Thank you for the comments. Husband's health has become a concern again, so we are definitely having to choose our battles and make compromises. He's got some tests booked for next week, nothing much we can do until they're done and he gets the results. Doesn't stop my mind going into overdrive though.
A couple of things we've talked about and definitely decided on - he's stopping doing odd jobs and gardening for neighbours. He does too much and knocks himself out, I've told him time and again to pace himself, rest and don't overdo things, it falls on deaf ears. Well now he's not doing any of it, he has realised he just can't anymore - well, not for a while anyway. He's had a word with the neighbours he was helping and they understand. To be honest, they can all easily afford to get paid handymen and gardeners in anyway.
I've also said he doesn't need to grow much in the way of veg in our garden, that's also too much for him to cope with when his health isn't good. We can get a few little veg plants from garden centres in due course, and I'll help him put them in and look after them. He was laying more paving in the front garden, I've told him that doesn't matter, he doesn't need to do it. However, if he feels up to it, he could perhaps lay one slab at a time, there's no rush.
I don't want him to just sit around doing nothing except dozing in front of the TV all the time.....with his heart condition he's been told he should try and be as active as he can comfortably manage, so that's what I'll encourage him to do.
Meanwhile, I'm trying to keep stressful stuff away from him and deal with it myself.
Who cares for the carers though? I don't begrudge looking after him and taking on the bulk of the day to day things, of course I don't, that's what marriage is all about. But it does seem like carers are expected to just keep ploughing on. It's a good job we love each other 😁