Whilst I do love being here at the van, I've not felt at all well since we got here. I'm incredibly tired, regardless of how much sleep I get, feel totally run down, off my food (everything makes me feel queasy). Even our lovely van neighbour Charlie (and let's face it, men are not known for noticing things) asked me yesterday if I was feeling alright, as he said I looked peaky (now there's an old fashioned word).
I do feel peaky. I expect it's because of all the worry leading up to husband's diagnosis, the feeling of being abandoned without any help when he was simply diagnosed and then immediately discharged, the daily and ongoing stress of more to do and coping with husband's ongoing memory loss. I know he can't help it, it's not his fault, but it is so incredibly wearing having to repeat things over and over again, numerous times a day, every day. And coping with his snappyness and biting my head off when I have to remind him of something, or ask him to do a job. I don't retaliate, I bite my tongue so often it's a wonder I haven't bitten it off. I sometimes feel I can't do this anymore, but I have to, I don't have a choice. There's no way he could cope on his own and no way I would leave him to it. I think I'll have to focus on improving my health so I can cope better. I'm certainly finding it very difficult indeed to cope right now.
I have told a couple of people (in real life I mean) how things are and how difficult I'm finding it, but it's clear they don't understand - or don't want to get involved, probably. So writing it down here is my only outlet, I'm not risking talking to people who I thought would care but clearly don't anymore.
It sounds completely exhausting, no wonder if it's impacting your health! I don't have any advice or useful comments and I wish I did - I just hope that things improve for you soon xx
ReplyDeleteHang on in there, I feel the same dealing with my husband post stroke. There was lots of help offered but he wouldn't accept any as he believes he's ok.
ReplyDeleteI can't begin to imagine how wearing it all is for you. Would your husband (or yourself) contemplate going to a club/activity, just to give you a little respite once a week for an hour or so? I wish I had something more practical to offer, but you know I'm always here if you want to offload/rant/rage or just chat. You've got to look after your own health, to be able to look after his. Who cares for the carers? Sending hugs. xx
ReplyDeleteSooze, I'm not sure if I have mentioned this before but Statins have this effect on some of those who take them. I know when Tom was taking them I thought he was going doo lally and he lost his muscle strength. He stopped taking them and it all returned to as before.
ReplyDeleteThe FDA warns on statin labels that some people have developed memory loss or confusion while taking statins. These side effects reverse once you stop taking the medicines. 27 May 2023
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/high-blood-cholesterol/in-depth/statin-side-effects/art-20046013
I realise that your husband needs them for his heart but his quality of life is being affected. Maybe it would be worth talking about it to the dr. I know the consultant told Tom at the time that it was a wise decision.
I hate to read about your dilemma with your husband.
Hugs Briony
x
Briony makes a really good point.
ReplyDeleteI had a dear friend, with one of the most astute, academic, learned brains I have ever had the pleasure to encounter. He was in his late 70's and became obsessed with not having high cholesterol. He took the maximum dose of statins he could and changed his diet drastically to minimise any supposedly choloesterol-producing food.
Within 18 months his muscle tone had disintegrated to the point that he could no longer do his customary 4-mile morning walk around the village (which used to be conducted at almost marching pace) and talking to him was like trying to see through porridge. Many of us told him the statins were causing problems but it was too late and he would not/could not listen. As GPs were, at the time, being incentivised to prescribe statins there was absolutely no help from his doctor.
No advice…prayers and thoughts
ReplyDeleteI agree...could be his statin. How badly does he need them? Try a month off of them...(just my opinion) ... you never know!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you feel alone! But you really aren't! WE are here for you...and will listen and try to help any way we can...You ARE loved!
Big Hug
Donna
I am sorry to hear about your exhaustion. Have the doctors checked you out completely lately? It could just be stress or maybe some imbalance. I agree with everyone about the statins. First time husband was on them he developed seizures- Doctor said it couldn't possibly be connected to the statin. But he stopped taking them and was back to normal soon. Now he started again and has such pain and weakness in his legs he can barely standup,sit down or walk. But like most men he won't listen to me and says he's fine. Good for you for hanging in there and taking care of your man. I rarely comment but do read you everyday.
ReplyDeleteI’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I wonder if you’ve got to the caravan and relaxed and all those pent up worries and feelings have just come pouring out. It’s almost as if you hold it all in and then when the opportunity arises, out it comes.
ReplyDeleteIs it worth getting some advice from age U.K. or your GP? I can’t think of any other organisations can help but if I do I’ll let you know. Take care or yourself x
You could be feeling this run down and 'peaky' because at long last you are able to relax a bit. It really does catch up with us when we have had ongoing problems for so long and we have to stay on the ball for so long and sort things out. Take it really easy, get as much sleep as you can get, good, simple food and lots of relaxation in the fresh air if possible. There ... that's Dr Sue's orders of the day. xx
ReplyDeleteI have the same problem with my husband (92) but is not demented. No memory, is always right. I am 82,, and now have to all the paper work all the driving, gardening, grass cutting etc. I get very worn out but there is no solution as far as I can see. I do have a little help in the house but there is still a lot to do. Sorry no help to you.
ReplyDeleteeverything,
How terribly exhausting for you. Can you contact the Aging people and see about getting some help... I don't know much about the NHS so I don't know if that is feasible or if they would be any help at all.
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
Hugs to you!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you, dear Sooze, and hoping that you feel more yourself again soon. xx
ReplyDeleteI do feel for you, having watched my Mum trying to cope after my Dad had a stroke and again FIL's struggles when Mother in law had dementia. Maybe the people you have spoken to have not had there experiences or as your husband is chatty and probably puts on a positive front do not understand the full picture. It's difficult for you having no family close to support you.
ReplyDeleteYou do need to look after yourself, maybe visit the doctor if you think that will help. Hope you start to feel better in yourself soon, take care.