This

 As some of you may have gathered, the post in blogland that stated there was a lot of negativity now in blogs both annoyed and upset me in equal measure.  Well, more upset than anything, and I must confess to feeling personally attacked, whether that was the post's intention or not.  It plunged me into a state of deep depression for a while.  For reasons which I'm not going into (as I don't write absolutely everything on my blog!), things have been very difficult here for the past few months, and there's no let up - it is what it is, it won't be getting any better, and I just have to knuckle down and deal with it all.  And that's regardless of my own health problems, which I'm really struggling with at the moment.  To top it all, I'm still getting over what I'm now sure was covid - I have a little energy in the mornings so have to do what's necessary then, as by lunchtime I'm shattered.  My sense of smell is gradually beginning to come back, and therefore my sense of taste too.  The cough still lingers, although is nowhere near as bad.  I'm also in a lot of pain (and I have quite a high pain threshold, so for me to say that means the pain is bad) and have restricted movement, which is affecting every aspect of daily living, I've been given strong painkillers and have a diagnostic appointment next Friday.  But seeing as I'm the only capable one here, I just have to grit my teeth and carry on, someone's got to do what's necessary and that someone is me.

As I've said what seems like dozens of times.....we're all different, we're not clones of each other, we don't all react to situations the same way, we don't all have the same personalities and behavioural traits.  Some people are naturally upbeat and can find the positives in most things - I applaud you, it's fabulous to be able to do that.  But not everyone can.  I know I talk about a lot of negative things - well, all I can say is none of you are in my shoes, just as I'm not in yours.  Nobody knows what my life is like on a daily basis, apart from the limited amount I choose to talk about.  For anyone who says that somebody should do this or that, or focus on the positive - that's what YOU would do, you can't possibly know what anyone else would do in the same circumstances, nor can you expect it.  If people think what I write is too negative - well, don't read it, that's fine, I'm not forcing you to.  But don't tell me what YOU think I should be doing in any given situation.

I am fully aware that my health, both physical and emotional, is probably clouding my judgement right now, making me feel very vulnerable and alone.  I'm not going down the antidepressant route, for my own good reasons, so don't even think of suggesting that.  I will get through things in my own way - I always do, one thing I'm not is a quitter.

The one thing I can be (and am) happy and positive about is the legacy payment I was given recently.  By a lot of people's standards, it's a quite miniscule amount, but it has more or less set us up for life.  We weren't in any debt or behind with any payments, we (well me actually, I'm the one who deals with all our finances) were jogging along fairly well financially.  Following receipt of this money, we've been able to buy a few things that were more wants than needs, and my savings accounts are well and truly topped up.  So I at least have no worries on that score.

I want to say thank you so much to all the readers and blog friends who have emailed me, you've helped me more than you know to not feel so alone.