An accident and a shocking fee

 Started the day off today with an accident, which could have been so much worse.  Last night I'd put a pan of eggs on to hard boil, one for Betty's breakfast and the rest for egg sandwiches for our lunch.  Husband has a real obsession at the moment about pans on the hob, he's always switching them off 'before they boil over', often without saying anything to me.  It's not a new behaviour, he has this particular obsession regularly every few weeks.  Well, he'd switched the eggs off before they were cooked properly.  When I began peeling Betty's one this morning it was instantly obvious it wasn't hard boiled, or even soft boiled come to that, the white was still very runny, and the shell wouldn't come off, I only managed to peel a little bit.  So I put the whole egg in a dish and put it in the microwave, thinking it should be fine as part of the shell was already off, I did it for 45 seconds.  As I took the egg bowl out of the microwave, however, the egg suddenly and loudly exploded, covering me and the entire kitchen with bits of egg and shell.  Very fortunately, I'd turned my head to the side as I took the bowl out.....if I hadn't, I would have had a face full of boiling hot egg, and possibly been blinded.  As it was, my hair, left cheek and side of my neck were covered with myriad bits of egg, I immediately went to the bathroom and washed it all off with a flannel wrung out in cold water.  I'm left with several small scalded red marks on my face, neck and the hand that was holding the bowl, all quite sore - but how lucky was I, thank goodness I'd turned my head.

I was just starting to clean up the kitchen when husband and Betty came back from their walk - I was glad they were out at the time, the loud bang would have scared the life out of Betty (it did me!).  Husband just looked around the kitchen and said "Well what a mess, what happened here?".  I told him and he simply said how amazing that one little egg could cause such a mess.  I very pointedly said "Yes, and I'm ok thanks!" whereupon he looked guilty and said oh did it hit you?!  It shook me up actually, my hands were trembling for a while afterwards.  All ok now though, and husband did help to clear up - he got a stool to clean off the tops of the walls, wall cupboards and even the ceiling, it really did make an extensive mess, you'd have thought it was half a dozen eggs not just one!  I bet I'll be finding bits of egg still over the next few days.

Husband is busy outside, mixing cement to render a low drystone wall along a shallow raised bed in the back garden, the wall is old and is beginning to collapse, the weight of the soil in the bed has already pushed some of the stones out.  I'm glad he's actually doing it, I did say to him it needs to be done before next Spring or we won't be able to plant anything in that bed as the wall will probably collapse over winter.  We had strawberries in it this year, which didn't do very well, I'm thinking we might have flowers next year.  I've got lots of Spring flowering bulbs to plant, I'll put those in there.

A neighbour who's recently given up driving for health reasons has to go for a scan at a hospital in Bristol in a couple of weeks, Bristol is around 1.5 hours drive away.  He's booked a taxi and has been quoted a fee of £350 for the return journey.  Blimey!! 😮  He says he's not eligible for hospital patient transport, I don't know why.  This is one of the things that worries me in the (likely) event that husband will have to give up driving.  I know we won't have car expenses then but even so, that's a hell of a lot of money to have to pay out.

Counterfeit! And obsessiveness

 Last week we had a lovely kind follow up letter from the lady from the Alzheimer's Society who'd been to see us, it was handwritten in a white envelope, also handwritten and with a 2nd class stamp affixed.  However, this bright yellow sticker from Royal Mail was attached to the front of the envelope:-

A counterfeit stamp!  The stamp looked perfectly alright to me.  I wonder where she got the stamp from?

Husband is going through one of his obsessive phases, he keeps checking how much electricity we've used and telling me nearly every day.  I really don't need to know and our electricity usage is quite minimal anyway, the solar panels on the roof help with that.  He also keeps turning things off - he helpfully informed me he'd switched off the new potatoes I was cooking for potato salad yesterday "so they don't boil over" - I'd literally only just put them on and they were only just coming up to the boil.  He'd also switched off the air fryer at the socket, something which I never do - there's no need - so I was left wondering why it wouldn't work when I put the pizza in later.  Funnily enough, he never switches the TV off!! 😂😒.  And his latest untruth about me - he told our next door neighbour that I don't love him anymore - she quietly told me later on that he'd said it.  Luckily, she's been a carer looking after dementia patients in the past, so knows they can be prone to saying hurtful things.  Each time he says something hurtful, I tell myself he doesn't mean it, he doesn't really understand what he's saying or the impact it could have.  It still hurts all the same.

He talked all the way through Strictly yesterday evening (he commentates on all the dances, giving his expert(!!) opinion) and kept winding the dog up, so she kept barking - this happens nearly every week, it's one of the very few programmes I actually like to sit and watch, and it's ruined by those two!  And a friend, who should know better, they're not interested in Strictly themselves, kept texting me as well, grr.  As soon as it finished, I went to bed for some peace and quiet.

No trick or treaters here last night (Halloween seems to have exploded in popularity here now, just another cynical moneygrabbing thing as far as I'm concerned), although we did hear a few fireworks in the distance.....Betty heard them too, cocking her head and listening intently, but they didn't seem to bother her much, they weren't close or loud enough.  I'm not looking forward to Bonfire Night though, quite a few neighbours - not in our sheltered housing estate but surrounding neighbours - had fireworks last year, Betty really doesn't like them.  I've got one of those calming plug-ins, plus some chamomile and lavender biscuit treats, and we'll make sure the curtains are closed and the TV on quite loud.

Motivation!

 After some furniture shifting and a couple of days of bending down a lot and moving things around, my back is killing me and it feels like I may have pulled a muscle in my shoulder.  A hotter than usual shower this morning and a dose of painkillers have eased things, today I'll be making sure I keep moving and do some gentle stretches, it'll soon wear off.  

I guess I knew I'd be suffering today, but I was trying to show husband that sometimes, if there are jobs which need doing, you just have to get on and do them and sod the consequences.  As for the pain and stiffness, well you just have to grin and bear it.  Husband lacks motivation more and more nowadays, if something is difficult (or he just plain doesn't want to do it), he gives up and it never gets done.  I have to remind him sometimes that even with his health issues, he has far greater physical strength than me and there are some things I just can't do - well, not without his help anyway.  On Tuesday at the community physio thing we went to, husband was told by 2 physiotherapists that he must do the exercises he was given, and some walking at a pace that will make him mildly breathless, every day.  He does take Betty out twice a day (except when it's raining), but that's just a slow and gentle stroll around the estate, which takes 10 minutes and neither of them is out of breath when they come back.  To be fair, Betty doesn't want long energetic walks now anyway.  Husband was also told by the physios that it would be a very good idea for him to go back to the gym, asking one of the trainers there for a personalised exercise programme.  But he doesn't want to.  He did a couple of the exercises, for probably less than 10 minutes, on Wednesday morning but has done none since, when I asked if he was going to do some today he said no, his back was hurting.  I reminded him that the physio said the more he stays sitting in his armchair doing nothing, the greater the likelihood that his muscles will atrophy and he won't then be able to do anything!

Before anyone says it, I don't think he's depressed - he had a period of clinical depression some years ago and he's nothing like he was then.  I do however think he's kind of mourning the loss of his previous fit and active life, but he's focusing too much on what he can no longer do, instead of embracing what he can do.  I've just got to keep trying to get him motivated....even though it does feel like I'm always nagging him or poking him with a cattle prod.  I'm pretty sure he's worrying about his possible dementia diagnosis too - when I ask him though he just shrugs and says no.  I've pointed out that people with dementia can live reasonable lives for many years - look at the actress Prunella Scales, she had dementia for 10 years or more and still regularly went canal boating with her husband Timothy West.  And he died before she did!  If husband does have some kind of dementia, well then I know things will deteriorate at some point...but I don't want to have to face the prospect of having to do everything myself and care for someone who just sits there like a statue starting from now!  We've still got reasonably active lives to live for a while yet, and I'm bloody well determined that we will do exactly that.  We're not dead yet!

A zombie apocalypse?

 It's sunny and dry for the next few days, so lovely washing drying weather, we'll also be able to get out in the garden and finish off the weeding, pruning and general tidying for winter.  I've also got some Spring bulbs to plant in pots.

My zombie apocalypse box of emergency supplies is almost complete now, the only things I still need to get are dry dog food and a few treats for Betty, and some crackers, biscuits, nuts and dried fruit for us.

I've been thinking about what disasters might befall us, meaning we might need the contents of the box.  We're a smallish village near a small town in a rural area here in the west country, there are no munitions factories or air/sea bases nearby, so I can't imagine that any foreign enemies would be wanting to bomb us.  There is a nuclear power station along the coast at Hinkley Point, around 20 miles away, which I suppose could be a cause for concern....Google tells me that we are unlikely to be affected by the initial blast, should it blow up, but might possibly be affected by radiation.  But I think it being blown up is a fairly remote possibility, so I'm certainly not worrying about it, I would have thought the ones on the east coast are more likely to be targets.

Flooding isn't really much of a likelihood here - during periods of extremely heavy rain, a river up in the hills on Exmoor above our village does occasionally burst its banks, but the water flows down the main village road out onto the main road, bypassing our estate....neighbours say they've never known it to flood our estate in the 12 years they've lived here.  I'm guessing the most likely 'disasters' would be electricity or water being cut off, for whatever reasons, a power outage meaning we'd also have no internet or landline phone, tv or radio.  We've obviously both got mobile phones, I've ordered a powerbank to charge them.  We've got plenty of torches, battery lights and candles, plus the gas cartridge operated camping hob - we've used it a couple of times and it works well heating up water or a saucepan of food.  I know our neighbours have a wind-up radio.  I suppose it could be a good idea for us to get one, as without his beloved TV husband would be bored stiff!!  If the electricity went off for any length of time we'd obviously have to eat up whatever fresh food was in the fridge first.  We have lots of fleece blankets so would be able to keep warm.  The portapotti I recently bought would come in very handy if we couldn't flush our toilet!  I've got packs of wet wipes in the zombie box for washing purposes - and loo roll of course!  So I think we're pretty much covered.  I still think it's scaremongering by the Government though - I bet none of them are buying extra supplies, they'll all be safe and sound in their bunkers or safe rooms, us little people will be left to fend for ourselves.

So I've got emergency supplies because I think it's sensible, not because I genuinely think there's any likelihood of an actual emergency, or that we need to be worried about it happening.  What about you?

A good thing....and then No thank you!

 Husband's first physio appointment (for his bad back) this morning was held in the sports centre of the local college, it was a community event - physios there along with representatives from lots of local organisations, such as AgeUK, SASP which is a collaboration between local GPs and sports facilities, various other activities and facilities.  The idea being that you are first assessed by a qualified physiotherapist and then offered targeted exercises and recommendations for other things like local gyms or swimming pools.  Then you go on to look around the other activities and facilities and choose if you'd like to take up any of them.  I suppose it's a good idea, getting everything together in one place and it was quite well organised....but being held in a big very echo-ey hall with high ceilings, and being quite crowded, it was ridiculously noisy.  With my impaired hearing, with so much background noise going on I could hardly hear a word any of the professionals were saying to us.  The very knowledgeable physio deduced, after thoroughly examining husband and testing his movements, that his lower back pain is muscular in origin, exacerbated by his age and general lack of exercise/movement (I could have told husband all of that!).  He's been given a couple of sheets of exercises targeted at his lower back pain, and they stressed he really needs to actually do the exercises and get moving in general if he wants to alleviate his back pain and early morning stiffness.  Again, things I've been telling him for ages....but of course he takes no notice of me!  So let's see if he actually does what someone else tells him!

Afterwards we went for lunch in Morrisons cafe - husband really likes it there (mainly because it's pretty cheap!) but it's not my favourite place to go.  Husband liked his meal - cod, chips and mushy peas, but I wasn't very impressed with mine - cheese & onion quiche, chips and beans.  The beans were ok, but the chips were undercooked and the quiche was overwhelmingly salty, I couldn't taste anything else in it.  Husband suggested that we go there for my birthday treat when his daughter and SiL are down visiting in a couple of weeks and have offered to take me out for a meal, their treat.  No thanks - hardly what I would call a treat!  It was busy, chaotic, untidy (discarded napkins and spills on the tables and floor) and very noisy, I thought it resembled a transport cafe.  Anyway, I've already chosen a place that does a lovely Sunday roast (we've eaten there before), which husband had obviously and unsurprisingly, forgotten about.  The good thing about the lunch out is that I don't have to cook anything for dinner tonight!  Husband says he'd like cheese on toast - fine by me.

I've now had three separate 'invitations' in less than a week to have lung cancer screening - do they know something I don't?!  As I only smoked 10 a day for about 5 years and gave up over 40 years ago, I don't really think I'm in much danger of getting lung cancer, but I'll have the test anyway, if only to get them off my back! 😂  The initial screening is a phone interview, you're only referred for scans if they think from the initial questions that you may be at risk.  So I'm sure it'll just be the phone thing.  It's good that they're being proactive and doing preventative stuff, I guess....obviously far better to catch things like cancer early.

Nothing on now for the rest of the week, so I might do some more sorting out - we didn't do our shoes when we did the recent clothes cull.  I also need to sort out some books for the charity shop.  I plan on making some soups using the homegrown veggies I froze a few weeks back, it's definitely soup weather now.

This and that

 I had my physio appointment at 8.30 this morning.  Jodie and I have agreed I don't need another appointment anytime soon as my shoulder is so much better, in terms of pain (minimal) and greatly improved strength and range of movement.  She's left the referral open until the end of January, I'm to speak to her on the phone then and if things are the same, then she'll discharge me....or book me in for another appointment and a second cortisone injection, if necessary.  She gave me another resistance band (a length of stretchy plastic in other words), a stronger one this time as my shoulder strength has improved so much, with advice to continue the exercises at least 2 or 3 times a week.  Great, that's one less health appointment to have to plan now.

Another cold, wet and windy day, I even wore my big winter coat for the first time this season when we went out this morning.  Looking at the forecast, it'll be Thursday I think before I'm able to get any washing out on the line.  Night time temperatures are dropping into single figures from Wednesday, so I'll be grateful for my own personal hot water bottle (dog) lying beside me!  She's not under the duvet with me, I wouldn't have that, she lies on top, but she stretches her full length right beside me pressed up against my side - lovely, except when I want to turn over and she's totally immobile - and very heavy - making it hard to move.  Plus I have to wrench the duvet out from under her.  But I'm not complaining, I love that she wants to sleep with me every night.

I've pottered around doing several small jobs this morning, husband has been slumped in his recliner chair dozing all morning....anyone would think he didn't sleep at night!  I had to wake him up at 7.20 this morning as he showed no signs of getting up and we were having to leave the house around 8.10.  He could sleep for England 😒.  I know he's getting older and slowing down - aren't we all?!  But if I didn't prompt him to get up out of his chair and do something, or give him a specific job to do, he would literally doze his life away doing absolutely nothing all day every day.  He's so much worse in the winter.  I keep thinking he's like this now, he'll be even less active in the future IF he's diagnosed with some form of dementia.  He keeps being told by medical professionals that he should be as active as possible.....unfortunately, it's me who has to poke him with a big stick (figuratively speaking of course!) to get him to be more active, and then he gets grumpy and snappy with me.  Sometimes I do think oh well leave him to it, it's his life and if he wants to doze himself to death, so be it.  But that's not me and I don't want it for him either.

When I looked in the mirror this morning to do my hair....and then realised I don't have to as it's so short now.....I thought I really hate my hair now, both the shortness and the horrible dark grey colour.  Can't wait for it to grow out.  Well, at least now it's virtually the same (very short) length all over, it'll hopefully grow out much more even, rather than the thin wispy mess it was before.  Either that or buy a wig!! 😂

Hair disappointment and pizza bargains

 Well, I cut (with husband's help on the back) and coloured my hair this morning.....suffice it to say I don't like it.  The colour certainly isn't the 'metallic silver' shown on the pack, it's more gunmetal grey, much too dark for my liking.  The top bit of my hair is fine, as is the very short back, but I went up too high on the sides, it doesn't really suit my face shape having it that short at the sides.  I wash my hair every other day so the colour will soon fade to a lighter shade, thankfully.  It also grows fairly quick which I'm happy about....in a couple of weeks it'll be much better.  Over the past few days I've crocheted myself 4 different coloured headband/ear warmers which all look good, so when I go out I'll be wearing one of those!  Oh well, I tried - I wouldn't say it's a disaster but I won't be doing either the cut or the colour the same next time!  The colour is definitely the most disappointing aspect, having had very light blonde and latterly faded light silvery grey all my life, dark grey is not my preferred colour at all.  Never mind.

It's been raining on and off all morning and is still very windy - husband attempted to take Betty for a walk but she didn't want to know, after just a couple of minutes she indicated she'd had enough and turned back home.  Don't blame her!  The sun has literally just come out but there are still black clouds hovering.  I did some washing this morning and have been waiting to put it out, but I think I'll put it on my new heated airer instead, the sun having gone straight back in again.

On Saturday evenings we've got into the habit of having a pizza for tea whilst watching Strictly.  I didn't have one in the freezer yesterday, so we went to Tesco to get one.  It turned out they had a meal deal offer on some of the pizzas (The Pizza Company ones), 2 large pizzas, 2 sides and a dip for £10.  I added up how much it would have cost to buy all the things separately, it came to £19.10 so quite a saving.  We chose a multi cheese pizza and a bbq chicken and bacon one, for sides we picked out a pack of lattice fries and a garlic flatbread, plus a bbq sauce dip.  Each of the pizzas were huge, we had half of the cheese one between us for tea last night, plus the lattice fries (which were lovely) and the bbq dip, also lovely.  The rest of the pizza is for lunch today with a bit of salad, the other one went in the freezer along with the garlic flatbread.  The flatbread is smaller than the pizzas, I intend to put some more toppings on it - maybe some roasted veggies and cheese - and have it as another pizza another day.  So the 2 pizzas and sides will actually do us for 5 separate meals for the two of us, with some veg or salad or beans on the side, which works out at £2 for each 2 portions, plus the sides.  Bargain!  The offer is on until 29 November, so I might well get it again (no room in the freezer at the moment).  

Our Tesco is undergoing a refit, it's chaos in there right now, empty shelves everywhere, everything moved around into different aisles, the toiletries, meds, baby stuff have all been moved into a marquee out in the car park.  There are notices up saying there are dedicated Shoppers Helpers carrying boards (like lollipop ladies).....erm, we've only seen one, who promptly vanished as soon as I saw her.  So shopping takes twice as long right now - there are Morrisons and Lidl in the same area but Tesco is my preferred shop.  I've asked 2 different staff members when the refit will be completed.....both of them shrugged and said they don't know, they haven't been told, but hopefully before Christmas!  It's not been very busy over the last couple of weeks since they started the refit - I'm guessing a lot of shoppers have deserted them for Morrisons, quite understandably.

I've got physio tomorrow morning, husband has his on Tuesday.  I think I'll tell my physiotherapist I don't need to go anymore, my shoulder is heaps better since I had the cortisone injection.  Other than that we've got nothing on this week, I don't think.

Bit blowy!

 Betty's fine now, back to normal after 2 doses of the anti nausea meds.  I hate seeing her unwell - although she is much more affectionate then, she wants to be with me all the time and leans against me for comfort, bless her.  Now she's back to her usual aloof self! 😂  Albeit being aloof in the same room as me, she still likes to follow me around from room to room.

Last night it rained heavily all night, no wind though, but then this morning the wind got up to gale force level and is only just beginning to abate a bit now.  Brief bits of sunshine in between rain showers, the rain droplets being hurled against the windows by the force of the wind.  We've got away relatively unscathed, apart from a bit of trellis hanging off and some plant pots blown around.  Next door's barn tarpaulin is still in place, just about, although has been torn loose along one edge and is in danger of being ripped off....still, that's their lookout, they must know about it, the builder and Mr X have been working in the barn all morning.  Oddly enough my sister up in the East Midlands said it was fine there this morning, no wind or rain, she sent me a photo of 6 parakeets on her feeding station around 10.30 am.

I've been sent a text from the NHS offering me a lung cancer screening assessment, saying my GP has identified me as being at potential risk.  News to me.  I guess it's because I used to smoke years ago - I smoked about 10 a day from my late teens to early 20s, so a period of about 5 years, 45+ years ago, a very long time ago and not a heavy smoker.  So I shouldn't think I am at risk, but I expect I'll go ahead with the assessment, it's free and probably just an initial phone thing.  Husband hasn't had the offer, surprisingly - he smoked more than me and for a longer period, and his father died of lung cancer, I would have thought he was a more likely candidate.  Perhaps they're doing it in phases.

No plans for this weekend - we certainly won't be car booting, I expect it will be cancelled anyway which is a pity as it's the last one of the season.....heavy rain and winds forecast all day tomorrow and again on Sunday morning, although it looks as though it might be better by the afternoon.  We really ought to get out in the garden and do the last bits of pruning and weeding before winter.

Are you all safe where you are, have any of you been affected by the storm?  

Oh dear

 Not a good start to today, I seem to be stuck in a cycle of bad nights, last night I woke just before 3.00 am and couldn't get back to sleep for hours.  Just as I did, around 6.30 ish, I was woken up a few minutes later by husband shouting at Betty, who was being sick in the lounge - he's got absolutely zero patience with her nowadays.  I said he shouldn't shout at her, it's not her fault, she's not being naughty or doing it on purpose, she just doesn't feel well!  I reminded him that I didn't shout at him when he was unwell and crapping on the hall carpet a few weeks back.  😒 So Betty's on a no-food day whilst her stomach recovers, her stomach is gurgling loudly so is obviously acidic again.  I'm sure she'll be better tomorrow, I've got a packet of her anti-sickness meds from the vet....I'll give her one later, no point in doing it now whilst she's throwing up (3x so far this morning, thankfully the last 2 were outside).  She's a bit restless and subdued, but not too bad.  She's had a few sips of water and is now dozing in her bed beside my feet, sleep is a good healer.

At least I've managed to get washing out on the line, there are a few hours of dry weather and spells of sunshine forecast before it starts raining later on this afternoon, continuing through the night with strong winds due to Storm Austen.  Predictions of 60 mph gusts here, not quite as bad as some areas though.  Mr X next door has blue tarpaulin fixed over the roof of his barn he's having refurbished, I hope it stays put!  We'll have to go out in the garden later and make sure everything, including the garden furniture, is battened down.  We've got candles and torches in the event of a power cut, plenty of fleece blankets to keep all 3 of us warm and the camping gas stove to heat water and food if required.  I'm sure we'll be fine, I hope you all stay safe.

That's that done

 Husband successfully completed the last of the dementia tests yesterday, in just over an hour.  By 'successfully' I mean that he did them without too much extra and unnecessary chitchat - I'd warned him on the way there that I really didn't want to spend another 2 hours plus there, and the longer he took, the later our dinner would be!  That seemed to do the trick 😉.  The psychologist has already given us an appointment to go back and be told the diagnosis - 19 November - a month away but at least I can put it out of my mind now until then.

Husband's got his covid jab later this morning, we're combining it with a few other places to go in town - with the price of fuel now it's too costly to go out just for one thing.  We've got nothing else on the rest of the week, so I can get on and do a few jobs at home.  In any case, the weather is forecast to be pretty nasty so it's just as well we don't need to go out.

On the subject of mobile hairdressers.....I did ask on the local FB page for recommendations, 2 or 3 names given, one of which I've already had.  She came to give me a trim a year or so ago, I didn't like the way she did my hair and she charged way too much - I got the impression she was deliberately charging high because she didn't really want to come and do it again.  The others I have messaged but neither of them have got back to me, so they obviously don't want to do it either!  It seems to be a case of 'old person (I'm not that old!!), short hair, not interested'.  I am actually fairly confident about cutting my own hair, I've done it before, it's just that I need help with the back of my head - I'm very uncoordinated when looking into mirrors trying to reach the back, I can't work out which way my hand should be going!  Husband is very cackhanded and doesn't follow instructions very well, but all I want is for my hair to be shaved at the bottom, I'm sure he can manage that.  Colouring is no problem, I've done that myself all my adult life.

My sister has just sent me a photo of 3 green parakeets on her bird feeding station in her garden, I knew there were flocks of parakeets in London, didn't know they were up north as well (Midlands actually).  Wonder where they came from?  A released or escaped bird (well, must have been at least a pair!!) I'm assuming, who have clearly bred successfully over the years.

Boring social life haha

 I really hope the dementia testing this afternoon is the end of it - well, except for the waiting to get the results.  The psychologist said that they'll probably call us in to give us the results personally - last time I think they rang us and then followed it up with a letter.  It seems to be nothing but health appointments lately, just this month we've had loads already - I had the podiatrist and diabetic eye screening, we both had our flu jabs, husband had a GP appointment, visit from the lady from Alzheimer's Society, husband's two dementia testing appointments.  Tomorrow he's got his covid jab (since the rules were changed I'm no longer eligible for one), oh and we've had 3 vet visits for Betty.  And next week both husband and I have physiotherapy appointments, on different days and in different places.  Our entire social life seems to be made up of health appointments, how boring!  And it's raining, all morning apparently, just to add to my fed upness 😂

Oh well, things can only get better - at least we don't live in France!  (what on earth is happening with the world lately?).

The courgette and Stilton soup I made yesterday was delicious.....well, I thought so anyway, husband ate half a bowl then refused the rest, saying he didn't like it.  Never mind, loads more for me then!  He's become extremely fussy and critical about the food I make in the past few months, having previously all the years we've been together eaten everything I made without complaint.  I rarely comment, although a couple of times I have told him to feel free to make his own meals (I'd rather he didn't actually, he makes too much mess!).

Well, it seems I can't get a haircut for love nor money, despite trying a few places - one gave a quick glance at my hair and then said she's booked up for weeks and weeks in advance, another said she's not taking on any new clients until the new year.  A third, who I was told had availability, asked via text for me to send her a photo of my hair as it is, plus a picture of how I'd like it, which I did.  That was the middle of last week and I've not heard back from her at all - so she obviously doesn't want to do it!  Yet she's currently advertising her services on the local FB page, along with pics of hair she's recently done - which are all of long flowing wavy locks with golden highlights.  My short wispy faded grey ageing hair which I'd like shaved at the sides and longer on top obviously doesn't match her aspirations!  Their loss, I'll do it myself.  It won't be the first time, and as long as I'm happy with it, that's alright.  And it'll save me a ton of money 😁

Husband's daughter, son in law and grandson are coming down for the weekend early next month, staying in the Premier Inn.  She rang yesterday and said they'd like to take us out for a meal on the Saturday evening, to celebrate my birthday, which is nice of them.  She asked me to pick a suitable place, which I'm thinking about - we rarely, if ever, go out on a Saturday night so I'm not too sure where to go.  I don't really want to go into town, most eating places there will be full of Butlins adult weekenders all in stupid fancy dress on a Saturday (you do see some eye-opening sights at the weekends, men and women on stag and hen nights, dressed as fairies, cartoon characters, animals, strippers - you name it.  Well, at least they're having fun!!  I'll have to look up some country pubs and check the reviews. 

Lovely homemade soups, and some worries

 I'm glad it's now soup and casserole weather.  Having said that though, I made a lamb stew with dumplings in the slow cooker yesterday, I was intending to have just the veg and gravy with dumplings, fishing out the lamb chunks when dishing up mine.  When it came to serving it up though, I just couldn't bear to have any myself - I wasn't going to eat the meat of course, but the overpoweringly meaty smell of the stew really put me off - since I stopped eating meat I really dislike the smell of meat cooking.  So I just had a tin of tomato soup with crusty sourdough and a sprinkle of cheese.  Husband will have the stew and dumplings again today and the rest will be frozen.  I find it a bit of a struggle handling/preparing some meat as well now, the cooked turkey for Betty especially although, oddly enough, I don't mind pulling apart the cooked chicken so much.  As for offal, which I used to eat quite happily a few years ago - well, liver and kidneys anyway - now I really can't stand either the look or the smell of it, husband has to do it himself if he wants it.

I'm making courgette and blue cheese soup for lunch today, using frozen home grown courgettes, I'll add some dried potato flakes to give it a bit of body.  Also making cheese scones to go with it.  For my dinner later I just fancy a grated cheese and carrot mayo roll (got some brown sourdough GF rolls in the freezer) with some pickled baby beets and gherkins on the side.

My guts are playing up again, nervous stomach I think, and I'm not sleeping very well either.  All this dementia testing is on my mind....if husband is diagnosed with some form of dementia, as I'm fairly sure he will be, I can't help thinking of what it will mean for our future.  And how will I cope in the event of him becoming much more muddled, confused and possibly even aggressive, and unable to do anything for himself.  I will cope of course, I'll have no choice - hopefully with some outside help - but it does worry me.  I don't think I was cut out to be a nurse.

A bit boring!

 Not much to report really, not a lot has happened since the dementia testing on Thursday.  I do feel a bit deflated at the thought of having to go through it again on Tuesday, I just want it over and done and a diagnosis reached.  I'm not looking forward to the (probable) outcome, but at the moment I just feel we're in limbo.  It will hopefully feel easier - well, as much as it can be - once a diagnosis is given, at least we'll have a better idea of what we're dealing with.  Husband isn't saying much, as usual he just shrugged when I asked him how he feels.

A bit of light relief this morning, if a bit surreal.  Problem relative sent a soft porn short reel to a female member of the family in the early hours of the morning, understandably she was quite shocked and upset.  If it were me, I'd have just replied with a short and to the point "WTF??", but the recipient relative has told us all and asked for a senior member of the family to get in touch with PR and give him a dressing down.  He claims he has no memory of doing it, has given all sorts of excuses along the lines of it must have been a mistake, he was probably very tired, didn't realise he'd done it, etc etc.  I should add he's not a drinker - well, as far as we know! - although he does suffer with mental health problems and lives in his own little surreal world.  It gave some of us a good laugh anyway, and I doubt he'll repeat it in a hurry!  I guess lots of families have one embarrassing relative - I asked husband who's his family one and he immediately said it was his mother!  Whilst I can partly agree with that, I'd have said he shared the honours with her 😂 (I didn't say it to him though!).

Nice sunny day today, but noticeably colder.  We're off to the car boot sale this afternoon, will wrap up well.  Burgers and salad for dinner later whilst watching Strictly, husband's having a BBQ pork one I think, I'll have my usual Linda McC mozzarella one.  On the subject of Strictly and the new presenters, I think Emma is good, she's a consummate professional and it shows.  JoJo is good doing the couple interviews, he's such a luvvie (and I love him), good fun and very empathetic.  Josh - well, I don't know what to make of him really, I do like him as a comedian but think he's out of his depth on Strictly, he gives the impression of not knowing what he's doing half the time, and can be very annoying - he seems to pick up on something early in the show (like Anton being a bit grumpy last week, although he wasn't really, just teasing) and then spends the entire show repeating it ad infinitum.  I didn't really know/hadn't heard of more than half of this year's contestants, the producers certainly seem to be going all out to attract a younger audience.  Which strikes me as a bit strange, as surely most younger people will be out on a Saturday night, not staying in watching TV!  Can you tell I've got nothing of interest to say.....😂😂

To be continued....

This morning we went for husband's dementia tests.....or rather, the first part!  We were there just over 2 hours (we'd been told it should take around 2 hours), the first part consists of the psychologist asking husband lots of questions, some general, some specific, and sometimes asking if I concurred with what he said (no, most of the time).  Then I was given a questionnaire to fill in regarding husband's behaviour and how he copes with things, whilst husband tackled all the tests - some verbal, some written or drawn.  Well, as is customary with husband, he kept going off at a tangent, joking around and launching into long rambling stories of events in the distant past.  Funnily enough, on the way there I'd specifically asked husband not to keep talking about irrelevant stuff or things he hadn't been asked, and not to keep cracking silly jokes!  He must have forgotten 😒 - actually, he's a law unto himself and can't help himself, it's hard to stop him from talking.  I dare say all of that will probably help the psychologist in her assessment, but it does delay things and add to the length of time we have to be there!  Because of all that, she couldn't get through all the tests in time (she had another appointment straight after ours), and so we have to go back again next Tuesday to complete the rest.  Sigh.  

I asked her about husband's brain scan - again she wouldn't tell us the result.  She said there's no point in looking at any one element of the testing in isolation, everything has to be taken as a whole, which I can see.  But it does feel like they're withholding information from us, which I find quite frustrating.  I suppose they think we might not understand, or be worried about the results....I actually find the not knowing more worrying.  After next Tuesday, which I hope will be the last of the tests, the results have to be collated and written up by the psychologist, then husband's case will be discussed at a case conference.  Only then will we then be called for feedback and diagnosis.  It's such a long drawn out process.

Oh, and once again husband was told that they consider he is safe to carry on driving at the moment.  I'm glad of that, of course, but it always strikes me as a bit odd that someone who doesn't know him can make that sort of judgement from asking a few questions in an office, rather than a practical assessment actually sitting beside him in a car. 🤔  She did ask me if I have any concerns about his driving, I said I do have a few - his reaction times are slower, he has minor lapses in concentration sometimes, he occasionally forgets to change gear.  I don't however feel like I never want to get in the car with him again!  Well, not yet anyway.

I feel quite worn out now......clearly husband does too, as he fell asleep in his armchair soon after we got home, he slept for about half an hour.

Incidentally, if husband is ever asked to do a practical driving assessment, he would have to go to a test centre in either Bristol or Exeter, both of which are miles and miles away from here.....Bristol is almost 2 hours drive, Exeter around 1 hr 20 mins.  If the assessor decided husband was unsafe to drive, it would take effect immediately, meaning he would be unable to drive home.  So how would we get home then?  We were told he should take someone with him who could drive our car home, just in case!  So obviously not me then.  Husband did say that if he was asked to do a driving assessment, he would refuse and accept that he would have to give up driving from then on.

Getting old and infirm is no fun, we really don't appreciate our good health when we're younger.  If only we knew then what we know now!

And again....

 Husband got the bits he wanted from the diy shop, I was less successful with my hairdressing appointment quest.  Two of the salons said they had no appointments available anytime soon, or were not taking on new clients - are there that many people wanting haircuts or colours?!  The third salon said that one of their staff was taking new clients, but she was off work yesterday.....she's back in today apparently and will (hopefully) give me a ring.  Who knew it would be so difficult to get a haircut?

Husband has yet another episode of the runs, so I'm having to modify his diet again.  I'm getting a bit fed up (I'm sure he is too), it feels like I'm constantly in the kitchen, planning and prepping 3 different meals all the time....one being Betty's of course, although at least I can make and freeze around a week's worth for her at a time.  When husband has a diverticular flare up, he's supposed to have very bland food for a few days - meat or fish plainly cooked with no fat or spices, simple carbs such as white rice, pasta or bread (none of which we normally eat, we always have wholemeal), no grains seeds or nuts, limited veg.  He can have root veg but they must be peeled to reduce the amount of fibre.  It's different to the way I eat, I don't eat white anything, I have grains and seeds sprinkled on my food, I severely limit carbs, I eat loads of veggies and fruit.  The novelty of cooking and baking has definitely worn off!  But I have to do it.  Husband cannot understand (basically because he can't remember) why his diet must be so restricted, so I have to keep reminding him.  Another thing to add to the list of frustrations!

It's a lovely sunny day so we might perhaps go out for a walk, I could do with some beach and sea views, possibly at Blue Anchor bay with a coffee afterwards.  

Some good suggestions

 The lady from the Alzheimer's Society came yesterday afternoon, Carol - she was very nice.  Her main purpose seemed to be to signpost us to all the various groups for dementia sufferers and their carers in the Minehead area.  There are quite a few, more than I knew about, different focuses and activities for each one.  Some, like Singing for the Brain, husband shut down immediately, he wouldn't go for that at all and made that very clear to Carol.  She was clearly disappointed, probably because she herself runs that particular group and is very passionate about singing helping the brain.  There are a couple that husband said he might be interested in, one is a lunch club held in the same hotel where husband's gym is located, they offer an informal lunch and friendly chat twice a week, he said he might be willing to give that a go (there's food involved!).  Another is called Amble not Ramble, a walking group that meets once a month for a gentle stroll of about an hour, in different locations - husband said he liked the sound of that, although it would depend on the weather (I agree with that, I don't do walking in bad weather!).  There's also an informal group specifically for carers, they meet once a month in the same seafront hotel as the lunch club, a chance to chat with fellow carers with tea/coffee and biscuits on offer.  I think I'll try that out.

Carol said that regular exercise, even just walking, alternating between slow strolls and short bursts of faster walking, is helpful, as is making sure we keep hydrated.  Both things I repeatedly suggest to husband but he doesn't take a lot of notice of me, perhaps he will from someone else!  She also had a good practical suggestion which I'll put into practice - write on a whiteboard every morning, things like what day it is, what's for dinner, if we have any appointments that day, and put it in a prominent place (she suggested by the TV!) where husband can see it.  Although he's dyslexic, he can read things which are written quite large and clearly, and not joined up writing, which I've always done throughout our marriage.  Oh, she also said it's important to chat to people on a regular basis, especially people we don't know well - husband has no trouble doing that, the problem is more trying to stop him going on forever!

She said that once we have a diagnosis from the dementia tests, she'll be happy to come back and see us again to talk things through and offer more specific insights into whatever type of dementia he may have been diagnosed with - if he is!  All in all, it was an interesting and quite helpful meeting - oh, and she said there are actually around a hundred different types of dementia - I thought there were about a dozen, who knew?!?!

We're off into town this morning, husband wants some bits from the Proper Job diy shop and I want to investigate a few hairdressers and hopefully make an appointment - exciting!  It rained overnight but has stopped now, sun is forecast but it is noticeably colder and quite windy.  Well, it is the middle of October after all and we've had a lovely summer, so no complaints.

Junk out - today! And self-care

 After we came back from holiday (2.5 weeks ago now, where has the time gone?), husband bought and put together 3 sets of those metal Meccano type shelving units, for his shed....lots of loud cursing and sighing as he did so, but he got them all done eventually.  All the accumulated junk had to come out of his shed so he could install the shelving units, this meant most of the junk was put in the car port.  There are a few things in the car port that I need regular access to - the tall upright freezer, my fresh veg box, the zombie apocalypse (emergency supplies) box and the food waste bin.  Actually, we have hardly any food waste, we use the bin for veg and fruit peels, teabags and the like....compostable stuff which then gets transferred into one of the compost bins in the garden (husband has acquired 4).  Initially, he put back some of his junk into his shed....I did suggest that it was a good time for him to go through some of it and do a tip run for junk he really didn't need, which he did - well, one trip for just some of the stuff.  However, after that initial flurry of activity a fortnight ago, the rest of his junk has remained in the car port, and has been added to with a number of cardboard boxes from deliveries of 'stuff' he's ordered off the internet (yes he's been into one of his recurring obsessions about buying stuff again recently).  Several times I've asked him to sort out the car port and finish the job off, it's fallen on deaf ears as usual.  This morning, after I'd had to shift a load of his junk once again to get to my veg box, I put my foot down and told him to clear it all out - THIS MORNING!  Clutter is one of my biggest annoyances, in no way am I a minimalist type of person, but I do like things to be organised and tidy!  Mess just irritates the hell out of me.  So now, after some filthy looks and grumblings under his breath, he's out there doing it.  I'll have to keep an eye out and see that he finishes it all though, he's notoriously bad at finishing a job.

Husband is such a hoarder, I don't even know where he gets half the stuff from.  Well, I do know that if he's out with the dog, say, and notices a neighbour putting stuff out for the tip, husband will often ask if he can have it - the neighbours are only to happy to agree of course, saves them a job!  He always says it might come in useful - except it never does, it just gets added to the piles of junk he's already got.  I've said to him that he'd better stop acquiring junk and start sorting through it and getting rid of a lot, as I really don't want the trouble and expense of having to hire someone to come and take it all away if husband becomes too incapacitated to deal with it himself.  Or dies!

I've decided I'm definitely going to have my hair cut in the style of that picture, I shall go into town and visit a couple of hairdressers to make an appointment this week, for as soon as they can do it.  And I'm going to start colouring it myself again too, it's about time I started doing some self-care.

Resolved

 Bathroom situation again.....I've bought a portable toilet off the internet, it'll be coming Monday.  Whilst it's not an ideal situation, I feel much better about having a portaloo of our choosing, brand new (and clean!!) rather than some random used commode foisted on us.  And, let's face it, it may well prove to be useful, or even a necessity, in the future!  I'm still going to push for the bathroom flooring work to be postponed until next year though, there's just too much going on in our lives right now and I don't want the added stress.

This is the hairstyle I've decided I want:-

It's very different from anything I've had before, I've had short hair for years but this is much shorter - and shaved at the sides and back.  I really like it, I'll look at a few hairdressers - there are several in the town - and make an appointment next week.  I love the colour too but won't have that done at the hairdressers, I'll do it myself, I've always coloured my hair myself.  I've not coloured my hair for at least a couple of years so it's now my natural colour (dirty blonde) but fading to grey - very light and nondescript actually.  My Mum never really went grey, her hair colour just sort of faded too, mine seems to be going the same way.

It's windy and quite cold with showers forecast today, looks like they're about to start soon.  I need to buy a different type of heated clothes airer, the one I've got is a long one, waist height, and takes up too much room indoors, I want an upright one instead, less floor space needed.  Drying washing is always a bit of a problem in the winter here, I haven't got a tumble dryer and there's not much space in our bungalow.  There's the car port of course, plenty of room for airers out there but the coldness means the washing still takes ages to dry.

We actually went to Aldi yesterday rather than today, husband thought there'd be less traffic - as Fridays and Mondays are Butlins changeover days, there's always more traffic on those days.  I got 2 months worth of shelf stable stuff rather than my usual 1 month, so the bill was higher than normal but it'll save us fuel as we won't need to go again until early December.

A new hairstyle....possibly

 Re the toilet problem.....I doubt our landlords would spring for a portaloo in the carport, they're cutting costs nowadays.  A commode simply wouldn't work - it would need emptying after every use and where are we supposed to empty it with no access to the bathroom for 2 days? (and the toilet actually removed from the bathroom).  The landlords do have some guest bedrooms on some of their sites - not here though, they're only for use by relatives of the residents and they don't allow dogs in any case.  I've been looking to see if it would be feasible to book a night away somewhere nearby - I found nothing, no availability anywhere, people are closing up their holiday accommodations for winter, they don't want to accept bookings for just one night, or they don't allow dogs.  So it looks like a portapotty, camping toilet type thing, is the best option.  I'm not really happy about it but needs must.  I'm still waiting to hear back from our housing officer, who was going to look into it for us.  We've got so many health appointments and other things going on between now and Christmas, I would rather the bathroom thing was put off until next year anyway, I think I'll push for that.

Freezer emptying - husband had a homecooked chicken, bacon and mushroom paella type thing from the freezer last night, I had a jacket spud with cheese and a side salad.  Tonight we're having a bought but frozen frittata with chips and beans, so a couple of things from the freezer.  It's starting to have a few gaps here and there, slowly but surely.

Mr X's new builders are on site today, they've got a cement mixer going and some kind of cutting machine, so it's quite noisy out there.  The temperature has dropped quite a lot so it's not like we're sitting or working in our garden though, although with our windows open the noise is quite loud, I'll be shutting them soon.

Going to do our big Aldi shop tomorrow, I think I'll be getting more than a month's worth of shelf stable stuff so we don't need to go again anytime soon, with the price of fuel going up and up.  Both Aldi's (there are 2, in different directions) are around 50 mins drive each way, so that's quite a lot of fuel.

I've decided I'm going to have a different and very much shorter hairstyle, done in a shop not by me and husband!  Well, I say I've decided, I'm still thinking about it.  I want it shaved at the sides and back, longer on top.  This will of course leave my ears and neck exposed.....probably not such a good idea in winter 😂😂.  To get round that I'm going to crochet a few thick headband/ear warmer things to wear when we go out, that should also use up some of my stash, win win.

In the words of Victor Meldrew.....I don't believe it!

 The 'making space in the freezer' thing is going slowly, but at least I am taking things out.  Yesterday we had smoked salmon and some veg out of the freezer, for a salmon rice thing, today it'll be gnocchi with a sauce made from frozen homegrown tomatoes, so that's a bag of those gone from the freezer.  I'll roast some sliced courgette and butternut squash and husband will have bacon with his.  Today, however, I'll be putting more back in, albeit Betty's food, I'm making up another batch of chicken and squash food and freezing it in tubs.  Oh, and husband did take a loaf of his bread out, so that's a biggish gap made.

I had my diabetic eye screening in the morning, the technician said I have a very small diabetic bleed in one eye, tiny in fact (he had to enlarge the screen to see it), he said it's nothing to worry about and will probably have gone by the time I have my next screening!  In the afternoon I saw the new podiatrist for the first time, she was lovely and dealt with my ingrowing toenail with no pain at all.  She loosened the nail and then cut a piece off the side, put some antiseptic spray on and bandaged it up, she said to leave the bandage on (and not get it wet, so I have to put a plastic bag on it to shower) for 2 days.  After that I have to wash the toe with mildly salted water and put a fresh plaster on every day for a week.  She said as I'm diabetic we need to take extra care that it doesn't get infected.

In between these two appointments we had a surprise visit from a worker from our landlords, he came to measure up our bathroom for the new flooring which is supposedly being laid on Friday of next week.  I say 'supposedly' because it's now up in the air.  Apparently, according to this bloke, the whole job will take two - yes two - days - it's only a small wet room with shower with waist height screen, basin and loo!  The first day they will have to remove the loo and sink, shower screening, and the door (it's a sliding door and wide doorway, wheelchair adapted) and then lay a new concrete floor, which must not be walked on until it's completely dry, which will take all day and possibly into the evening.  The following day they'll come back, spray the floor with glue and lay the new flooring, before then fitting back the toilet, basin etc and the door.  So the chap said the bathroom will effectively be out of action for two days.  Erm, what?  And what are we supposed to do about going to the loo?  Oh, he said, can't you go over to the day centre and use theirs?  The communal day centre for our sheltered housing estate is about 100 metres or so away and isn't actually open 24/7, it's not even open every single day now.  Even if it were, as both of us have bladder issues (bowel too with husband, and urgency), it wouldn't be practical for us to have to go elsewhere to use a loo.  He then said that he supposed they could bring us a commode!  Which would have to go in my bedroom, there's nowhere else to put it (husband's room is too small and cluttered).  Oh and he said he doesn't know why the floor laying appointment was booked for a Friday, as the job takes 2 days and they don't work Saturdays!  Honestly, you couldn't make it up.  I just find it astonishing and quite unbelievable that this is a sheltered housing development for elderly and disabled people and yet they don't appear to be showing any consideration for that.  We said it'll have to be postponed until such time as we and they can come up with a suitable solution.

I think the best thing would be for us to book a night away in some local holiday accommodation, bearing in mind we'll have Betty with us too which adds a layer of difficulty.  I did have a quick look online yesterday and couldn't find anywhere locally available for one night in the next few weeks, it's the wrong time of year.  The other problem, even if I could find somewhere, is that workmen from our landlords are notorious for cancelling or rearranging jobs at the last minute, or even just not turning up with no warning.  So if that happened when I'd paid out for a night away, I wouldn't be best pleased!

If it's not one problem, it's another.  If a fairy godmother wanted to grant me a wish, I'd ask for a calm, peaceful life with NO problems or aggravations.  Not much to ask for is it?! 😂😂

Boring!

 The flu jabs at our surgery were well organised yesterday, we were both in, done and out within 5 minutes.  Slightly sore arm this morning but feel fine otherwise.  We didn't go to the boot sale in the afternoon, it rained 😒.  I think there are 3 more (weather dependent) before the end of the season, so we might get to one again.

We just had the pizza and salad yesterday, neither of us wanted chips, so only the one thing out of the freezer.  Today there'll be a few more things, we're having a roast dinner - chicken thighs for husband (plus one for Betty), homemade nut roast for me, a homemade cauli cheese and some peas out of the freezer, along with fresh cabbage, so 4 things.

This is a busy couple of weeks coming up - I have my diabetic eye screening and a visit to a new podiatrist for my ingrowing toenail, we have the lady from Alzheimers coming to offer some help and ideas for husband's short term memory.  Betty has another vet appointment on Wednesday, someone from the landlord's maintenance dept is coming to inspect our bathroom floor later in the week.  And then there's the all important dementia testing for husband.  Oh, and my cleaner is coming tomorrow.  So eating meals out of the freezer a lot this next fortnight, which should really help clear some space in it and will take the pressure off me when I haven't got a lot of time for cooking fresh meals.

I did something yesterday I don't think I've ever done before - left washing out on the line overnight.  I know some people do but I've never done it, don't really know why.  It was only fleece dog blankets which we have on the sofa and on my bed as Betty sheds so much hair.  According to the local forecast, only a couple of light showers were predicted so I thought putting the blankets out wouldn't be a problem, they dry quite quickly and there was a breeze.  Huh, it rained on and off nearly all day, not that heavy but enough to soak the blankets, they weren't dry by teatime so I left them out there.  It's sunny this morning so I'll get them in soon.

What a boring blog post 😂😂

Full to bursting

 Ohhh, it's well and truly still dark now in the mornings when I get up, and we're closing the curtains and putting the lights on around 6.30 in the evenings.  One of the reasons why I'm not keen on the winter months, not enough daylight.  Leaving aside the lack of daylight, at least the clocks going back later this month means an extra hour in bed.  I've had 2 nights now of fairly reasonable sleep, as have husband and Betty.  No further sickness periods from her, my bowels have gone back to normal and husband's are settling, although not normal yet.  I'm still trying to keep him on a low fat, low fibre diet for a few more days until his guts are back to normal, it's not easy though.  I bought him a box of plain rice krispies for breakfast the other day, that's after he picked up a box of bran flakes and said he wanted them instead.  I patiently explained that he can't have those as they're high fibre, exactly what he's not supposed to have right now.  I'd said this morning that he should have the rice krispies for breakfast.....when I came out of the shower he was eating a plateful of wholemeal granary toast....sigh.  He said he forgot.

Our freezer is currently stuffed full to bursting, I'd bought quite a lot of chicken for both Betty's bland diet and because husband likes chicken, and there are several bags of homegrown tomatoes and courgettes and a couple of boxes of chopped onions and whole shallots.  Lots of fish too - whenever I see fresh fish (not battered or breadcrumbed) on offer or yellow stickered I always buy and freeze it, as I eat lots of fish. There are also lots of odds and ends of various types of bread, so I think I need to pull those out and make a large bread pudding - which will then need to be portioned up and frozen!  A large bagful of homemade chicken bone broth too, which Betty absolutely loves drizzled over her food, I won't need to make any for a few weeks, so the bones of any chicken I cook in the next couple of weeks will have to be frozen.

The freezer is so full I can't even do an inventory, so this coming week I'm going to make sure that we have something out of the freezer every day - I'll include a meal plan using freezer stuff every day in a post, that should ensure I stick to the plan.  This evening we're having pizza with a few oven chips and salad - the pizza obviously isn't low fat or bland, but on Saturdays I generally do a frozen fakeaway type meal, both as a treat and because I don't want to cook!  So the pizza and chips out of the freezer today - won't free up much space but it's a start.

We're going to the big car boot sale this afternoon, first time in ages and probably one of, if not the last - it stops at the end of October, or before if the weather's bad.  This is going to be a busy month, what with all the medical appointments (flu jabs this morning) and various annual service/repair jobs by the landlords.  The lady from Alzheimers Society rang yesterday to arrange an appointment - you may remember she didn't turn up for the last one before we went on holiday, turned out she was ill and had forgotten to ask her colleague to ring us.  She's coming to see what help they can offer us coping with husband's terrible short term memory.

Need a sign on the door....

 ....saying "Enter at your peril!"  Or that cross that people put on their doors centuries ago if there was plague in the house.  😂

I calculated I had about 4 hours sleep last night.....heavy rain, husband back and forth to the bathroom, Betty being extremely restless and then throwing up twice early this morning (the first time in the doorway of my bedroom), and my ongoing overactive mind kept me awake, for the 4th or 5th night in a row.  Both Betty and husband are in bed asleep - well, on top of my bed in Betty's case, husband returned to his bed about half an hour ago.  At least it's peaceful here!

And now I've got the runs as well (think I'm coming out in sympathy with those two!), although I don't feel unwell with it, just very tired.  So this afternoon I might break the habit of a lifetime and actually lie on my bed for a snooze....if my mind will let me.

I've told husband, very firmly, that if he wants his guts to get better then he's got to do exactly as I say, eating only what I give him and ensuring he drinks more fluids.  All he had to drink by late yesterday afternoon was 3 or 4 cups of tea, until I made him drink a large glass of water.  And, despite him not feeling well, I caught him 2 or 3 times eating handfuls of salted nuts - which would dehydrate him even further, not to mention upsetting his guts more.  I've now hidden the nuts (which he bought himself) at the back of the baking stuff cupboard, he won't think to look there.  As I've said before, husband has always had a big appetite, he wants 3 meals a day plus snacks, and if he doesn't get them his stomach thinks his throat's been cut.  On the rare occasions when he doesn't want anything to eat, then I know he's really unwell.

Yesterday I found an extremely helpful and very detailed NHS diet thing especially for diverticular disease, it's here if anybody else needs it.  So now I can plan accordingly the type of meals husband can eat (and what he can't eat when he's in the throes of gut trouble).  Yesterday for dinner I made him a chicken, mushroom and white rice dish, I had tinned tomatoes on sourdough toast with a sprinkle of grated cheese on top, delish.  He likes pudding after his main meal, so I made something that I haven't made for years and years, we frequently had it as children - Mum called it blancmange but it was really a cheat's cheap version.  A packet of jelly crystals made up to half a pint, a tin of evaporated milk whisked until frothy and then stirred into the cooled jelly and put into the fridge to set, I thought it would be gentle on his stomach.  He loved it.

I've got over my little wobble of yesterday and feel back to my normal self.  I must say my 'normal' has changed over the past couple of years, I've become harder I think and certainly don't suffer fools gladly.  If friends or even family aren't very supportive or show much understanding, nowadays I just think "Ok, bye then" - if they don't make any effort, then nor do I.

At least there's one positive

 Since coming back from holiday - which was very relaxing and we had a good time - I've begun to feel like the walls are closing in on me again.  This isn't helped by lack of sleep, I've had some terrible nights recently, it's hard to switch my brain off - last night in particular, I was awake more than asleep.  The problem is nothing happens or gets done in our household without me planning, organising and arranging it, and quite a lot of me doing practical things myself.  There's just so much to do - over the next 3 weeks we have seven health appointments between us, plus another two for Betty.  And landlord's operatives coming twice for a couple of annual service jobs, plus another 'anytime' visit from one of them to come and inspect our bathroom vinyl flooring, which is lifting, so then it'll be yet another appointment for them to come and actually lift the flooring and lay new stuff.  So it's a lot of juggling and fitting in all these appointments.  In between, we've got the garden to tidy up, prune and generally get ready for winter, and a lot of Spring bulbs to plant.  And of course the upcoming dementia testing for husband is on my mind - not his, I asked him and he said he's not even been thinking about it.  I've had a few people telling me to put things out of my mind, cross that bridge when/if you come to it, etc etc.....I know they mean well but we're all different, we all do things in different ways.  If you're the sort of person who can put things out of your mind - all well and good.  But I'm not, I am and have always been a worrier.  I like to have a good idea of what might happen, so that I can plan accordingly, I really dislike things being sprung on me at the last minute and like to feel prepared.

Anyway, this morning we've been back to the vet, the lovely kind thoughtful John, as Betty has an ear infection again.  I also wanted to talk to him about my plan for her ongoing colitis (or whatever it is) treatment.  After a lot of thought, I've decided I don't want to take her to the big vet hospital in Wellington, which is 25 miles away.  Betty's insurance will only cover her for the cost of the diagnostic tests (blood and poo tests and scans or xrays), there'll be next to nothing left over to pay for treatment, if required.  And we simply can't afford to pay for expensive (very expensive there) ongoing treatment.  I hate that it comes down to cost, but the fact is, it does.  So I see little point in going all that way and putting her through all the tests, just to be certain of what's wrong with her and then not being able to afford treatment.  Our vet is fairly certain that it's a gut issue, probably colitis but possibly the dog form of Crohn's or inflammatory bowel disease.  As I mentioned the other day, having done all this research on bland diets suitable for dogs with gut issues and having made food for her, which she has mixed with some vet approved kibble for sensitive guts, I'm satisfied that she's having the best and most suitable diet I can give her and, more importantly, she really likes it and it seems to suit her, in that it calms her gut.  So I asked the lovely John if he thinks that maintaining this diet for her, along with giving her a low maintenance dose of the antacid meds, is a viable plan going forward.  He said yes it's a very viable plan, and indeed a very sensible one.  So that's a big weight off my mind, I'm very happy with that.

Now to husband, who's still having gut issues himself, he's still got the runs (no leakage accidents last night, thankfully).  The locum GP we saw a week or so before our holiday said he thinks husband has some form of diverticular disease, he said about husband having a blander diet (no spicy or high fat stuff, both of which he likes!), drinking more fluids, losing weight and taking more exercise as he has such a sedentary lifestyle.  I don't really know much about diverticular disease, I shall have to look it up and then come up with some plans for husband's meals.  So yet more stuff for me to do, it feels like I spend my life working in a kitchen for specialist diets, hence why I prefer such a plain and simple veggie diet for myself - at least a jacket spud with beans and/or tuna and cheese, or a cheese omelette or cheese on toast with salad things (bit of a cheese theme going on there!) is quick and easy!  If husband's guts don't settle down, then that means yet another visit to the GP for referral to hospital for further tests - a camera down his throat or up his backside or scans of some sort, I expect.  I'm so glad we don't have to pay for NHS treatment, we're very lucky in this country, even with the problems the NHS has.

I've decided I need to take 2 hours a day, in the afternoons, to spend in my room with the door closed and strict instructions to husband to only disturb me for something really important.  I've told him this before but he forgets, of course, and is always coming in to tell me about something very mundane like a programme he's watching on TV, or he's just killed 2 flies in the lounge, has spilt his drink on the floor or can't find the new box of teabags.  

I just need a couple of good sleeps (at night, I almost never nap during the day) and then everything will be fine again and I'll get my coping head back on.

Here we go again...plus soup making and husband's latest obsession

 The day has started with husband having the runs again and Betty being sick, it's the first time in a fortnight she's thrown up but it wasn't much and she seems fine, not moping around looking sorry for herself so I don't think it's anything to worry about.  As for husband, well the locum GP we saw 3 or 4 weeks ago reckons husband probably has some sort of diverticular thing - again, it's the first time he's had the runs in a couple of weeks and appears fine otherwise.  He's already had breakfast....I did suggest it might be better if he held off eating until around lunchtime, but no he was hungry and wanted toast.  Up to him.  I'm not giving Betty anything to eat until later on though, as per the vet's suggestion (I do at least take notice of what I'm told and follow the advice, unlike my other half!).

With food prices rising all the time and having regard to what we've got in the freezer (which is currently full to bursting, partly as a result of all the food and bone broth I've made for Betty), I've decided we'll have a homemade soup and sandwich evening meal a couple of times a week.  I've got several bags of home grown tomatoes and courgettes in the freezer, a basketful of shallots in the car port and husband pulled up the last of the carrots yesterday, looking at them it's probably at least a couple of kilos.  So lots of possibilities for soups there - tomato and lentil, courgette and blue cheese, carrot and cumin for a start.  Actually, today we're having soup, not any of the above though.....smoked haddock chowder, which is one of my favourites, I have half a tin of sweetcorn in the fridge and some small new potatoes which are going a bit soft and need using, along with a single frozen smallish piece of smoked haddock.  Yum.

I've got an ingrowing toenail which is sore and needs sorting, no point going to the GP as he'll only refer me to NHS podiatry which will take months and months (husband is still waiting for his referral appointment for his painful foot, after several months).  I've messaged 3 local private podiatrists - one said she can't fit me in until the end of October and suggested I ask my GP for a referral - ha!!  The other 2 haven't yet got back to me, I hope they do soon.  Everything health related takes a blimmin age to get sorted nowadays - even just to be seen.

Husband bought himself (well, ordered off his favourite internet auction site) 3 sets of metal standing shelf units, the sort that look like meccano which you have to put together yourself.  They're for his shed, which was full and untidy and we've not even lived here 3 years yet.  He spent the weekend trying to construct these shelves....I just left him to it, getting him drinks and suggesting he takes breaks every so often - there was a lot of swearing and loud banging noises coming from the car port.  He's managed to finish just one, he had to take it apart at one point because he'd done a bit wrong which meant the rest of it wouldn't fit together properly.  He started a second one late yesterday afternoon but was getting more irate and frustrated by the minute, so I gently suggested he call it a day and resume today.  I expect I'll have to help him today or he'll never get them finished.  And meanwhile the car port is full of all the junk he pulled out of his shed - he assures me it'll be cleared once the shelves are in place.  Might be a good time to sort it out and take all the useless, broken or unwanted junk to the tip!  He's such a hoarder of stuff which he claims might come in useful at some point....the reality is it never does, it just clutters up his shed and spills out into the car port.

Preparations

 Well, there's something positive - had a phone call yesterday offering husband a cancellation appointment for his dementia testing, 15 October, so 3 weeks time.  That's a lot better than January next year, which we were told would be the likely time, having had it put back from the original December this year.  

Meanwhile, having done lots of online research into bland diets for dogs with colitis type conditions, I'm in the process of making food for Betty.  I cooked a turkey drumstick and some chicken thighs and wings in water in the slow cooker yesterday, took the meat out and left it to cool.  Discarded the skin (too fatty) and shredded all the meat, putting it in the fridge overnight.  I put all the bones back into the liquid in the slow cooker, added some more water and a slug of apple cider vinegar (as recommended) and left it simmering on low all night.  This morning I'm cooking some sweet potatoes and rice and adding them to the shredded chicken and turkey.  I've taken the now thoroughly cooked bones out of the slow cooker and discarded them, leaving the liquid to cool, this will be strained then frozen in ice cube trays as bone broth for Betty.  I bought some for her whilst we were away, she loved it warmed and poured over her food.  So from now on she'll be having the homemade bland food, mixed with a handful of the vet-approved kibble for sensitive stomachs (to ensure she gets the necessary vitamins/minerals), with a (defrosted) cube or 2 of bone broth to moisten it.  I have to say I was almost heaving pulling the turkey meat off the bones, it looked and smelt disgusting - well, to me as a (mostly) vegetarian anyway.....the things we do for love!!

I'm going to have a go at making some healthy treats for Betty, I did try once before, I made banana and peanut butter biscuits - both of which she likes, but unfortunately not in biscuit form!  I've found a recipe for chicken, pumpkin and oat flour biscuits, I'm hoping she'll like them.

Speaking of Betty, when husband let her out in the garden for her last wee yesterday evening, there was a hornet of all things flying around in the car port, attracted by the light I suppose.  The loud buzzing noise really spooked Betty, she was quite unsettled for half an hour after that.  Poor thing, she gets spooked by quite a few noises nowadays.

I didn't sleep very well last night, the dementia testing was on my mind, as I'm sure it was husband's, not that he'll tell me - he just shrugged and said it didn't bother him when I asked him.  The long testing and questions (it takes about 2 hours) is quite wearing - obviously for husband but also for me.  Because of his dyslexia I'm so used to helping him read or answer written questions, but of course I'm not allowed to help him during the testing, although the psychologist does help him with some of the written stuff.  Husband does tend to deny there's anything wrong with his memory and won't admit to behaviour traits - because he's in denial.  The psychologist does ask me if I agree when husband has answered a question (we've been through this testing before), my answer frequently differs to husband's and he always immediately contradicts me or flatly denies it quite angrily....which I'm sure the psychologist is used to and actually helps them come to a diagnosis.  For any newish readers, husband was diagnosed with cognitive impairment after the last testing, around 4 years ago, things have definitely declined since then.

My emergency supplies box is building up quite nicely, I've been buying a few extra tins, packets, jars etc when shopping, plus some bottles of water.  Must get a couple of battery operated lights - and spare batteries!  Husband grumbled about the long life milk I bought for the box, but I said if it came to a choice between black tea (which he hates) or with a splash of L/L milk added, I'm pretty sure he'd go for the milk!  We have a gas cartridge powered camping hob so will be able to boil water or heat up tinned food in the event of a power cut....which reminds me, we need to buy some more gas cartridges.  If there's no 'disaster' over the next few months, well then it's nice to know we've got extra supplies both in the emergency box and another box under my bed for things I can't fit in my kitchen cupboards.  I read somewhere a few days ago that food prices could be rising by as much as 50% over the coming weeks (seem to have already!), so it makes sense to me to have a good supply of things bought already.  I'm not a fanatical prepper by any means, but I like to be ready and able!  Medications too - we're only allowed to order one month's supply at a time from our pharmacy, but I've been ordering them a couple of days early for ages now, so have built up about 3 or 4 weeks supply.

Ruta - I didn't go in the Skechers shop at Clarks Village so I couldn't say what the selection or prices are like, however, husband was pleased with the price he paid for his shoes.  It's quite a big shop and of course Clarks is a designer outlet centre, so most of the shops have discounted prices.  I hope your husband finds what he wants.

Home

 We were supposed to be away until Friday but have come back early - not through anything drastic.  The cottage (wing of a farmhouse) was lovely, weather was just about perfect, location was fab - both the farm itself (so peaceful) and the proximity to all the places we wanted to go.  However, being an old cottage the stairs were steep with narrow treads and the bathroom and loo were both upstairs - not ideal but we managed, although I certainly wouldn't want to live there with that setup.  The main reason for coming home early though was Betty - dogs weren't allowed upstairs, the owners were very strict about that and insisted we close the stairgate at all times to keep the dog downstairs.  Well, Betty, understandably, didn't like that at all.....she's even more clingy and anxious now and doesn't like being separated from me, she whined at the bottom of the stairs every time I even went up to go to the loo.  I knew she wouldn't settle if she was left downstairs on her own overnight, so I slept downstairs on the sofa for 3 nights, with husband reluctantly agreeing to do it twice.  The sofa wasn't very comfortable to sleep on, even lying on a thick duvet....it was ok for me (well, I was prepared to put up with the discomfort) but husband predictably moaned like hell, you'd think he was the only person to ever suffer with backache.  For the last two days though, Betty was quite unsettled and off her food, so I took the decision to come home, husband agreed with alacrity.  

The positives - we went everywhere we had wanted to go, I bought the saucepan set I wanted from the ProCook shop at Clarks Village (where my last pan set came from about 10 years ago) and got the showerproof jacket I wanted from the M&S outlet, husband bought another pair of his favourite Skechers shoes.  We went to Wells, my favourite little town with the lovely cathedral.  Had a drive through the village where we used to live, it doesn't appear to have changed at all since we moved from there in 2012.  I loved sitting in the cottage conservatory doing lots of reading and crochet, not a sound to be heard apart from birds in the trees and the chickens gently clucking in their run at the bottom of the cottage garden.  The first time Betty and the chickens saw each other, they made each other jump, very funny.....after that Betty kept her distance.  Husband spent his time as he does at home, dozing in front of the TV - not that I minded, I was happy reading in the conservatory with Betty lying at my feet.  So we had busy mornings out and about, and restful quiet afternoons.  And I did hardly any cooking - just cold meals, or something & chips, a Ploughmans one day, a really surprisingly nice Taste the Difference fish pie with - shock, horror - bought ready prepared green veggies another day.  

So here we are back home, Betty now seems fine and happy to be home, she quickly settled back down.  Although we've enjoyed it, it's nice to be home, there's nothing like your own bed.

And relax.....

 Betty seems fine now, back to her usual self, she's not been sick since early Tues morning so the antacids are obviously working, I hope they continue to keep her comfortable whilst we're away.  One good thing is that the vet surgery we used to go to before we moved here is just a couple of miles away from where we're staying, they were always really good so it's comforting to know there's somewhere we know and trust nearby.

The Alzheimer's lady didn't turn up yesterday, an hour and a half after the scheduled appointment time I rang and left a message on her answerphone.  About 40 mins later one of her colleagues rang to say she'd got flu and apologised profusely for not letting us know beforehand.  Bit annoying but these things happen, I've asked that she ring to make another appointment once we get back from holiday.

Is it just me, or is packing for a self catering holiday in this country a bit of a nightmare?  If we were flying abroad, we'd have one case and one carry-on bag each and that's it.  But for our week away here I've packed a holdall of clothes each, another bag with our dressing gowns, slippers and meds (they wouldn't fit in our clothes holdalls), a bag of dog stuff, another bag with husband's DVDs, my books and yarn, phone chargers, toiletries zipped bag, a notebook and pen.  Then there's 2 hessian shopping bags of non-fridge food, coffee & tea, toilet rolls, tea towels etc, and the cool bag which I'll pack just before we go.  Another hessian shopping bag will sit in the foot well with me as we'll be stopping off at an Aldi on the way to get my oat milk and some salad to go with our pizza tea tonight, plus a Sudoku puzzle book for husband.  I need this holiday!! 😂

I'd asked husband to get out his holiday clothes and lay them on his bed for me to pack yesterday.  For our holidays he either gets out too few things or too many, and odd tops that don't go with anything else - not that he would care about that!  It was too many clothes this time, enough for a fortnight at least, including a weird Hawaiian type shirt that I've never liked and he's hardly ever worn, and a couple of pairs of shorts that were dirty and creased and had clearly been worn several times and simply thrown back in his wardrobe without being washed. 😒  I just packed what I thought best out of his selection rather than asking him to come and whittle it down.

As I said, I probably won't be blogging much, if at all.  Have a good week everyone, the weather for next week looks pretty good x

Dog food, losing inches

 It's getting light later now isn't it, the last 2 mornings I've had to put the light on when I've got up in order to check if Betty had been sick anywhere - thankfully not.  She slept all day yesterday, then came to life in the evening and ate her tea as normal, with no sickness after, the antacids seem to be working.  I've been doing some research after John the vet said she must have a very bland diet, he suggested a dry food specially for sensitive stomachs.  I did say she doesn't really like dry kibble, John replied that dogs aren't like humans - if they're really hungry they will eat anything.  Hmmm.  And anyway, the brand of food he suggested (Hill's Science) is very expensive - around £55 to £65 a bag 😮.  For the time being, I've bought her some commercial food trays for sensitive stomachs and have also made and frozen some plain poached (in water) chicken with minced carrot and squash to take with us.  I'm also still giving her one treat a day (a reduction from her usual half a dozen treats), a dried chicken fillet broken up and given throughout the day.  She has her antacid tablets wrapped in a small piece of wafer thin ham - John's suggestion.

Isn't it funny how we lose inches (in height) as we age.....would be lovely if we also lost pounds with ageing without even trying!  Husband was 5'8" when we met, although he absolutely insists he was 5'9" and the tallest out of him and his 4 brothers.  Erm, no, 2 of his brothers were taller than him, as evidenced in photos of them all lined up together in earlier years.  Now, he's lost 3" in height and in the evenings he's even shorter - I know our height shrinks during the day, although don't know why.  I thought I was much the same height (5'6"), but having been measured at the GP's during my last review, it seems I'm now 5'5".  It also means my BMI is now worse for my now height.  I've actually lost 6lbs over the past couple of weeks, but this morning it seems I've put back on a couple of pounds due to comfort eating whilst stressed over Betty and other things I should think.  I don't really want to eat too much 'bad' stuff whilst we're away but I think that's a bit unrealistic because - well - holiday!  But I will be making a big effort for us both to lose weight when we come back.  It is hard to control husband's eating though....making him good healthy meals is quite easy, but he does snack quite a lot between meals.  And no I don't buy him the snacks, he buys them himself when I'm not with him.

I'll be packing the clothes this morning, then it's just the food tomorrow - not loads, just enough for the first 2 days.  We've got the lady from the Alzheimer's Society coming this afternoon.  I've washed the fleece blankets I use to cover my bed and the sofa where Betty lays, just about to put them out on the line.....showers forecast but it's blowy and fleece blankets dry quickly.

I'm not taking my laptop as wifi at the cottage is said to be intermittent, so blogging next week may be sporadic or not at all.

Betty (Added)

 The vet still doesn't think Betty has anything serious such as liver disease or stomach cancer.....he thinks it's possible she may have colitis or even Crohn's (I hope not, my cousin's got that and is frequently very poorly).  He's given us 2 weeks' worth of antacids, which he says should keep her comfortable whilst we're away, I have to ring him Friday morning before we go to give him an update.  He also said to ensure she has a very bland diet, poached chicken, turkey or rabbit with some pumpkin and white rice, no dairy, high fibre or anything fatty.  At the end of the fortnight, if she's better, then he suggested one dose of the antacid per day instead of the two she's having for now.  If the D&V continues, however, he suggested he refers us to the big vet hospital and referral centre in Wellington, he doesn't have the facilities for in depth examinations and diagnosis.  Obviously that will be expensive, although our insurance should cover any initial costs (a 60 min consultation and scan will cost nearly £3,000).  If it's something major or ongoing, though, then we will have to think seriously about what to do.  Clearly, I hope it doesn't come to that, although I'm realistic about her age.  For the moment, though, I shall try and put that out of my mind (easily said!) and hope that the antacids keep her well enough during our holiday.

I'm in a pattern of bad nights, lying awake for a couple of hours and waking up exceptionally early and being unable to get back to sleep.  It's always like this when I've got lots on my mind and am stressed.  I've said to husband this morning he's got to help me more and not complain when I ask him to do something.  I've explained, again, that I cannot do everything and am very stressed at present.

ADDED

I just want to say how grateful I am for all your lovely comments, they're all much appreciated.  Sorry I forgot to mention it earlier x

One of those days(weeks, months)

 Betty's unwell again, having initially perked up yesterday afternoon she's now listless and restless again, has been sick and has the runs.  I really don't think it's just a sensitive stomach because of her age, these episodes of D&V are coming more and more often and I'm very worried about her.  We've got a vet appointment this afternoon.  Apart from anything else, as we're off on holiday on Friday, I really don't relish the prospect of her being unwell and possibly being sick all week in someone else's house, it wouldn't be much of a holiday for her or us.

Bad things always happen when you don't want them to - not that there's ever a good time.

Yesterday, a family member sent a message saying they were sorry to hear I'm a bit down (a bit down?!  Oh really??) and attached a photo of a sunset on a beautiful beach, clearly not in this country, saying they hoped it would cheer me up.  Turns out they're in Lake Garda, Italy, their 2nd holiday in as many months - I didn't even know they were going, either time.  Honestly, how they thought a photo of their lovely foreign holiday would 'cheer me up' I don't know, it's so absolutely tone deaf.  They've got zero conception of how our life is nowadays.  I could have cried.  I don't begrudge them their holidays or feel jealous, not at all, they've worked hard all their lives and deserve a nice retirement life.  But I honestly wish some people, family and friends who should know better, could live in our shoes for a couple of days.  I was also firmly put in my place by a long-standing friend the other day, which cut me to the quick.  

I'm just feeling very sorry for myself at the moment, and worried sick.  Sometimes I just feel like saying 'sod the lot of you' and going off to live on a desert island.