Thursday, 9 January 2020

Mixed feelings

Thank you for all the suggestions about clearing stuff off my phone to improve the memory....I had 100s of photos and some videos, mainly of Betty, so have started deleting a lot of them.  Viv, I didn't realise I could hook my phone up to the laptop and delete stuff that way, thank you for that.  Gemma's P, thanks for the suggestion to crochet a phone cover....I've dropped my phone a few times, so really need a hard case to protect it, I have actually found one I like and ordered it now.

Speaking of improving memory is absolutely shot to pieces right now, I cannot remember ANYTHING.  It's not been that good for a couple of years (old age creeping up) but at the moment it's utterly dreadful.  Stress, I guess.  For some while now I've had to write a shopping list....I generally take a photo (must remember to delete them promptly!!) of the list as I quite often forget to take it with me to the supermarket so at least i have it on my phone.  I prefer the written list though as it means I can delete items as they go in the trolley....if I've remembered a pen, although I do generally keep one in my bag.

Anyhow, we needed to go shopping Monday, I'd written a list, forgot to take it, and had forgotten to take a photo.  So of course I didn't get half the things I wanted, as I couldn't remember what was on the list.  When i got home i found the my jacket pocket, I'd had it with  me all the time.  Duh!!  So we had to go back the next day, to get the things I'd forgotten.....despite taking the list, I FORGOT to get my milk (I'm lactose intolerant so have lactose free milk).  Milk!!  a basic requirement, it was on my list and I still forgot it.  I'll run out of it today so will have to get some tomorrow.

Mum was cremated yesterday morning, she was first on the list.  It was a very strange day.....initially I was very upset, as it seemed so final - stupid i know, mum's dead anyway, but her being cremated somehow meant it was final, that was it, she's definitely gone now.  But later on I felt better, it was as if some tension had been released once the cremation was over.  Just the memorial service on Saturday to get through now.  There'll be loads of people there, which is testament to how popular and loved mum was, but I must admit to feeling very overwhelmed at the thought of so many people, who will all want to come up and offer their commiserations.

It was also husband's birthday yesterday, for which I'd done nothing - he understands, he's been very good about it.  We did get taken out to lunch by a lovely neighbour, which was nice, it made it a bit special for him.  

I'm just pottering around today, doing a few small jobs and packing the weekend bag - I need to do that today, so I still have tomorrow to put in anything I forget today!  I've also worked out what we're having for dinner today and tomorrow, and got the necessary things out of the freezer.  Several days in the past fortnight it's got to mid afternoon and I've suddenly realised either i have no idea what we're going to eat for dinner that day, or i'd forgotten to get whatever it was out of the freezer and have had to hurriedly defrost it in the microwave.  Husband's taken the car into a garage to have something or other changed on the brakes, so we're carless till later on this afternoon....I just hope that they don't find anything else wrong, which often seems to happen with cars, especially old ones.  Still, I'm not going to worry about that, it's husband's problem not mine.


  1. They say funerals provide a sort of closure, don't they, and I found it so with my mum too. It did feel better after we had all said a last goodbye and her life had been celebrated between all her loved ones and friends. You might find it a release to talk a bit to people who loved/liked/cared about her and if you cry, I think that's OK. I did, we all did, in fact, but they were helpful tears.
    You have so many non-routine things buzzing around in your head right now, maybe it's not surprising that the routing things are a bit messed up. I'm sure it will all settle down again and - I know it's easy for me to say and a lot harder to do - but, if possible, try not to worry about it as that's just another thing that gets in the way.
    Sending love
    J xx

  2. Thinking of you at this time!!!

  3. I don't know if it is every phone but a manual will tell you or just google it with the make and type of phone. Glad you are feeling a bit brighter. Happy memories of your mum on Saturday - you will be able to take away a great feeling of love and comfort that will be present at her memorial service - something positive to remember in all your sadness. Take care xx

  4. I think a memorial service sounds so much nicer than a funeral. It's a celebration of the person and not the final goodbye. It's such a nice way to honour your mums memory.


Thank you for comments, however please note that rude ones won't be published. Nor will anonymous ones now.