more dogs on site this time, several fellow owners don't just have one dog, they have 2 or even 3, and when one starts barking, it sets all the others off.  Barking dogs make Betty very anxious and unsettled, thus making her whine or even bark as well.  We don't want to keep telling her off or trying to pacify her.  The main road that runs past the site seems to attract motorbikes, which roar up and down the road, even at night - last night was particularly bad, it was like a racetrack.  It's just not a peaceful or relaxing retreat anymore.

And then this morning when we got up, it was absolutely freezing - a very old caravan with no central heating and single glazed windows gets very cold very quickly.  We do have an electric fire in the lounge and a few portable electric oil filled radiators so it did warm up fairly quickly with those on, but gets cold again as soon as they're switched off.  Neither husband nor I cope well with the cold nowadays.

Yesterday, husband apparently made a statement to one of our caravan neighbours that was patently untrue - I didn't hear him, I wasn't present, the neighbour came and spoke to me about it later and I had to smooth things over.  I mentioned to husband that he shouldn't have said it, whereupon he became aggressive - verbally that is, he's never been physically aggressive.  That's his reaction every time I question or pull him up on something - I know why he does it, he knows he's in the wrong and feels guilty, even though he can't or won't admit it, he's unable to accept being in the wrong.

But I am feeling like I'm almost permanently filled with anxiety, I just never know what husband is going to say or do next and it feels like I'm always having to make excuses for him or pour oil on troubled waters.  We've lost a few friends recently, as in them withdrawing from us, they haven't died.  Part of me thinks well if they can't (or don't want to) cope with our troubles, then they're only fairweather friends.  But the other part of me feels decidedly let down and abandoned.

The weather is apparently going to be good for the next week or so - great, it will give us chance to clear away all the spent veggies and flowers and put the garden to bed for the winter.  I'll have lots of empty pots to bring home from the caravan (we'll go there again one more time to drain the water systems and close it down for winter), so I might fill them with Spring bulbs.  I do love Spring flowering bulbs, Spring is my absolute favourite season.

For Donna - a couple of photos of a lap blanket and single bed size blanket I made, they're both in the caravan:-

As you can see, I like colour!  I don't do fancy patterns, I just like the easy, almost monotony of simple crocheting.

Replies to comments

 Julia, thank you for the 'Oodie' review, I'll go for a cheaper one!

Jean, re your blanket/wearing comments.....I'm sorry if I was a bit ambiguous.  I only crochet blankets - baby, lap and bed size ones, I don't crochet things to wear, although I have made shawls as gifts.  I wouldn't attempt to crochet a 'wearable' type of blanket - I meant I was going to buy some, probably off the internet - the 'Oodie' type of thing which are made of fleece.

Regarding your suggestion for me to get a provisional licence, so I could drive in the event of husband not being able to, with him sitting beside me as the qualified driver....I admit I was quite surprised at that.  For a start, that kind of assumes that I can, or know how to, drive - I don't.  I have no intention of getting a provisional licence and taking lessons - I'm far too nervous for that, the more so the older I get.  I did have 3 or 4 lessons a very long time ago (I was 21, I'm  now nearly 65) but for various reasons it was not a success and I quickly gave up.  And in any case, as husband pointed out when I read your comment out to him, if he had blurry eyesight (due to eye drops e.g.), it would not be legal for him to supervise a provisional driver.

Scarlet, I did realise your comment was in reply to mine on your blog - made me laugh!

It's definitely blanket weather

 Husband took the car for MOT first thing, it passed with flying colours, thank goodness.  So that's a worry off the list.  The engineer came yesterday and serviced the air source heat pump thingy and the central heating - all fine, no worries there either.  The next appointment is Friday, the caravan boiler service - we're off to the van tomorrow afternoon, just for the one night - the engineer is coming early Friday morning so we need to stay over the previous night.  It's forecast to be quite a bit colder so we won't be staying the weekend, we'd rather be at home in our nice warm bungalow.  And then husband has his annual diabetes retinopathy check at the hospital on Monday morning - he's not allowed to drive for several hours afterwards, which means we'll have to go on the bus.  It'll be our first time using the buses here - well, first time on a bus in years, actually.  I've checked the timetables and the timings should work out OK.  Husband said he'd be happy to go on his own, but that's not a good idea - the drops they put in to dilate the pupils make your eyesight blurry for a few hours, so he does need someone with him.  And I am his carer, of course, I'm supposed to be with him.

It's an open top tourist explorer bus that goes past the hospital - not that we'll be going upstairs!  Especially not if it's raining 😁

I've booked our flu jabs for this winter - the surgery here does things differently to our previous surgery, there they always held them on Saturdays and we both went together.  At this surgery they do all over-65s on the same day, then under-65s on a different day.  I was aware that over- and under-65s have different types of the vaccine....I guess doing the age groups on different days means there's no chance of mistakenly giving someone the wrong vaccine for their age group.  But it does mean we have to make 2 separate trips to the surgery - never mind, it's not like it's miles away, and we can always combine the trips with going to do another job.....like shopping or going to the tip.  I wonder if we'll be getting any more Covid booster jabs this winter?  I've not heard anything about it, have you?  I did hear someone on TV the other day saying there will be another pandemic sooner or later - not necessarily Covid, but perhaps another type of illness.  There's a comforting thought 😒

I looked through my yarn stash this morning - I found a completed baby or lap blanket I'd made sometime last year.  The main body of the blanket is done, and I'd crocheted a dozen or so small flowers to be sewn onto it for decoration - I just never got around to sewing them on, I suspect because packing up and moving to our new home took precedence.  So that's an easy job for me to finish first.  I've certainly got enough yarn to make another larger blanket, maybe even two.

I might order a couple of those hooded fleecy gown things for us both to wear this winter, we both feel the cold much more nowadays and I like the thought of having something snuggly and warm to actually wear, rather than just a blanket to throw over our laps.  We will have the heating on, of course, not even the loss of the winter fuel allowance will prevent us putting the heating on, it'll just be nice to have something extra.  I won't ask husband if he wants one, he'll just say no!  But I'm sure if I get one for him, he'll actually be happy to wear it in the evenings, he feels the cold even more than I do, with his heart failure.

Although it's been sunny this morning (showers forecast this afternoon), it's not very warm at all, there's a chilly wind blowing.  Sunshine and showers forecast for while we're at the caravan the next couple of days too, and decidedly chilly overnight Thurs/Fri....fortunately, we've got electric heaters and spare blankets over there so we'll be fine.

Soups and stashbuster blankets for winter

 Well, husband got the shed and car port sorted yesterday afternoon, I think he realised he'd tried my patience a bit too far...not that I told him so, I didn't.  I do know he can't help a lot of what he does, still frustrating though.

We went to Tesco in the evening, I found I was nearly out of bottled water - I drink a lot of water and the tap water here tastes like mud.  We needed milk too.  I'm glad we went, there were lots of good yellow sticker bargains - 2 packs of tiger rolls and a seed & granary loaf, a pack of Yorkshire ham that husband really likes, all reduced to a quarter of the original price.  I also got 2 large tubs of Greek yogurt, reduced to 39p each - why I don't know as they had long use by dates - 25th Sept!

The weather doesn't look very good for the next few days.....showers forecast every day, and it's considerably cooler.  No heating on yet, but we're both wearing jumpers now.  I've done washing but only put a few bits on the line, so there's less to bring in if - well, when - it starts raining.  The rest has gone on the airer which I've put up in the car port.....now there's room to actually put it.

I gather there's a vote going on in Parliament today regarding the Chancellor's decision to take away the Winter Fuel Allowance from most pensioners....although apparently the decision will go ahead anyway, regardless of voting - I don't understand the ins and outs of it.  Although we've had the WFA in the past, this year we won't be getting it as we're no longer eligible under the new rules.  Fortunately, we don't actually need it (although it's always nice to be given extra funds!) - we certainly won't be in the awful position of having to choose heating or eating.  As I've mentioned before, since we moved house just before last Christmas, this year has been a challenging one financially - moving house is such an expensive business.  We are now back to solvency I'm pleased to say, just in time for the winter expenses.  Giving up the caravan next year - if indeed we do, although it does seem very likely - will save us a considerable amount of money, which we can put to good use AND build up a good savings amount.  Having had to use most of our savings on and since the move, I feel very vulnerable and on edge without that safety net, so building up the savings again will be a priority.

I wouldn't say I'm looking forward to winter (it's my least favourite time of year, as is Christmas), but I'm certainly not dreading it.  At the old place, in view of the very rural area we hardly saw anyone, even our neighbours, over winter, making it quite lonely and isolated and dragging the winter period out.  Here it's not like that, thank goodness.  And now, with our lovely new kitchen, I'm looking forward to making soups and stews and baking things.  I think I might also crochet another blanket - not that we need anymore blankets, we have plenty, but I like crocheting in the winter, I still have a yarn stash, and it's nice to have a lapful of warm wool when it's a bit chilly in the evenings!  I think I'll make a scrappy stashbuster one, I have plenty of odd balls and half balls.

A moany post

 WARNING - this is a ranting post, so look away now if you don't want to read it!

I know some of you feel I should be glad I've still got a husband who's alive (I know, because a few of you have actually had the nerve to tell me!), but all I can say is that you don't live with him, I do, and I'm very glad that you had such perfect marriages.

Having first popped into town this morning to go to the library and the new vet to sign up Betty there (they seem lovely), we then went for a drive to a village on the outskirts of Exmoor, I'd read about it online.  It's a lovely little very traditional small village, full of very old cottages with gorgeous flower and veg gardens, a rural life museum (which unfortunately is closed on Mondays), a working forge, and an old post office with a beautiful tea garden.  There's a river running down through the village, with a stone bridge across it, and glorious views to the Exmoor hills rising up behind the cottages.  The whole village looks like it's been untouched for 100s of years, the sort of place where our grandparents would have lived.  After having a walk through the village, we went back to the tea garden for a pot of tea and a homemade cheese & chive scone, a huge one that came with a thick slab of Cheddar and a generous pot of homemade chutney.  The lady also brought out some dog biscuits for Betty and made a fuss of her.  Husband has always been a messy eater, I've said before how he frequently drops food all down his front and on the floor, he eats and talks with his mouth open and full of food.  He's always been like it (all his family are the same), I've long since given up trying to teach him table manners.  Well, today he really disgraced himself, I won't go into details but even I was aghast at the mess he was making and his atrocious manners.  He gets worse the older he gets.

Back home he decided to get on with putting back all the contents of his shed, which he'd emptied out into the car port to give him room to fit in the 2 double old kitchen units he'd asked the kitchen fitters to save for him.  I've just been out there to go in the garden to get the washing in, only I couldn't get to the garden, as the car port is even fuller than it was before - either his shed stuff has multiplied overnight, or he's somehow managed to acquire even more junk.  Honestly, I don't know where it all comes from, he's such a hoarder!! 😠  He says he's sorting things out - all he seems to be doing is making more of a mess.

Oh, and while he was out there and I was busy indoors, the housing officer lady came - he spoke to her outside and didn't tell me she was here....I've asked him numerous times to let me speak to her, as he forgets things we need to tell or ask her, gets things wrong, or forgets to pass on any messages to me.  She was supposed to be testing our smoke and lifeline alarms today, but husband told her not to bother, as WE WILL DO IT ourselves from now on.  He didn't discuss this with me first, and when I asked him if he knows how to do it/which button to press (there isn't one which says TEST, although I think I know which one it is) - he admitted he's not sure and assumed I'd know.  So he's now added another job to my list.  He also apparently confirmed to her that we would be home next Monday when she next comes - we won't, as he's got a hospital appointment that day!  😒  Honestly, he cannot be trusted.  I've rung her and left a message on her phone.

We said our marriage vows 41 years ago, and I will honour them and look after him till the day I die (or he does).  But he is not the man I married, that man has gradually disappeared over the last few years and I don't really recognise this one.

40 days and 40 nights....

 Betty's back to normal today thankfully, I'm so relieved, it was such a worry.

Another day of almost continuous rain is forecast, how depressing.  It's meant to be sunny tomorrow though, which is great as I have a full washing basket.  It feels like it's been raining for 40 days and 40 nights - it hasn't really, it's only been a few days, but the rain has been pretty relentless during those few days.  And it also feels like we've been cooped up inside for ages so, once I've done 2 loads of washing and got it all out on the lines, we're going to take Betty and go for a drive.  Oh, I've just remembered - I need to go to the library first, and then check out the other vets that we've had recommendations for and probably sign up Betty with them.  Although the lady vet I spoke to on the phone when Betty was ill the other day seemed nice enough, the very first thing she said was that they charge a fee of £168 for emergency callouts, plus the cost of any treatment, examinations, x-rays or overnight stays on top.  Oh, and the £168 is for callouts before 10 pm, after 10 it goes up to £198.  Plus treatment.   It's all about fees with them, and that comes before the animals, they really appear to be more of a business.  Whereas our previous independent husband-and-wife owned practice was all about the animals, they were just so kind and compassionate.

So after we've done that, then we'll go for a drive.  We've not really explored the Exmoor Hills (behind Minehead) much since we've lived here, there are lots of woodland trails apparently, which Betty will love.  It would be nice if we could find a few wild fruit trees and bushes, I'll take some bags and plastic boxes just in case.  As Autumn, and thus winter, is definitely approaching fast, we want to take advantage of any sunny days.

We've got several appointments over the next couple of weeks, it's a bit of a juggling game trying to fit them all in.  We've got an engineer coming on Tuesday to service the air source heat pump thingy and central heating at home.  The car is going in for MOT on Wednesday, always a worrying time as all of our cars have been 2nd hand so there's the inevitable concern that it might fail.  Then on Friday we've got to whizz back to the caravan (assuming the car passes the MOT!) for the plumber to come and service the van boiler, we'll probably stay overnight.  Next week husband has his diabetic retinopathy screening, mine is due a couple of weeks later.  I also need to arrange an eye test at the opticians for myself.  

We're having a gammon roast dinner today - well, husband's having the gammon, I'll just have the veggies and stuffing.....I might do some Yorkies as well...just because - who doesn't love a Yorkshire pudding?!  I even like them cold as a snack with a dollop of apricot jam on them.  Tomorrow I think I'll make meatballs using a couple of skinned sausages mixed with the rest of the stuffing mixture, minced carrot and tomato puree, to have with pasta and a homemade leek & mustard sauce.   Actually, I'll make the meatballs tonight, seeing as we're going out tomorrow, so they'll be ready to cook when we get home.

Betty sick

 We had a very anxious evening yesterday, Betty was very poorly indeed.  Having slept all afternoon and not wanting to go out for a walk, she showed no interest whatsoever in her dinner, wouldn't even go near or sniff it.  Come early evening, it was obvious she wasn't well - she looked decidedly unwell, her back was arched, head and tail down, she was trembling and was very clingy, then was suddenly sick.  Throughout the evening she kept drinking loads of water, kept being sick (mostly in the garden but didn't make it out there a couple of times) and had the runs - thankfully, outside.  I rang the vets, the nice lady vet said it sounded like Betty had a bug or an upset stomach, possibly as a result of eating something she shouldn't - she doesn't eat socks or anything like that indoors, but has always been a bit of a scavenger outside - she'll happily root out bits of decayed food (or who knows what!) and eat it if she gets half a chance.  Anyway, the vet said to keep an eye on her but to ring back and be prepared to take her into the surgery if she got worse or we got more worried - I was very worried anyway!  

Betty always sleeps on my bed every night - she's always been a restless sleeper, frequently fidgeting and changing position, sometimes she jumps off the bed and goes to lie in her own bed for a while, then comes and jumps back on the bed.  Last night, as soon as I went to bed she immediately followed me (she hadn't wanted to leave my side all evening) but - and this was a first and rather worrying - she couldn't jump up on the bed, it was as if she didn't have the strength.  Husband had to lift her up - not easy when she weighs 30 kg.  She immediately snuggled right into my side and stayed there - again a first - all night.  She did go to sleep very quickly, but for the first hour or so I could feel her body trembling and her breathing was ragged - not laboured as such, but not normal for her.  I eventually dozed off and by the time I woke in the early hours to go to the loo, she was still fast asleep and resting peacefully, no trembling and her breathing seemed back to normal.

Thankfully, this morning she seems much better - she jumped off the bed ok, has wee'd and pooed normally in the garden, no trembling, her head and tail are back up.  She seemed hungry, so we gave her a scrambled egg, which she ate straight away, and kept it down.  She's still quite subdued but has wagged her tail at me several times, she's currently dozing on the sofa (she jumped up by herself).  So I'm optimistic that it was just a stomach upset and she'll be fine.  I was so very worried last night though - she's my baby and my world.  I'll give her plain cooked chicken mince and grated carrot this evening, which she loves, and keep a close eye on her for a couple of days.

Noise, rain, cooking

 There's a load more noise this morning - not from husband and dog (or even the TV, it's actually switched off for once!).  It's those builders again, who are building the holiday home in a neighbour's garden - not our back next door neighbour, but one 2 houses away from him.  We think they had an old barn or outbuilding in their back garden demolished and are having this new holiday home built in its place.  The 4 large houses around the corner from us all front more or less directly onto the road, hardly any front garden to speak of and the road itself is narrow, barely more than one car's width, with a couple of layby passing spaces.  The rear gardens of all 4 houses are accessed via a (narrow again) shared drive.  There's no way any delivery lorries or vans could get up the shared drive, it's just too narrow, there's only room for the residents' cars.  So all the building materials, skips etc for the new build holiday home have to be dumped in the layby on the road - this layby is directly beside the end wall of our bungalow, with a hedge and trees in between.  The neighbours must have had the relevant permissions from the local Council to have all this work done and the materials etc dumped where they are, although it does prove a bit of a nuisance for local traffic (including us) sometimes - their deliveries often block the road up.  But the main thing is the noise - a lorry full of aggregate type stuff arrived at 07.30 this morning and dumped it all in the layby.  There were a couple of workmen, plus the neighbour who was having it delivered, all out there shouting instructions to each other.  Since then, another worker has been trundling back and forth in a small digger thing, collecting a load of the gravel stuff and trundling back to the work site to dump it....rinse and repeat.  It's very annoying.  I know it'll all be finished sooner or later, but you'd have thought the neighbour would have put a note through everyone's doors explaining things (and apologising!), as a matter of courtesy.  We apologised in advance to our next door neighbours about any possible noise due to the kitchen fitting, even though we weren't the ones organising (or paying!) for it.  The neighbours said the builders were actually very quiet and not a nuisance at all.  I've always been sensitive to noise, it's the thing that affects me above all else.

My new kitchen is so lovely, it's a pleasure to work in and I'm enjoying spending time cooking in there, it's reawakened my interest in cooking and baking.  The gammon is currently in the slow cooker, I'll slice and dice it later when it's cold.  The stock I shall use to make a big pot of pea, ham and carrot soup, to be portioned up and frozen.  I'm going to chop a load of Mediterranean style veggies, including our homegrown courgettes and the first of our butternut squashes, with a bought red pepper and aubergine.  They'll be roasted in the air fryer (in 2 or 3 batches probably) and frozen in portions.  One portion I'll keep out to top a pizza tomorrow, I'll make the pizza dough in the morning.

Husband made a start on work in his shed yesterday, after some gentle encouragement from me - not sure exactly what he was doing, but it seemed to involve a lot of sawing and drilling.  Oh, and he cut himself (just like your husband, K!) somehow, didn't even know he'd done it until he noticed the blood running down his forearm and smeared on his clothes 😒.  It was only a small cut, but because of the blood thinner meds he takes for his heart condition, he is a bleeder!  He's just gone back out there, but has almost immediately come in again - he says he's got cramp (which he gets often, he does have quinine tablets for that, but hadn't taken one in a while).

It rained nearly non-stop most of yesterday and the early hours of the morning.....after a brief dry spell this morning, it's now peeing down again, and forecast for pretty much all day again.  Better from tomorrow though, apparently.  Good, I have washing to do, veggies to harvest and some garden tidying to get done.

A load of noise first thing

 Just before 9 am this morning there was an absolute cacophony of noise here in my house - the TV was on (of course!), dog was barking her head off because husband had been playing with her and got her all excited, then husband yelling at her because he's now fed up with her barking - which he'd caused!  There are times when living alone on a desert island seems very inviting....

It's going to be an awful day weather wise here, rain is forecast for virtually the whole day.  Which means husband will be watching (falling asleep in front of) the TV all day!  I'll have plenty to do - I'm having a batch cooking day today - but husband never thinks of anything to do, unless I give him a job or two.  If he can't go outside, then he's like a bored little kid at the end of the school holidays.  So I'll have to find him something to do, or suggest he goes in his shed - he'd asked the kitchen fitters to keep back 2 of the old kitchen wall cupboards for him (they take all the rest away for disposal), he wants to put them up in his shed....a very good idea, as it means he can get some of the junk up off the floor and put away in the cupboards.  So he could be getting on with that!

I've sent him to town to get a couple of things, giving me 45 mins of peace whilst I get my head back together.  Betty is no trouble whatsoever when husband is out - she's quiet and either sleeps or follows me around....silently!

Having thought about the kitchen units in the morning yesterday, I got on and moved stuff around and then emptied the rest of the boxes and packed the stuff away....now everything is just where I want it.  There's just one box left actually, all the glasses, and I know exactly where they're going.  I made a medium size Kilner jar full of bread & butter pickles, and cooked some savoury mince for husband for freezing, and some dog food.

So far this morning I've made a batch of cheese scones, some for lunch today with a cup a soup, the rest to be frozen.  I'm going to make a couple of oven baked tortillas, one we'll have for dinner this evening with green veg....well, half of one tortilla, the other half will be tomorrow's lunch.  The 2nd one will be frozen in portions.  I'm also going to boil a gammon, some will be sliced for husband's dinners, some diced for pasta bakes or risotto, the rest minced for soups.  I can do such a lot with a gammon, although I don't eat it sliced, I don't mind a small amount in a pasta bake or something similar where it's not the main ingredient but more of a flavouring.  The boiling stock I'll keep for soups, of course.

A pondering day (to save work and my bad back)

 I'm already thinking that some of the kitchen stuff I put away yesterday in the new units needs to be reorganised.  So, before I put anything else away, I think today I'll sit in the kitchen and ponder and decide what I want to go, where.  That'll suit me much better, as my back is still killing me today, I really overdid things yesterday with all the lugging boxes around and bending.  I didn't sleep at all well last night either, too many things churning around in my mind - the heavy rain showers battering against the window didn't help.  Fortunately, this morning it's not raining, although it's cloudy and more showers are forecast this afternoon, so I got washing out on the line early.

Husband has just brought in about 10 mini cucumbers, except they're not so mini anymore, more like nearly full size cucumbers.  I guess I'll have to pickle them - unless any of you readers know of recipes using cucumbers.  Not soup though, doesn't appeal, whether cold or hot!  He went to look at the big cooking apple tree on the estate yesterday - he said it's certainly big, but all the apples are high up and not reachable without a ladder.  He'll have to keep going back and checking for windfalls.  There's a community orchard nearby on the main road.....as yet I know nothing about it, I'll have to look it up on the FB village community page.  Apparently, this estate of ours used to be an orchard in years gone by, hence why there are a few remaining apple and cherry trees dotted around.  We do have an apple tree in the middle of our front lawn.....however, since husband took it upon himself to 'prune' it very early in the year (and for 'prune' read 'hack away large amounts of it'), it's had no apples at all.  Next door neighbours say it's a cooking apple which has fruited quite well in previous years (before we moved here and husband went mad with the shears!).  Perhaps it'll fruit well next year - I can live in hope!  That's the trouble with husband, he never asks me anything or even tells me he's going to do something - he just does it, and by the time I find out what he's doing, it's too late.

Right, I'd best get on with the kitchen pondering.  Oh, and I've just had a thought about the cucumbers - I think I'll make a couple of jars of bread & butter pickles - I've got a few empty Kilner jars and some pickling spices.

So good to be home and have a lovely new kitchen

 Apologies, dear readers, it seems I was indeed wrong - we bought the caravan in May 2021....even though it says on the payment receipt provided by the site owner 2020 - clearly an error on his part, which I didn't notice at the time.  Hence why, having looked at the receipt the other day, I thought it would be 5 years come next May.  The date we bought the van was pointed out to me by a blog reader yesterday - a very rude and insulting comment by an anonymous (of course!!) person, the comment went straight in the bin.  I feel quite sorry for this person, who obviously has nothing better to do with their days but spend time searching back through my blog to find the exact date of purchase, so they could call me out on it.  Incidentally, rude person, it was a MISTAKE on my part, not a LIE!!  I genuinely thought we'd had the caravan longer.

Anyway, enough of that.  We arrived back home before lunch today, to our lovely finished new kitchen - all the paintwork is dry, so no worries about dog or husband brushing against it.  They cleaned up well after themselves, no mess anywhere, the lovely new flooring all clean.....although vinyl, it really does look like wood laminate flooring and complements the kitchen units perfectly.  I couldn't be more pleased.  Husband likes it too, and Betty has sniffed everywhere and I think given it her approval!  Her food and water dishes are in a different place now, she quickly got used to the new location.  I've emptied all the stacked boxes that were in the lounge (mostly tinned and packet food and day to day crockery, kettle, cooking appliances) and put them in the cupboards.  There are more boxes out in the car port but they'll wait until tomorrow, nothing out there is needed today and my back has had enough of bending and lifting for the moment.  It's so nice to be back to uncluttered order in the lounge.  The kitchen now looks so much bigger and brighter somehow - even though we have 2 additional cupboards, all the other new cupboards are in the same places as the old ones.  Due to the additional cupboards, and some of the new cupboards being slightly wider, deeper and taller than the originals, there's so much more storage space.

We've been to the supermarket and got a top up shop of fresh stuff, I won't need to go again for about a fortnight.  Our tomatoes are ripening rapidly now, I'll have to start making some pasta sauces.  Two of the courgettes have ballooned to marrow size in our absence - which is fine, I'll do stuffed marrow, with a roasted tomato, packet rice, cheese and herb filling for me and a minced meat one for husband.  The leeks are ready to use now as well.  A neighbour told husband about some cooking apple trees in a communal area of our estate, which are apparently full of fruit and available for anyone to pick, so we'll have some of those.  So I've got plenty to do for the rest of the week.

It's so good to be home - I can't stop looking at my new kitchen with a big smile on my face.

What's right for us

 Actually, having checked my caravan paperwork, it'll be 5 years next May.  And yes it's gone very quickly.

Some of you seem to be under the impression that we may regret giving up the van....with respect, you're looking at things from your point of view, you're not in our shoes.  I don't make any major decisions without first giving the matter lots of consideration, discussion, weighing up the pros and cons.  Currently, there are more negatives than positives.  We've not yet come to a definite decision anyway, we have all of the winter closed season to think about it - right up till 2 June next year in fact.  And one of the major considerations to take into account will be husband's future health.  We must do what is right for us.  But thank you for all your views.

It rained quite a bit through the night (quite noisy in a tin box!) and is thoroughly dismal right now, although it is forecast to clear up later, with possibly a bit of sun.  Just going to rest and make a few plans/write a few lists today.  I've got a couple of health issues which are troubling me at the moment and am not feeling particularly well.  The dismal weather and sense of being in limbo until I can get home and get the kitchen sorted isn't helping.  Roll on summer! (Oh, we've had it 🤬).

Choices and thoughts

 Having spent one night back here at home, I'm almost reluctant to go back to the caravan this afternoon.  But it's the sensible thing to do - Betty would be all anxious and whining whilst the men are here finishing off the kitchen tomorrow, and I don't want her (or husband!) brushing against wet walls and paintwork.  K, that really made me laugh, the idea of husband and dog leaving wet paint silhouettes against other walls and furniture 😂😂

We'll come back home Tuesday afternoon, I reckon that'll be enough time for the emulsion to dry - the only bit of glossing left to do is the curtain rail thing over the kitchen window, which obviously isn't in the reach of husband or Betty.  And emulsion on walls dries quickly, so 24 hours should be ample time.

Husband has already been asking me which bags/boxes I want to unpack first, and where I'll be putting the stuff.....I've said I'll just do one bag or box at a time, it doesn't really matter which order I do them in, just whatever comes to hand first.  As for where everything will be going.....pretty much in the same places as it all was before, the new cupboards are all in the same places as the old ones, except for 2 completely new (additional) cupboards.  I put things in the most logical places - i.e. the cleaning stuff in the under-sink cupboard, cooking pans where the air fryer and table top oven will go, washing machine supplies in the new cupboard above the washing machine, etc etc.  I might give husband a shopping list and send him out shopping whilst I'm putting stuff back in the cupboards, so I can get on with it without him talking at me and trying to 'help' by putting things away where I'll have to hunt around for them and move them from later!!  He's got to have a finger in every pie, he just can't help himself. 😒

We've not made a final decision yet, there's some more thinking and discussion to be done over the winter period, but I think we may well be giving up the caravan next year.  It's served a purpose, we've had lovely times there for the past 5 years and made some wonderful memories, but there are now more disadvantages than advantages.  We haven't used it nearly as much this year (mainly since our lovely friends C & J departed in April), so we're really paying out quite a considerable amount of money now for something that we're not using much.  As I said, we'll come to a final decision during the closed season this winter.  The site fees are paid up to the 2 June next year, so we have plenty of time to make up our minds.  Once again I'm making sensible choices - head over heart.  But my heart isn't really in it anymore in any case.