Thank you for comments on my last post. The last 2 nights I've slept reasonably well, for about 6 hours - not enough, as I still feel knackered, but didn't have to get out of bed until about 04.45. My back and hip continue to be a problem, I'm sat here in the armchair with my hottie heat pad on my back, it's helping a bit. I'm going to do the Leslie Sansone Walk a Mile at home thing at least every other day from now on, I've done it twice so far. I'm also trying out doing some yoga stretches (standing up ones, no way I could get up off the floor!) first thing in the morning, they seem to help ease the pain and awful stiffness I have on first getting up.
We've been invited to go along with neighbour J and her family to visit D's body at the funeral home today. It's very kind of them to include us, husband will be going but I won't, however - I just can't face viewing dead bodies. I didn't even go to see my inlaws, I much prefer to remember loved ones as they were in life, I don't want my last memory of them to be as a cold stiff body. How do you feel about it?
J and her children are putting together a photographic display for the wake, favourite photos of D throughout the years. Apparently it will include several of husband helping D with the gardening - husband didn't even know D's wife J had taken the photos. D did love his garden, in the last few months when he couldn't do any gardening himself, husband would take him out in his wheelchair and position him so that he could watch (and supervise!) as husband mowed, weeded and put new plants in for him. Husband really enjoyed helping D, he'll miss him. He will continue to help J as they have quite a large garden and she won't be able to manage it all on her own. I'm making a cake for her today, she's having quite a lot of visitors each day and cake is always welcome.
As the oven will be on for the cake, I'm also going to make a meatloaf and some pasties to take away on our holiday. I've told Betty we're going on hols, she doesn't seem too impressed though! She does like it there, we've been a few times before, it's a lovely park with several big dog walking areas and plenty of animals for her to watch - donkeys, goats, sheep, chickens, rabbits and guinea pigs. Only just over a week to go now.
Mum's body is not 'on view' - people are different but, for me, the very thought turns me cold! We're not doing a photo 'wall' or anything really apart from the committal at the crem and a thankgiving service back at the church with refreshments afterwards.
ReplyDeletexx
I hope this post hasn't upset you, Joy (or anyone else) - I know it's a very emotive subject and everyone's different. xx
DeleteI don't blame you for counting the days down until your holiday which you greatly need after all the noise from next door. Having worked for a funeral service (my first job at 15) I'm used to seeing dead bodies, but they were all strangers, not relatives or friends. I'll never forget the first time though as I 'waltzed' into a rest room to spray air freshener as there was going to be a viewing. I made a hasty retreat without actually spraying and it took me a while to get over it. After that it wasn't too bad seeing bodies in coffins and they looked so peaceful, not that I knew what they looked like in life.
ReplyDeleteMorning Sooze
ReplyDeleteHow sad about your neighbour, but you have wonderful memories of them and photos of your husband helping them. I'm sure the lady will be grateful for one of your lovely cakes.
Mr brother is travelling to the undertakers today to view our sister (he lives a lot nearer). Unfortunately, we live 3 hours drive away (on a good day) so it won't be possible for us to go. We will, however, drive there and back (down south) for the funeral in a couple of weeks' time. Reality will hit then. I'm sure your cake will be most welcome.
Carolx
Your poor back and hip. Sounds like you are doing all you can to help it so I hope it eases soon for you.
ReplyDeleteHugs-x-
I went and viewed my Father after his death and vowed never to go to see anyone else. He looked terrible and the image is with me to this day. When my Mum died, as you wrote, I prefered to remember her as she was while alive.
ReplyDeleteYour back and hip sound a lot like mine and I now have and ankle that is joining in, probably all to do with me walking badly because of the hip. Oh, life is a gas isn't it, lol
Try to have a good weekend.
Briony
x
I am sure your neighbor will be pleased with a cake. Your Husband must not overwork himself in your neighbors garden for what you say is he has lots of problems. It won't be long now until your holiday and I am sure it will do you both a lot if good. I went out with my D and GD yesterday and had a real good walk round the town and has the weather looks good today I will have a walk round the village today, walking and moving around is the best medicine I think.
ReplyDeleteHazel c uk
Don’t mind immediately afterwards, when they still look like themselves, but not after that.
ReplyDeleteI have seen two dead relatives, the first was my Gran a tiny Welshwoman who simply looked as if she were asleep and then, many years later my Brother who looked dreadful. I don't fancy seeing any more.
ReplyDeleteI won't go to funerals or cremations, I find them soulless and having to walk past the flowers just puts me in a bad frame of mind. All my friends and family know this but I will go to the celebrations of their lives, that means far more to me.
In Wales, women never used to attend at the graves (I don't know if there were Creamatoria in those days) but a service at home was held separately for them. At least we were not far from a cup of tea then.
I am sorry that you are still hurting and hope that the stretching will help to alleviate it. Hugs! xx
I've seen a few people just after they died and that was ok but recently a friend asked me to go with them to view her granddad and I wasn't sure about that. I went anyway with trepidation but it was fine and he looked better than the last time I had seen him a few days before he died. I hope your back and hip pain get better.
ReplyDeleteI am just going to wave my fairy wand (what? you don't have a fairy wand) :) and all will be new with you. :) I wish it were that easy. I am trying to get myself stronger by moving around more a little more outside time at a time, I don't want to over do it and make myself worse.
ReplyDeleteI am iffy on viewing depending on the day and how I feel.
I am comfortable at a funeral home, just make yourself at home.:)
I sat through the night with my grandad, grandma, dad and mum in law at the end of their life as I can't bear to think of anyone dying alone, the first time was hard as I wasn't sure what it would be like but I find that it is just a very sad moment when they pass. I like to say a final goodbye although often they don't look like they did in life if you view them sometime after death in a funeral home. The most difficult for me was when I was much younger and my best friend's little girl died and she was laid out in her tiny white coffin at home - I was a bit hesitant to see her but she just looked like she was sleeping.
ReplyDeleteHope you feeling more supple soon and get some relief from the pain. It is so good of you to help your neighbour supplying cakes - she will appreciate it.
I'm with you, Sooze, about going to the Chapel of Rest. I've never been to any of my relatives' viewing, not even my Dad. I like to remember them as happy and healthy as I can.
ReplyDeleteI do hope you have a lovely holiday, here in Devon. What part of Devon are you holidaying? Hope it's nice and relaxing for you both (& Betty!) x
I'm with you on the chapel of rest thing, I never went to see my mum and dont regret it one bit, all the memories I have are fond ones from when she was alive.
ReplyDelete