Yesterday

 Betty was heaving and retching yesterday afternoon, mostly dry heaving but once or twice a bit of vomit. We'd put her outside each time, whereupon she immediately started trying to eat grass or other plants - which I'm not keen on her doing as I'm not sure without looking up each individual plant whether they're toxic to dogs.  When I've put her out, I watch her to discourage her from eating anything.....when husband puts her out, he doesn't even stay out in the garden with her.  I asked him to make sure he does - whereupon he immediately started arguing with me, getting quite irate.  I tried to explain that if we have to take Betty to the vets, yet again, because she's eaten something she shouldn't, it's going to cost even more (and never mind all the added stress and time and worry and me having to sort out the insurance) and then he'll be moaning yet again.  When I wondered out loud if she'd possibly eaten something she shouldn't, husband casually, as an afterthought, said 'oh she was eating a lot of grass in the field when I took her out after lunch'.  So that's probably what it was - she'd got bits of grass stuck in her throat.  I'm not against her eating grass per se, my only concern about it is that she often grabs long stems of grass and can't chew them properly, just basically swallowing them down.  So I'm always worried it'll get stuck in her throat or digestive system.  I have mentioned it to the vet in the past, who confirmed there's nothing wrong with dogs eating grass as such, the problem is if it gets stuck in their throats.

This morning when I got up, Betty had been sick (a fair amount) on the front doormat, there was a lot of grass mixed in with it, some pieces 2 or 3 inches long.  So that's what it was that was making her heave.  She seems fine now, thank goodness - I would have insisted on taking her to the vets if she hadn't been.

Yesterday afternoon I asked him to cut the front lawn, which isn't lush and green due to the prolonged hot weather, but has a lot of long dry spiky bits of grass and some runners from the hedgerow sprouting up in it - I wanted it cut so that Betty can't keep trying to eat it.  He'd got nothing else to do, he was having a lazy day (for a change!! 😣 ha bloody ha) watching TV or playing on his computer.  He didn't do it.  So I've asked him again this morning, and said I want it doing today and explained why.  

Things like this are a daily occurrence - husband is contrary, argumentative and cantankerous, he won't listen to me trying to explain anything, he just argues and gets verbally aggressive.  He won't just do as I ask, he has to answer back and argue, nearly every time.  But then there are other times, albeit very few and far between lately, when he's been helpful without me even asking.

It's wearing me down so much, when I get up in the morning I just think 'what's he going to be like today?' and I really don't want to face the day sometimes.

He's just taken Betty out, I asked him to please keep an eye on her (he's oblivious to what she's doing when he's out with her) and don't let her eat anything, and once again he's backchatted me, rolling his eyes and snapping at me.

This is my reality, every day, it's like living with an obnoxious, lazy, rude teenager.  I know he's probably shitting himself over his next round of memory tests next week, and the possible outcome - does he not think I have the same worries?  Even more so, as I'm the one who has to deal with the practicalities of it all, as well as the normal day to day stuff.  I've been in tears already this morning.

Thank you all so much for your support, it means a lot, even if it is all through the internet.

 

Enough

 I'm finding day to day life increasingly difficult, responsibilities are weighing heavily on me and the reality is it's just not easy trying to do everything on my own.  Along with the constant forgetfulness, husband is so argumentative and obstinate now, he flatly denies saying or doing things, constantly argues with me and moans like mad if I ask him to do anything.  I know it's not deliberate, well not consciously so, it's most likely to do with whatever is wrong with him, but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with.  I am constantly making allowances for him, and having to explain to others why he's so rude now.  Frankly, it's not nice to live with on a daily basis.  He never appreciates anything I do for him.  It's such an effort trying to get him to do anything, especially when he keeps rolling his eyes at me and grumbling, so I end up gritting my teeth and doing it myself.

I feel so bloody low, unsupported, alone and so tired of everything.  And yet I try to keep everything normal and carry on, on a daily basis.

If anybody is fed up with reading my complaints - well don't read my blog.  And if anyone wants to tell me to be more tolerant with him, don't do that either - god knows I bloody well am!  Nobody else lives my life, or is a fly on the wall, so nobody knows exactly what it's like.  And please don't tell me I should be thankful I still have a husband - I've had that said to me in comments several times.  There is a limit to how much I can cope with, and I'm fast reaching that.

And please don't tell me to go to the GP either - I'm absolutely not having antidepressants (I was on them supposedly for a short time a few years ago, and it took over 2 years to come off them....I'm not doing that again) and nor do I want any kind of talking therapy.

Because husband has always been so chatty, laid back and the life and soul of the party (not so much now), everyone who knows us thinks he's absolutely marvellous.  And because I've always stayed in the background and let him have centre stage, I don't get noticed.  Husband always butted in and took over the conversation if I was talking anyway, so I just more or less stopped talking.

I'm not going to be writing my blog anymore, unless there's something to report - like results of his next lot of brain tests, or a house move....and I have little faith that that's going to happen anytime soon.

Thank you all for reading, I've really appreciated the support.

I'll get through this, somehow, I always do.  

Doing not a lot means pain

 Recently I haven't noticed much pain in my hip, back or knee, except at night in bed - I guess it's because I've been so busy and preoccupied lately.  Well, yesterday that was proved correct - as I had nothing much to do.  During the morning I thought blimey, my hip doesn't half hurt, and my back too.  I didn't want to be wallowing in pain all day, so decided we'd go out to Blue Anchor bay for a walk, despite it being Saturday and very warm.  There's a big car boot sale on there on Saturday afternoons so I thought that was actually a good time to go, thinking that most of the tourists would be walking round the boot sale.  Which proved to be the case - the boot sale was heaving (we didn't venture in), the promenade walkway above the beach and the beach itself weren't very busy at all, despite there being loads of cars there.  We walked from one end of the promenade to the other, then turned back - halfway along there's a really nice cafe owned by the big holiday park, so we stopped there for a coffee, we sat outside under the shade of a tree, watching the tide go out.  It was a lovely couple of hours.  However, by the time we left there and walked back to the car, I was limping quite a lot, my hip giving me a lot of pain.  It kept me awake much of the night too.  So I'll just have to make sure I keep busy!

It was really hot and humid last night, both Betty and I found it really uncomfortable.  She was so restless poor thing, she kept jumping off the bed and searching around for cooler spots on the floor, sleeping there for half an hour and then jumping back on the bed.  Twice during the night she went and had a big drink of water - we have a bowl of fresh water on the landing for her.  It's going to be hot again today but is forecast to be a few degrees cooler this coming week, thank goodness.  She has her last doses of antibiotics and anti-inflammatories today, all her cuts are healing up nicely.

Sue, that choppy salad is a brilliant idea, can't think why I haven't done it before.  It was so easy and quick to serve up a portion for lunch yesterday, husband had corned beef and mayo with his, I had crumbled feta with balsamic dressing.  Yum.  And there's loads left for the next few days.  I'd added some sweetcorn and a tin of baked beans to the salad veggies - I rinsed the sauce off the beans - to add some protein and make it more substantial.  

Donna, thank you for the kind comments about my card and food blogs - I haven't actually written anything on those for ages, more than a year probably.  I do still make cards now and then, not nearly as often as I used to though.  A new card shop opened up in town a while ago and they sell some good quality and pretty cards that are actually quite cheap to buy, so I tend to get those instead.  To be honest, I found writing 3 blogs just too much, both in terms of time and finding things to write about....I didn't want to feel pressured into having to take photos of every card and meal I made and write about it.  Not that any of my readers put any pressure on me, it was me putting the pressure on myself.

Today I'm making another couple of things to put in the freezer, then doing a freezer inventory and meal plan for the week.  Husband said he'll make the dog food today.

What to do?

 Re the stolen caravan - it's a condition of our Park's terms of agreement that all of our caravans, be they statics like ours or touring caravans on a permanent or seasonal pitch, must have insurance, we also have to have yearly gas inspections and 5-yearly electricity supply inspections.  So the owners will get an insurance payout, I'm assuming - unless their insurers try and wriggle out of it somehow.  They did have security devices (wheel clamps and hitchlock) fitted to their van, but the thieves came equipped for that and used something to just cut them off.  

Years ago we had our touring caravan stolen, we'd bought it brand new and only had it 8 weeks, it was fitted with all appropriate security devices and a tracker, but still got stolen - by professional thieves.  I firmly believe that if thieves want something enough, they'll have it, regardless of how we try to stop them - after all, stealing is their job so they're very good at it!  We did get the caravan back, amazingly, but the thieves had done a few thousand pounds worth of damage to it - as they were selling it on to an unscrupulous businessman who was buying it to use as accommodation for temporary foreign workers, they didn't really care about damage.  It was repaired by the dealer we originally bought it from, to a very high standard - back to brand new.  Our insurance paid for all the work.  It was all very upsetting at the time though.

I did a big choppy salad yesterday to keep in the fridge for my lunches, and a trayful of Mediterranean roasted veggies plus a cauli cheese, to fill up the oven as I had it on for a loaf of bread.  The bread was a packet sourdough mix from Aldi, not seen it before, I thought I'd give it a try as it's less than half the price of the sourdough loaf I usually buy.  Sourdough bread (proper sourdough, that is) has less of a bloating impact on my digestive system than any ordinary bread.  Not tried it yet, I'll have a slice or 2 today and see how it goes.  Quite a lot of supposed sourdough breads in shops aren't really proper sourdough at all, they're just normal wheat and yeasted loaves that have a bit of sourdough starter added to them, and then get called sourdough, quite wrongly - just because any artisan-type bread commands a higher price.  I should really start making my own sourdough again, but haven't got the time or inclination right now.  And anyway, it would only encourage me to eat more bread if I did.

I've actually got nothing much to do this weekend - well, there's plenty I could be doing, such as starting to pack, but don't feel inclined.  I know it's a waiting game and we'll be offered a property eventually, but at the moment it just feels like we're being knocked back all the time, we've put in loads of bids and none of them have come to anything.  It's so frustrating.  So what to do this weekend?  It's forecast to be quite warm and muggy again (it's already humid), and neither I nor Betty like this sort of weather.  Husband says it's too hot for him to be doing anything outside, so it'll be a weekend of TV or computer games/trawling through endless pages of cars for sale for him.  There's a local sort of country fair on today, a smaller version of a county show with livestock and lots of stalls to browse, but it'll be crowded and hot and I don't really want to be encouraged to spend any money unnecessarily, so we probably won't go.  Our favourite beaches will be busy with families, so that's out.  I don't know, I'll think of something.

Bad news/good news

 One bit of bad news, although not really for us, followed by some very good news to balance that yesterday.

The journey to the caravan park yesterday took 1.5 hours, twice as long as normal, due to traffic build up caused by a lorry fire on the motorway.  Still, we had a lovely few hours once we got there, watered and deadheaded the plants, caught up with fellow owners, sat under the gazebo eating lunch.  The bad news - a caravan was stolen from the park in the early hours of the morning a few days ago.  Not a static of course, a touring caravan, albeit a large one on a seasonal/permanent pitch, meaning the owners leave it there all the time and treat it more like a static van.  The owners only bought it brand new late last summer, so haven't really had much use out of it yet, it's a very big van, the largest permissible size for towing in this country.  It's a make and model that is very popular with the travelling fraternity, the police told our site owner (on the phone, they haven't visited) that it was most likely stolen to order and has probably already been spirited away out of the country.  There's only one way in and out of the park, security lights and CCTV cameras, so the thieves were taking a chance, although they did pick a time and day when there were hardly any owners on site, the police said it was highly likely the thieves had surveilled the site in advance.  They were in and out very quickly with no noise or disturbance, clearly professionals.  Very sad for the van owners.

Shortly after we got home, I had a phone call from the Memory Assessment clinic, giving us an appointment date for husband's further more extensive memory tests, it's Tues 4th July so not long to wait at all now.  It was the senior psychologist herself who rang, the one who will be conducting the tests, she sounds very nice.  She's sending a letter with all the relevant details.  So that's good news.

The cuts on Betty's nose were bleeding again yesterday, she must have scratched or rubbed the scabs off.  I guess it's probably itchy, poor thing.  I've been bathing it with cooled boiled water.  She seems ok in herself though, and has been eating her food with the antibiotics and anti-inflammatory meds in, so that's a relief.

Husband has promised to do a couple of small jobs today that I've been asking him to do for a few days - I may well have to remind him again though!  Having bought a load of veg yesterday, I'm going to make a choppy salad (inspiration from Sue of a Smaller and Simpler Life) to last for a few days in the fridge, and a big tray of Mediterranean veg to be part roasted and frozen.  

My one day of calm in amongst all the irritations

 We're off to the caravan today, just for a few hours.  This is now a regular thing I've introduced into our week - a day at the van park, pottering in the garden there, deadheading and weeding, watering ours and next door's plants.  Sitting outside in the sunshine, but under the gazebo to avoid getting burnt or too hot, drinking coffee and eating our lunch.  Catching up with fellow owners, or just sitting reading my book and listening to the birds.  It's one day a week where I have nothing much to do and no responsibilities, so it recharges my batteries.  And it's something I really look forward to each week, a day of calm and peaceful rest.  Happily for me, husband doesn't often put the TV on whilst we're there....as it's been sunny pretty much all the times we've gone there recently, he's happy to be outside - if there are fellow owners around he'll go and chat, otherwise he dozes in the recliner chair in the sun.

We've got 2 bags of clothes to drop off at the charity shop on the way to the van, and I need to stop at the supermarket on the way back to get some more fresh veg.

I've decided to re-advertise the furniture for sale on FB marketplace.  From now on though, I will simply delete and block all the responders who are obviously scammers, common sense should tell me who they are.  It's just annoying that there are so many evil people nowadays who are just lying in wait to catch you out, if you're not really careful.  The idiots who ask stupid questions irritate me as well - they'd get the answers if they read the listing properly!  It just wastes my time having to answer thick people who can't be bothered to read the advert to get all the relevant information, when I make a point of including everything in it.  I've got absolutely zero patience or time for stupid people.

I've become a lot less tolerant recently - I think it's partly to do with age, the older I get, the less likely I am to suffer fools gladly, my mum and my granddad were the same.  But it's also because I have so much on my plate now, what with husband's ongoing problems (which cause problems that need dealing with every single day) and our housing situation.  Husband is no help at all with the housing stuff, it's not his fault, it's just how it is.....doesn't make it any easier for me though.  And having to repeat things to him literally dozens of times a day, get him to do the few jobs I ask of him, and cope with his moods and increasing rudeness every day is so exhausting.

Right, take a deep breath and get ready for my calm day!

Rain, jobs (his and mine), and what not to say

 We did have a fair bit of rain in the early hours of yesterday morning, and a bit more in the evening, which did soak the ground and the pots, desperately needed.  However, it's back to being sunny, dry and very humid again today.  We've not had any thunderstorms, even though the forecasters said there was a chance of some.  The lawn has greened up a bit, but still has big cracks in it from all the dry weather for the past few weeks.

There are no suitable properties on the housing list again this week, so it's back to waiting.  The housing association who own the one we bid on last week have indicated they are considering someone - not us, although the persons concerned might drop out or be discounted for some reason, so we still have a chance as we're No. 7 on the list.  The other 2 we bid on several weeks ago are still showing as 'Landlord to confirm' which means that the landlord hasn't yet made up their mind - both of those properties are owned by the same landlord (a different one to last week's) so it just goes to show that some landlords, for whatever reason, take much longer than others to do what needs doing before they allocate a property.  You'd think it would be in their best interests to get the necessary admin stuff done and choose a tenant to take up occupation ASAP, as obviously they're not earning any money whilst the properties are empty!  Oh well, we just have to be patient, as always.

I'm making some vegetable fritters today, to use up half a bag of diced mixed veg that's been hanging about in the freezer for months.  I'm also making a smoked salmon crustless quiche for dinner today, with leftovers for lunch tomorrow.  We're going to the caravan for the day tomorrow, so I'll just need to take some salad to go with the quiche for lunch there. 

Betty's much better today, I'm pleased to say.  She was still very restless during the night, as was I....I can't remember the last time I had a decent amount of sleep.

Meg, a new commenter (welcome and thank you) commented on a previous blog post that her husband has a mild cognitive impairment and she has to be careful what she tells him.  Cognitive impairment is one of the things that husband's psychologist has said could be wrong with him, if it isn't a form of dementia.  Meg, you're so right, I really have to think twice before I tell husband things, because I know he WILL repeat it to others, even if I ask him not to.  And another problem I have is that when he does say something and I bring it up, he will flatly deny saying it, even if I heard him.  I guess he just forgets.  He gets angry with me and says I accuse him of things that he hasn't said/done, when the reality is that he DID say or do it, but has clearly forgotten.  It does make life very difficult.  He's currently supposed to be finishing off cutting the front hedge, a job he started last week but didn't finish.....however, he's vanished, no doubt down the road chatting to one of the neighbours.  It's no wonder he rarely gets a job done.  Still, at least he's outside and not dozing in front of the TV.

Improvements - in diet and in Betty

 Betty and I both had a very restless night, she couldn't seem to get comfortable and was moving around a lot, she's also been licking her front paws a lot which is a sure sign of anxiety in her.  She's been very subdued so far today, very quiet, not her usual bouncy self at all.  She's also off her food, which is a nuisance as we always put her meds in her food, which she generally eats with no trouble.  I sent husband out to buy a cooked chicken, she did eat a tiny bit of that, along with the antibiotic tablet.  The wounds on her nose were still seeping this morning, although seem to be drying up now.  If she's still listless tomorrow, then we'll take her back to the vets, they did say to bring her back in if we were worried.  She is drinking water regularly, so that's something.

I'm going to overhaul our diets again, I've slipped into a terrible habit of buying things like ready made sauces and marinades, just for convenience.  Which is stupid really, as it's so easy and quick to make a simple tomato or cream sauce.  As for the marinades....they're full of sugars, salt and chemicals - I'd be much better off making my own with balsamic vinegar, lemon juice, a bit of honey, herbs and spices.  I've bought packs of southern fried chicken pieces a few times lately as both of us like KFC, but the supermarket ones simply don't taste like the proper KFC and again are full of additives.  I don't actually eat much chicken at all, but much prefer it (when I do eat it) simply cooked with lemon, herbs and spices.  I've also made cakes quite often recently - I'm not much of a cake eater, I might just have one slice, but husband loves cake and cuts himself thick slices, so by making them I'm just adding to his weight problem - he's put on quite a bit over the past few months, stones not pounds as he's recently admitted.  I'll have to make sure I buy plenty of fruit and yogurts, both of which he likes, so he can have those for snacks instead - he does like snacking in between meals, which is a habit he really ought to get out of.  We both like homemade tzatziki with veg crudites, so I could do a pot of that to keep in the fridge.  I haven't put on any weight but am feeling so very tired and sluggish, so a clean healthy diet will most likely help me too.

Added later:  Betty's improved a bit as the day has worn on, she's waggled her tail a couple of times and has eaten a small bit of lunch, along with her antibiotic.  She's stopped the anxiety paw licking too, I'm pleased about that.

This morning I persuaded husband to sort out his wardrobe and chest of drawers, both of which were crammed full - he was very reluctant so I helped him, it would never get done if I left him to do it himself.  Another 2 bin bags filled to take to the charity shop - so many of his clothes don't fit him or he just never wears.  I've just finished doing some banking, and rejigged the meal plan for the coming week, so it's a lot healthier.

Thanks for the suggestions for getting rid of furniture, I'll look into them.

Sandi - welcome.  The frothy coffees - they're instant ones that come in a box of 8 sachets, you just add hot water, supermarkets sell them.  

Scams and a stressful end to the day

 Yesterday, I advertised an armchair, chest of drawers and our dining table & chairs on FB marketplace.  Within minutes I had 3 messages, all from people with unpronounceable foreign names and none of whom live anywhere near here, according to their FB profiles (I checked).  Their profile pages were highly suspicious, giving no personal details and being mostly video clips (I didn't click on any of the videos, I'm not that daft).  Each message, purporting to be from 3 different people, was almost identical - saying they would have the item but were too busy with work to come view it, so would send a courier to give me cash and collect the item.  Oh really?!  Each person was very abrupt, insistent and rude.  I didn't believe a word any of them were saying - who asks no questions about an item for sale and says they'll buy it with no attempt to negotiate price and not even bothering to view it first?  And is allegedly willing to send a courier, thus adding greatly to the cost?  And do bona fide couriers actually agree to bring you cash?

Clearly scams, although I've no idea how they work.  I'm guessing that when the so-called 'courier' turns up, IF they do, they'll have no cash but will ask for a bank transfer instead, or will want to pay next to nothing.  Or the buyer will suddenly ask for bank details to pay by bank transfer at the last minute, citing some reason like they haven't had time to go to the cash machine.  I've removed the items from FB, I'm not prepared to have all that hassle.  Husband wasn't very happy about it (he just sees £ signs!) but he's not the one who has all the problems to deal with!!  He often wants me to advertise his surplus tools etc, on marketplace - well, this is exactly why I don't like doing it, there are too many idiots or scammers and I can do without all the trouble.

He did do a tip run yesterday, taking the old broken tumble dryer and some old cushions and other stuff, he says he'll take the old under-counter freezer next.  I've sorted out another binbagful of clothes and shoes that I haven't worn for ages....both pairs of shoes are uncomfortable, and the clothes are mostly ones that are a bit too tight and I've hung onto them thinking oh I'll lose a few pounds and slim into that.....Yeah right, who actually does that?!  So we'll combine the next tip trip with a charity shop run, they're not too far from each other.

And finally another bit of stress to end the day....when husband took Betty out after dinner, whilst off the lead in the field behind us she ran into the hedge and quickly came out yelping, according to husband.  She had 2 1-cm lacerations to her nose, a couple of gouges on the side of her face and one above her eye, all bleeding.  Husband didn't know what she'd caught her face on, but there is barbed wire running along inside part of the hedge (she's done exactly the same thing before when husband has been walking her, pity he didn't remember that).  I bathed the cuts with freshly boiled cooled water, but they were still bleeding and I was concerned about infection.  It was around 7 pm, so after hours, but our lovely vets live on site and are happy to provide out of hours support for registered clients, so I rang them for advice.  They said best to bring her in immediately and not wait till morning, because of the risk of infection.  They washed the cuts, saying they didn't need stitching (thank goodness) and gave her 2 injections, an anti-inflammatory and antibiotic, along with more supplies of both (in tablet and liquid form) for the next 5 days.  So what husband made on the sale of his tools, went on vet fees.  Hey ho.  We do have Betty insured, of course, but the bill came to just over the excess so not worth claiming for.  I feel sick whenever anything happens to my baby.

Being positive

 I love these light early summer mornings.  I get up around 5.00 am (Betty generally stays on my bed until daddy gets up), go downstairs, make a coffee....I love that first frothy coffee in the morning.  I sit in the lounge with the window open and listen to the birds, no other sounds apart from cows, sheep and cockerels in the distance.  It's an hour of quiet bliss, until husband gets up, comes down, the TV goes on straight away and he starts talking at me 😒.  As he did shift work and early starts all his working life, he's always been lively and wide awake the minute he gets up, whereas I'm not ready to face the world until I've been awake for a couple of hours and had 2 coffees.

Your comments did make me chuckle - Gemma's Person, especially!  Jayne, there are fairly new regulations in place now to protect tenants' rights, landlords cannot give tenants their marching orders without a very good reason - non-payment of rent or anti-social behaviour - so we're not likely to be evicted, thankfully.  HH - thank you for the hug, I do appreciate your friendship, as always.

I feel a bit more positive today, it was a bit of a bad week last week with one thing or another.  We are now waiting on bids we've placed on 4 properties, 2 of which are from about 5 weeks ago and it's the same Housing Association in both of those.....they obviously take their time!  I wish they'd all hurry up, but there's absolutely nothing we can do to move things along, we just have to be patient.  So, since I have absolutely no control over any of that, I just have to do things I can control.  So I've decided we're going to get rid of (sell, donate, tip) our surplus furniture, that'll free up space to store packed boxes.  We'll be downsizing, as you know, so we need to get rid of a couple of armchairs, our oak extendable dining table and chairs, husband's corner desk - all will be too big to fit into a smaller place.  I'm hoping there'll be room for my small craft desk and Ikea 8-cube unit which holds my craft stuff, so I won't get rid of those until we actually get to view a property.  Husband's wardrobe is massive, so we may well be getting shot of that too, replacing it with a much smaller one.  He'll have a small computer desk, which will go in a corner of the lounge.  We'll get a small 2-seater drop leaf table and 2 chairs, hopefully they'll fit in the kitchen in a new place, as it's doubtful we'll have a separate dining room like we have now.

Husband actually sold some of his surplus garden tools yesterday as a job lot - I advertised them for him on FB marketplace and, coincidentally, it was one of our neighbours who's bought them.  So that's a good start.  I did have the usual couple of time wasters asking stupid questions first.  I'm going to put some of the furniture on marketplace today, and we're going to do a tip run this afternoon.  Whilst husband agrees with me about getting rid of stuff and packing etc, he doesn't actually DO any of it unless I stand my ground and say Right, we're doing this today!  I have to take charge or else literally nothing gets done.

The forecast is for a lot of rain early tomorrow morning - thank goodness, the garden really needs it, both here and at the caravan.  I'm literally doing nothing in the garden here from now on, other than keeping it tidy.  I've earmarked which shrubs and roses I want to dig up and take to a new place.

Blabbermouth

 I know I've mentioned on here about our efforts to find somewhere else to live, but that's not a problem in any way - to put it bluntly, very few of you know me, so it's not like we can be identified.  I've only told a very few people in real life - 2 friends plus my siblings.  Husband, however, couldn't keep anything to himself if he tried, he's a right blabbermouth (gets it from his mother, it was a standing joke in the family that if you wanted everyone to know something, just tell her and say it was a secret!).  It transpires that all of our neighbours know - husband's told quite a few (as he talks to everybody) and the news gets round like wildfire.  A couple of neighbours I hadn't seen to speak to since the day of the anniversary tea party have asked me in the last couple of days how the move is coming along (I didn't even know they knew), and this morning a new neighbour who I've not even met yet asked husband when we're moving out - they were chatting over the garden gate.  Seems everyone knows!  The thing is, husband is oblivious to any possible consequences - at this rate, our landlords may well turn up on our doorstep asking if they can show prospective new tenants around as we're shortly moving out! (we haven't yet told our landlords, it's not something I'd be particularly keen for them to know until we actually hand our notice in).  We've not even been offered a place yet, not even close to that, never mind about moving anytime soon, however much we'd like that to happen.

I have to be very careful what I tell husband - as he's so indiscreet, I know he'll have no qualms about repeating anything I say, even if I tell him not to, he'll just forget that instantly and blab to anyone.

The list of jobs thing hasn't really been a success - he's completed just one small job.  He did start 2 others but hasn't finished either of them....to be fair, they're both outside jobs and it's been too hot for him to work outside in the afternoons.  However, if he'd started the jobs fairly early in the morning instead of faffing about doing nothing and not starting till lunchtime, he'd have stood a much better chance of getting them done!  It would also have been better if he'd actually finished the first job he started, before abandoning it and beginning another!  Honestly, he's a bloody nightmare.  I've told him I want both of the started jobs finished this week, and we are going to do at least one tip run.  I have to be really firm with him if I want things doing, which is so bloody frustrating.  And when I do have to ask him, yet again, to finish a job, all I get is a load of backchat.  He's back to being downright argumentative again.

I know he's frustrated and worried about not yet having a diagnosis for his memory problems - well, so am I for goodness sake!!  The outcome will affect both of us - probably me more so than husband, as he just breezes through life whereas I'm the one who has all the worries and planning and actually DOING stuff.  Honestly, it's all wearing me down more and more.  I'm so tired.

Limp

 At last!!  It rained last night/early this morning and feels so much fresher, more showers are forecast for the next few days and much lower temperatures.  After about a month of relentless hot weather, I'd just about had enough of it, I really don't get on with prolonged periods of heat.  Thank goodness I don't live somewhere that has heat all the time.  When we went to live in Gibraltar for a couple of years (my dad was in the Forces), my mum got heatstroke the first time we went to the beach, and had to be rushed to hospital in an ambulance.  I obviously get my lack of tolerance for hot weather from her.

We went out yesterday for a longish drive, to visit a place we've not been to for years, probably 10 years or more.  Husband insisted he knew how to get there and said I didn't need to put the satnav on....yeah right.  He got lost halfway there, basically did a big U-turn and we ended up nearly back home.  So then he said it might be better if I put the satnav on!  So what should have been a 45 min journey turned into 1.5 hours....by the time we'd looked at what we went there for and then came home, we'd been in the car for over 3 hours.  As it was a boiling hot day again, and the car's air con doesn't work (it needs re-gassing apparently), we were both sweltering and like limp wet rags by the time we got home, although husband copes with hot weather much better than I do.  Thank goodness I'd taken a bottle of water with us.

I'm not feeling at all well at the moment, I think it's probably mostly to do with the weather and not sleeping well, although I am under a lot of stress again right now.  As well as feeling like a wet rag, I'm extremely tired and my guts are playing up again, it's one of those times when everything I eat upsets my stomach, it gets like that when I'm stressed.  So I'm having a couple of days of not doing very much at all, other than basic housework - thankfully I've now got plenty of home-cooked ready meals in the freezer again so won't have to cook anything.

Patience is a virtue

 It's been pretty much like summer now for 3 or 4 weeks - I know we Brits love to talk about and complain about the weather!  I suppose that in countries where whatever weather they have is pretty much consistent, be it constant sunshine or very cold or wet, they're used to it, whereas our weather is generally anything but consistent, so a period of several weeks of warm sunshine is a novelty.  There have been several reports of possible thunderstorms, but we've had none - a very brief and light spatter of rain a couple of times, but not nearly enough to wet the ground or water plants, or to relieve the humidity.  I really don't like sustained hot temperatures, be it bright sunshine or hazy humidity, they both make me feel ill, especially come the afternoon.

I've put in another couple of bids for houses this week, both bungalows - amazingly, there were 2 suitable ones advertised this week.  Once again it's a case of wait and see, we're still waiting to hear about the 3 other bids we've had in for several weeks now.  Why does it all have to take so long?  Husband had a bright idea (or so he thought) this morning - did I tell the Housing Dept in our application what our hobbies are?  No, they didn't ask.  Well, he said, perhaps I should tell them that we like gardening!!  Huh, apart from the fact that he hardly ever does any now (it's a real pain trying to get him to do any, he's extremely reluctant now), seeing as it's not a question they ask in the application they wouldn't be interested!  He seems to think that if we express a keen interest in gardening, it'll almost guarantee us top bidding for one of the bungalows I've bid for this week (all the ones we've bid for have gardens, not just this particular one he likes the look of)!  Erm, no it won't dear.  I'm just as frustrated as he is, probably a lot more so if truth be told, but there's nothing we can do except wait.

First thing this morning he buggered up his bank account again - he input the wrong sign-in details yet again, 3 times in a row, so was temporarily locked out of his account.....that's the 3rd time he's done that in the past fortnight.  Whilst he was doing it, I tried to tell him he was doing it wrong, but he won't listen to me, he just basically ignores me and blindly carries on.  It's a good job I keep an eye on his account and make sure it's all ok.  This sort of thing is so wearing though, things like this happen every single day, it's no wonder I get so frustrated and feel like tearing my hair out.

The list of jobs I put up on Sunday, in the hope it might spur husband on to actually do some of them, is only half working out.....he's actually started 2, but not finished either of them, he's abandoned both of them halfway through.  No change there then.

We went to the caravan yesterday, to water all the plants and put in a few more, the garden there is starting to look really nice and colourful.  We had our packed lunch in the garden sitting under the gazebo, buying that gazebo was a brilliant idea (on my part!! 😁).

Some good news

 Two bits of good news yesterday....firstly, the car passed the MOT with just 2 advisories, neither of which needs immediate attention.  To say I was surprised is an understatement.

Then in the afternoon Hannah, the psychologist from the Memory Assessment team, rang following her holiday.   She said that the brain scan showed no signs of stroke, bleed on the brain or any other, what she called, major incident, so that's good.  She said they need to do more in-depth tests, requiring a senior psychologist (she's a junior one) to ask more specialised questions and do more physical and mental tests, which will need to be done at their clinic.  Fine, we have no problem with that.  There's a waiting list for appointments (isn't there always?), but luckily husband is No. 2 on the list, so he should receive an appointment letter within the next couple of weeks, for an appointment in July.  They want me to be there as well, to provide my insight and say whether or not I agree with things husband says.

Hannah also said she's now put a note on husband's file to say that if any of the team need to ring us, they are to make sure that I'm here, so I can listen in to the conversation, in view of the fact that husband doesn't remember much of what's said to him.

So bit of a relief there, at least we know now that an appointment is coming.

I did all my baking yesterday morning, it all came out well and is now frozen, I just need to make a couple of cottage pies and some cheese scones and perhaps sausage rolls, then that'll be plenty of ready meals and snacks to take to the caravan when we go back in a couple of weeks.

Husband's been looking to buy (yet another) car - he changes cars so often it's become a standing joke amongst neighbours/friends.  I couldn't really care less about cars so long as they work, don't cause endless problems and don't cost us loads of money!  However, husband is never satisfied with whatever he buys, for umpteen different reasons, so he's always looking for something better.  As we don't have loads of money to spend on a new (to us) car, it's always likely that whatever he gets will have the odd problem.  Well, yesterday afternoon he showed me another car online - on ebay actually - that he liked the look of.....honestly, sometimes I really think he's taken leave of his senses, it was so wrong on so many levels, I couldn't fathom why he thought it might be a good idea.  The mere fact that it was being sold on ebay was a big enough reason not to buy it, in my opinion.....oh and the seller lives around 40 miles away, so it's not like we could easily go view it - or husband get it back home!  It also had numerous other bad points (to my mind) - in fact I couldn't really think of any positives.

And until we know what, if anything, is going on with husband's severe short term memory loss, I don't think it's a good time to be thinking about buying another car - in the worst case scenario, he may not be able to carry on driving long term.

Husband made a start on one of the jobs on the 'to do' list - he was going to cross it off the list but I said no as he's not yet finished the job....if he crosses it off, it's very likely it will remain unfinished!  He did get on and do another small job - cooking some offal for Betty.  As I now hardly ever eat meat other than minced chicken and turkey (and certainly no offal), I can't stand the look or smell of it anymore, so husband is happy to prepare and cook it - and sneak a few mouthfuls himself.

I haven't eaten beef, lamb, pork or gammon since October last year and don't miss it at all.  I eat very small amounts of bacon, chopped up in something for the flavour, the occasional sausage (again, usually chopped up in a recipe or as sausage rolls, rather than whole sausages).  I use chicken or turkey mince in things like cottage pie, risotto or a pasta bake, minced beef or lamb tastes far too fatty to me now.  We had a KFC takeaway a couple of weeks ago, I used to love that.....however, the best bit about it for me this time was the coating, I didn't like the actual chicken much, I gave that to Betty.  I mostly eat fish - 3 or 4 times a week, a minced chicken thing perhaps once every 10 days, the rest of the time it's vegetarian - homemade.  Having tried several different 'meat substitute' type things, I have to say I don't really like any of them, other than Linda McC sausages.  So I'm not going to be turning back into a carnivore anytime soon, I'm very happy with my way of eating.  I do still cook meat for husband, although even he eats less meat now.

No time for worrying

 Husband's taking the car for MOT first thing this morning, he'll be out for 2 or 3 hours afterwards so I've got the morning to myself.  I'm not going to spend the time worrying about the car, so will be keeping busy.  I've done a list of jobs for this week and hung it up in the kitchen.....let's see how many husband feels inclined to do!

I'm having a cooking/baking session today.  Last night I took out some stuff from the freezer.....some homemade shortcrust pastry, enough for 2 open pies and a sheet of (bought) puff pastry.  Some sausages, a pack of bacon, smoked basa fillets and crabsticks and a couple of slices of leftover sourdough which I'll blitz to make breadcrumbs.  I'm going to make an open fish pie using the smoked basa and crabsticks, mixed with cheese sauce and topped with herby breadcrumbs.  I'll air fry some sliced courgettes, red onion and red pepper and mix with some diced bacon, feta cheese and a couple of beaten eggs, to go in the 2nd flan.  The puff pastry sheet I'll cut into 6 and score a border round the edges....spread the base with a layer of skinned sausagemeat mixed with tomato puree and top with the rest of the diced bacon, I'll cook the tarts for about 10 or 15 mins, then take them out and crack an egg on top of each.  Another 5 or 10 mins in the oven to set the eggs.  We'll have 2 of the sausage and egg tarts with salad for dinner tonight, everything else will be frozen.  So that'll be another 6 meals in the freezer, it's filling up nicely now.

A moment of drama yesterday evening - Betty came running in from the garden with a small dead baby rabbit in her mouth - no idea whether she'd caught and killed it or whether she just found it.  Just like a cat, she didn't want to let it go and a bit of a chase around the lounge ensued before she finally dropped it.  Yuck.

Bit of a fraught weekend what with one thing and another, hence why I didn't post anything.  Suffice it to say that my supply of patience is not bottomless, and gritting my teeth is wearing them out!

Any desert islands going spare?

 I hadn't looked at the damage to the car until this afternoon - well, husband certainly did a good job of pranging it.  He's patched it up, as best he can, temporarily, so I didn't see what it was like before that.  The bumper and wing are both torn, split and scratched - the fog light which was ripped out and hanging by the wires he has managed to get back in, and it still works, amazingly.  He's both glued and stuck the split bits back together with grey sticky tape, duct tape I think it's called.  So it looks a bit of a mess, he says it may need a new bumper and wing.  Sigh.  He took the car to the local garage which is doing the MOT on Monday, to see whether any of the damage would have an impact on the MOT....they said no, so that's one good thing I suppose.  Although there is of course no guarantee that it will pass anyway, it being quite an old and tatty car.  Personally, I don't really care what cars look like, so long as they suit our needs and actually work, without lots of problems.  But he's certainly not going to be able to sell it for much, when the time comes.

Things like this....husband's lack of attention and judgement when he's driving.....do worry me more and more.  If he has to give up driving whilst we are still living here, our daily lives will be fraught with difficulties, and I will feel even more trapped than I do now.  So it's even more imperative that we find somewhere else to live ASAP.  That in itself is a big worry for me, as it's all on my shoulders, the prospect of getting everything sorted and planned and actually moving house is so daunting, it gives me nightmares.

So, yep, my stress levels are building again, although I'm trying to keep a lid on it.  A desert island feels very appealing!  (It would have to be one without any 8-legged things, obviously).

Well it doesn't now look like we'll have any thunderstorms today, tomorrow possibly, but it has now got very sticky and uncomfortably muggy, I think sleeping will be a problem again tonight.

Nice day but didn't end very well

 We had a lovely few hours at the caravan yesterday - watering the plants, deadheading, taking stock of what early Spring plants are coming to an end and so the pots will need refilling with something new for summer.  We had lunch sitting in the garden in the sunshine, shaded by the new gazebo, then packed up to come home.  Betty enjoyed being there, lying in the sun for 10 mins at a time then going inside the van to cool off.

Unfortunately, when we were nearly home we had a little mishap.  Husband pulled out of a drive to turn right and misjudged the angle, crunching the front left corner (my side) of the car on a large piece of grating sticking out of a ditch.  Nobody was hurt, but the loud bang did frighten the bejesus out of me and Betty.  It's only relatively minor damage - corner bashed in and split, scratches and the fog light pulled out/damaged - but it's a nuisance as the car is booked in for MOT next Monday, and the light at least will have to be fixed before then.  It's not worth claiming on the insurance.  Husband was livid, he was stomping around and grouching like a bear with a sore head - to be fair, he was mainly annoyed at himself, although initially he was trying to look for someone else to blame.  I soon relieved him of that idea! 😒  Oh well, these things happen 😣.  It did spoil the day somewhat and is a bleeding nuisance.....it's husband's problem to sort out though so he'll get on with that and I'll carry on with doing more batch cooking for the freezer and sorting stuff in preparation for our eventual house move.  Some things I just have to turn a blind eye to.

We're forecast thunderstorms and muggy weather for the next few days.....not my favourite kind of heat, muggy weather makes me feel ill, but at least we won't need to water the garden and the pots at the van garden should be fine.  It was very warm, uncomfortably so, last night - Betty was feeling it too, she was very restless, jumping off the bed a few times to go and lie out on the landing, then coming back into my room and up on the bed again.  So we're both knackered this morning.

There are a couple of overripe bananas so I'll use them up in a banana & walnut cake today - as I'll have the oven on I'll make a cottage pie and something else (not sure what yet!) to fill it up.  Not really a good day to have a hot oven on, considering our weather forecast!  I'll have to keep out of the kitchen, except to check things every 15 mins or so.

Good start!

Firstly - Sue, yes husband does boot sales on his own, he's done quite a few, he likes doing them (I don't) and is pretty good at it - he's got the gift of the gab and loves bartering with people.  I very much doubt he'd sell anything for much less than its worth, he's too canny for that!  He did very well yesterday, selling about half of the things he took, he made about £75 which was pretty good considering it was the first Wednesday sale of the season at that particular venue, and it wasn't that busy.  He's only cleared a small space in the garage, so has plenty more things to sort out and sell...I'm sure I can find some more stuff indoors as well, he says he'll do a Saturday one next, they're always busier.

We're off to the caravan today, to water all the plants (ours and our lovely neighbours C&J, we water each other's).  There are a few things in the van and husband's tool shed that are surplus to requirements too, so we'll sort those out and bring them home for the next boot sale husband does.

For the past 2 weeks there have been no suitable properties for rent on the social housing list, in fact not many properties at all.   And we've still not heard about the 2 bids we already have in, the housing association (it's the same one for both properties) are certainly taking their time.  We're No. 35 on the list for one of the properties (so not much chance in theory) but No. 5 on the other - giving us a much greater chance.  However, I've looked back at all the properties that have been let over the past few months and people in our banding or lower and even shorter times on the list than us have been given homes, so I guess we have as good a chance as anybody really.  It is frustrating waiting to hear though - we seem to be waiting for everything, including health matters, at the moment and it's doing my head in!!  Patience is not one of my virtues......😂

A few of you have mentioned how organised I seem to be.....I was a secretary for most of my working life, so being organised comes naturally to me.  And being organised is vital for my sanity - knowing I'm on top of things keeps my stress levels down.....not being organised makes me feel totally out of control and very irritable.

Some of you may remember that well over a year ago, my siblings and I were contacted by a firm of solicitors (heir hunters actually) saying they were acting on behalf of the estate of a deceased relative of ours....a distant relative none of us were even aware of!  He apparently died intestate and with no direct descendants, he turned out to be an older, unmarried cousin of our mother's.  None of us recall her ever mentioning him, so we guessed he was a bit of a black sheep.  Anyway, having all signed up with them more than a year ago, we've heard nothing since - but now one of my siblings has had an email from a different firm, giving all the correct deceased details, and saying they are now in receipt of the funds (no figure given) but cannot release them for 6 months.  So that's all a bit odd - a different firm to the one we all signed up with, and only written to one of us 😕

I've had another couple of snide comments (anonymous of course as they're cowards) on my last couple of blogs.  All I have to say is.....you don't live my life, and seeing as I don't even know you (just like you don't know me), I don't really give a stuff what you think.  Jog on!

Taking small steps

 It was dull, cloudy and blimmin freezing yesterday morning when I put washing out on the line - bit of a shock to the system when we've had wall to wall warm sunshine for the past 3 weeks or so.  The sun did come out in the afternoon though and it warmed up.

I had a phone call from the duty nurse at the Memory Assessment clinic, to say that husband's psychologist is on a fortnight's holiday but will ring us back when she returns to work next week.  So at least we know.

Betty went for her grooming session in the morning and came back with lovely soft fur and smelling gorgeous, claws trimmed and looking beautiful.  We went to Aldi to stock up on the things we normally buy there which are quite a bit cheaper than in the bigger supermarkets, although they didn't have any of the sourdough crumpets I like.  They had big packs of fresh chicken mince though, so I got one of those and split it up to freeze.  Food prices are still going up, is it ever going to end?  The freezer is filling up nicely now, a couple more days of batch cooking and it'll be restocked....as well as batch cooking, I also try and make double quantities of whatever dinners we're having, so that the other portion can be frozen.

We did some more sorting out in the afternoon, finding more things for the boot sale - I accompanied husband to the garage, so he didn't get sidetracked and go off to chat with neighbours again!  We'll be packing the car up this morning, ready for husband to go to the boot sale this afternoon.  I'm going to take photos of all the furniture and bits we'll be selling on the local marketplace pages, I think we may as well start selling stuff now - it'll free up some space to stack boxes as we pack them.  I'm feeling like I want to get prepared, as much as we can, for our eventual move.

I generally write myself lists of things that need doing in my notebook - well, I think it might be an idea to write a list on a Sunday, in large print, and put it up on the cupboard in the kitchen.  It'll be a list of jobs - not specifically mine or husband's, just a list of what needs doing that week, and then the jobs can be crossed off as they're done.  That way, husband can see the jobs and choose what he wants to do....crossing them off and putting his name by them just might encourage him to do more, it might appeal to his competitive nature (in common with a lot of men 😜) to see if he can do more jobs than me!  (Unlikely, but it's worth a try 😂).  Problem relative is being a pain in the arse again at the mo, with loads of totally stupid queries and comments - I feel like I'm surrounded by idiots at times. 😒

For dinner last night I did a veggie stir fry, using a mixture of fresh green veg and cooked root veg left over from our Sunday dinner.  I added a very small amount of chopped smoked bacon, just for the flavour.  We had it with a sachet of posh rice and grains, with some pesto sauce stirred through, it was lovely.  Today I'll do jacket potatoes with a topping of smoked mackerel mixed with soft cheese and horseradish, with a side salad.  Not sure what time husband will be back from the boot sale, the jacket spuds (which I cooked on Sunday) will be reheated in the air fryer when he comes in.

Lots sorted out, and my days -v- his days

 Well, I got quite a lot done yesterday - husband....not so much.  

As I mentioned yesterday, I got 2 loads of washing sorted out first of all and loaded the machine with the first lot (I set the machine for overnight washes, on the Economy 7 tariff), with the 2nd lot ready to go in today.  Then I made a triple quantity of pastry and put it in the fridge to rest.  Having then got showered and dressed, I pulled a few things out of the kitchen cupboards that are no longer used and put them on the table for husband to take to the boot sale tomorrow.  Had a look through a couple of the larder cupboards in the utility room that I hadn't checked during my last sort out (they're not very accessible) and found a variety of jars, packets and tins of food that were well out of date.....I'm talking 6 or 7 years, or more.  About 8 jars of two kinds of homemade chutneys from 2016 and 17, and 2 jars of blackcurrant jam from 2017.  Packets of spices that were years old, in solid lumps and with next to no aroma, along with an unopened block of creamed coconut that smelt rancid.  A couple of jars of mustard and one of curry sauce, all 5 or 6 years old, I'm guessing they'll probably be ok.  The spices and coconut have been binned, I'll give the jars (they're all unopened and sealed) a sight and sniff test and decide whether it's safe to use them.

Sorted out a few more things from the kitchen and utility room for the boot sale.  Made the two flans and the meatloaf....we had half of one of the flans with salad last night, the other half we'll have cold for lunch today, the 2nd flan was frozen.  The meatloaf I cut in half, wrapping and freezing the two bits - each half will do us for a dinner one day and cold for sandwiches the next.  I also froze the remaining third of the pastry.  Then I went upstairs and had a look through my wardrobe and shoebox, filling a large carrier bag with 2 pairs of shoes and some tops and trousers I no longer wear, they'll go to the big cancer charity shop the next time we go to town.  In the bottom of a drawer in my bedroom I found 2 electric hair curlers (one was a small travel one) and an electric hairbrush thing.  As I've had very short hair for several years and don't go in for styling - I just wash and go! - and they've been in the drawer for years, unused, they can also go to the boot sale.  I can't think why I bought them in the first place, considering I've never really been one for titivating my hair, other than colouring it.

Still not heard anything from the Memory Assessment team, so I rang them on husband's behalf.  Recorded message to say they were all out of the office, so I left a message.....they didn't ring back yesterday, hopefully they will today.

So what did husband do?  Not a lot, it seems.  It was nearly 10.30 am when he went out to start sorting his shed.  An hour or so later I went out to tell him about the Memory Assessment thing - no sign of him but I could heard his voice down the road, chatting to a neighbour, I've no idea how long he'd been there.  It was another half hour before he finally appeared back in the garden.  He came in for lunch then (all that chatting must have given him an appetite!) and watched the lunchtime news - well, he put the news on and promptly dozed off.  I woke him up after a few minutes and he went outside again.  A short while later I went upstairs for something and caught sight of him in the service road at the back of our house, chatting (again!!) to the landlord's 2 farm workers who'd come to repair the 2 fences one of them had broken the other day when driving his tractor and trailer down the service road - our fence and a neighbour's.  Once again, he was out there for another 30 mins or so, then came inside as it was then around 3 pm and he wanted to watch his usual daytime rubbish on TV 😠 (he watches Escape to the Country, amongst other things, every day - why I don't know as we already live in the country!) 😒

If he spent as much time doing the jobs I've asked him to do as he does standing around chatting, he might actually stand a chance of finishing a job - which he almost never does.  And he wonders why I get frustrated and irritated with him.  I feel like I'm constantly on the go with a list as long as my arm of things that need doing, whilst he floats around doing very little, having nice chats and dozing in front of the TV.  Hopefully he'll get more of his shed sorted today - if he wants to sell stuff, then he'll have to!

Cooking and sorting

 I've started as I mean to go on, already done a few things off my list for today.  Sorted 2 more washloads out, made pastry which is now resting in the fridge for the 2 flans I'll be making later.  I've also had a look through the kitchen cupboards and pulled out a few more things that can go - a small slow cooker (think I've only used it 3 or 4 times for rice pudding), and a very large ceramic baking dish.  Bought it at a car boot sale probably 3 years ago, thinking it would come in handy when we have a crowd to feed - well, it's never been used so it might as well go.  A thermal insulated jug that isn't terribly efficient, it doesn't keep drinks hot for very long so we hardly ever use it.  Two full packs of candles I bought last autumn, in case of prolonged power cuts through the winter - which never happened.  I've got loads of candles and tealights actually, far more than I could ever need (unless the power was off for a week or two!).  Husband will be doing the first boot sale this Wednesday afternoon (he says), so I'll sort out some more stuff for him to take, he's sorting his shed over the next couple of days.  I'm going to go through my wardrobe and shoe box this afternoon, I'm sure I'll find at least a bagful of stuff to go to the charity shop.

I had several onions that were starting to sprout and go soft, having been in the utility room veg box for probably 3 or 4 weeks, so yesterday I chopped them up and slowly caramelised them in a pan on the hob.  I'm going to use the pastry to make 2 caramelised onion, smoked bacon and Cheddar flans, one for dinner tonight with salad and the other half for lunch tomorrow, the second flan to freeze.  As the oven will be on I'll also make a meatloaf, using turkey mince, skinned chicken sausages and sage & onion stuffing, that'll also be frozen, cut into slices.

So it's a cooking and sorting day today.  I'll have to keep an eye on husband, he tends to get sidetracked when he's doing anything outside and doesn't finish what he started, and often disappears altogether to go off and have a chat with a neighbour or two.

Decluttering and packing again

 Having decided we want to try and move house as soon as possible (preferably before our rent goes up significantly in October, although that's probably a big ask), we need to get going on more decluttering and packing.  We'll be downsizing so will need to get rid of a fair bit of furniture, most of the contents of husband's garage and big shed, and lots of clothes/shoes/books/DVDs/CDs/pictures etc.  Some will go to charity shops, some given away on local marketplace pages, some sold - either at boot sales (husband's willing to do a few) or FB marketplace.  I'm not very keen on selling/giving stuff away via Marketplace - in the past we've had so many people who, having made an arrangement, simply don't bother showing up and don't tell us either when we've been giving away things for free....timewasters are just so bloody rude. And when selling, we (well, I - it's always me who has to do it) get inundated with stupid questions which would be answered if people just read the listing properly!!  Or we get people trying to knock us down to ridiculously low prices - we only ever ask low prices anyway.  Some people just take the mickey.  But we need to get rid of the stuff so will just have to grin and bear it.

I've already done a big declutter of the kitchen a few weeks ago, but am sure I could go even more minimalist - will have to take a leaf out of Sue/A Smaller and Simpler Life's book!  I'll go through the kitchen again this week....I've also got quite a few tins and packets of food and toiletries that I'm not using, so they could go in the food bank donation point in the supermarket.  I should also start listing a few items of furniture for sale on the local pages.

I'm going to make a big effort to save as much money as possible - I already do save every month, with standing orders to 2 dedicated savings accounts, one for our caravan site fees and another as an emergency fund.  Moving house is a big expense though so we need to up our savings game, I'll set up another standing order for that, I have a 3rd little used savings account.  We also have Premium Bonds we can use if absolutely necessary.

Husband has said he's happy to do a boot sale this week, so I need to get cracking sorting stuff out tomorrow.

Yes, again!

 Every time we go to the caravan, or come back from it, we get people (neighbours, friends, even family) saying "Going on holiday AGAIN?!/Had another holiday - AGAIN?!".  Every time.  My answer is Yep, aren't we lucky?  We have to pay our annual site fees every June, regardless of whether we use the van or not, so we may as well use it as much as we can and get our money's worth.  Having two weeks at the van costs approximately what it would cost us to have a fortnight's holiday in a hired holiday cottage...in site fees, I mean.  So any time we spend there over and above the two weeks is, essentially, free.  Last year we spent 12 and a bit weeks there, this year so far I think we've spent about 3 and a half weeks there, so we've already covered our costs.  I think we'll probably stay there this year even more than we did last year.

With husband's heart failure, he can no longer drive long distances, he just gets far too tired and his concentration is affected.  We used to like holidaying in Cornwall, but it's too far for him to drive now.  Neither of us wanted to stop having holidays, so when he got his unexpected pension windfall we thought the ideal solution was for us to buy a static caravan on a small friendly site within a reasonable driving distance for him.  It's worked out so well, I've said it before and will say it again - it's one of the best things we ever did.

And I need it for my general health and wellbeing.  I have so much to do at home, over and above the normal housework and cooking we all do.  Husband is doing (or able to do) less and less, which means I have to do more and more.  Hoovering for the last few years has been his job - he took it on voluntarily when he could see how awkward and painful I found it because of my back, hips and knees.  He can't do it as much as he used to now though, he gets too breathless, which means I have to do some of it.  His failing memory and concentration means he forgets to do other jobs too, such as bin emptying and putting the refuse/recycling out.  So I sometimes have to do that too.  He's always dealt with all car stuff before - arranging MOT, any repair work, tax and insurance renewal.  Last year he got in such a muddle when trying to get quotes and renew the insurance that I had to do it for him in the end, no doubt I will this year too...well, every year from now on.  It's a full time job keeping track of his medications (he takes about 14 tabs a day), making sure he takes the right ones at the right time and reordering when necessary, and helping to find them when he drops them on the floor (a regular occurrence, and I don't want the dog finding and eating them!).

In the week before we went to the caravan, he buggered up both his paypal and bank accounts - entered the wrong password details too many times on his bank account online, meaning he was temporarily locked out of it.  What he did with his paypal account I've no idea, but he somehow altered the settings and then couldn't use it to pay for something he'd ordered.  He did something to his new (very basic) mobile phone too and couldn't get back to the home screen.  He regularly gets himself in a muddle on his computer, or gets frequent error messages on it.  Technology is most definitely not my strong point, but in the absence of an available techy friend - or a nearby 10 year old! - I have to somehow sort it out for him.

He'd ordered something for Betty from ebay, which should have arrived before we went away - it hadn't, and he hadn't had email notification of posting or an expected delivery date either.  When I checked for him, it transpired he hadn't actually completed the order, he'd not paid for the stuff, so no wonder it hadn't come!

Keeping up with his medical appointments for all his various health problems and making sure he doesn't double-book himself (another regular occurrence) is another thing which takes up quite a lot of time.

His rudeness and constant backchatting when I ask him to do something is escalating again.  He claims the rudeness is just banter - however, telling an 87 year old man (in front of his shocked 78 y.o. wife) to 'piss off' is not really what I'd call banter!  Especially when all his 'banter' is delivered with a poker face and no hint of a twinkle in the eye, nor a laugh and quick apology afterwards.  He's rude and argumentative with me quite often, but I'm used to it now, it's water off a duck's back to me, I generally just ignore it.  I do need to have a word with him and get him to put a sock in it every so often though, or it just gets out of hand.

So it's no wonder I'm stressed quite often.  I do relax quite a lot at the caravan, because of having a lot less to do and it being a slower pace of life, with good friends to chat to.  Just as well as I've already been busy since we arrived back yesterday, and have a long list of jobs and stuff that needs doing over the next week or so.

Still no results letter or appointment date for further tests from the Memory Assessment team, it's been nearly 3 weeks now since he had the phone call from the psychologist.  I'll have to ring them on Monday.

Following shopping this morning, I've started on the batch cooking to fill the freezer up again - I've made turkey and sage meatballs, a turkey mince pasta bake and a couple of fruit cakes.  Tomorrow, as I'll have the oven on again for a roast chicken dinner, I'll also do a trayful of jacket potatoes to freeze.

Not a matter of life or death

 We're home, nearly all unpacked, two loads of washing sorted out, bit of banking done.  Husband's been on the phone and arranged to have the car MOT'd the week after next.  I'm finishing off my shopping list.  So all back to normal.  The gardens front and back are quite overgrown, it's amazing how quickly the lawns - and weeds! - grow, so husband will be busy for the next few days.  As will I, the cupboards and freezers are practically bare, so I need to restock and do some batch cooking and baking.

The papers are full of Phillip Schofield, I've read bits of it.  My take on it is this - and it is of course purely my opinion - he's had an affair (man or woman, same difference as far as I'm concerned) which has been over for some unspecified time.  However, the young age of the person in question was a bit unwise of Phillip, particularly in view of his outspoken and sanctimonious views about his brother....although I'm not suggesting that Schofield's young man was underage, just that he was considerably younger than Schofield.  He's lied repeatedly to his family, friends and employers and that makes him a not very nice person.  But....it's not a matter of life or death, it's not even really in the national interest - two children have just lost their lives whilst on holiday in Bournemouth, now that's a real tragedy, for goodness sake.  So Schofield has been a silly man, but I do feel a bit sorry for him and think it's time the whole salacious saga was dropped - which presumably isn't going to happen just yet, the papers are having a field day digging up as much dirt (and pictures etc) as they can - after all, it sells papers!  He's clearly a very broken man, the young man is no doubt suffering greatly (although some of the papers are very loftily saying they're not going to name him, but his name is actually freely available on the internet), and Schofield's family must be in bits anyway, never mind all this gossipy ongoing publicity.  So give over!!

As for Eamonn Holmes - good grief, he hasn't half got an axe to grind, what makes him so holier than thou?!  He's a spiteful piece of work.

Anyway.....back to our real mundane non-newsworthy lives!!  I brought home the anniversary flowers given to us by one of our lovely neighbours, having taken them to the caravan last Monday.  They're mostly still blooming very well, I only had to throw out 2 roses and a couple of antirrhinums - oh, and a white lily.....it was still in bloom but I'm afraid I absolutely loathe the smell of lilies, however attractive they look.  We should get another few days of the lovely flowers before I have to chuck them.  We were also given a potted chrysanthemum, I've repotted it and left it in the caravan garden.  We watered all the pots and garden flowers well this morning before leaving, we'll go back once a week to water.  My roses here in the home front garden are all blooming and smelling gorgeous, with masses and masses of buds on them.  Clearly a good year for roses.

Home tomorrow

 We've had a really lovely time here at the van for the past two and a bit weeks, with perfect weather. Relaxed a lot this week, sitting in the garden reading mostly, chatting with friends, planting up pots and doing a bit of weeding, making a few plans for the coming weeks both at home and here at the van.  However, I'm definitely ready to go home now, we'll be heading off mid morning before it gets too warm, should be home by noon at the latest.  We'll be coming back to stay again at the end of this month, but will come every week for a day, to water the plants, bring back washed laundry and restock the cupboards.  Buying this caravan was definitely one of the best things we ever did.  We're just about to pay our site fees for the next year.