Things are looking up

 I had a brainwave (doesn't happen very often) the other day and had a look on the Age UK website...well, we are of the age, after all!  It seems they can help with all sorts of things - I'd only ever thought of them in terms of charity shops and meals on wheels before, but they really do help in countless different ways.  I emailed them giving a brief outline of our problem, they gave a very kind and helpful reply in general terms.  However, they said to ring them Monday am and leave my contact details on the answer phone and they will get a specialist adviser to ring me back and go through everything with me.  How nice.  So now I have two useful phone consultations this coming week, progress at last, after a week of head banging and getting nowhere.

And some really good news....Husband is booked to have his first covid jab this afternoon!  We're so pleased.  Mine won't be for some weeks yet (I'm in Group 6 or possibly even 7, as far as I can make out), but things are moving.  He has to go to the big central hub at Taunton Racecourse, a 40 min or so drive away, but he doesn't mind, it's worth it to be able to get covid protection.

I'm giving up on the blimmin tablet husband's daughter gave me as a replacement for my Amazon fire....the more of my stuff I put on it, the slower it gets, and the internet keeps dropping out every few minutes, which it doesn't nearly as much on my Fire or phone.  It was nice of her, but I can see why she wanted rid of it for a better model 😉.  I'll get a new laptop one day, at the moment it's not really a priority.  Hardly a problem with the current situation and the real problems others have!

Nephew is still in hospital, a week now.  He's had loads of tests, things like an MRI, lumbar puncture, electrical nerve conduction tests.  No firm diagnosis forthcoming, but lots of quite serious things ruled out, which is good.  He's due to see another specialist tomorrow.  He's regaining strength and didn't need morphine yesterday, as was in less pain, so is hopeful of being able to go home soon.  He's found it very hard not being able to have visits from his fiancee or family....that's one of the really big downsides of this bloody Covid situation isn't it, must be awful being in hospital and not allowed visitors.  Equally hard for his fiancee, as her family live many miles away so she's on her own.

Thanks all for comments, and I'm sorry I haven't commented much on your blogs lately...been a bit snowed under.  Hopefully things will settle down a bit in a week or 2.  (Until the next crisis in our roller coaster life 😂😒).

A bit of hope

 I got nowhere yesterday either, more banging my head against brick walls.  I gave up in tears in the end.  However....I have now managed to book a 45 minute telephone consultation for next Thursday, with a qualified impartial adviser, so hopefully I might finally get the answers I need.  Or at least further information and some advice as to what to do next.  I just feel totally drained now, why does everything have to be so bleeding hard?

This morning I've made bread dough, so at least I got to thump something!  I've also made curry sauce for a king prawn curry I'll be doing for our dinner tonight.

And this afternoon I shall go upstairs with the dog, lie on the bed and read.

WARNING language alert

 If you don't like bad language, look away now.

I've had to deal with officialdom today, both on the phone and online....it's taken several hours, is nowhere near resolved and I'm fed up to the back teeth with the absolute shittyness of it all.  I've been passed from pillar to post on the phone, given several different numbers to ring, kept on hold for ages until I gave up in sheer frustration.  The recorded message kept saying every few minutes that one could try the website....well I did, and guess what, the thing I needed can't bloody well be done online, because our situation didn't conform to the set protocol in the online form.  So was told that you have to do it by phone!  Or in person....only face to face appointments aren't taking place right now because of covid restrictions....so use the website or phone!

I just wanted to smash both the damn computer and phone to bits and scream my head off.

I know it's not my husband's fault, he's severely dyslexic and can't deal with forms and paperwork, so I've always had to do it.  But as I've got older I find it more difficult, my head feels more woolly and it just gives me a king size bloody headache, especially when it's not straightforward and everything seems designed to kick me in the shins.

And I've got to go through it all again tomorrow!

This is connected to the 'good news' I mentioned a few posts back, which is turning out to be nothing of the sort.

There are times when it feels like absolutely bloody nothing goes right for us, and I'm so sodding sick and tired of it.

Poor customer service

 A week ago I ordered some flowers for a relative, arranging for them to be delivered today.  Late yesterday afternoon I had an email from the online flowers company, apologising for the fact that my order could not be fulfilled.  They cited difficulties with their supplier and asked if I wanted to wait until their next delivery of these particular flowers next week, or choose a different bouquet to be delivered 'within the next few days'!  It took them until late afternoon, just minutes before their Customer Services desk closed, before they told me they wouldn't be delivering my order...really?!?!

When I quickly rang to ask what else they'd got for delivery for today as requested, they'd got hardly anything, certainly nothing like the flowers I'd ordered, and said they probably wouldn't be able to deliver today anyway.  So I asked for a refund....which they said would take 3-5 days!  Disgraceful.  I've emailed and complained.

Meanwhile, I googled and found a local florist in the town where my relative lives, I've rung them this morning and ordered a lovely bouquet which they will deliver this afternoon.  Good for them 👏

Rain, rain go away

 Firstly, I need to welcome a few new readers...hello, I can't think why anybody would find what I write interesting, I lead a pretty dull life actually, especially during a lockdown and in winter!  But welcome anyway, hope I don't bore you to tears.

Thanks for all the comments on my last post.  Not yet heard back from the dentist with an appointment, but thankfully my loose tooth seems to have bedded back in a bit - still wobbly but not as much and not so painful.  It's liveable with, which is just as well.  Funny how some dentists in some areas seem to be operating as normal, yet others - like mine - don't seem to be agreeable to seeing patients unless it's a dire emergency.

One of my nephews was admitted to hospital on Sunday morning in a state of collapse, he's been suffering various strange symptoms, including extreme muscle weakness and pains for a while.  He's had lots of tests in the past weeks, but there are long intervals between each set of tests due to covid restrictions, he's not seen a consultant yet and no diagnosis forthcoming thus far, other than a possible immune disorder.  He's only 30, bless him. He was due to see a neurologist....in several weeks.  Having been admitted, however, the neurologist has now agreed to see him as a matter of urgency.  He had a covid test in A&E before they would admit him to a ward, it came back negative (he did have Covid, thankfully mildly, very early on in the pandemic).  Last night he was told he'll have to isolate for 10 days (whilst he's in hospital!) as he was exposed to Covid - from one of the other patients in the ward!  How did that happen?  Bloody scary isn't it, go in hospital because of being very unwell, non-covid related, and get exposed to it whilst you're in there, just to add to your problems.  I'm so thankful my exploratory op was a quick in and out thing in a safe specialist day unit.

It's a horrible rainy day today, in fact the local forecast is for varying amounts of rain every day for the next 10 days.  So a good time to carry on with the decluttering, which has ground to a halt the past few days.  The trouble is, we now have several boxes and bags full of unwanted stuff and are running out of places to put it, seeing as the garage is still full, plus the roof leaks.  We did look into getting a skip - blimey, they're expensive!  So we will have to go to the tip a few times, despite the rain....well, once husband has got his finger out and sorted out his trailer, which is full of junk and in the full up garage! 😒

I do wish Spring (and the end of lockdown) would hurry up, had enough of this now.

Trying to get a dentist appointment

 I haven't been to the dentist for over a year, they were closed during the first lockdown when I should have been going for a check up.  I have a wobbly tooth, it's been wobbly for a while but wasn't causing me any problems, I just made sure not to crunch anything with it.  Well, unfortunately I did the other day and it's now a bit looser and a bit sore, so I had to bite the bullet (not with that tooth though 😂) and phone the dentist yesterday.  I didn't even know if they were open...I was almost wishing they're not, as I really hate going.  Well, turns out they are....sort of.  They are currently only doing emergency appointments, anything else gets added to a 'list', and they do 'a few' of those per week.  Apparently, my wobbly tooth isn't an emergency, unless it becomes infected or the pain becomes unbearable!  And they are only doing TWO emergencies per day, along with the occasional one or more off the 'list' - I presume to allow for the extra cleaning in between patients, and to restrict the numbers of people for social distancing purposes.  They won't give appointment dates for the non emergencies, just saying they'll ring when it gets nearer your turn!  So I guess we're supposed to just drop everything when we get a phone call 😒

And to make matters worse, apparently my lovely dentist Emma, who was so good with my nervousness, has left, so when I do eventually get seen, I shall have to get used to a new one.  Grrrr!

A stonking headache day

 Yesterday I had to do some financial stuff for husband, on his computer, both of which I dislike intensely.  His computer is slow, his desk is a mess (and I hate working in a mess) and the chair is uncomfortable and gives me backache.  I find sorting out financial stuff a strain anyway, more so the older I get, it just overloads my brain, especially if the stuff isn't straightforward, which this certainly wasn't.  By lunchtime, when I'd done as much as I could, I had a stonking headache and had to go and lie down for an hour, the headache persisted all afternoon, though did ease up a bit in the evening.

The new (to me) tablet which husband's daughter very kindly sent me to replace my Amazon Fire, which is limited in what it can do, has been giving me a few problems too.  Some of which I admit were driver error.... technology and me aren't really compatible!  I'd put all my favourites on the thing, then couldn't work out how to access them - I've done it now, but it seems a long winded way of getting to them, unlike the simple to use Fire...I expect there's an easier way, I just haven't worked it out yet.  Also, the internet kept dropping out on the tablet yesterday afternoon...at first I thought it was due to the weather, which does tend to play havoc with our broadband.  However, it transpired that it wasn't affecting husband's desktop or my phone, they were both still working fine, so the problem seems to be just with the new tablet.  Or me!  I gave up with it in the end, it was just adding to my headache.

I'm typing this blog post on it now, it seems alright at the moment, fingers crossed.

The other day when we did the top up shop, I bought a small cooked chicken.  I stripped the meat off, saving some for Betty, and made two chicken and ham cottage pies, using up some leftover gammon.  The topping was mashed ordinary and sweet potatoes.  We had one last night, the other went in the freezer, I boiled up the bones with a bit of chopped veg for stock and froze that too.  So one small £3 chicken made two dinners for us, three chicken dinners for Betty and a tub of stock for a future soup.

I slept very badly last night, unsurprisingly, and feel like death warmed up this morning.  So I won't be doing much today.

A small shop then taking it easy

 Husband had to go to our local community hospital for an x-ray this morning, I sat in the car and waited, we then went to get a bit of top up shopping and some fresh veg.  I've been having home deliveries for the last few weeks, but the last 2 have been missing some items, and the last one had an entire bagful of dairy stuff missing (including my lactose free milk, grr), although I'd been charged for it - I guess it must have been left on the van or given to another customer by mistake.  It's been refunded now.  I didn't want to go to the big Morrisons as it's often busy in there and social distancing isn't observed very much...my paperwork from the hospital said to observe strict social distancing for 2 weeks following discharge.  I always do anyway, but will make sure of it at the moment....I have no plans to go anywhere else in the near future in any case.

So we decided to go to a farm shop for the veggies - good choice, there were only a couple of other customers there.  And then we went to an Aldi that never seems to be busy - it wasn't, hardly anyone in there and we got straight onto a checkout without queueing, shop done and out of there in about 20 minutes.

We're not doing any more decluttering today, having the rest of the day off, in fact I'm going up for a nap now as I do feel quite tired.  My pee is less pink today, almost clear in fact, and is hardly stinging at all, so I think all the extra water I've been drinking is flushing it all through.

We've started

 I decided that today we'd start on the big declutter, it won't get done unless we start.  We can't really go anywhere at present, and the weather forecast isn't great for the next few days, so we might as well.  Fortunately, the council tip is open this lockdown, so we can get rid of rubbish.  It's a pity that charity shops aren't, we haven't really got space to store loads of unwanted stuff.  I will ask on the local social media pages for surrounding villages if anyone wants the stuff, it can be left outside for people to collect at an arranged time.  Unfortunately, due to living in this very rural area, as mentioned before, we don't have any passing traffic.

I think the best way to go about the declutter is doing one room, or even a section of a room, at a time.  So this morning we made a start in the dining room....husband is on board with this and has been very helpful.  

I'm being ruthless and disposing of everything we haven't used in ages, or am not keen on, or we have duplicates of.  Such as surplus crockery, of which I have loads.  I've been collecting blue and white Willow pattern crockery for years, I have a large assortment of it, it doesn't all match (not that it matters a jot to me, it's all blue and white with a similar design!) but I really don't need half of it.  E.g., I once bought a stack of 15(!!) tea plates at a car boot sale for about £3...not that I needed them as I already had about 6 or 7, it was just such a bargain though and some always get chipped so it's useful to have a couple of spares.  Not 15 though, I don't run a tea room! 😂. I also don't need the half a dozen assorted large cake/sandwich plates (again no tea room here 😒).  Ditto the 10 or so cups and saucers - we literally never use them, we always use mugs (and have loads of them in different sizes and designs, some pretty porcelain, some for builder's tea).

I'm also chucking a lot of the vast amount of random plastic food boxes I've acquired over the years....we really don't need that many.  I also found a cardboard box containing 2 old complete sets of cutlery, some of which was discoloured and rusty, so obviously that's going too.  As will some of the glassware - what's the point of keeping, say, 3 wine glasses left remaining from a set of 6?  Or sherry glasses?  I don't think I've ever drunk sherry, and we don't have any maiden aunts 😂.

We've already filled 2 large plastic boxes and a couple of rubbish sacks.  Stopped for a break and lunch.

All my strange aches and pains have gone, so I think the anaesthetic is out of my system now.  However, my pee has become a bit pink again since last night and it's still stinging a bit, so I suppose it's possible I may be getting a UTI, the hospital did warn it might happen.  If it's not gone over the next day or 2 I'll get husband to take a wee sample to the GP, he's got to go for a routine appointment on Wednesday morning anyway.  

Feeling more like myself

 Thank you for all the comments, I'm feeling heaps better today.  The effects of the anaesthetic seem to be wearing off quicker than the last time I had one, although on reflection, that time I'd had an operation whereas this time it was just an exploratory thing, so that's probably why.  My nether regions are still tender, but no bleeding and the searing pain when peeing is now just a very mild sting, it's reducing all the time.

Just to clarify a few things....I'm not fixed at all, the problem I've had for nearly a year is still there, it's not resolved in any way.  The procedure on Wednesday was for the surgeon to explore by camera and check for diabetic nerve damage (which he thought was causing the problem), or possibly stones in my bladder, or anything else - signs of cancer eg, although he didn't think there was.  If he found any of these, he would have dealt with them there and then, hence why I had to have general anaesthesia rather than local.  However, he didn't find anything, he said my bladder seems normal, so there was nothing he needed to do.

All the procedure did was rule out a few possible causes of my condition, it didn't identify what IS actually causing it, and the condition is ongoing and still causing me the same problems.  So I will wait to see what the surgeon has to say in his letter, and then speak to my GP to see if something can be done, as I can't go on with things the way they are indefinitely.

Meanwhile, we've had some very good news, I can't say any more but it's something that will make a very big difference to our future life and we're both chuffed to bits about it.

It was blowing a gale and chucking it down when I got up this morning, it's calmed down a lot now and looks much better out....not that I'm going anywhere but at least it'll be nicer when husband takes Betty out for a longer walk after lunch.  No sign of any snow and none forecast for us.

The hospital experience

 Thank you so much for comments, it is lovely to read them.

Firstly, I want to say how impressed I was with the whole hospital setup, from a covid safety point of view.  Each new patient is asked to gel their hands and then has their temperature taken with a forehead thermometer before being allowed in the ward.  One patient in every other bed, so more than adequate social distancing.  All nurses wore full PPE, of course, and changed it after interaction with every patient, every single time, they must get through literally dozens of aprons/gloves etc each per shift.  And they gelled their hands every time they changed gloves too.  Every bit of equipment (blood pressure monitor, blood oxygen tester, diabetes glucose meter, etc) sterilised immediately after every use.  Cleaning staff on the ward the whole time constantly cleaning the toilets and wiping down all door handles, surfaces etc every few minutes.  I felt as safe as it was possible to be from a covid point of view.  My assigned nurse was called away at one point to go and have her covid jab in a big tent in the car park - personally, I reckon all medical staff should have had the jabs first.  After all, they're putting themselves at risk every working shift, and we as patients need them to stay healthy as they're looking after us.  Without exception, all the medical staff were wonderful.

The surgeon and anaesthetist were both very nice chaps, they explained quite clearly what they would be doing.  I've had general anaesthesia twice before and both times I had a bad reaction to it....it makes me violently sick and I feel like I've been run over by a steamroller for a week afterwards, whereas my husband, who's had loads of ops, is never sick and feels fine after 24 hours.  The anaesthetist said it's pants to be so sick and assured me he wouldn't let it happen - he was right, I wasn't sick at all, so well done him.

As for the procedure itself, I was having a camera in my bladder, the surgeon said he would have a good look round, check for diabetic nerve damage which is what he thought the problem was, or anything else - stones eg - and deal with it there and then.  Well, when he came to see me back on the ward, he said he found nothing, my bladder appeared normal.  At least, I think that's what he said, I was still very woozy then.  It does say bladder normal on my discharge notes though.  So whilst it's good that my bladder seems fine, essentially it means that I've had nothing done to treat the problem and it's still there.  I don't know what happens next, I think he said he will write to me, I have to go back for a follow up appointment in a few weeks.

*WARNING GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION*

The paperwork you get prior to going in said I may experience some passing of blood and some minor discomfort when peeing for a day or 2 afterwards....bollocks to that (excuse my language) - it was agonisingly painful.  There was quite a lot of blood, which thankfully stopped fairly quickly, but the pain when peeing was terrible, it felt like I was peeing burning broken glass or razor blades.  It's no longer that painful, just stinging now, and only when I pee, whereas yesterday my entire nether regions felt like they'd been chewed by a piranha and I seemed to be bleeding from everywhere down there, front to back.

Now, 2 days after the procedure, I still feel like I've been beaten up by a gang of hooligans, I'm tired all the time, stuffy head, and I have some very odd muscle aches and soreness.  E.g. my shoulders feel like the anaesthetist (a big bloke) must have been kneeling on them (I don't suppose he was!), the left side of my jaw is very sore for some reason, and my ankles are sore...from being in stirrups, I guess.  Strangely, I also have some small cuts, like paper cuts, on the fingers of my right hand...no idea about those but they weren't there when I went in hospital.  It's of no consequence, I'm just curious as to how they got there.  I'm feeling weepy and subdued, but I expect that will pass, although I am a bit upset that my problem hasn't been resolved.  I guess I'll have to speak to my GP next week.  For now, I'm just resting and doing nothing except reading and sleeping, husband is keeping me fed and watered.

Home

 Short note to say came home yesterday early evening.  Very sore, achey and tired, will post in a day or 2.  Thank you for all the messages x

Clearing out

 I'm itching to get started on a major declutter - and I do mean major.  I did a small one some time last year, getting rid of a couple of black bin bags full of clothes, some ornaments and a few carrier bags of yarn.  Now I want to do a lot more.  Some stuff will be taken to the tip, some donated to charity shops, some offered for pennies on the local social media selling pages.

We can't get rid of any of this stuff right now though, under the current covid restrictions and whilst we're self isolating, so it will need to be stored in the garage.  The trouble is....the garage is full up with junk...husband's junk, that he's acquired over many years - stuff that he's been given (other people's easy way of getting rid of stuff they don't want so they don't have to take it to the tip!).  And bits of wood etc that he's picked up and thought 'that might come in useful' (only he's never used them), old and broken tools, old tarpaulins, a couple of old cupboards that should have gone to the tip but he wanted to keep them for storage, and now they're full of junk!  And a whole heap of who knows what....he's a hoarder of JUNK!

I did say a couple of weeks ago I'd like him to clear out the garage, he said he would ASAP.  Well, his ASAP is a bit different to mine!  I know he can't take the junk to the tip right now (even his trailer in the garage is full of junk!), but he could at least be sorting through it all and perhaps having a bonfire of the old wood and condensing some of the stuff.  Meanwhile, I suppose I could start pulling out all the stuff I don't want and leaving it stacked in places where he's likely to trip over it....that might encourage him to get on with the garage sorting 😒😂

A step nearer

 Well, I had my covid test yesterday, so I'm a step nearer to having my operation on Wednesday.  It was a drive through thing in the car park of the local community hospital, they will only contact me if it's a positive result - I sincerely hope not.  If I don't hear from them, I can assume it was negative and go for my op on Wednesday as planned.

We had a leaflet come through the other day from a clothing company we've bought things from a few times, they have a sale on at the moment and were offering a free gift if your order is over £30, they do that quite often.  The free gift this time is an overnight bag and matching toiletries bag....just right for my hospital attendance.  Although my op is hopefully a day case thing, I've been told to take an overnight bag just in case - I have an adverse reaction to general anaesthetic, and my congenital mild liver disease might possibly cause me to become jaundiced following an operation, so I may have to stay overnight for observation.  So I ordered a couple of things....Husband wanted a new rugby shirt and I ordered a top reduced to half price, the total for both was just over £30, so I qualified for the free gift too.  The order came yesterday (delivered by courier at 5.45 pm on a Sunday!).  I sterilised the package before opening, and thoroughly washed my hands after handling..the tops are lovely - but no free gift!  I suppose it could come separately, but no mention of it.  I do have a weekend bag I can use, but it's bigger than the overnight one - not that it matters really.  I've emailed the company, although I doubt I'll receive the missing bag now before Wednesday.  

Having a family video quiz this evening, which should be a laugh, a bit of a diversion from the boring routine.  I know this lockdown is necessary, especially prior to my op, but I'm totally fed up with house arrest!

Making savings

 Husband had as good a birthday as was possible under the circumstances.  He had some nice cards (I made him one, which he liked), and gifts....a couple which I know should be coming from others haven't yet arrived, no doubt delayed by the covid situation.  So he's still got a couple of nice surprises to come.

I still haven't got round to having my dead laptop looked at, or replaced in the event of it being terminal.  The Amazon fire tablet I bought to temporarily replace it (what I'm typing on now) is ok but limited in what it can do....still, it serves a purpose and I'm grateful to have it.  However, husband's daughter told him the other day that her husband bought her a new tablet for Christmas - there's nothing wrong with her present one, the new one is simply a more up to date version.  It's not an Amazon one but a proper tablet....Husband didn't know the make, but his SiL is a computer technician working for one of the big computer companies and gets a discount on products, so it's a good one.  Anyway, his daughter said I can have her old tablet so she's sending it to me, which is very kind of her....saves me having to worry about paying to get my laptop fixed.  The next time they come down to visit us (whenever that may be allowed!), her husband will look at my laptop and see if he can fix it.

Husband and I are going to be saving towards 2 specific things over the next year or two, so I've been having a look at our finances to see where we can make savings.  Changing our big, expensive to run, gas guzzling car for a smaller, cheaper to run car is one thing that should save us quite a bit.  I've gone through our direct debits and cancelled a couple of small ones that weren't strictly necessary....small savings but every little helps.  Food shopping is another area where I think we can make more significant savings.  This month I'm aiming to do just 2 shops (both online), rather than weekly.  We had one delivered at the beginning of this week, I have another booked for the 20th.  They don't contain any extras, they're both average weekly shop amounts, as we have plenty of freezer and store cupboard stocks in.  So that will be 2 weekly shop amounts saved for this month, which I can transfer over to the savings account.

Not going out anywhere is saving us fuel costs too, so that's one advantage of lockdown - have to look for the positives in this situation.

Fingers crossed

 Really hard frost this morning, looked lovely but I was glad I didn't have to go out in it.  Husband was well wrapped up when he took Betty in the field behind us, she kept warm charging around, she does love being off the lead.  For the past hour or so it's been thick fog, can't see the field at all now.  Lockdown doesn't seem so bad right now!

I've had text confirmation this morning of my pre-op covid test at the local community hospital on Sunday, so it looks like my operation is still going ahead, thankfully.  It could still be cancelled between now and then, of course, so I won't be absolutely sure until the day.

Husband is 70 tomorrow....doesn't seem possible, he was 30 when I met him!  Rather than struggle to buy him something, I've just given him money to get something for himself that he really wants.  He's not decided yet, but there's no rush.  I'd ordered him a rib eye steak in the shopping, they were out of stock so sent fillet instead...he's not complaining!  He'll cook it himself, that's one thing he's quite competent at.  He always wants steak for his birthday, I'm not that keen on it, would rather have fish.  I also got a lemon mascarpone tart as a dessert treat, and will make him a cooked breakfast.  He had his mole removal yesterday, they'll be sending it off for analysis, although they said they don't think it's cancerous but best to be sure.

Out of the bad comes good

 So we're in lockdown again, which I'm sure we all knew would happen.  It is scary though just how quickly this new variant is spreading, the vaccination programme needs to speed up considerably if we're going to cope with it.  I'm not commenting on whether or not Boris is doing the right thing, but I will say I do feel sorry for him, he must go to bed with a king size headache every night, he's damned and blasted whatever he does.

Well, without going into all the details, husband and I had a good long talk yesterday and worked things out, and I think it's going to be ok.  I'm sure it won't all be plain sailing, but we have formulated a plan and he's seen, and is in agreement with, my point of view.  We've both agreed to work towards a common goal, part of which should be realised this year, with the ultimate goal hopefully next year.  I think we both feel so much better now.

Husband's mole removal at a clinic outsourced from the big general hospital is still going ahead tomorrow....I'm surprised, I thought it was likely to be cancelled, but he had a text this morning confirming it's still on.  Whether or not my op will still happen next week remains to be seen....it's at the big hospital, but in a purpose built day surgery unit separate from the main hospital.  I'm pleased about that, I don't have to go inside the main hospital and everyone who has an op or procedure in the day surgery unit has to have a covid test 3 days prior, me included.  So I'm satisfied that it'll be as safe as it can be.

I've got rice pudding in the slow cooker, feels like a bit of comfort food is needed!  It is sunny and dry, with very little wind, but it's blimmin cold.  I also made broccoli, cauli and stilton soup for lunch, it was lush with husband's homemade wholemeal seeded bread.

Thanks again for all the lovely comments, you are a wonderful bunch and I'm very grateful for your support.  Xx

Changing

 I've decided that when I have a bad day (by that I mean mainly when I've had a bad day emotionally, for whatever reason), I won't be writing a blog post that day (so expect lots of gaps!!).  The bad days happen, quite a lot at the moment, but I don't want to focus on the negativity.  I'm getting zero help or understanding from those close to me right now, so I'm not going to ask, I'm building a buffer around myself and getting on with things alone.  I'm the only person I can rely on, I know that now.

Yesterday was a bad one, very bad actually, for several reasons.  But that was yesterday.  I slept remarkably well last night, considering just how awful I felt yesterday - having enough sleep instantly makes me feel better.  

There's increasing talk of a possible national lockdown coming again...well, I've been more or less in lockdown for weeks now so it won't make much difference to me.

However, the worsening Covid situation has thrown the tentative plans I'd made out of the window.  The worst thing of all is that I'd planned on going away for a week following my week's recuperation from my op - well I can't do that now.  That's a real blow, I desperately need that week away and was counting on it to get my head together and get perspective on things from a distance.  Well, I can't go and that's that, I'll just have to muddle through until I can go.  I am beginning to formulate other plans in my head, nothing can be set in stone though until the covid situation eases.

I know this blog post won't make a lot of sense to anyone else...sorry about that, but it helps to make things clearer to me, which is the point of me writing a blog - I write it for me.

I'm going to be busy today, I'll write about it tomorrow (unless it turns out to be another bad day!) 😉

A good start

 I was tired and weepy last night so took a sleeping tablet and went to bed at 9.30, read for half an hour then put the light out just after 10 and was asleep within minutes.  Dog woofing woke me up around 11.30 pm, she must have heard something, she settled back down straight away so I didn't need to get up.  Drifted in and out of sleep for a couple of hours, heard fireworks on and off in the distance - nobody around here has any, living in a very rural farming area people are respectful of livestock.  Betty didn't make a sound, so she wasn't bothered by the distant fireworks.  Husband said he never heard anything, not even the dog, so he must have been sound asleep in his room.  Maybe he'd had a drink before bed.

Really hard frost this morning and the sky looks full of snow, although I don't think we have any forecast.  The field out the back finally, after several weeks, no longer looks like a swamp, it's hard and frozen.  That meant husband could take Betty in the field and let her off the lead for a good run around, for the first time in ages.  I watched them from the window, she was charging around like a mad thing, clearly enjoying herself hugely, so lovely to see.

I've not been dog walking much at all the last couple of weeks, husband is fit enough to do it now.  Since I've stopped doing it regularly, my hip pain has eased considerably, so the orthopaedic doctor I had a phone consultation with was obviously right when she said the increased walking was exacerbating the problem.  Which is a shame as I do like walking, but don't like the pain.  It still wakes me up every night when I turn onto my right hip, which is a nuisance, but the reduction in pain during the day is good.  The doctor said lots more walking, especially on uneven ground, was putting too much strain on my already inflamed bursas and tendons.  Ah well, I'm a fair weather walker anyway so not doing many walks right now is fine by me.

I have no idea what the future holds for me, the worsening covid situation has put paid to my immediate plans.  All I can do is get through one day at a time.  I have lots to keep me occupied, although being stuck at home both because of Tier 4 and my self isolation leading up to my operation, doesn't make for comfortable living.  The sooner we get the vaccines, the better.

Wishing you all a happy new year, certainly a better one than last.