Introspective

 I'm 65 next week - how on earth did I get to be so old?! 😲 I don't feel 65 at all......although my joints will probably disagree!  Although I don't like the thought of getting older (who does?), I'm not complaining - it's a privilege to reach this age, many people don't.  I'm thankful I wake up every morning, and am relatively healthy.

Having said all that, I'm feeling quite introspective at the moment, a bit down in the dumps if truth be told.  This time of year has never been my favourite, especially December - several death anniversaries of close family and friends, a couple of birthdays of deceased loved ones, it's a rollover of sad events, although I do try to remember the good times and not the bad/sad ones.

Whilst moving here has, for the most part, been one of the best things to have happened to us, in one way it's not so good.  And that is that I've got nobody here who I could call a friend.  Most people here are quite a bit older than me, there are only 2 ladies around my age - one is quite bonkers, to put it bluntly, and not really someone I particularly want to get close to, she's too problematic.  The other is friendly enough, but is one of those people who is always on the go, she'll talk for just a couple of minutes before saying "Must get on, got tons to do" and rushes off.  She doesn't walk anywhere I've noticed - she marches like she's in a tearing hurry and seems to be fizzing with excess energy.  'Busy busy' seems to be her motto.  Back where we used to live, I had 2 or 3 good friends who I could have coffee and a chat with regularly, and I miss that.  Someone who I was very good friends with for more than 15 years has distanced themselves, they've been conspicuous by their absence for about a year, contact has been less and less and has dwindled to more or less nothing, which I find really sad.  And they won't tell me why.  My siblings live many miles away, unfortunately.  So I do get lonely at times.

The friend mentioned above said I should try joining some local clubs - it's all very well saying that, but I am by nature quite shy and a bit of an introvert (years of staying in the background letting husband take the limelight).  So the thought of joining something where I know nobody fills me with something like horror, actually.  I've found as I've got older that my confidence has taken a battering and I do suffer with anxiety and nerves, I've even had panic attacks on a few occasions - I do have medication for this.

I'm not sitting around moping, I do keep myself busy at home and get out for walks when I can (when the weather is dry and not too cold - I don't do walking in rough weather!).  It's just that sometimes it would be good to sit and have a coffee, a laugh and a natter with someone other than husband, who spends much of his time either watching stuff on TV that I'm not remotely interested in, or is asleep.  I have such a brilliant time when my sister, or my friend who lives the other side of the country, are here, it's a pity they both live so far away and are only able to visit a couple of times a year.

Anyway.....I've been watching a few youtube videos on painting trees and flowers using acrylic and watercolour paints.  I did some practising with acrylics yesterday, getting some valuable experience with different types of brushes and mixing colours, I've got a couple of ideas for simple Christmas cards, I'll enjoy doing those.