Lovely homemade soups, and some worries

 I'm glad it's now soup and casserole weather.  Having said that though, I made a lamb stew with dumplings in the slow cooker yesterday, I was intending to have just the veg and gravy with dumplings, fishing out the lamb chunks when dishing up mine.  When it came to serving it up though, I just couldn't bear to have any myself - I wasn't going to eat the meat of course, but the overpoweringly meaty smell of the stew really put me off - since I stopped eating meat I really dislike the smell of meat cooking.  So I just had a tin of tomato soup with crusty sourdough and a sprinkle of cheese.  Husband will have the stew and dumplings again today and the rest will be frozen.  I find it a bit of a struggle handling/preparing some meat as well now, the cooked turkey for Betty especially although, oddly enough, I don't mind pulling apart the cooked chicken so much.  As for offal, which I used to eat quite happily a few years ago - well, liver and kidneys anyway - now I really can't stand either the look or the smell of it, husband has to do it himself if he wants it.

I'm making courgette and blue cheese soup for lunch today, using frozen home grown courgettes, I'll add some dried potato flakes to give it a bit of body.  Also making cheese scones to go with it.  For my dinner later I just fancy a grated cheese and carrot mayo roll (got some brown sourdough GF rolls in the freezer) with some pickled baby beets and gherkins on the side.

My guts are playing up again, nervous stomach I think, and I'm not sleeping very well either.  All this dementia testing is on my mind....if husband is diagnosed with some form of dementia, as I'm fairly sure he will be, I can't help thinking of what it will mean for our future.  And how will I cope in the event of him becoming much more muddled, confused and possibly even aggressive, and unable to do anything for himself.  I will cope of course, I'll have no choice - hopefully with some outside help - but it does worry me.  I don't think I was cut out to be a nurse.

A bit boring!

 Not much to report really, not a lot has happened since the dementia testing on Thursday.  I do feel a bit deflated at the thought of having to go through it again on Tuesday, I just want it over and done and a diagnosis reached.  I'm not looking forward to the (probable) outcome, but at the moment I just feel we're in limbo.  It will hopefully feel easier - well, as much as it can be - once a diagnosis is given, at least we'll have a better idea of what we're dealing with.  Husband isn't saying much, as usual he just shrugged when I asked him how he feels.

A bit of light relief this morning, if a bit surreal.  Problem relative sent a soft porn short reel to a female member of the family in the early hours of the morning, understandably she was quite shocked and upset.  If it were me, I'd have just replied with a short and to the point "WTF??", but the recipient relative has told us all and asked for a senior member of the family to get in touch with PR and give him a dressing down.  He claims he has no memory of doing it, has given all sorts of excuses along the lines of it must have been a mistake, he was probably very tired, didn't realise he'd done it, etc etc.  I should add he's not a drinker - well, as far as we know! - although he does suffer with mental health problems and lives in his own little surreal world.  It gave some of us a good laugh anyway, and I doubt he'll repeat it in a hurry!  I guess lots of families have one embarrassing relative - I asked husband who's his family one and he immediately said it was his mother!  Whilst I can partly agree with that, I'd have said he shared the honours with her 😂 (I didn't say it to him though!).

Nice sunny day today, but noticeably colder.  We're off to the car boot sale this afternoon, will wrap up well.  Burgers and salad for dinner later whilst watching Strictly, husband's having a BBQ pork one I think, I'll have my usual Linda McC mozzarella one.  On the subject of Strictly and the new presenters, I think Emma is good, she's a consummate professional and it shows.  JoJo is good doing the couple interviews, he's such a luvvie (and I love him), good fun and very empathetic.  Josh - well, I don't know what to make of him really, I do like him as a comedian but think he's out of his depth on Strictly, he gives the impression of not knowing what he's doing half the time, and can be very annoying - he seems to pick up on something early in the show (like Anton being a bit grumpy last week, although he wasn't really, just teasing) and then spends the entire show repeating it ad infinitum.  I didn't really know/hadn't heard of more than half of this year's contestants, the producers certainly seem to be going all out to attract a younger audience.  Which strikes me as a bit strange, as surely most younger people will be out on a Saturday night, not staying in watching TV!  Can you tell I've got nothing of interest to say.....😂😂

To be continued....

This morning we went for husband's dementia tests.....or rather, the first part!  We were there just over 2 hours (we'd been told it should take around 2 hours), the first part consists of the psychologist asking husband lots of questions, some general, some specific, and sometimes asking if I concurred with what he said (no, most of the time).  Then I was given a questionnaire to fill in regarding husband's behaviour and how he copes with things, whilst husband tackled all the tests - some verbal, some written or drawn.  Well, as is customary with husband, he kept going off at a tangent, joking around and launching into long rambling stories of events in the distant past.  Funnily enough, on the way there I'd specifically asked husband not to keep talking about irrelevant stuff or things he hadn't been asked, and not to keep cracking silly jokes!  He must have forgotten 😒 - actually, he's a law unto himself and can't help himself, it's hard to stop him from talking.  I dare say all of that will probably help the psychologist in her assessment, but it does delay things and add to the length of time we have to be there!  Because of all that, she couldn't get through all the tests in time (she had another appointment straight after ours), and so we have to go back again next Tuesday to complete the rest.  Sigh.  

I asked her about husband's brain scan - again she wouldn't tell us the result.  She said there's no point in looking at any one element of the testing in isolation, everything has to be taken as a whole, which I can see.  But it does feel like they're withholding information from us, which I find quite frustrating.  I suppose they think we might not understand, or be worried about the results....I actually find the not knowing more worrying.  After next Tuesday, which I hope will be the last of the tests, the results have to be collated and written up by the psychologist, then husband's case will be discussed at a case conference.  Only then will we then be called for feedback and diagnosis.  It's such a long drawn out process.

Oh, and once again husband was told that they consider he is safe to carry on driving at the moment.  I'm glad of that, of course, but it always strikes me as a bit odd that someone who doesn't know him can make that sort of judgement from asking a few questions in an office, rather than a practical assessment actually sitting beside him in a car. 🤔  She did ask me if I have any concerns about his driving, I said I do have a few - his reaction times are slower, he has minor lapses in concentration sometimes, he occasionally forgets to change gear.  I don't however feel like I never want to get in the car with him again!  Well, not yet anyway.

I feel quite worn out now......clearly husband does too, as he fell asleep in his armchair soon after we got home, he slept for about half an hour.

Incidentally, if husband is ever asked to do a practical driving assessment, he would have to go to a test centre in either Bristol or Exeter, both of which are miles and miles away from here.....Bristol is almost 2 hours drive, Exeter around 1 hr 20 mins.  If the assessor decided husband was unsafe to drive, it would take effect immediately, meaning he would be unable to drive home.  So how would we get home then?  We were told he should take someone with him who could drive our car home, just in case!  So obviously not me then.  Husband did say that if he was asked to do a driving assessment, he would refuse and accept that he would have to give up driving from then on.

Getting old and infirm is no fun, we really don't appreciate our good health when we're younger.  If only we knew then what we know now!

And again....

 Husband got the bits he wanted from the diy shop, I was less successful with my hairdressing appointment quest.  Two of the salons said they had no appointments available anytime soon, or were not taking on new clients - are there that many people wanting haircuts or colours?!  The third salon said that one of their staff was taking new clients, but she was off work yesterday.....she's back in today apparently and will (hopefully) give me a ring.  Who knew it would be so difficult to get a haircut?

Husband has yet another episode of the runs, so I'm having to modify his diet again.  I'm getting a bit fed up (I'm sure he is too), it feels like I'm constantly in the kitchen, planning and prepping 3 different meals all the time....one being Betty's of course, although at least I can make and freeze around a week's worth for her at a time.  When husband has a diverticular flare up, he's supposed to have very bland food for a few days - meat or fish plainly cooked with no fat or spices, simple carbs such as white rice, pasta or bread (none of which we normally eat, we always have wholemeal), no grains seeds or nuts, limited veg.  He can have root veg but they must be peeled to reduce the amount of fibre.  It's different to the way I eat, I don't eat white anything, I have grains and seeds sprinkled on my food, I severely limit carbs, I eat loads of veggies and fruit.  The novelty of cooking and baking has definitely worn off!  But I have to do it.  Husband cannot understand (basically because he can't remember) why his diet must be so restricted, so I have to keep reminding him.  Another thing to add to the list of frustrations!

It's a lovely sunny day so we might perhaps go out for a walk, I could do with some beach and sea views, possibly at Blue Anchor bay with a coffee afterwards.  

Some good suggestions

 The lady from the Alzheimer's Society came yesterday afternoon, Carol - she was very nice.  Her main purpose seemed to be to signpost us to all the various groups for dementia sufferers and their carers in the Minehead area.  There are quite a few, more than I knew about, different focuses and activities for each one.  Some, like Singing for the Brain, husband shut down immediately, he wouldn't go for that at all and made that very clear to Carol.  She was clearly disappointed, probably because she herself runs that particular group and is very passionate about singing helping the brain.  There are a couple that husband said he might be interested in, one is a lunch club held in the same hotel where husband's gym is located, they offer an informal lunch and friendly chat twice a week, he said he might be willing to give that a go (there's food involved!).  Another is called Amble not Ramble, a walking group that meets once a month for a gentle stroll of about an hour, in different locations - husband said he liked the sound of that, although it would depend on the weather (I agree with that, I don't do walking in bad weather!).  There's also an informal group specifically for carers, they meet once a month in the same seafront hotel as the lunch club, a chance to chat with fellow carers with tea/coffee and biscuits on offer.  I think I'll try that out.

Carol said that regular exercise, even just walking, alternating between slow strolls and short bursts of faster walking, is helpful, as is making sure we keep hydrated.  Both things I repeatedly suggest to husband but he doesn't take a lot of notice of me, perhaps he will from someone else!  She also had a good practical suggestion which I'll put into practice - write on a whiteboard every morning, things like what day it is, what's for dinner, if we have any appointments that day, and put it in a prominent place (she suggested by the TV!) where husband can see it.  Although he's dyslexic, he can read things which are written quite large and clearly, and not joined up writing, which I've always done throughout our marriage.  Oh, she also said it's important to chat to people on a regular basis, especially people we don't know well - husband has no trouble doing that, the problem is more trying to stop him going on forever!

She said that once we have a diagnosis from the dementia tests, she'll be happy to come back and see us again to talk things through and offer more specific insights into whatever type of dementia he may have been diagnosed with - if he is!  All in all, it was an interesting and quite helpful meeting - oh, and she said there are actually around a hundred different types of dementia - I thought there were about a dozen, who knew?!?!

We're off into town this morning, husband wants some bits from the Proper Job diy shop and I want to investigate a few hairdressers and hopefully make an appointment - exciting!  It rained overnight but has stopped now, sun is forecast but it is noticeably colder and quite windy.  Well, it is the middle of October after all and we've had a lovely summer, so no complaints.

Junk out - today! And self-care

 After we came back from holiday (2.5 weeks ago now, where has the time gone?), husband bought and put together 3 sets of those metal Meccano type shelving units, for his shed....lots of loud cursing and sighing as he did so, but he got them all done eventually.  All the accumulated junk had to come out of his shed so he could install the shelving units, this meant most of the junk was put in the car port.  There are a few things in the car port that I need regular access to - the tall upright freezer, my fresh veg box, the zombie apocalypse (emergency supplies) box and the food waste bin.  Actually, we have hardly any food waste, we use the bin for veg and fruit peels, teabags and the like....compostable stuff which then gets transferred into one of the compost bins in the garden (husband has acquired 4).  Initially, he put back some of his junk into his shed....I did suggest that it was a good time for him to go through some of it and do a tip run for junk he really didn't need, which he did - well, one trip for just some of the stuff.  However, after that initial flurry of activity a fortnight ago, the rest of his junk has remained in the car port, and has been added to with a number of cardboard boxes from deliveries of 'stuff' he's ordered off the internet (yes he's been into one of his recurring obsessions about buying stuff again recently).  Several times I've asked him to sort out the car port and finish the job off, it's fallen on deaf ears as usual.  This morning, after I'd had to shift a load of his junk once again to get to my veg box, I put my foot down and told him to clear it all out - THIS MORNING!  Clutter is one of my biggest annoyances, in no way am I a minimalist type of person, but I do like things to be organised and tidy!  Mess just irritates the hell out of me.  So now, after some filthy looks and grumblings under his breath, he's out there doing it.  I'll have to keep an eye out and see that he finishes it all though, he's notoriously bad at finishing a job.

Husband is such a hoarder, I don't even know where he gets half the stuff from.  Well, I do know that if he's out with the dog, say, and notices a neighbour putting stuff out for the tip, husband will often ask if he can have it - the neighbours are only to happy to agree of course, saves them a job!  He always says it might come in useful - except it never does, it just gets added to the piles of junk he's already got.  I've said to him that he'd better stop acquiring junk and start sorting through it and getting rid of a lot, as I really don't want the trouble and expense of having to hire someone to come and take it all away if husband becomes too incapacitated to deal with it himself.  Or dies!

I've decided I'm definitely going to have my hair cut in the style of that picture, I shall go into town and visit a couple of hairdressers to make an appointment this week, for as soon as they can do it.  And I'm going to start colouring it myself again too, it's about time I started doing some self-care.

Resolved

 Bathroom situation again.....I've bought a portable toilet off the internet, it'll be coming Monday.  Whilst it's not an ideal situation, I feel much better about having a portaloo of our choosing, brand new (and clean!!) rather than some random used commode foisted on us.  And, let's face it, it may well prove to be useful, or even a necessity, in the future!  I'm still going to push for the bathroom flooring work to be postponed until next year though, there's just too much going on in our lives right now and I don't want the added stress.

This is the hairstyle I've decided I want:-

It's very different from anything I've had before, I've had short hair for years but this is much shorter - and shaved at the sides and back.  I really like it, I'll look at a few hairdressers - there are several in the town - and make an appointment next week.  I love the colour too but won't have that done at the hairdressers, I'll do it myself, I've always coloured my hair myself.  I've not coloured my hair for at least a couple of years so it's now my natural colour (dirty blonde) but fading to grey - very light and nondescript actually.  My Mum never really went grey, her hair colour just sort of faded too, mine seems to be going the same way.

It's windy and quite cold with showers forecast today, looks like they're about to start soon.  I need to buy a different type of heated clothes airer, the one I've got is a long one, waist height, and takes up too much room indoors, I want an upright one instead, less floor space needed.  Drying washing is always a bit of a problem in the winter here, I haven't got a tumble dryer and there's not much space in our bungalow.  There's the car port of course, plenty of room for airers out there but the coldness means the washing still takes ages to dry.

We actually went to Aldi yesterday rather than today, husband thought there'd be less traffic - as Fridays and Mondays are Butlins changeover days, there's always more traffic on those days.  I got 2 months worth of shelf stable stuff rather than my usual 1 month, so the bill was higher than normal but it'll save us fuel as we won't need to go again until early December.