Friday 27 August 2021

Still feeling sad

 I didn't sleep at all well last night - unusual for me in the caravan, I generally sleep much better here than at home.  Watching the funeral affected me more than I thought - partly because we're all getting to the age where our family and friends are passing away, and we have had quite a lot of deaths in the family (both husband's and mine) in the past couple of years.  Husband comes from a very large family, there were 10 siblings, and he's now the eldest of them, both his elder brother and sister, and the oldest of his in-laws having all died recently.  Apart from 1 aunt and uncle (and my uncle is in very poor health indeed and isn't expected to survive much longer), I am now the eldest surviving member of my family, both close and extended.  It feels strange, and quite uncomfortable.

The quality of the live feed from the funeral wasn't brilliant, so I couldn't see everyone clearly, I did get a brief glimpse of my sister and some of husband's relatives.  According to my sister, there were quite a few of his family members there - siblings, in laws, nieces, nephews and cousins, it really did sadden me that we couldn't be there.  I got a text from husband's sister last night, following the wake - their brother and SiL are bringing her down here for a break in a couple of weeks, a long weekend, and they're going to come and see us, it'll be so good to see them and give them all a hug.

I'm so tired of not being able to see friends and family on a normal and regular basis - although it's not just down to Covid.  I expect everyone is.

Anyway, in an effort to cheer myself up (after our neighbours informed us this morning that there are only 8 weeks left before the Park closes for winter - thanks a bunch!!), I've been out in the little garden this morning, planting up lots of pots with Spring bulbs.  I planted some in the raised bank area behind the caravan too, we share a largish raised bed area with our next door neighbours.  Now I know the garden is going to look glorious when we come back next Spring after the long winter break.

Husband is still off his food so, although he says he does feel quite a lot better, he's obviously still not right.  Whatever the infection is (either the GP didn't say on the phone, or husband just can't remember what he said), I don't appear to have caught it.  Seems husband was lucky to have blood tests at the beginning of the week, as apparently there's a shortage of the little vials they take blood in and doctors are restricting who can have blood tests!

It was distinctly cooler this morning when we got up, especially noticeable after the heat of yesterday, husband even put the electric fire in the lounge on for 30 mins, to take the chill off.  I don't think I've put up a photo of the fire now it's installed and I've put tile stickers all around it - I'm really pleased with it, I think it looks fantastic.  I'll upload a picture when we get home.

There's a car boot sale here in the village on Bank Hol Monday, we're planning on going....I hope it won't be too busy though, I'm still nervous about being amongst crowds, even with a mask on.  We love boot fairs and used to go regularly pre-Covid, in the last 2 years though we've only been to one perhaps 2 or 3 times.  I'm hoping to get some more plants for the garden, I've still got a few pots to fill, and we'll have a new raised bed area at the front of the caravan.  We're going to nip home at the weekend, there's a few things we need to bring back (I need to do a quick clothes wash too).....I could dig up and bring over a couple of plants from the front garden, it is rather crammed now.


  1. I know what you mean about that sadness. I am now the oldest one of our family and it feels vulnerable in a way. Well, Mum's sister is older than I, but she's a bit more remote.
    I hope the sale is a great success.

  2. Yes, it does feel strange when you realise that you are now "the older generation". It'll be lovely to see your family in a couple of weeks' time. Your garden will be just lovely in the spring - something to look forward to. It's definitely becoming a bit autumnal now. I always think "Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness" at this time of year. I haven't been to a car boot sale for ages. Mind you, round here they're mainly dealers and not proper car booters. Somehow takes the edge off it for me. xx

  3. One of my oldest friends died yesterday, just 3 months after she lost her husband. We met in Sunday school when we were 5 and later went to school together. Her husband went to school with my husband and was our best man when we married 52 years ago. So sad to loose old friends and family members. Hope your sister in law can visit soon.

  4. When my big brother died a few years ago, I suddenly realised that I was now the most senior member of our family - quite a shock isn't it? However, there's no point in dwelling on such things, nor about friends & family of a certain age passing away. It's the way it has always been and always will be. We just have to make the most of each day as it comes and feel glad to be alive.
    I love the fact that you are planting Spring bulbs which will be there to welcome you back next year; something to look forward to while you are away over the winter months. Might it be a good idea to have a word with the park manager to let him know, so that he doesn't 'helpfully' have a tidy up session (mowing) over the ground where the bulbs are?
    I'm presently looking through a Sarah Raven brochure which came through the post this morning - some very tempting daffs and tulips in there . . .

  5. In a way I am very lucky in that I still have all my siblings and Harvey who comes from a very large family still has all of his as well. Everyone seems to be in excellent health (well mostly) and so should be around for a number of more years.

    Your garden will be lovely come spring with all the bulbs you are planting.

    God bless.


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