Life feels like it's become very hard over the past few months, for both of us, what with financial and health matters, the problems with next door, car problems, family stuff. I'm not even enjoying living here anymore. We both feel weighed down with worries and anxieties and they seem to overshadow everything and leave us very little capacity for enjoyment. We have one good day where we think things might be picking up, but then it's followed by another crap week or fortnight. I'm just so tired of worrying about so many things.
Don't get me wrong, we're not thinking of ending it all. Whilst we didn't think giving up our busy lives in the Midlands and moving down here to a slower rural life in the country would be a bed of roses, nor did we think we'd spend our latter years struggling, which is all we seem to do lately. I just don't know where we go from here.
I understand completely, not that that is any help to you at all. Not long after my heart condition was diagnosed the neighbour from hell moved in next door to us. We endured music until 6am, slamming doors, cars racing up and down the street, shouting, swearing and discussing the most vile porn in the back garden, sex in the front garden, damage to our property etc. I didn't want to stay in because of it, but I didn't want to go out and then have to go home to face it all over again. We were completely on edge and our daughter was taking her GCSEs through part of it. I managed to get her evicted in the end, but not before it had taken a toll on my health.
ReplyDeleteWe have more crap happening family wise, and it does feel never ending. I used to go to the allotment to escape, but even that is being tainted by people who don't seem to understand that not everyone wants to listen to them bellowing- they seem incapable of speaking in a normal voice. I'm so thankful when we go and they're not there. I'm trying to be mindful, and appreciate the positives, but it's bloody difficult at times.
Would it be financially doable for you to move? Maybe closer to your sister or into a little village where there are shops you could walk to and there would be a bus service. You seem so isolated where you are. Just a thought.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's time to take a long cold hard look at where you are living and how you are living. Being in the country is lovely but as you get older you need to assess what services you require (health etc) and mobility. We moved from a rural location with no services within 5 miles to a small town where everything is within walking distance. This was because of health issues - but we also appreciated that we may not always be able to drive (eye issues). I don't (obviously) know your total financial position but where you are will always require a car. You don't drive and your husband has health issues - if he can no longer drive how will you manage? The good offices of neighbours only last so long as they have their own matters to deal with. And you have said that you cannot cope with Betty pulling on the lead - again your husband may not always be able to walk her - so how will you cope with that situation when the time arises? Deborah
ReplyDeleteWe recently moved from a remote Scottish island to a small market town in Cheshire. We wanted to be able to walk to the shops, doctors, vets etc. We purposely chose a town with a railway station - again within walking distance - and now we don’t have a car at all. That has made a huge financial difference to us and increased our peace of mind - when money is tight, owning a vehicle is a constant worry. We are very happy here. When we were younger we wanted to retire to the country and live a simple life and it suited us for a long time but as Deborah wrote, circumstances change. Ironically enough, we find life has become ‘simpler’ since the move. My advice - never be afraid to review a plan. Wanda.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean. I often wonder if the problem is that as we age we can't cope with problems any more. When we were younger things like noise, car expense health were all dealt with easily but for us it seems that just a small upset puts us off balance now.
ReplyDeleteI think the other commenters are probably right in thinking that moving would be a good idea but of course that would come with another set of problems. Oh dear, it never ends does it.
You are not alone thought Sooze, every evening I say to Tom, let's hope tomorrow will be better, and you know what it often isn't.
Briony
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It may be time to "bite the bullet" and look for a place to live with everything you need close by. I moved from a tiny village in South Lincs to a fairly large village here in Wales. There is a bus stop just outside my gate and I can get everywhere that I want to. If you can not face that thought then all I can say is,
ReplyDelete1, The noise will stop eventually.
2, There will always be family issues while there is family.
3, cars are a money pit, just like teeth they are a pain to get, a pain to get rid of and painful and expensive all the time you have them. Unless of course you have the resources to buy new.
4, Health issues breed as we age, general wear and tear and age related things multiply.
I really feel for you both, to have found your idea of Nirvana and then to have it all dashed to the ground. Gut wrenching and heart breaking. It is easy for us to dispense advice but that comes from our perspective and you have your own take on it all. Perhaps a long sensible talk, listing the pros and cons on a "balance sheet" and perhaps involving your brother would help you to decide.
I think I agree with everyone else Sooze. Maybe your best option would be to move to somewhere with better access to things you need and wouldn't have to have a car which I'm sure would help greatly with your finances.
ReplyDeleteI would love to move to the small town near us for those very reasons.
I hope you are able to come to a decision which suits you and makes you happy.
Hugs-x-