Some answers, and Christmas

 Thank you for all the comments regarding the neighbour problems with our current lack of privacy and the potential for being even more overlooked once he converts the barn into holiday accommodation.  I'll try and answer some of the points raised here.

The neighbour has, as far as we know, already got permission for the holiday let business.  We understand the current building, a former stable (single storey) will be converted to a 2-storey, 2 bedroomed holiday cottage - and no the gable end won't be facing us.  In any case, the plans he's submitted show windows - and an upper small balcony - on all sides of the building - again, it's what we've been told, we haven't actually seen the plans ourselves.  He first submitted plans several years ago, then revised plans on several occasions since then, the last application being submitted and approved before we even moved in here.  From what we've been told, several neighbours put forward objections, although it would seem that none of these were taken into account.

The waist-high old wooden fence (the only thing left between our two properties now the neighbour has removed all the trees and shrubs from his side) is owned by our landlords.  They will only replace fencing with waist-high metal chain link fencing now (cost cutting), so no privacy there whatsoever.  We are free to put up fencing ourselves, at our own expense of course.  The trellis we are considering putting up on top of the wooden fence won't be the cheap flimsy expanding stuff, it'll be good quality hard wood trellis panels.  I've done plenty of research into climbing plants and tall quick-growing shrubs, the ceanothus (Californian blue lilac) shrubs I've chosen and ordered are large 5ft high plants - our next door neighbour has a couple which she planted last April when they were also around 5ft, they're now 6 or 7 ft high, so I'm confident they'll do the job we want them to, they should be arriving towards the end of next week.  Ceanothus come in both deciduous and evergreen varieties, I've chosen evergreen ones.  One of you suggested Leylandii - no thanks, we had them in a previous garden and they were total thugs, outgrowing the space very quickly and proving to be a huge headache.  

As I said, we had big neighbour problems in the distant past and have no desire to get involved in any problematic stuff now - at our ages we just want a quiet life.  So I think that resolving the privacy issues in our own way and from our own side of the garden is the way to go.  And, yet again, it's only me able to deal with things like this, husband is no help and nor do we have any friends or family to help, so I can only go about it in ways I know I can cope with.  Incidentally, our next door neighbours have apparently already been in touch with our landlords about the issues, but they've been no help at all.

Getting off that subject....as I've said before, December is not my favourite month as it holds so many sad memories, especially at Christmas time, which is why I'm so ambivalent about it.  I haven't been feeling remotely Christmassy thus far, I didn't even think I'd put up the Christmas tree this year.  Husband has always been very Bah Humbug about Christmas, but, somewhat oddly, in the past couple of weeks he's been talking about getting gammon, pork and lamb or beef joints in, along with several bottles of booze - so far he's mentioned he'd like whisky, ginger wine, port and red wine.  It beats me why - with regard to the meat joints....he's the only one who eats them so just how much meat does he think he's going to eat?  And Christmas is only 2 or 3 days anyway, so why does he need 3 or 4 joints of meat?  As for the booze - neither of us drinks alcohol except for possibly a glass or 2 on rare special occasions - I haven't drunk alcohol for several years now, and husband isn't supposed to drink anyway, in view of the 15 medications he takes daily, mostly for his heart issues.  I can just about understand him wanting a couple of glasses of wine with his Christmas dinner, but not a selection of assorted bottles of the strong stuff.  

Yesterday evening we went into town for the Christmas stalls and entertainment and the lights switch-on.  Town was absolutely heaving, as we knew it would be, but there was a lovely festive atmosphere with lots of families - many local crafts, gifts and foodie stalls, lots of Christmas tunes blaring out from speakers, carol singing and street entertainment.  It was all very friendly and happy, absolutely no trouble spots.  The lights switch on was great, with lots of oohing and ahhing....we didn't see the tree, far too many people to get near - once the switch on had been done, we made our way through the crowds back to the car and went home.  It actually made me feel quite festive, so I will put up the tree - I even bought a bagful of tree baubles to add to the ones I've already got. 

Sayings, and neighbour/privacy problems

 Yesterday's post and all your comments on things our parents/grandparents used to say got me wondering about what things we say that we might be remembered for.

I'm partially deaf, I can only really hear what people say if they're standing in front of me and facing me - I cannot hear them if they're behind me, or when there's a lot of background noise, like outside in the street or in a busy shop, e.g.  I also can't really hear people speaking if there are appliances in operation - like the TV, radio, hoover or microwave for example.  I certainly can't hear what someone's saying  if they're in another room.....something that husband does persistently, every single day, as he forgets every time that I'm deaf!  So the thing I'll be remembered for (I'd have it on my headstone, if I was going to have one, which I'm not!) is "I can't hear you!!".

Husband's will be "It wasn't me" - his standard and immediate response whenever anybody asks if or why he's done/not done something.....his automatic response is to deny all knowledge.  He gets that from his mother, she was exactly the same, wouldn't admit to anything even in the face of overwhelming evidence.

So what's your memorable saying likely to be?

Husband has cooked the dog food this morning, a mixture of chicken and beef mince with vegetables.  The smell of meat cooking nowadays makes me want to heave, I can only do it with the kitchen windows and outside door open, to get rid of the smell as quickly as possible.  Husband offered to do it this morning though, so I happily agreed....even though I have to wipe up all the splattered fat and meat juices afterwards, which he seems oblivious to 😒.  One job out of the way.

The neighbour whose garden backs onto our own - well, it's not a garden, he has that at the back of his house, this space is basically his car parking area across the road from his house - is having the old barn in the space converted to a holiday let, he's got planning permission.  He's doing a lot of the work himself, he's already started by digging up the row of trees and shrubs all along our shared boundary fence, a waist-high fence, he's intending to erect what he says will be a 5ft high picket type fence along his side.  As the ground on his side is quite a bit lower than our side, it will probably only be around 4ft high.  At the moment, with just the waist-high fence on our side, we are very overlooked and have no privacy in our garden or our back windows - kitchen and my bedroom.  Once the barn is converted (it's currently single-storey but will be two-storey - and with a small balcony - when completed) we'll have even less privacy.  Our next door neighbours are similarly affected.  I can't imagine how he got planning permission, actually - it was applied for and granted before we moved here.  We're not at all happy about it but don't know what we can do - I doubt whether complaints to the Planning Dept would be taken into consideration when the plans have already been approved.  So we've been thinking about what to do from our side that will give us more privacy.  We're going to have trellising put up all along the top of our fence, so we can grow climbers up it, for a start, although we're not doing it until the neighbour has put his fence up.  I don't want to put our trellising up only for it to give him an excuse not to put up high - or even any - fencing on his side, so we'll wait to see what his new fence is like first.  I've also ordered some tall shrubs - after googling for suitable evergreen flowering shrubs that will get to around 6 or 7 ft high, I decided on Ceanothus, Californian lilacs, they're arriving next week I think, they're currently around 5ft tall apparently.  So they will give us some added privacy.

It's always difficult I think when there are neighbour problems.....he's friendly enough but is a bit of a loud arrogant type who acts like he's lord of the manor (he lives in a big old stone house).  I don't want to fall out with neighbours, having had neighbour problems in years past.  Our next door neighbour years ago first started a dog breeding business from his back garden, you can imagine the noise and smell that caused, then when the Council put a stop to that, he moved out but rented the house out to a couple of prostitutes who ran a brothel from there!  The police 'encouraged' them to leave, thankfully.  So basically we'll just resolve the privacy problem from our side, as far as we can.

Mum's sayings

 Happy Hooker commented yesterday on something my Mum used to say to us as kids - if she asked us to do something which we didn't want to do, she would say "What's up with you, got a bone in your leg?".  It got me thinking about other things Mum said, which made no sense to me at the time but I knew they generally meant 'do it or else', or something along those lines.  E.g. - "If the wind changes your face will stay like that" - if we were scowling or looking miserable.  "Do you want me to come over there and slap your backside?" - I always had the urge to answer her back and say 'yes go on then' but was savvy enough to know that she would if I did!  "Don't go out with wet hair, you'll catch your death of cold" - really?!  "Get that muck off your face and put some clothes on, you're not going out like that!" - during my teenage years when I was pushing the boundaries and wanting to follow fashion.  "Don't sit so close to the TV, you'll get square eyes" - this was always my brothers being told that.  "Just wait till your father gets home, then you'll know what's what!" - said when Mum was fed up with trying to deal with our squabbles.  As we were nearly always in bed asleep by the time he got home, we hardly ever saw him anyway so it was a bit of an empty threat.  Then there was "Eat your greens, there are starving kids in Biafra who'd be glad of that".  Again, I always wanted to say 'well send it to them then!' - and sometimes did say it, which often earned me a clip round the ear....I was quite a defiant child and frequently answered back.  We were also often told "Eat your dinner or you'll get it for breakfast".....although I don't ever recall Mum actually doing that.  What did you get told as a child?

The hairdresser, Bethany, was lovely and did a really good cut, so I'll be having her regularly from now on.

It's the Christmas lights switch on in the town tomorrow evening, lots going on, carols, lantern parade, farmers market, local food and craft stalls, most shops staying open late, and free parking in all town car parks.  The weather looks ok, so we're planning on going.

Nice walk, albeit cold, and getting husband motivated

 We had bright sunshine all day yesterday, which was lovely, although it was still cold.  I'd put washing out on the line first thing in the morning....when I got it in though about 3.30, it was still nearly as wet as when I'd put it out, the sun doesn't really get into our back garden this time of year and there was next to no wind to move the washing around either.

We decided to drive into town and go for a walk by the harbour - well, I decided, husband would have been happy to doze in his armchair in front of the endless same old boring daytime crap on the TV.  But I feel it's important to get out and about while we can, both for exercise and mental health reasons.  I think we also need to make the most of the sunshine during the winter, rather than just being stuck indoors all the time.  It was nice to be out and about, but was very cold - like our back garden, the sun wasn't over the harbour so was blimmin freezing in the shade.  The harbour cafe wasn't open either, which was annoying (it's on winter opening hours, so just weekends basically) - we'd have had a cup of hot chocolate if it had been.  Never mind, we had one when we got home.  I took a few photos:-

The steep hillside garden of one of the cottages facing the harbour - very steep climb up loads of steps to the sitting area at the top, but worth it I should think for the wonderful views they must get over the harbour from up there.

Lovely view across the Bristol channel, such a bright day that the coastline of south Wales was clearly visible.

I've got some stuff to do on the computer this morning, then this afternoon a mobile hairdresser is coming to cut my hair.  First time of having her, I asked on the local FB page for recommendations and her name was mentioned several times.  If I like her and the cut, then I'll be having her regularly from now on.

Over the past week or so, I've been having a problem with my blog roll - some posts from blogs I regularly read aren't appearing on my daily new post roll for several hours, or even until the next day - and that includes my own new posts.  If I look up the blogs individually from my blog roll their new posts are there, but not shown on the daily blog roll for some unknown reason.  Anybody else found this, or is it just me?

Because husband has no hobbies and the jobs he does are mainly outside/garden ones, during the winter he rarely does anything or goes out, except for his gym hour 3x weekly - and even then he doesn't always go if the weather's bad or he's 'got a bone in his leg' as my Mum used to say when us kids didn't want to do something!  So, unless I prompt him to do something or get us to go out somewhere, during winter if left to his own devices he would simply vegetate his life away, doing nothing at all.  He would literally doze in his armchair in front of the telly all day long, every day.  Not good for him at all, and it irritates me when I'm busy (I can always find something to do) and the blasted TV is blaring away to itself whilst he's asleep.  He grumbles when I insist on us going out and doing something, but I just remind him that I'm looking after both his health and mine, we need to keep active or we'll become immobile.  It is a bit of an uphill struggle though to keep him motivated.

Oh dear, and not a lot else

 Not a good start to the day (or week) - husband went out to the car to go to the gym but discovered the front driver's side tyre was flat as a pancake.  He's not up to changing wheels/tyres now (and in any case apparently we've only got one of those temporary space saver spare tyres), so called a local mobile tyre fitter.  He's just been and changed the tyre (it was a screw stuck in it which had caused the puncture), he checked the other front tyre and said that needs changing too, as the tracking is out and has caused uneven wear.  Husband's just gone to the garage to have another tyre fitted and tracking seen to - so an expensive day.  Oh well, needs must.

I've made a lovely caramelised leek (our own homegrown leeks), sun dried tomato and cheese tart for dinner, to use up a couple of lumps of cheeses which needed using quickly.  Also made an Eve's pudding to get rid of some bruised apples......bit of nostalgia, Mum used to make Eve's puddings a lot when we were kids, or she sometimes used tinned peaches, pears or pineapple instead of the apples.  We had puddings quite a lot when we were young, I suspect to fill up us growing kids with hollow legs.  Nowadays, we rarely have them, although saying that, husband usually has a flavoured yogurt, or sometimes custard with a sliced banana.  I generally have a piece of fruit if I fancy something sweet to finish off.

Going to town to have a wander round the shops tomorrow, not done that for a while, I need to go to the library too.

Nothing else going on, so not much to say, sorry!  Shoulder is still extremely painful, I'm trying to ignore it, I'm doing the exercises daily as recommended.

Exercises

 The musculoskeletal specialist was the same lady I saw around 18 months ago, back then she diagnosed a rotator cuff injury to my left shoulder.  This time it's the right shoulder, she says it's also a rotator cuff injury with subacromial (spelling?) pain, whatever that is, I haven't googled it.  She said it may also be a frozen shoulder.  She did a lot of manipulations to my arm and shoulder and said it's significantly weaker than the left one.  She doesn't think it's arthritis or osteoporosis though, which I was concerned about, so that's good.  She's referred me to physio but said the referral will take months to come through, as they're very short staffed and have a huge backlog.  In the meantime, she's given me a sheet of exercises to do daily, to build up the muscle strength.  If things haven't improved in 8 weeks, I'm to go back to her and she'll arrange for a steroid injection and x-ray.  

After all the manipulations she did, my shoulder currently hurts like hell and is keeping me awake, hence why I'm writing this at 03.50 am.  I've already had painkillers and am now sitting in my recliner chair with my hot wheat bag on the shoulder, although even the weight of the bag hurts...the warmth is nice though.

Husband wants us to go and buy some meat for him for Christmas, he wants a gammon and a pork joint.  I've not really thought about what I might have, Christmas isn't really on my horizon yet.  I do like salmon though, so perhaps that.  

The neighbour who died was 90, so a long life, and was apparently reclusive and solitary by choice.  I wonder what she did all day? She had no pets and clearly wasn't a gardener.

Mortality

 It was a bit of an unsettling day yesterday, one of the residents of our little cul de sac died.  When we first moved here, we were given a quick rundown of who lived where, so we could identify our new neighbours.  The lady in question, we were told, was an elderly lady on her own who was housebound and a recluse, she apparently didn't appreciate visitors.  In all the time we've lived here (2 years next month, where did that go?) I have never seen her....husband saw her very briefly once back in the summer when he went and knocked on her door, having noticed a parcel on her doorstep for 2 or 3 days.  He said she took a while to open the door, then simply took the parcel, said a very quick thank you and shut the door without any conversation.  Of course, living in a sheltered housing community of elderly and disabled people, deaths are bound to happen on a fairly regular basis, we know of 3 others this year on the far side of the complex.  It makes us aware of our own mortality as we're getting older ourselves.

Winter is my least favourite time of year, I really don't like the cold and often rainy/windy weather, I seem to feel the cold much more nowadays.  December is a sad month for me, particularly around Christmas time, which is why I'm quite ambivalent about it.  My mother died on Christmas Eve, my beloved Nanna on Boxing day, and a very good friend of mine on the 13th December.  My lovely aunt, Mum's youngest sister who was just 12 years older than me and more like my big sister, had her birthday on 4th December, although she actually died in July.  So the sooner December ends, the better as far as I'm concerned.  It's the winter solstice on 21st December, after which the days start gradually getting longer - that's only 30 days away and the time will go quickly, so I look forward to that.

It's a hard frost and very cold this morning, although it's bright sunshine.  I have washing to go out, but am waiting for the sun to get rid of the frost first (hopefully!) before I brave the cold to put the washing on the line.

I have my diagnostic appointment with the musculo-skeletal specialist this afternoon, hopefully I'll get some answers and a treatment plan.  This constant and very debilitating shoulder pain is really getting me down, the strong painkillers do take the edge off the pain but I'm reluctant to take the full 4 doses per day - well I just don't, I only take 1 or 2, they make me terribly constipated (for which I have another med to relieve that) and a bit woozy and spaced out.  I'm not a fan of taking especially painkilling meds anyway - if you take the full doses on a regular basis then your body gets used to them and they're no longer so effective.  And then there's the problem of having to take a further med to counteract the side effects, which I really don't like having to do.  But needs must at the moment.

The lovely sunshine does appear to be burning off the frost, so I think it's probably warm enough to go and put my washing out now - with a fleece jacket and fingerless gloves on!  We've no snow forecast down here - have you got snow where you are?

A way round it, and a day out

 Thank you for all the suggestions, I had to laugh at the couple of longer ones, they did make me smile!

Putting stickers on my foods that I didn't want husband to eat wouldn't really work - he would very quickly forget what they were for (and might even think they meant the foods were for him!), and after a few days he probably wouldn't even notice them, especially as he rarely looks at labels anyway.  The suggestions about putting my foods into plastic boxes with a big label on the top saying "Do not eat" might work.  For the time being, though, I have now pushed all 'my' foods right to the back of the fridge and cupboards, as husband mainly just grabs whatever is right in front of his nose and rarely searches for things.  As an example, a couple of days ago he declared we'd got no peanut butter left - I knew we most certainly had, as I'd bought 3 jars recently.....we like the Whole Earth brand which is quite expensive, so when it's on special offer I buy 2 or 3 jars at a time.  The open jar was in the cupboard, 'hiding' behind a new jar of jam so husband couldn't see it as it wasn't literally directly in front of his eyes.  So I'll give it a week or so now I've put all my stuff at the back of the shelves and see if he finds them!  

Our freezer is a tall upright one with (I think) 7 drawers, all organised into types of foods, and husband has a drawer to himself full of his meat products, I have one with all my veggie and fish things - it's been that way forever so it's not like he doesn't know about it.  So he went into my drawer to get out one of my Linda McC mozzarella veggie burgers the other day (I'd had one and put the other into a plastic bag back in the freezer, discarding the box), probably because he couldn't find his own beef burgers in his drawer....again because they were underneath something so not immediately visible 😒.  I'm not sure whether it didn't occur to him that it wasn't an actual beef burger, or he just didn't care as he just wanted a burger, regardless of what it was.

Incidentally, he nipped to town yesterday to fill the car up before fuel goes up in the Budget, and came back with 3 jars of my favourite salmon spread, so he obviously felt guilty, bless him!

It's a bright sunny day, albeit very cold.  We're going out for lunch to Doniford Farm Park, they have a nice cafe which does a few veggie options, and then we'll have a look at all the animals, we'll be wrapped up well so shouldn't get too cold.  There's a nice deli food counter and lots of gifts in the shop, although they're a bit pricy so might not actually buy anything.  There are lovely views over the Bristol channel right at the end of the park.  It's free entry and parking as well, which is a rarity nowadays.

It's all so frustrating

 I've mentioned before that husband has a big appetite, he likes 3 good meals a day, plus snacks in between, he's a committed carnivore and will eat almost anything.  By comparison, I have a quite limited diet - my own choice, I prefer simple mostly veggie meals with some fish.  I will occasionally (about once or twice a month) eat a little bit of chicken or a couple of chipolatas.  I don't always eat breakfast...for lunches, unless I've made something specific like a roast veg quiche or a veg frittata, we generally get our own lunches.  I have something like cheese and crackers with some fruit, or a bowl of soup and slice of sourdough toast.....husband prefers something more substantial like eggs and beans on toast with fried tomatoes, or bowl of soup with a couple of sandwiches.  He always eats breakfast, 2 or 3 slices of toast with cheese or banana, or cereal with sliced banana followed by toast.  I do a cooked meal in the evening, generally some sort of stew or mince for husband (or pork loin chops or steak, which he cooks himself whilst I do the accompanying veg).  I have something lighter and smaller, like a jacket spud with beans & cheese plus a side salad, or garlic & herb mushrooms on sourdough toast.

Bearing in mind that I have a much more limited diet than husband, I usually buy things for me that I really like - such as soups for when I'm not in the mood for making my own, fish pastes to have on crackers, cheeses that I really like (I like all cheese actually), nuts that I like - cashews and almonds.  I do also buy the equivalent things that husband prefers, such as meaty soups, meat pastes, walnuts and brazils which I don't like.

This morning I fancied breakfast, a slice of toast with salmon paste (there was an open jar in the fridge which needed using up)....only to find that husband had eaten my salmon paste, leaving his own ham and beef one in the fridge, he claimed he hadn't noticed!  This isn't an isolated incident, him eating my stuff happens regularly - over the past couple of weeks he's had both my Broccoli & Stilton and Tomato & Basil soups, the last of my cashew nuts, the blue Dolcelatte cheese (which he claims he doesn't like!) which I was planning to have melted into mushrooms for my tea tonight.  Plus one of my Linda McCartney mozzarella veggie burgers, rather than his own beef ones (again he claimed he didn't notice, which I find hard to believe).  

He can - and does - eat anything, whilst I won't eat most of what he eats.  It's so frustrating, he always claims he didn't realise it was mine or that I wouldn't mind - he never asks first, just assumes.  I know that he sometimes probably genuinely gets things (like the salmon paste and his ham & beef one) mixed up because he doesn't read the labels, but that doesn't excuse him eating my cashew nuts simply because he's finished his own walnuts, or my Dolcelatte cheese which he professes not to like.  Again, it's only a relatively small thing, but it sometimes feels like I'm not allowed anything of my own.

Getting on with jobs, and a new craft

 Yesterday was a lovely bright sunny one.  Our treasure of a cleaning lady Hayley came so, once Betty had said hello to her, we went outside to get out of her way.  We planted the rest of the new Spring bulbs, plus the ones I'd pulled up and saved in a big tub from last year, some went in pots, some in the garden.  I also did some weeding, cutting back of dead stuff and light pruning of roses.  I was pleased to have done it all, the garden looks tidy and ready for winter now and the newly planted bulb pots have all been put in place where we can see them from the windows.  This morning, however, my bad shoulder along with my hips, knees and lower back are screaming with pain, I've sprayed my shoulder with the freeze spray and taken painkillers, so hopefully the pain will settle soon.  So today I'm not doing anything strenuous and will be sitting doing some stuff on the computer.  Husband said as I'll be working on the computer, so will he on his computer(!!).....the difference being I'm actually working, whereas he'll be watching daft video reels of cars crashing, playing games and scouring ebay for things to buy that we don't need! 😒  I've suggested that he puts things on his 'watch' list rather than buying them immediately, so he can show me later and I'll be able to, hopefully, stop him buying any unnecessary rubbish.

Once I've done the few necessary admin things on the computer, I need to do a freezer inventory and then a menu plan and shopping list.  Then this afternoon I shall look for and watch a few tutorial videos on how to do punch needling - I saw some kits advertised on FB and thought that looks like fun, so ordered 3 kits....2 easy beginner type ones and one a bit more advanced.  They've all arrived, each kit comes with everything needed.  However, as I've never done this sort of craft before, I thought watching a few tutorials will be a good idea first.  It's a new craft for me to do during the winter, in between reading and possibly making a few Christmas cards.  Have any of you done punch needling?

Thank you all again for the warm comments, I do appreciate you all.

Mixed sunshine and showers today and quite cold - day-long sunshine forecast for the next 3 days but even colder, the winter duvets are on the beds and the heating on most of the day.  How lucky we are to have a lovely warm home.

A regular day

 Have you noticed how much we're being bombarded on the TV with charity adverts begging for money this year?  It seems like there are so many more than in previous years, I guess every charity is feeling the pinch as presumably their costs are higher at the same time as people are giving less, as finances are tighter for everyone.  Every one of these ads is designed to pull at our heart strings - I know all these bad things happen, but I'm not being guilt-tripped into giving to all - we have a couple of charities close to our family's hearts which we donate to, we regularly donate things to charity shops and buy good quality second hand things from them too.  That's all we can do, and will continue to do.  I am grateful for our lovely warm home and everything we have.

I'm also grateful for your comments, including from those of you who haven't commented before, thank you.

Here's a little snippet of things I have to deal with on a daily basis.  I've said before how husband doesn't listen to me, and actively disregards any suggestions I may make when he's sounding off about one of his latest madcap ideas.  I suggest things because they might be a better, safer, more logical or cheaper way of doing whatever it is he's planning now, not because I want to stop him from doing things - he is just as entitled to have ideas as I am.  Over the past few weeks, as well as dismissing what I have to say, he's now taken to rolling his eyes and heaving a big sigh practically every time I say something.  Which is quite irritating, but I just let it go - there's no point in making a big issue over what is essentially a minor thing, even though it's disrespectful and sometimes downright rude.  I'm not a doormat though, if he's really out of order I do let him know about it.

He's now come up with 2 suggestions (for that read crazy ideas, his latest fixations) for things to do with our finances.....just when I'd spent a few days sorting them out - and involving him too, I don't just make financial decisions without his input, if only in a limited way.  One of his ideas is possibly workable, to a degree, although it would involve some complicated setting up by me....the other has no merit and makes no sense whatsoever.  He can't see that though, despite my explaining why.  I've just told him I'll give it some thought, but I know he'll be going on and on about it for the next however many days or weeks it'll be until he forgets about it and is taken over by the next fixation.

And these sorts of things - the eye rolling and the crazy ideas - happen on a daily basis.  He drops things every day.  He walks into me, nearly knocking me over, or treads on Betty's paws or tail.  He spills his drinks or knocks things over.  Treads mud indoors as he forgets to wipe his feet.  Puts things down and loses them (his glasses, wallet, phone, keys, important letters) every day.  Oh and it's always my fault - I've obviously moved them somewhere!  I have to have the patience of a saint - and I'm no saint.  I could - and do - cry sometimes when I remember the lovely, kind, funny, hard working and caring man he was, and our happy, fun-filled, busy, friend and family filled life from years ago.  But it is what it is, it's nobody's fault.

It rained relentlessly all day long on Friday, roads were flooded nearby - fortunately, the flooding generally disappears quite quickly and only affects the roads, not any of our houses.  Betty would only run into the garden for a quick wee and then run straight back in again, she really doesn't like bad weather nowadays (can't say I blame her, nor do I).  Yesterday was drizzly and dismal all day, washing had to be dried indoors.  It's supposed to improve today and a whole day of sunshine forecast for tomorrow, which will be lovely, although the temperature is dropping rapidly.  I want to get the rest of my Spring bulbs planted today or tomorrow, and have 2 more loads of washing to get done, hopefully I can get it dried outside, especially the dog blankets and towels.

I was woken up at 05.20 by husband hitting the wall with his elbow, no chance of me getting back to sleep then, although he did.

This

 As some of you may have gathered, the post in blogland that stated there was a lot of negativity now in blogs both annoyed and upset me in equal measure.  Well, more upset than anything, and I must confess to feeling personally attacked, whether that was the post's intention or not.  It plunged me into a state of deep depression for a while.  For reasons which I'm not going into (as I don't write absolutely everything on my blog!), things have been very difficult here for the past few months, and there's no let up - it is what it is, it won't be getting any better, and I just have to knuckle down and deal with it all.  And that's regardless of my own health problems, which I'm really struggling with at the moment.  To top it all, I'm still getting over what I'm now sure was covid - I have a little energy in the mornings so have to do what's necessary then, as by lunchtime I'm shattered.  My sense of smell is gradually beginning to come back, and therefore my sense of taste too.  The cough still lingers, although is nowhere near as bad.  I'm also in a lot of pain (and I have quite a high pain threshold, so for me to say that means the pain is bad) and have restricted movement, which is affecting every aspect of daily living, I've been given strong painkillers and have a diagnostic appointment next Friday.  But seeing as I'm the only capable one here, I just have to grit my teeth and carry on, someone's got to do what's necessary and that someone is me.

As I've said what seems like dozens of times.....we're all different, we're not clones of each other, we don't all react to situations the same way, we don't all have the same personalities and behavioural traits.  Some people are naturally upbeat and can find the positives in most things - I applaud you, it's fabulous to be able to do that.  But not everyone can.  I know I talk about a lot of negative things - well, all I can say is none of you are in my shoes, just as I'm not in yours.  Nobody knows what my life is like on a daily basis, apart from the limited amount I choose to talk about.  For anyone who says that somebody should do this or that, or focus on the positive - that's what YOU would do, you can't possibly know what anyone else would do in the same circumstances, nor can you expect it.  If people think what I write is too negative - well, don't read it, that's fine, I'm not forcing you to.  But don't tell me what YOU think I should be doing in any given situation.

I am fully aware that my health, both physical and emotional, is probably clouding my judgement right now, making me feel very vulnerable and alone.  I'm not going down the antidepressant route, for my own good reasons, so don't even think of suggesting that.  I will get through things in my own way - I always do, one thing I'm not is a quitter.

The one thing I can be (and am) happy and positive about is the legacy payment I was given recently.  By a lot of people's standards, it's a quite miniscule amount, but it has more or less set us up for life.  We weren't in any debt or behind with any payments, we (well me actually, I'm the one who deals with all our finances) were jogging along fairly well financially.  Following receipt of this money, we've been able to buy a few things that were more wants than needs, and my savings accounts are well and truly topped up.  So I at least have no worries on that score.

I want to say thank you so much to all the readers and blog friends who have emailed me, you've helped me more than you know to not feel so alone.

Difficult

 The past few weeks have been difficult, and I'm finding life very hard at the moment.  I'm not writing anything else, the fact that my blog is perceived as a negative one is weighing heavily on my mind.  It is negative a lot of the time, I know, but that's life.  Well, my life anyway.  I'm just saddened that we're all expected to be upbeat and positive all the time, regardless of what life throws at us.  Well, that's not real life and we aren't all the same.  It was my birthday last week, it came and went almost unnoticed, I'm now officially an OAP and I feel it.  I've been dreaming about walking out - just going who knows where.  I can't do that though, as I know husband would be completely unable to cope without me.  He and Betty need me.

I've disabled comments.

Finally out

 After several phone calls, hardly any sleep, getting up at 03.10 am yesterday to ring 111 again and having to go through all their questions again, then waiting several hours for a call back from the dental service (which incidentally was a lady with a very strong foreign accent which was very difficult to understand - and she very unprofessionally yawned audibly during the conversation!), I finally got another phone call yesterday after lunch, giving an appointment with a local dentist for husband tomorrow (Thursday) afternoon.  But then at 4.45 pm, the dentist rang to say they'd just had a cancellation and could fit him in within an hour, so of course off we went.  The dentist, husband said, was nice and gentle and removed the tooth painlessly and quickly, in fact husband said he much preferred him to his own dentist...unfortunately they're not taking on any new patients, either private or NHS.  So that little crisis is over, thankfully.  

Betty's been out of sorts for the past couple of days - sleeping more than usual with quite noisy breathing, not eating much, not wanting to go out, and being quite clingy for her - she's not normally a clingy dog although she does like to be with me in the same room all the time.  She seems ok today, which is just as well as I can do without two patients, when I'm not fully recovered myself.

On the bright side, my sense of smell and therefore taste is starting to come back, albeit just a little - I was a bit worried that I'd never be able to smell or taste anything again.

Husband has always been a big eater - if he doesn't have 3 good (large in other words) meals a day, then his stomach thinks his throat's been cut.  However, for the last few days he's literally been unable to chew anything, which means I've had to be very inventive and make very soft foods which he could just swallow - scrambled eggs, smooth soups (he prefers them chunky 😒), very soft and smooth mashed root veggies, Brussels sprouts boiled till soft and mashed with some very finely chopped (in the processor) bacon, steamed fish.  And it all had to be at tepid temperatures - he couldn't take either cold or hot food.  All of which he hates, but was keeping the complaints to a minimum as he knew the alternative was basically not eating at all, or having those liquid meal replacements which he refused to even consider.  He wasn't impressed at having to go without dinner last night, although I did say it was worth it for getting rid of the tooth and pain.

I'm shattered, we're having a quiet day today.

What a palaver!

 Well, the good things - I'm feeling so much better every day now, it's wonderful to feel well again, it seems so long.  The cleaning lady, Hayley, came this morning - she's really nice, so friendly and cheery, and did a brilliant job.  She thoroughly cleaned the bathroom, changed the beds and then did the most comprehensive vacuum all through the house.  She even dusted everywhere - something I'm not a big lover of - always seems a bit pointless to me, it's just moving the dust from one place to another and gets on all the surfaces again as soon as your back is turned.  I'm so pleased, I can see she's going to be a treasure.

Husband rang his dentist as soon as they opened at 8 am today, to see about an emergency appointment - he's in so much pain, there's no way he can wait 2 weeks for the scheduled appointment.  Unfortunately, they claimed to have no emergency appointments at all either this week or next - which I found a bit hard to believe.  So I rang 111 - lots of questions, some of which seemed pointless or irrelevant, but I guess they have to follow procedure.  The upshot was that we would receive a call back from a dental nurse "within 24 hours" - well actually she rang just 5 minutes after I'd put the phone down, how's that for service?  However, she also said there were no emergency appointments available anywhere near us for today - she said, odd as it seems, 08.30 was quite late in the day for getting a same day emergency appointment!  She said they were absolutely inundated, every single day, with requests for emergency dental appointments - which just goes to show how broken our dental system is.  She advised me to set my alarm for 04.00 am tomorrow morning and ring back then - I thought she was joking but no, she was deadly serious.  She said the earlier I could ring after midnight, the better the chance of getting an appointment for husband that day.  So that's what I shall do - I've set the alarm on my phone.  I just hope I'm awake and coherent enough to talk on the phone!  Must go to bed early tonight....what's the betting I either can't sleep, or keep waking up every half hour worrying I might have slept through the alarm?!

Thanks for all the comments about the inconsiderate neighbour and his party guests.  There is actually a Housing Association sign up in our cul de sac saying Residents Only Parking - so either the party guests couldn't read or else they just didn't care (the latter, obviously).  As I said, he only has these parties a couple of times a year, thankfully.

Well, I'm going to have some warm oat milk and honey and go to bed to read, hoping I can drop off to sleep fairly easily and quickly.

Getting a grip

 One of our close neighbours - not our sheltered housing neighbours in our little cul de sac but one of the big private houses just around the corner - had a big party last night, lots of guests and lots of cars.  Parking around here is at a premium, our cul de sac of 11 properties has allocated parking, just one space per resident, although 4 of us (us included) have our own driveways for 2 cars.  The private house road around the corner is quite narrow - most of the big houses have drives with plenty of space.  However, the party guests parked just anywhere, including in our little close taking up residents' allocated parking spaces, or else on kerbs and in the narrow road, irritating everyone.  The party house owner is a bit of a law unto himself, he's got plenty of money and acts a bit like the lord of the manor.  The guests car parking didn't really affect us, but what was very annoying was when the guests started leaving the party last night, from 10 pm onwards until the early hours of this morning - lots of shouting and loud laughter and slamming of car doors, even tooting their horns (why do that at midnight?!).  So as fast as I dropped off to sleep, I was woken up again - it also unsettled Betty who kept jumping up and woofing.  Why do people have to be so inconsiderate and entitled?  Thankfully, he only has these parties 2 or 3 times a year.

I am feeling much better but still have no energy or enthusiasm.  My appetite is all over the place, I've not eaten a proper healthy homecooked dinner for a month.  For the first week or so of my illness I hardly ate anything....lately I've mostly been eating toast, cheese sarnies, instant porridge, tins of soup or cuppa soups, with some fruit.  Almost no veggies, I just haven't fancied them.  I've only had fish twice, each time with just a slice of buttered sourdough.  I've had scrambled eggs a couple of times.  So - too many carbs and nowhere near enough protein, veg and fruit, which means my guts and joints are suffering.  I feel like I've got into a right slump, I need to get out of this and back to a normal healthy diet NOW, before winter sets in.  We're going shopping in a bit, to get in some fresh veg, fruit, Greek yogurt and cottage cheese.

The new cleaner, Hayley, comes tomorrow.....it'll be nice getting to know her and showing her what I want done.  I've hardly done any housework since I've been unwell, so I'm a bit embarrassed about that - although of course Hayley is coming to do housework so I'm sure she won't mind!

They noticed

 We had a good time with husband's daughter, son in law and grandson, they're a lovely family.  It did wear me out though - not that we did anything much, just talking and catching up, but I was knackered by the time they went after our lunch out yesterday.  They weren't going straight home, they were off to Blenheim palace for a Halloween thing, which they apparently really enjoyed.

SiL told me privately that it was quite noticeable how much more forgetful and confused husband now appears since they were last here 6 months ago.  Sad I know, but I was quite glad they'd noticed and it wasn't just my imagination.  I know he's getting worse, but it's not always apparent to others as husband is so outgoing and chatty.

I'm not coughing nearly as much now and am finally beginning to feel better, although still really weary, anything wears me out.  Still hardly any sense of smell or taste and my appetite is not yet back to normal.

Having only recently had one of his lower front teeth out (you may remember I caught husband trying to pull it out himself with a pair of scissors), the tooth next to that one is now also very loose and painful.  Apparently, so husband now tells me, it was loose at the time he had the other one out, so it beats me why he didn't have that one dealt with at the same time.  Late yesterday afternoon he rang his dentist, they can't get him in for a fortnight - as is his way, he downplayed it and didn't tell them how painful it is and the fact that he finds it very difficult to eat.  So now I'll have to either ring them back on Monday and ask for an emergency appointment for him, or else ring 111 to see if they can get him in any quicker with another surgery.