He should listen to me - ha! Like that's gonna happen

 Husband's GP visit was as frustrating as ever, in fact worse I think.  He doesn't give all the relevant information to the doctor, not even the important stuff....I had to keep adding bits.  He also contradicts himself (and me), goes off at a tangent, interrupts me - and even himself! (now there's a special skill).  He also fibbed about how long he's had the problem so I had to correct that (it's in his notes that he has cognitive impairment and that I'm his registered carer, so they are aware of what he's like).  I wish he came with a zip over his mouth, it would make life so much easier at times.  The GP, a very nice lady doc who we've not seen before, did tell husband that he should listen to me more!  He won't, of course, he will have forgotten that instantly as soon as we left the surgery.  She's arranged for him to have a couple of tests and has given him some medication as an interim measure, he's going back there for a full blood test this morning.

On the way home yesterday, he actually told me a couple of things the GP said to him......I had to remind him that I was in the room with him so had heard her!

I can report that the recliner chair is indeed very comfortable - my weary aching limbs had a lovely reclined snooze in it yesterday afternoon....well, apart from husband coming in from the garden and talking loudly at me as soon as he walked through the door, waking me up 😒.  Although I slept pretty well last night, I'm still feeling rough today, aching as though I'd been run over by a steamroller.  I won't be shifting any more furniture around in the near future.

I saw the Ozzy Osbourne funeral procession on the TV news yesterday, poor Sharon Osbourne looked utterly broken, my heart bled for her.  This might be controversial, however, but does anyone else think that the public response to a well known figure dying seems to have become so OTT, it's like 'the thing to do', almost like mass hysteria?

Aching muscles and being a detective

 The chair, which arrived between showers fortunately, fitted through the front and bedroom doorways with little trouble, just a bit of manoeuvring by the clearly experienced delivery guys.  However, it is even wider (by just a couple of inches) than I thought, which meant although it fitted in the space, it did look a bit cramped and I wasn't happy about that, I felt a tad closed in.  So more furniture shifting.  I have 3 tall narrow heavy antique pine chests of drawers in my room....one of them had to go, which obviously meant emptying it and redistributing the clothes in other places.  Husband decided he'd like the drawer set in his room, which made sense - so then we had to move stuff around in his room too.  It was an opportunity to do a bit of decluttering and sorting, so some things have been binned and others bagged for the charity shop.  All this shifting of furniture has meant my back, stomach muscles and upper arms/shoulders are killing me today - my ageing muscles aren't suited to heavy stuff nowadays.  Husband still has his brute strength so he did most of the lifting etc, and he says he feels fine today, luckily.  Here's the chair:-

It's a terrible photo, sorry, my photography skills are non-existent, the light's not good and the chair looks washed out and patchy in places, which it isn't.  The throw isn't to hide any marks (there aren't any), it was an attempt to look artfully draped 😂

The seat part is actually slightly lower than I'd ideally like, but I've ordered one of those square padded armchair cushions which will take care of that.  The lumbar support on the back of the chair is wonderful though, it feels SO supportive and comfy.  I'm really pleased with it.

Husband's got a GP appointment at 9.30, I'll be going with him of course.  He said I didn't have to(!!) but I said yes I DO have to, as his carer - he gets muddled and confused when trying to explain things, doesn't tell the whole story and wouldn't remember anything of what the GP says.  He's had a medical problem for some time now - he told me about 3 or 4 weeks ago and I thought initially it might be a side effect of one of his new meds, but he's only now admitted that it's been going on quite a bit longer than that.  Honestly, these men, don't you just want to clip them round the lughole sometimes?! 😒  The problem is something that's not normal for him and he's never had trouble in that department before, so definitely needs investigation.  This is so typical of husband, he rarely tells me anything, despite me regularly asking how he is.  I probably need to be more specific!  Perhaps I need a checklist of parts of his body and/or functions.  At least I do recognise when he's hedging and being evasive, which he sometimes is when he doesn't really want to admit to something.  So I need to add Detective to my CV 😉

I need that chair now

 This morning we've moved 3 armchairs around, in preparation for the new recliner coming.  Having already shifted some furniture in my bedroom, to make room for the slightly bigger new chair, it was a case of getting the current chair out and into the lounge.  The Parker Knoll tub chair in the lounge, which I no longer find comfortably supportive for my back, has moved into husband's bedroom - although more than 20 years old, it still looks almost as good as new and is far too nice to throw out.  It's replacing the leather and wood recliner chair he's had in his room, which is worn and quite tatty looking, the leather is stained and cracked.  We've loaded that into the back of the car to take to the tip.  It hasn't got a fire safety label so the charity shop won't take it - it's too old and scruffy looking anyway, it's only fit for the tip.  So now we're both knackered, I think I'll be testing my new comfy chair out as soon as it arrives!

Husband has been wittering on all morning about whether the new chair will fit through either the front or back doors and then into my bedroom, he's even said about taking the doors off.  Well, we've just moved 3 armchairs between rooms and one out the front door with no trouble (other than creaky backs and my fingers getting trapped between one chair and the wall).  And I also pointed out that when we moved here, the removal men got all our furniture, including our big heavy 3-seater leather sofa, inside without taking any doors off.  I'm sure furniture shifters are well practised at getting things moved in or out, husband is worrying for nothing.  (I hope!)

Betty is anxious, she's wondering what's going on, she doesn't like change much (I know how she feels 😂).

Raining today (it would be, on the day the chair is delivered 🙄), only light rain though.  I think our courgettes are coming to an end, we've had loads off them and there's still a final half dozen or so to come.  The rose bush outside my bedroom window that has looked magnificent with lots of beautiful blooms that start off pale pink and change to white, is now covered with a bad case of powdery mildew.  I'll get out there tomorrow and cut out all the affected stems, putting them in a bag to go to the tip.

Excitement this week 😉

 Husband's gone to the gym, Betty is napping and I'm just enjoying the peace and quiet, I haven't even put the radio on.  None of the neighbours get up early round here (why would they, they're all retired after all), we are by far the earliest risers, I get up around 6.30 even at weekends.  No particular reason, I've just never been one for having a lie in, not even during my teens.

I'm looking forward to the recliner chair arriving tomorrow (the biggest excitement of the week probably 😂).  My back and hip are making getting comfortable and sleeping very problematical at the moment, so the new comfy chair will be very welcome.  I've got some banking and financial planning to do this week, along with a menu plan for the next fortnight, so it'll be lovely to have the comfortable chair to sit in.

Freezer inventory to do today, I should really have done it when the Ocado shop arrived and we did the top up shops.  Doing it as I was putting the stuff away in the freezer would have been much more sensible 🙄.  Now the freezer is very nearly full up, so it'll take me longer - oh well, gives me something to do! 

I cooked a small gammon for husband yesterday, it'll do him for 3 dinners and lunch sandwiches for a day or 2.  I did all the usual roast and green veggies plus stuffing yesterday, I just had the veg and stuffing.  For today's dinner he'll have cold ham with hash browns and baked beans (his choice).  I'm having a jacket spud with leftover cauli cheese and homegrown tomatoes. 

Dull and cloudy start to the day but the sun is supposed to come out, with perhaps a brief shower or two.

New chair, and Marmite/Vegemite

 We did go to the charity furniture shop yesterday and I'm so pleased we did as they had several recliner armchairs, one of which was the perfect one, just what I was looking for.  It's being delivered on Tuesday, which is great because I'll need to do a little bit of reorganisation in my bedroom beforehand.  The new chair is a bit bigger than my current one (which is going in the lounge in place of the old Parker Knoll tub chair), necessitating a bit of furniture moving.  I was originally going to have a new (to me) chair in the lounge, but this new one is so nice I want it in my bedroom - it's bigger and more comfortable than my current, fairly narrow and smallish, recliner, which will fit better in the lounge anyway, replacing the now uncomfortable tub chair.

Quite often when my back and/or hip is hurting, I just can't get comfortable in bed so get up and sit in the recliner chair instead.  This new recliner is so nice and comfy it'll be good to sleep in when I can't sleep in bed through being in pain.  So I'm really happy about that.

Changing over to doing minimal cooking and simple meals is going well, it's making me realise just how stressed and irritable I was getting about having to cook from scratch every day.  Husband's had a couple of his M&S chilled ready meals with extra veg on the side and says he likes them.....I've had (and enjoyed) tuna mayo topped jacket spud and grilled halloumi & mushrooms on toast on the days he had them, so we're both happy.  Lunches are salad stuff from the garden with cheese, boiled eggs, tinned fish or cold meat for husband, so no cooking required there.  Sometimes I just have a piece of cheese with a quartered apple and an orange or nectarine for lunch.  I'm not a regular breakfast eater so husband usually gets his own - although he still asks me several times a week what we're having for breakfast! (it's his cognitive impairment and dreadful short term memory that does that).  If I do have breakfast, it'll be one slice of sourdough toast with Marmite.  Well, I say Marmite.....it's actually Vegemite, which I've had for several years now but still call it Marmite!  Having had Marmite since I was a child, a few years back they'd changed the formula of it and it became much more runny, which I didn't like.  Somebody had told me that Vegemite was a thicker consistency so I tried it, liked it and stuck with it.  It's still yeast extract, although tastes a bit different to Marmite and I now prefer the taste of Vegemite.

Nothing much going on today

 I feel absolutely shattered, it's been a really busy couple of weeks, both with physical jobs wearing me out and lots of mental 'busyness' to do with my CA and SP payments.  I've got one more query email to send this morning concerning another confusing aspect of my CA - that's 4 emailed queries altogether about both the CA and the state pension.  It would make things so much easier if they explained things better (and more fully) in the first place.  I am finding as I get older that my brain seems to have more trouble working out officialese in letters.

I've got washing to put out on the line in a minute, then some basic weeding and just the necessary deadheading and pruning in the garden, about an hour's worth I think.  After that, I'm just going to potter about indoors with a few easy minor jobs, then sit and read this afternoon.  We might go and look in a charity furniture shop in the town.....I'm finding the armchair I use in the lounge not very comfortable anymore, it's a very nice looking but now quite old Parker Knoll tub chair.  We've had it for about 20 years or more and it was secondhand when we bought it.  It still looks almost as good as when we bought it, but I now don't find it very supportive for my back and hip.  Ideally, I'd like another recliner armchair, but we'll see what they've got, they do have a lot of furniture.

That's it for blogging today, nothing special (or interesting!) to report.  Oh, it's another sunshine all the way day, and good weather with very little, if any, rain forecast for the coming week.

All shopped out and stocked up

 So what did I think of the Ocado delivery?  Well, firstly I was a bit frustrated to note that it came from their big depot in Avonmouth, Bristol.  Whilst that means, as one of you pointed out (Sue I think), there's less likelihood of substitutions or missing items (there weren't any!), it's a lot of miles for a delivery of food - around 57 each way.  You can choose a delivery day/time when they're already delivering to someone nearby, which offsets it a bit.  It's still a bit of a conscience pricker though.  The delivery was on time, actually 10 mins early, and the driver was lovely, chatty, friendly and very helpful - he would have brought the shopping right into the kitchen and unpacked it for us if we had wanted him to - not necessary but nice to know.  The shopping was well packed and all in good nick - no dented tins or broken eggs.  The only thing I wasn't pleased with was the cauliflower I'd ordered - it was a really small one and already had brown spots on it, had I seen it whilst the driver was still here (it was at the bottom of the veg bag) I'd have given it back to him.  No matter, just one item that wasn't up to standard isn't bad at all, and I'll be using it today anyway, so it's ok.  So yes, I'll be happy to use the Ocado delivery service again, probably once a month or 6 weeks.

This morning we went on the free shoppers bus to Bridgwater - pretty much the same number of (old) people as the last time so the coach was only half full.  Husband sat in the seat in front of me this time, rather than beside me, as there were plenty of seats and it was quite hot.....actually a very hot day again today.  Much better not having a hot body pressed up against me!  Especially when he keeps dozing off and leaning on me....

We got everything we needed and wanted - several bags of the freeze dried raw dog food from the big pet shop, and a large bag of the little treat biscuits Betty likes.  A few more of the M&S chilled ready meals, and the sourdough crumpets I like.  Some books in the charity shop - they didn't have such a good selection this time - well, not ones I hadn't already read, so I only got 4.  I also bought a pretty summer top in shades of lilac in there, brand new with the Next sales ticket still attached, priced at £16.99 but the charity shop was selling it for £3, bargain.  In Sainsbury's I got some cotton vests for sleeping in.  Husband got a few toiletries he wanted from Superdrug.  It was very hot on the way home and I was glad to get off the coach....Betty was extremely pleased to see us when we got home.

I'm all shopped out now - my underbed food store box is now 3/4 full, the freezer is very nearly full, as are the kitchen larder cupboards, so I won't be doing any shopping for a couple of weeks now.  With the garden producing lots of veg, we're all stocked up.  Tomorrow I'm having a day of rest, it's been a busy week with one thing and another.

Getting my planning head on

 There's another reason why I'm starting a store cupboard, and doing extra shopping for the next 3 months - it's not just for next summer when husband gives up driving.  I don't know when my last Carers payment will be, I've not been told that, it's one of the queries I sent in the email.  Looking at the calendar, I think it's possible I may get a small payment, the final amount taking me up to my 66th birthday and receipt of my state pension, in early November.  However, I think it's probably prudent to work on the assumption that I might not get any money in November - my first SP payment isn't until 1 December and that isn't a full amount, the first full normal payment won't be until 29 December (SP is paid in arrears).  I do of course have my private pension, and husband's state pension - his 3 small private pensions and his Attendance Allowance are his to keep for car expenses, gym etc.

So I want to build up a good stock of chilled ready meals and store cupboard foods to use during November, so that I only have to do very minimal shopping of fresh foods that month.

We got good supplies of shelf stable things in Aldi yesterday, the big lidded box under my bed is already 1/3 full.  With the first (test) Ocado shop being delivered today, the freezer will be stocked up with chilled ready meals.  And tomorrow we're going on the free shoppers bus to the Bridgwater retail park, with the purpose of stocking up on the good quality freeze dried dog food and treats from the big pet store there, and also to have a good look at the M&S food hall ready meals, some of which are coming in the Ocado delivery.  And to get a load of books from the big charity shop, but that's a personal bonus thing!  I've got a big stack of books to donate back there as well.  Oh, the email I had this morning about my Ocado delivery stated that there are no items missing or substitutions made, which is good - when I used to have the occasional Tesco home delivery at our previous house, there were invariably a few substitutions or missing things.  I'll also be interested to see the quality (and use by dates) of their fruit and veg - sometimes the Tesco fresh stuff wasn't the best quality or had very short dates.  I also had broken eggs a couple of times.

Some years back up in the Midlands I worked for a short time as a Tesco home delivery picker - I went round the shop with a big trolley doing the shop for 5 or 6 customers at once.  We were specifically told to check use by dates and to choose fresh items of good quality that we would be happy to choose for our own shopping - I don't think some of the pickers adhere to this though.  Incidentally, we were also told (by the managers) that when an item was out of stock and the customer had indicated they would accept a substitution, we should choose the most expensive alternative!  (The customer didn't have to accept the substitution upon delivery, they could always refuse it).  That goes against the grain of their 'Every Little Helps' slogan somewhat, doesn't it?!

It's a nice sunny morning and I've got washing out on the line, I've also diced and parboiled potatoes for a sort of hash thing I'm doing for dinner - baked beans, tinned tomatoes, mushrooms and a couple of chopped homegrown shallots all mixed together in a roasting tin.  Husband will have a small tin of corned beef diced up on his half - I must remember which half is his! 😂 I'll cover the lot with the parboiled diced potatoes and put in the Ninja combi to brown off....once the spuds are browned I'll sprinkle over some grated Cheddar and parmesan and put it back in the Ninja for a few minutes.  It'll do two meals for us, so we'll have it again tomorrow so I don't have to cook when we get back from the retail park.

I really feel like I'm getting to grips with all this forward planning, which is helping to put my mind at rest.

PS - Sad to see Ozzy Osbourne has died, I did like him a lot 😭

Nice lunch and starting a store cupboard

 We had a nice lunch out yesterday, we went to the Foxes hotel off the seafront that is a teaching hotel for students with learning disabilities.  Their restaurant is open to everyone, not just guests staying at the hotel.  They have a fairly short menu which changes with the seasons, they do special offers on different days of the week, and a coffee and cake offer.  Mondays they have a special of pie and mash with a soft drink for £8.  All the food is made by students, the waiting staff are all students, they're all fully supervised - all the ones we met were lovely, polite, helpful and attentive.  I had chicken pie, husband had beef & mushroom, they both came with mash (real spuds with herbs and butter), roast parsnips and seasoned red cabbage, plus 2 individual jugs of gravy.  The pies were really nice, well cooked fillings and gorgeous homemade pastry, the mash and parsnips lovely too.  The only thing neither of us was keen on was the red cabbage - I'm not really a fan of red cabbage anyway, although husband likes it.  However, it tasted very strongly of juniper - which is odd that I didn't like it as, back in the days when I drank alcohol (I don't now), gin was my favourite drink.  Perhaps they used too much of the juniper berries - husband has never liked gin hence why he didn't like the flavour of the cabbage either.  Anyway, we liked it there and will definitely go back again, perhaps on a different day for a different special, or even just coffee and cake.

I had a slice of cheese on sourdough toast for tea, husband made himself a ham & cheese omelette.  We both had homegrown fresh tomatoes on the side, the toms are starting to ripen quickly now.

As this month is double pension month, I'm using some of the extra money to start building up a store cupboard (well, a big lidded box under my bed actually) of shelf stable long lasting foods.....as I mentioned before, the frothy coffees and long life oat milk, e.g.  We're going to Aldi in Taunton today to do a monthly top up shop and will get some of the extras.  I like some of their toiletries and cleaning supplies too, which are much cheaper than the normal supermarket things and just as good.

It's rained during the night, so the garden's had another good watering and the grass is already starting to green up again.

More things done

 The letters I got re my state pension and carers allowance were a bit confusing - in fact one letter seemed to be contradicting itself and another mentioned a couple of things with no explanation as to what they were.  I sent 2 emails asking for clarification - got 2 automated replies, one saying they'll endeavour to reply within 21 days, the other stating the by now quite boring and standard "We are experiencing a high level of queries.....blah blah" (doesn't anybody employ sufficient staff nowadays?) and saying a reply might take 31 WORKING days!!  I'm sure these officials hope that people will have forgotten, given up or even died so they don't need to sort things out.  I expect it'll all become clearer in due course - after all, there's another 4 months before I get my pension, so plenty of time yet.

I've just updated the details on my Tesco home delivery account, so I can start getting food shopping deliveries from them here.  Incidentally, we're going with Tesco (as well as Ocado) because we like them, it's where we do our regular food shop.  I'm now about to make dog food and do some bank stuff, whilst the house is quiet as husband is just about to go to the gym.

We're going out for lunch today, which means I don't have to cook later 😁

Feeling better

 I've woken up without the tension headache this morning, the tight neck muscles and pain behind my eyebrow have all disappeared, so am feeling much better.  I've already printed off husband's car insurance documents (although it's all done online now, he still likes to have a paper copy) and will shortly be going through the letters I received yesterday concerning my state pension and carers allowance.  Although that might reintroduce a tension headache later!

We've had another discussion this morning, I wanted to be sure that husband is on board with stopping driving and selling the car next year......he is, albeit a bit reluctantly, but does accept the reasons why.  I'm not looking forward to being without a car either, but know that if we get everything set up between now and then for our shopping and medical visit needs, with some leisure activity trips out, then we'll get used to it.  To that end, we're now planning things like food shopping deliveries and taking bus trips, we'll try and do more things like that from now on, gradually reducing the times when we use the car.  So by this time next year, giving up the car won't come as a big sudden shock.

Thank you for all the comments concerning Wiltshire Farm Foods and the like.  After some more discussion, we've now decided to go with chilled ready meals from M&S - husband didn't want the normal mass-produced highly UPF ready meals in all the supermarkets, but we have had some of the M&S ones in the recent past and both liked them.  It's mainly husband who will be having them, although I might have the odd one now and again.  I've just fallen out of love with cooking and baking, I'm perfectly happy with simple veggie (and cheesy and fishy!) things myself, so buying in decent quality chilled ready meals for husband means he'll still be able to have good quality cooked meaty meals without me having to cook them.

I've set up an online delivery account with Ocado, as they do M&S food - they have an introductory offer for new customers.....25% off the first order and 3 months free delivery.  I've done a sort of test order, to be delivered on Wednesday.  I'll also reactivate my Tesco account - well, update it with our new address, I haven't used the Tesco home delivery since we moved here.  My intention going forward will be to do one Ocado and one Tesco home delivery shop each month.  Between now and next July we'll do several Aldi shops (it's a shame they don't deliver) and try to build up a stock of the things we like to get from there - my frothy coffees and long life oat milks, e.g.  I'll keep the stock in a plastic lidded box under my bed.  This coming Thursday we're intending to use the free shoppers bus to Bridgwater retail park again, I want to stock up on some dried food and treats for Betty from the big pet shop there, get a few of the ready meals from the M&S food hall, and a stack of books from the charity shop.

I have been feeling quite unsettled and anxious about the thought of giving up the car, but now I'm starting to make plans and get things in operation for being carless, it's settling my nerves a bit.

We've had some lovely heavyish rain showers this morning, for the first time in absolute ages - the forecasters had been saying we'd get some showers for weeks, but we've had hardly a drop, the water butt has been empty for a long time.

Doing my head in, and puppies. *Edited

 It's good how communities pull together following something dreadful happening, isn't it - especially if there are children involved in the terrible event.  Our local FB page is full of people offering help to the families of those still in hospital (the 2 big hospitals where the casualties were taken are both quite a distance away from here....one of the disadvantages of living here, no big general hospital nearby).  A JustGiving fund has also been set up, local taxi firms are offering free transportation for families to visit the hospitals, toys have been offered, someone is even offering kittens free to children who were involved in the bus crash.  The middle school has row upon row of flowers and teddies placed outside.

I've woken up with a tension headache this morning, it's manifesting in tense muscles in my neck and a throbbing pain behind my left eyebrow and in my scalp.  I expect it's from the events of this week - it's been a frustrating and brain-tiring week.  Following on from my reader Happy Introvert's comments about 'overlapping payments' (which I'd never heard of), whilst googling about that, I came across something called 'underlying entitlement to Carers Allowance'.  It seems to be saying that, although the CA will be stopped upon receipt of State Pension, if the carer is still a carer (why wouldn't we be?) then they may be eligible for an extra payment or entitlement to other benefits.  I stopped reading as it was all getting too confusing, but will carry on next week when hopefully my head will be a bit clearer.  Why don't 'they' (the DWP or the Gov.) simply give everyone whatever they're entitled to, rather than people having to go to the bother of finding out themselves?  Of course, we all know why, if we're cynical enough - if we don't know about things like that, and then don't realise that we have to actually claim for them, then the powers that be won't have to actually pay us!

I know the Gov is struggling to make ends meet (aren't we all?!), but hey, come on, we're not all Old Etonian hereditary millionaires who get given clothes and free holidays and can claim living and housing expenses for their 2nd homes.  Some of us (ordinary people) actually need whatever benefits we are actually entitled to.

Enough of that, I need a quiet restful weekend.

My sister has just got a puppy, a 12 week old Maltipoo - Maltese mother and Toy Poodle father, he's a tiny very fluffy little thing.  She loves him to bits already and I'm enjoying seeing the photos she's sending of the 'Tiny Tornado' - his nickname, his real name is Barney.  Although puppies are undeniably cute, I don't think I could cope with one now.....too much like hard work!  I'm in my bedroom typing this, Betty ran in a few minutes ago and jumped on my bed with her squeaky ball, I thought I'd have to take it off her as the squeaking was doing my head in, but she's now asleep.  Her now senior age means her play periods only last a few minutes - much like a puppy actually, sis says that Barney has numerous dog naps throughout the day and frequently falls asleep mid-play with a toy in his mouth.

*Edit

Postman's just been and I have three letters all from the DWP concerning my pension and carers allowance, my brain can't deal with them today, I've put them aside to read at a later date.  They must waste so much money and paper sending all this stuff in numerous letters on so many days. 😒

Perspective

 A coach carrying up to 70 pupils and staff from a local to us middle school crashed yesterday, overturning and sliding down an embankment, you may have seen it on the news.  One pupil died, more than 20 pupils (ages 9 and 10) and staff in hospital.  Tragic and traumatising.  Puts our very minor problems into perspective.

Gobsmacked! And having meals delivered

 You'll never guess what......this morning I received in the post a Pension Forecast, giving details of exactly what and when I will be getting!  And the letter is dated last week, so it was produced before I had to go through all that trouble trying (unsuccessfully) to register on the Gov. Gateway thingy, and then downloading and sending off the form, thanks to 2 lovely readers.  Honestly, you couldn't make it up could you?!  So now I know!

As expected, I won't be getting the full pension amount as I haven't paid enough NI, but the amount I will be getting is a fair bit more than I was thinking I might get, so that's pleased me.  My Carers Allowance will be stopped of course, but the pension amount is about £200 per 4 weeks more than I currently get on Carers.  And, by the way, it still annoys the hell out of me that Carers Allowance is immediately stopped once I reach state pension age - it's not the money, it's the principle of the thing.  We don't bloody well stop our caring role on becoming 66!  And the Government/DWP would have a big shock coming to them if all us carers downed tools (as it were) and flatly refused to look after our loved ones once we reached pension age.  

Husband and I have been chatting this morning and we've jointly decided to give those ready cooked frozen meals you can get delivered a go - for husband, not me.  I'm thinking of companies like Wiltshire Farm Foods....if any of you have tried them or others and can give any recommendations (or ones to avoid!) I'd be pleased to hear your thoughts.  It means husband can still have a nice cooked meal and I don't have to cook it!  It doesn't have to be every day, he can still have a simple easy meal cooked by me a few times a week.....I just don't want to be slaving in the kitchen every day anymore.  I am more than happy to just have a jacket spud with cheese & beans or tuna melt, or a salmon fillet with new potatoes and salad, or even a fish finger sarnie or, my current favourite, grilled halloumi and mushrooms on toast.  We'll start off by getting 10 or so meals, then once he's tried them all we can decide to get more on a semi-regular basis.  With Wiltshire Farm Foods it seems you don't have to make a regular order, you can just order as and when, you're not tied to a contract.

Form done, thank you!

 I want to say thank you to Country Cottage and Mindo for the information re pension forecast form - I didn't even know it was a thing!  Funny how it's not mentioned on the Gov.UK website - unless you know it exists and what to look for!  Fat lot of good that is.  Anyway, I found and downloaded the form, managed to fill it out online and then printed it off, signed it and it's been posted this morning.  I wonder if I'll get a reply before I start getting my pension?  😂  The form was simplicity itself to fill in, just basic personal info - odd that they don't ask for photo ID!  Unlike online.   Anyway, it's done now so that's another headache gone.

Our car is in for what will most likely be its final service today, we've been given a courtesy car, a tiny little thing that I imagine I'll have trouble getting in and out of.....not that we need to go anywhere today, so I won't be getting in it!  

I made a pasta salad with halloumi, chickpeas and chopped dried apricots and cranberries in it yesterday, enough for today's lunch as well.  I did a big tray of roasted Med style veg for yesterday's dinner, we had it with a salmon fillet.  Same veg again today, husband will have a gammon steak with his, I'll just have the veg with a sprinkle of grated Cheddar.  So no cooking at all today.  We don't mind eating the same thing 2 days in a row.  I've told husband I've fallen out of love with cooking, so meals will be very simple from now on.  He's fine with that, and happy to cook himself steaks, pork chops etc (I just have the kitchen to clean up after he splashes it liberally with hot fat!).

We didn't have much rain at all yesterday, so garden watering still needed and next to nothing in the water butt.  No rain today either, although possible showers during the night.

A tearing hair out day - but at least it's cooler

 It's a tearing my hair out day today 😫

Firstly, re the State Pension stuff - I've already registered to start receiving my SP in November, that was a doddle to do.  The problem I'm having is with trying to get a pension forecast....I am aware that I won't receive the full SP amount, as I have missing NI periods, due to not earning enough to pay tax or NI in some years, or not working at all for some periods.....although I am currently getting NI credits whilst I get Carers Allowance.  I just need to know how much (or how little!) pension I will receive in due course.  To get this forecast, I need to register for a Government Gateway account, for which I have to provide 2 forms of photo ID, from this list (given on the Gov.UK website):-

• UK or international passport
• UK photocard driving licence (including provisional licences)
• UK biometric residence permit
• UK biometric residence card
• UK frontier worker permit
• Self Assessment

I have none of these - things like council tax bills, marriage certificate, carers allowance paperwork, etc etc are not included as acceptable forms of ID.  It says on the website that if you have none of the above, to ring a helpline number....which I have done this morning.  They are "experiencing a high volume of calls" (what a surprise) and state there is a wait time of MORE THAN AN HOUR for your call to be answered.  I'll try again later - I know I could just put the phone on loudspeaker, put it down on the worktop and simply carry on with my life!  - and I may well have to resort to doing that later.  Note it has to be 2 forms of ID - why they assume that EVERYONE has 2 of these out of this short list, I really don't know.  

Husband has a mobile phone - which he almost never uses.  He's keen on the idea of having one, especially a smart phone, but is pretty much unable to use one.  Because he kept on and on about it, we bought him a pretty basic smart phone a couple of years ago - even though I showed him umpteen times how to use it, he just couldn't - he instantly forgot everything.  He got very fed up with it and eventually sold it to a family member, and then bought another even more basic phone - still a smart phone though.  And he bought it without any input from me, as usual, making his own snap decision.  The other day he tried to make a call on his phone (it's a PAYG one) - he couldn't, as the robotic voice told him he had insufficient credit.  Well, the last time we (I) checked, he had about £15 credit, but it appears it's expired as he hasn't used the phone for more than 6 months - I have told him several times he needed to at least make one call every so often to keep the credit in operation.  I suggested he get another SIM from Tesco (his current network provider's nearest shop is in Taunton), they're just down the road so easy to get to.  He'll have a different number but that's not a problem seeing as he almost never makes or even receives any calls - anything to do with his medical stuff comes through on my phone anyway, or on our landline, as do calls from family/friends.  So he got himself a Tesco SIM and put £15 credit on it.....Tesco bump that up to £45 of credit (good deal!).  However, that means husband now has £45 worth of credit on a phone that he almost never uses!  I'll just have to ensure that he makes at least one phone call every week or so, or he'll probably lose that credit as well.

Thank goodness it's a lot cooler today, Betty and I have really been suffering in the heat.  We've even had a few spots of very light rain - nowhere near enough to make any difference to the garden, and certainly nothing to show in the water butt.

Cooking is just another chore

 I'll try ringing the Gov helpline tomorrow or Tuesday.  There must be another way round the ID thing, not everyone has a driving licence or passport, or some other forms of ID which I haven't even heard of (I think they may possibly relate to people who weren't born here but have become citizens).  I agree with some of you who queried why we can't all have identity cards - I'd have no problem with that and it would make life so much easier.

During the past week when it's been too hot to cook, we've mostly had salads with some form of protein - usually fish (frozen or canned) or eggs, with bacon or gammon for husband a couple of times.  And new potatoes from the garden, which have done exceptionally well.  Today we're having chicken thighs - quickly thrown in the Ninja before running out of the kitchen!  New potatoes on the side, along with salad including lettuce, baby carrots and cucumber from the garden - the tomatoes are just starting to colour up so we'll be eating them soon.  It's been lovely not cooking much actually, it's made me realise I don't really enjoy cooking and baking anymore, it's become just another chore (I might feel differently in the winter though!).  I really like simple food now, with as little cooking as possible.  Something like a tuna pasta salad, jacket potato with cheese & beans, or even just cheese on toast or a fish finger sarnie, all with a side salad.  Lunches are generally cheese & crackers with some fruit, husband has something on toast or a sandwich.  After 50 years of cooking, I've had enough!

Last night was unbearably hot, the hottest night so far I think.  It's marginally cooler today, although still too hot to be outside, according to the weather forecast it'll be a bit cooler tonight and for the next few days, although they're talking about possibly another heatwave next weekend.

Yes I am who I say I am - but try proving it!

 The Government letter inviting me to apply for my State Pension arrived this morning, now that doesn't make me feel old at all 😭.  The actual online application process was simplicity itself, took all of 5 minutes (the pension won't be paid until after my 66th birthday in November).  However, trying to register for a Government Gateway account so I can check my NI record and how much pension I'll be entitled to, was an absolute pain in the a**s.  You have to have 2 forms of ID, they suggest passport and driving licence - I have neither.  The registration process won't proceed without these, or some other form of legal ID, none of which I have.  I was born in this country, have lived and worked here all my life (apart from 2 years living in Gibraltar when I was a child), have never worked abroad, so why the hell should it be so damn difficult to prove who I am and that I'm entitled to live here?  I could be very controversial and say something about how certain people who weren't born here and just turn up with no paperwork don't seem to have any problems, but that wouldn't be very PC would it?  Apparently, I have to phone (what's the betting the phone lines are horrendously busy and I'll be kept on hold for ages?) and explain, and they'll give me some advice.  I can't be bothered to do it this afternoon, it's just too hot and I feel so listless, I don't think I could cope with any more problems right now.

This heat is really doing Betty and I in, neither of us is sleeping well, although Betty is dozing on and off all day.  Just another 2 days of this current heatwave, then apparently it'll cool down again from Monday - and then the temp will go up again next Friday!  Oh, joy.  I know this weather is better than constant rain but, quite honestly, I'd rather be cold than boiling hot.  Anyway, the garden is suffering as well, everything is wilting or being scorched.  Apart from the courgettes (of course!), our 2 plants are producing almost more than we can eat.  Oh, the shallots have done well too, husband has pulled them all up and the wheelbarrow is full of them drying in the sun.

I made courgette fritters yesterday, we had them for lunch with sweet chilli sauce, lovely.  Think I'll have to make another big batch and freeze them.  I'll make a roasted veg on puff pastry tart tomorrow, that'll use up another couple.

As for Wimbledon, how those people can play for a couple of hours in this heat I really don't know.

Sweltering, haircut and telling lies?

 I've just been outside hanging the washing (not easy with a very painful shoulder) and it's sweltering hot already, there'll be no garden work - or even sitting in the garden - for several days.  But I can see from the kitchen window lots of things that need doing - roses and flowering shrubs needing deadheading, weeding still to be done from where I left off in the flowerbed following my fall.  It's all irritating, so I'll just have to get out there first thing in the morning, before it gets too hot.....I'm an early riser anyway, so may as well get the garden work done before starting on indoor jobs.

This morning husband and I worked together to cut my hair, using both his beard trimmer with the biggest comb attachment, and scissors.  Husband is so cackhanded, it's a bit fraught with tension him trimming my hair, if I could do the back of my head myself, I would, but I can't - I've tried positioning 2 mirrors but my brain just gets confused and I can't seem to coordinate which way my hands should be going.....if you see what I mean.  Anyway, it's done and feels so much better, much lighter and cooler in this weather.  I feel sorry for Betty with her thick fur coat - although with the amount of hair she sheds you'd think she'd be bald by now and we'd have enough hair to knit another dog!  About the only thing I miss from living at our old place is the fact that my hairdresser, a very good friend, lived just 2 doors away and she only charged me £12 (mates rates).  I could still go to her, but it's a 40 min drive now and obviously we're trying to gradually reduce the number of times husband drives, to get him (well, both of us) used to being car-less.

There's lots in the papers about that author lady, Raynor Winn, who wrote the book and film The Salt Path, about her and her husband's journey round the south west coastal path after he was diagnosed with a terminal illness and they became homeless after their home was repossessed following a bad investment.  I nearly bought the book in Smiths the other day, but decided to wait and see if the price came down, or I could get it from the library.  Now, I'm glad I didn't buy it, as I'd have felt cheated - it appears she didn't tell the full story and may even have lied.  It's being said that she embezzled funds from a previous employer and was arrested for it, although it doesn't appear to have resulted in charges.  There's also some doubt about whether her husband has in fact got the terminal illness at all, as consultants who are experts in their field have said the usual life expectancy for someone with that illness is around 6-8 years, possibly up to 12, and he's allegedly had it for 18 years and appears symptom free.  Well, I don't know about that but there are always exceptions to the rule - look at Stephen Hawking, he had MND which usually kills people after just a few years, but he survived for decades.  They also weren't totally homeless, as it appears they own property in France.  Apparently Raynor and Moth (Moth? where did that come from?) Winn aren't even their real names....but people often write under pseudonyms, don't they.  Whatever the truth of the matter is, it appears that she hasn't told the full (or real) story, despite the book supposedly being a true memoir or autobiography, so that's put me off.  If she'd just said it was 'based on', or even a novel, that would have been better, I think.  As it is, it just feels like she's defrauding the public, and making good money out of it.

Husband has offered to take me out to lunch again next week, and left it up to me to decide where to go, thankfully.  There's a hotel on the seafront with a restaurant open to all and a nice garden seating area, the restaurant is staffed by disabled people, overseen by able-bodied managers/trainers.  In fact, I think the whole hotel is a training establishment for disabled people, not just the restaurant.  I fancy trying there, they have very good reviews and the food is a very reasonable price.

Pain in the neck (well, shoulder)

 The awkward fall yesterday has exacerbated my left rotator cuff shoulder injury, which had largely got better....it's now really painful again and I can't lift my arm above shoulder height.  My left hip and both knees are agony too, it'll all ease off in a few days I expect.  What got me yesterday was when husband said "It was a good job I was here!".  WHAT?!  I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, he hindered more than helped.  God forbid I should ever really get hurt somehow, we'd both be well and truly in the s**t then.  

Husband's (NHS) dentist is in Bridgwater, quite a distance to drive and once he stops driving, a bit of a nightmare to get there....other than the free shoppers bus once a week, which gives us 1.5 hours in Bridgy, so coordinating appointments with the bus times won't be easy.  I haven't got a dentist - I was with a different practice to husband (small family firm which was much nicer than the big impersonal conveyor-belt type one which husband goes to).  Unfortunately, about 3 years ago my practice chucked all their NHS patients off their books - we could stay if we agreed to pay into their monthly private plan.  I declined, I wasn't impressed with their attitude and wasn't going to be railroaded into agreeing to their terms.  Luckily I've had no trouble with my teeth since then.  There are 3 dentists in Minehead, I'm going to try signing us both up with one of them.  I've spoken to one this morning who said that they're currently not taking on any new NHS patients - or even private ones actually, as one of their dentists has just left and they need to find a replacement.  The very nice receptionist suggested I try again in September, as they're hoping to have taken on a new dentist by then.  Having checked the websites of the other 2 dental surgeries, neither of them are taking on NHS patients either, although they do occasionally, it's a case of keep checking.  However, the one I spoke to this morning said if we need an emergency appointment, if we ring 111 they'll get us an appointment, and very likely with them!  So that's good to know.  I'd prefer it if we got registered with that one, as it's the easiest to get to by bus (assuming the bus runs!).

I'm taking things easy today - well, for the next few days in all likelihood, as we're forecast another heatwave.  I'll use the time to write up a menu plan, look up a few recipes (it's courgette mountain time again), and do some planning for the garden.  Although I'm happy with the way the garden is coming along, it's still a work in progress, and I want to make a few changes to make it even easier to manage in the future.

Thank you for the kind comments yesterday, I do appreciate them.  Sue, an injured stranded tortoise floundering around on its back must have been exactly what I looked like!  Jane, yes I too get fed up with people who claim to see nothing wrong with husband - yes that's because, as you say, they only see him for a short time and he's always on his best behaviour and makes a big effort (to appear 'normal') when we have visitors.  If they lived here or were a fly on the wall, they'd see how he really is.

Negative nelly today

 We had a nice time with husband's brother and sis in law yesterday, they brought their 17 y.o. granddaughter with them, who is a very polite and friendly girl, a credit to her parents and grandparents.  Had a lovely lunch at our favourite tearooms.  Drove (husband's brother drove) to the seafront afterwards and sat for a while looking out to sea, then back to ours for coffee and cakes (bought, for once I didn't make them).  During the course of conversation we told them about husband giving up driving, he was somewhat vague about the reasons why (embarrassment I expect).  His sis in law then said "Oh well, at least you can hire a car if you need to"!!  Erm no, the whole point of him giving up driving is that he won't be driving anymore!  I had to put her right and give her the full picture.  Even then she didn't really take it in.  It's hard trying to make people understand how things are presently, and how they will be in the future.

By 8.30 this morning we were out in the garden, getting stuck in to the weeding, deadheading, tying things up etc before it becomes too hot this afternoon.  Husband found another 'mini' cucumber which had grown to the size of a small marrow - he claimed he didn't see it.  Mind you, half the plant was smothered by potato foliage as he'd planted a couple of spare seed potatoes too close to the cucumbers, there was also bindweed about a metre in length twisted around it all, which he was oblivious to.  The peas are now finished, have been for a week or more actually, so I suggested husband pull up the dead plants and plant 2 butternut squashes in their place, which he'd grown from seed in pots and are well outgrowing their pots, trailing everywhere.  He doesn't think to do anything at all, but waits for me to suggest things.

Whilst he was doing that, I was weeding the flower bed - I was tugging a dandelion out, or trying at least, when it suddenly snapped at the base (they are deep-rooted, I should have dug it out really) and I fell backwards, landing sprawled on my back on Betty's lawn.  It's a good job it was there, a much softer landing than the gravel that was there before......although the grass is brown and spiky so not particularly soft, and I was conscious of the fact that Betty wees on that lawn.  The unexpected sudden fall winded me and I couldn't move for a minute or two.  Trying then to get up off the ground was a nightmare, and husband was worse than useless - I rolled over onto my knees, with my arthritic knees screaming in agony, husband was just tugging on my upper arms trying ineffectively to lift me.  Finally he moved the garden stool across and I used that to lever myself up.  My back and left hip are painful now, we'll not even mention my knees, I'll be one big pain tomorrow I expect.

I just feel so useless, like I'm a decrepit fat old bag with a decaying body looking after another even more decrepit and older incapacitated old man, who needs help and direction with everything.  Feeling sorry for myself right now, I'll get over it.

One of us worries, the other doesn't

 I guess the saving grace for husband is that he doesn't worry about what's happening to him.  He's aware that his short term memory is terrible and sometimes gives a sigh of exasperation when he realises he's forgotten something yet again, but that's about it.  He's not really a deep or introspective thinker, never has been, so doesn't sit there worrying about the future.  Whereas I do, big time.  And I have to cope with the fallout, every day, of his memory lapses, lack of concentration, inability to recognise hazards, leaving things lying about that he or I could trip over, him constantly losing things or putting things away in totally the wrong places meaning it sometimes takes days to find them.  Everything is stressful for me, fortunately not for him.  But I'm finding all the stress really debilitating right now.

We're going to the garden centre shortly, I want to buy some flowering shrubs and a few colourful bedding plants - getting new plants, gardening, weeding and deadheading is calming and enjoyable for me and I need that at the moment, life is threatening to overwhelm me.  It's overcast with a few spots of rain here and there, so it'll be a case of dashing into the garden in between light showers, but that's alright.  At least it's not bucketing down or freezing cold, and not too hot.

Every single day

 I read a couple of the papers online every morning.  This morning there was an article written by Martin Frizzell, the husband of Fiona Phillips the journalist and TV presenter, who now has Alzheimers.  My husband hasn't been diagnosed with Alzheimers (yet!), but his cognitive impairment in many ways mirrors the symptoms of Alzheimers.  One particular paragraph really resonated with me, here it is:-

"By the fifth time she had asked exactly the same question, I’d just say ‘fine’. I tried so hard to remain patient, but it was difficult. And I’m only human. Anyone who thinks they could endlessly explain the same thing over and over again without ever becoming frustrated or losing their patience just needs to try it. Not once, not now and again, but every single day."

Made me cry.  That's how it is for me.  Every single day.

First bus outing

 The freezer is fine, husband didn't damage it with his flame thrower, I think he'd only just started when I caught him.  He won't be doing it again in a hurry.  As I said, the freezer is out in the car port - if it had been in the kitchen he wouldn't have got through the kitchen door with that bloody thing, he'd have known I'd have blown a fuse if he tried.

We went on the free shopper's bus to Bridgwater yesterday, it was....interesting.  For a start, it was a coach, not a bus, and had 3 big steps up to get on it.  The driver, who apparently is the regular one, was very friendly and helpful, he got off the coach at each stop and put everyone's shopping bags and granny trolleys in the luggage hold.  The coach was about half full by the time it arrived in town, all pensioners (apart from me!), although it's not specifically for oldies.  They all appeared to know one another, there was a lot of chatter and ribbing each other, it was a bit like a pensioners day out.  Which I suppose it was really!  It was an older coach, so not particularly comfortable and was quite hot and airless, despite all the roof lights being open (there were no opening windows).  I started off wearing my seatbelt but soon took it off, it was just too hot and uncomfortable - I noticed hardly any of the other passengers wore theirs (husband didn't).

1.5 hours at the large retail park wasn't enough time to go in every store we wanted to, although we did get the main things we wanted.  The journey home was shorter, as the driver didn't stop at any of the stops where nobody had got on on the outward journey.  I don't think I'll be in a rush to go regularly in the future, but it's nice to know it's an option if we want.  Husband quite enjoyed not driving.  It was very hot in Bridgwater, hotter than here, I was very glad to get home.

We've got visitors on Monday, husband's brother and SiL are coming to take us out for lunch on their way home to the Midlands, they've been down for a long weekend.  That'll be nice, they're a lovely couple.

A flame thrower!

 Husband has a flame thrower, I don't know what the real name is....it's a gas powered long wand thing that he uses to burn off weeds in the garden (what is it with men and fire? Must bring out their inner caveman 🙄).  As he's quite careless with it, he's often scorched some of my plants and wooden fence panels in the process.

On Monday I decided we'd defrost the big upright freezer that's in the car port, there wasn't too much in it, just enough to fit in our big coolbox.  With it being a hot day, switched off and with the door open I knew it wouldn't take long to defrost.  You know what I'm going to say, don't you - a short while later I caught husband using his flame thrower inside the freezer to speed up the ice melting 🤬🤬.  He soon stopped!

Honestly, sometimes I'm just flabbergasted by some of the crazy things his brain thinks up.  Can't leave him alone for 5 minutes 😡