Difficult

 The past few weeks have been difficult, and I'm finding life very hard at the moment.  I'm not writing anything else, the fact that my blog is perceived as a negative one is weighing heavily on my mind.  It is negative a lot of the time, I know, but that's life.  Well, my life anyway.  I'm just saddened that we're all expected to be upbeat and positive all the time, regardless of what life throws at us.  Well, that's not real life and we aren't all the same.  It was my birthday last week, it came and went almost unnoticed, I'm now officially an OAP and I feel it.  I've been dreaming about walking out - just going who knows where.  I can't do that though, as I know husband would be completely unable to cope without me.  He and Betty need me.

I've disabled comments.

Finally out

 After several phone calls, hardly any sleep, getting up at 03.10 am yesterday to ring 111 again and having to go through all their questions again, then waiting several hours for a call back from the dental service (which incidentally was a lady with a very strong foreign accent which was very difficult to understand - and she very unprofessionally yawned audibly during the conversation!), I finally got another phone call yesterday after lunch, giving an appointment with a local dentist for husband tomorrow (Thursday) afternoon.  But then at 4.45 pm, the dentist rang to say they'd just had a cancellation and could fit him in within an hour, so of course off we went.  The dentist, husband said, was nice and gentle and removed the tooth painlessly and quickly, in fact husband said he much preferred him to his own dentist...unfortunately they're not taking on any new patients, either private or NHS.  So that little crisis is over, thankfully.  

Betty's been out of sorts for the past couple of days - sleeping more than usual with quite noisy breathing, not eating much, not wanting to go out, and being quite clingy for her - she's not normally a clingy dog although she does like to be with me in the same room all the time.  She seems ok today, which is just as well as I can do without two patients, when I'm not fully recovered myself.

On the bright side, my sense of smell and therefore taste is starting to come back, albeit just a little - I was a bit worried that I'd never be able to smell or taste anything again.

Husband has always been a big eater - if he doesn't have 3 good (large in other words) meals a day, then his stomach thinks his throat's been cut.  However, for the last few days he's literally been unable to chew anything, which means I've had to be very inventive and make very soft foods which he could just swallow - scrambled eggs, smooth soups (he prefers them chunky 😒), very soft and smooth mashed root veggies, Brussels sprouts boiled till soft and mashed with some very finely chopped (in the processor) bacon, steamed fish.  And it all had to be at tepid temperatures - he couldn't take either cold or hot food.  All of which he hates, but was keeping the complaints to a minimum as he knew the alternative was basically not eating at all, or having those liquid meal replacements which he refused to even consider.  He wasn't impressed at having to go without dinner last night, although I did say it was worth it for getting rid of the tooth and pain.

I'm shattered, we're having a quiet day today.

What a palaver!

 Well, the good things - I'm feeling so much better every day now, it's wonderful to feel well again, it seems so long.  The cleaning lady, Hayley, came this morning - she's really nice, so friendly and cheery, and did a brilliant job.  She thoroughly cleaned the bathroom, changed the beds and then did the most comprehensive vacuum all through the house.  She even dusted everywhere - something I'm not a big lover of - always seems a bit pointless to me, it's just moving the dust from one place to another and gets on all the surfaces again as soon as your back is turned.  I'm so pleased, I can see she's going to be a treasure.

Husband rang his dentist as soon as they opened at 8 am today, to see about an emergency appointment - he's in so much pain, there's no way he can wait 2 weeks for the scheduled appointment.  Unfortunately, they claimed to have no emergency appointments at all either this week or next - which I found a bit hard to believe.  So I rang 111 - lots of questions, some of which seemed pointless or irrelevant, but I guess they have to follow procedure.  The upshot was that we would receive a call back from a dental nurse "within 24 hours" - well actually she rang just 5 minutes after I'd put the phone down, how's that for service?  However, she also said there were no emergency appointments available anywhere near us for today - she said, odd as it seems, 08.30 was quite late in the day for getting a same day emergency appointment!  She said they were absolutely inundated, every single day, with requests for emergency dental appointments - which just goes to show how broken our dental system is.  She advised me to set my alarm for 04.00 am tomorrow morning and ring back then - I thought she was joking but no, she was deadly serious.  She said the earlier I could ring after midnight, the better the chance of getting an appointment for husband that day.  So that's what I shall do - I've set the alarm on my phone.  I just hope I'm awake and coherent enough to talk on the phone!  Must go to bed early tonight....what's the betting I either can't sleep, or keep waking up every half hour worrying I might have slept through the alarm?!

Thanks for all the comments about the inconsiderate neighbour and his party guests.  There is actually a Housing Association sign up in our cul de sac saying Residents Only Parking - so either the party guests couldn't read or else they just didn't care (the latter, obviously).  As I said, he only has these parties a couple of times a year, thankfully.

Well, I'm going to have some warm oat milk and honey and go to bed to read, hoping I can drop off to sleep fairly easily and quickly.

Getting a grip

 One of our close neighbours - not our sheltered housing neighbours in our little cul de sac but one of the big private houses just around the corner - had a big party last night, lots of guests and lots of cars.  Parking around here is at a premium, our cul de sac of 11 properties has allocated parking, just one space per resident, although 4 of us (us included) have our own driveways for 2 cars.  The private house road around the corner is quite narrow - most of the big houses have drives with plenty of space.  However, the party guests parked just anywhere, including in our little close taking up residents' allocated parking spaces, or else on kerbs and in the narrow road, irritating everyone.  The party house owner is a bit of a law unto himself, he's got plenty of money and acts a bit like the lord of the manor.  The guests car parking didn't really affect us, but what was very annoying was when the guests started leaving the party last night, from 10 pm onwards until the early hours of this morning - lots of shouting and loud laughter and slamming of car doors, even tooting their horns (why do that at midnight?!).  So as fast as I dropped off to sleep, I was woken up again - it also unsettled Betty who kept jumping up and woofing.  Why do people have to be so inconsiderate and entitled?  Thankfully, he only has these parties 2 or 3 times a year.

I am feeling much better but still have no energy or enthusiasm.  My appetite is all over the place, I've not eaten a proper healthy homecooked dinner for a month.  For the first week or so of my illness I hardly ate anything....lately I've mostly been eating toast, cheese sarnies, instant porridge, tins of soup or cuppa soups, with some fruit.  Almost no veggies, I just haven't fancied them.  I've only had fish twice, each time with just a slice of buttered sourdough.  I've had scrambled eggs a couple of times.  So - too many carbs and nowhere near enough protein, veg and fruit, which means my guts and joints are suffering.  I feel like I've got into a right slump, I need to get out of this and back to a normal healthy diet NOW, before winter sets in.  We're going shopping in a bit, to get in some fresh veg, fruit, Greek yogurt and cottage cheese.

The new cleaner, Hayley, comes tomorrow.....it'll be nice getting to know her and showing her what I want done.  I've hardly done any housework since I've been unwell, so I'm a bit embarrassed about that - although of course Hayley is coming to do housework so I'm sure she won't mind!

They noticed

 We had a good time with husband's daughter, son in law and grandson, they're a lovely family.  It did wear me out though - not that we did anything much, just talking and catching up, but I was knackered by the time they went after our lunch out yesterday.  They weren't going straight home, they were off to Blenheim palace for a Halloween thing, which they apparently really enjoyed.

SiL told me privately that it was quite noticeable how much more forgetful and confused husband now appears since they were last here 6 months ago.  Sad I know, but I was quite glad they'd noticed and it wasn't just my imagination.  I know he's getting worse, but it's not always apparent to others as husband is so outgoing and chatty.

I'm not coughing nearly as much now and am finally beginning to feel better, although still really weary, anything wears me out.  Still hardly any sense of smell or taste and my appetite is not yet back to normal.

Having only recently had one of his lower front teeth out (you may remember I caught husband trying to pull it out himself with a pair of scissors), the tooth next to that one is now also very loose and painful.  Apparently, so husband now tells me, it was loose at the time he had the other one out, so it beats me why he didn't have that one dealt with at the same time.  Late yesterday afternoon he rang his dentist, they can't get him in for a fortnight - as is his way, he downplayed it and didn't tell them how painful it is and the fact that he finds it very difficult to eat.  So now I'll have to either ring them back on Monday and ask for an emergency appointment for him, or else ring 111 to see if they can get him in any quicker with another surgery.

Not a lot, but visitors

 Still feeling yuck, so not much being done around here and not been anywhere, other than quick in and out top up shop.  Husband is back to normal now, albeit coughing still, as am I, although our coughs do seem to be easing off a bit.  

We have visitors today, husband's daughter, son in law and adult grandson, they're staying in the premier inn but spending daytime with us, leaving tomorrow afternoon.  I'm just doing a picky bits help yourself buffet for lunch.  Going out for dinner later, although I doubt I'll be joining them.  They declined breakfast here tomorrow (I think they'd prefer a lie in), but we're all going out for lunch.  It'll be nice to see them, I just wish I felt better.

Slowly

 I'm still not well - body still feels like it's been kicked around a football field, I have no energy and feel permanently tired, still coughing like a heavy smoker.  I have almost no sense of smell or taste and my appetite is nowhere near back to normal - I've just been eating whatever I fancy, when I fancy it.  Which basically means soup and cheese toasties, with some fruit.  Some days I just have a bowl of instant porridge, with some chopped fruit and a handful of mixed seeds stirred in, for lunch or dinner.  The soups I've been having are tinned, although I've got loads of homegrown veg in the freezer ready for making soups, I simply haven't got the energy to make any.  It's been around a month now, which makes me wonder whether it was in fact covid rather than flu.  Whatever, I'm sure it'll go soon (fingers crossed) and I'll get back to normal.  Husband's illness wasn't as debilitating nor long-lasting as mine (thankfully, as with his heart failure he would likely be poleaxed with either flu or covid) - he says he feels fine now, although, like me, still has the cough.  He's been having his frozen ready meals, or things like burgers or his favourite southern fried chicken, things he can easily do himself.....although he usually needs me to advise him on the Ninja temps and cooking times.

I've just been doing one or two jobs every day, doing things at my own (slow) pace and having plenty of rests in between.  I've been getting husband to help when I need to, he's actually been surprisingly obliging, although I do have to ask him to do things, he doesn't think to do anything otherwise.  I need to go to the library tomorrow, I've just finished the last of my library books.  I'm starting to do some decluttering in my bedroom - not that it's overly cluttered, it isn't, but things like second hand paperback books are building up, and I seem to have acquired too many clothes.

Another job I must do in the very near future is to plant all my Spring bulbs - most will be going into pots, with just a few in the flower beds.  Normally, I would already have done this by now, but illness has put a stop to so many things.

I'm actually rather enjoying this slow pace of life, only doing what I feel like doing, not really going anywhere (it's too cold for me to enjoy going for a walk).