Sunday 22 November 2020

A new me

 Husband's foot is getting better, the swelling is going down in his toes and ankle and he's stopped taking painkillers.  I know it's not so painful because he's not complaining about it all the time.  So I'm hopeful that when he goes back to hospital for x-ray and another chat with the consultant in 3 weeks time, she'll say it's healed so well he can start driving again and walking normally.  Fingers crossed she does, I don't think I can take many more weeks of this enforced personal lockdown and life being put on hold.  It feels like we've been doing it forever.  He's asleep on the sofa as usual, with the tv playing away to least it's a David Attenborough nature show with nice relaxing music, and not some noisy boring car doer-upper show, which he watches endless repeats of.

Had a nice squelch, erm walk with betty this afternoon in the hasn't rained for a couple of days so the field is slightly less boggy than usual, I even let her off the lead for a good run around.  It would take a month of no rain to dry the field out though, and that's not going to happen.  Hope my wellies last out!

For reasons that I'm not going into, my life since the age of 13 has consisted of taking care of family members, doing housework, shopping and cooking, being mum to my younger siblings, being a carer, helping husband with stuff he couldn't do himself, providing emotional and physical support to family, whilst holding down a full time job.  Doing what others wanted and needed...willingly, I might add.  Over the years I've kind of lost myself and felt that I'd become invisible and taken for granted, and lockdown has made things worse.

Having had so much time to think lately whilst I've been cooped up or walking the dog, I've decided that at the grand old age of 61, I'm going to start living my life, doing what I want for a change, rather than just what others want or expect of me.  I'll still take care of husband, home and dog, but will be doing things for myself as well.  I will also practise saying No!  Nothing much can or will change this side of Christmas, but come January it will be new year, new me.   I have lots of plans for the new me.


  1. Good for you Sooze! I'm feeling the same. Just as I thought I would have a bit more "me" time, I've turned into what's known as the sandwich generation! I had my light bulb moment the other day in Tesco. I rang round asking if anyone wanted anything. A meal deal please, butter please, etc etc. No money forthcoming !! Noone ever repays the favours though!!

  2. Good for you. Saying no doesn't mean "I don't care about you." it means "I care about me as well." xx

  3. In the past I've been advised by friends to say "No!" more often when asked for transport or the 'loan' of money, because I found, like you, that there was never any payment for expenses incurred (diesel, toll charges, parking, etc. or even repayment of money lent.) Oh how the tables have turned now that I am unable to drive (until my cataracts are removed and my eyesight is clearer.) No phone calls, no texts, just the sound of the tumbleweed blowing around my house. Now I'm just a useless old woman with nothing to give. Ha! I shall remember this time and these things when I am fit to drive.

  4. You go girl. Do you have a new hobby or interest in mind? Something you can treat yourself to? I just recently chose a hobby of painting rocks, it is quite satisfying. Enjoy your new outlook.

  5. Yes, my sentiments on my end as well. I feel so good for you and for me.
    Congrats and good luck.
    Just yesterday my husband declared , going out the door that he was going to go outside and get some work done. I said..I'm do as you please.

  6. Good on you, Sooze! I find it difficult to say no and when I do, I feel terribly guilty.

  7. Good for you!!! You deserve it and are entitled to it. It's lovely, having your own life!

  8. Sounds a good plan - no one knows what's round the corner

  9. I have cared for Tom all through our marriage of of 56 years, he has had so many illness over that time his hospital records resemble a tomb stone in size. lol
    I myself have been lucky with my health but I'm with you all the way Sooze. You cannot be any good to anyone if you yourself are not well and to be well you need to think of yourself first. This is not being selfish, just common sense.
    So, I agree with your plan for the new year and hope that you can keep to it.

  10. Sounds like a brilliant plan, but then you knew I would say that didn't you ;-)

    Take back things in a small way at first, and expect the first few 'NOs' to feel harsh but you will soon get used to it ... and always remember sometimes NO is a complete sentence!! You don't have to explain yourself, how many times do people explain themselves to you.

    Are you able to get a taxi into town from where you are, just for a few hours away now that hubby is more on the mend. A little mooch around the non-food aisles in the supermarket would be good for your mental health, and then a taxi home when you are ready.

  11. You have done your bit and it's time you looked after yourself. Plan small things to start with and get plenty of Me time, We are all with you and the love is with you


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