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Friday, 8 February 2019

Friendship

Hello all, thanks for the comments on my previous post.  TA, Mum won't hear of her rugs being removed, she loves them.  Having now fallen twice in the past week (once in her bedroom tripping over the edge of a rug, once in the kitchen simply by losing her balance), she does now realise she has to use a zimmer or one of her many sticks ALL the time.  She's so stubborn, that's half the trouble (must be where sister and I get it from!).  Mum's now had a CT scan and has to wait for an appointment to see the consultant to get the results.  

Chris, I remember reading about your fracture and the numerous and ongoing problems you've had since, and I can empathise with your disappointment at friends not getting in touch.  Goldensunflower, you're right, the friend I alluded to in my last post can't cope with my depression, they run a mile.  Fair enough, not everyone can or knows how to cope with depression.  Not that it's rocket science or involves anything complicated - a listening ear and a hug works wonders and is all I ever want.  

But it's not just that.  When I'm very depressed or stressed, I have a tendency (not a pleasant one) to lash out at people - verbally, not physically! - who have the misfortune to be close to me at the time.  I do it to everyone, not just that particular friend (husband obviously gets the brunt of it, as he's usually closest.  He's a treasure and I love him dearly).  But the friend takes it personally and seems to think I single them out for it, which is simply not the case.  Everyone else close to me is understanding and tolerant of my outbursts, but not that friend - they take umbrage and lash right back at me, which reduces me to tears every time.   Well, they've taken themselves off now, indicating our friendship is over.  Some friend.  In some ways I don't blame them, but I sincerely hope I'd be a lot more tolerant, understanding and forgiving if they ever suffered from clinical depression.  Which I sincerely hope they don't, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.  I guess what hurts the most is that i've known that friend for about 12 years and we were so close in the past.

Having had a break from blogging here, although posting regularly on my new food blog, I shall be writing the occasional post here.  Thanks for bearing with me.

12 comments:

  1. Darling, I understand that you Mum loves her rugs, would it be feasible to have them on the walls? That way she would see them more easily and be steadier on her feet. I feel for her, having to use things to get about I know that I still forget that I can't move in the way I used to and career into the door-frames here many times a day and I wonder if this is the same for her.

    It is so sad when a friend is lost and I wish that it had not happened to you; at least you can rely on your dear S to support and love you always.

    Hugs!

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    1. Novel idea, putting her rugs on the walls! Mum laughed when I told her....and said No, she likes them where they are. I said she was stubborn, didn't I?! She has bare varnished floor boards in her bedroom, to be fair, if we took the rugs up we'd need to replace them with fitted carpet as she'd be slipping on the floorboards. She says she doesn't want the upheaval or expense. She has said she'll always use a stick or zimmer from now on though.

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    2. Well, at least I made her laugh! xx

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  2. That is so sad about your friend. I send you Hugs

    Julie xxxxxxx

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  3. Oh Sooze, it is hard to lose a long term friend. I understand about your Mum,s stubborn streak, there is a strong one in my family. How did I miss the food blog, I am off to search for it. xx

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  4. Love both your blogs!
    Prayers for you and your mom!!!
    Sorry about your friend but as you know this happens too much!!! Take care of yourself!!!!

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  5. My attitude to friends who fall away is: you are not worthy of my friendship. I have a friend who has bi-polar She tells me that my friendship is consistent and loving even when she is lashing out at everyone. Hipefully, most of your friends do this as well. Hugs.xx

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  6. Unfortunately, good friends don't understand and thing 'I'm her best friend, why would she treat me like this'. It becomes about them instead of you who needs the support more than ever. They are probably feeling hard done by instead of thinking about what is causing your outburst and how can they help. So glad your SO is so understanding and you have so many friends on here.

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  7. Hi hun, I know that you will miss your friend , but she is clearly adding to your stress levels.So maybe it is a good thing that she has removed herself from your life - it's her problem not yours. Being depressed is difficult - 7 years ago I was diagnosed with pyschitzo affective disorder due to childhood trauma. I have lost many friends who don't understand my need to be a hermit.I have come to realise that now this is my life and if people cannot except me as I now am then tough.You will find many friends online, in forums and in life who will be there for you. You deserve friends and love and suppport from them.Chin up hunny bunny, you have now cleared a space for someone understanding and new in your life. *hugs* Goldensunflowerx P.S. Like you my hubby is amazing and has adapted to the new me. :)

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    1. 'Cleared a space for someone understanding and new in your life' - I never thought of it like that!

      I'm glad you too have an understanding OH.

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  8. Sorry to hear about your friend deserting you. We are all your friends here. xx

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  9. Thank you for all the lovely warm comments xx

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