Saturday 28 December 2019

Emotions all over the place

Yesterday started off with sister and I having a laugh over some funny memories of Mum, but later on we were both in tears.  I know it will be like this for some time to come, definitely an emotional rollercoaster.

Sis went to the hospital yesterday to collect the death certificate, then to the funeral directors and the bank....all very emotional.  She'd been sorting out some of Mum's paperwork in the morning and had found a lot of my old school reports - oddly enough, only mine, there were none of my siblings' reports, we don't know why...unless they're somewhere else that sis has yet to find.  I found it very touching that Mum had kept my reports, I never knew that.

My elder brother, who's been a keen photographer all his life, has been sorting out photos he's taken of Mum over the years and sending them to us (thank goodness for phones and social media).  More emotion - most of the photos bring back happy memories, some of them I'd never seen before and were a bit of a surprise, a few not entirely welcome.

We're collaborating and collating memories for Mum's eulogy - as the eldest sibling I recall more about some aspects of Mum's early life, and knew a few things that the others didn't....that's all very emotional too.

It's all quite mentally exhausting at the minute.  Some of the time I'm fine and getting on with the day, then suddenly, completely out of the blue, I'm overwhelmed with a bout of sobbing.  Had a text from someone yesterday, it was well-meaning but breathtakingly insensitive - unintentional I know, but it had me in floods of tears.  In situations like this (a death), sometimes people just don't know what to say for the best, do they, and end up putting their foot in it.

The limbo period between the death and the funeral is the worst, I think.  I hate it.


  1. It IS exhausting, isn't it, Sooze. There's no let up really and so much to do. It's not a great time before the 'closure' that the funeral ceremony can bring.
    It might help later to know that it was 'the best thing' for her - it helped me anyway - but that doesn't stop the floodgates because I was not crying for her, I was crying for my loss, my Dad's sadness and the memories. That's what I felt anyway and I do hope I haven't been insensitive.
    Things will ease and the memories will become less tearful; I now find more comfort in the memories, despite the sadness. I was lucky to have such a lovely mum and want to remember her (typing this with tears but not bitter tears).
    Much love to you.
    (please delete this if you'd rather - I won't mind)

    1. Joy, not insensitive at all, you've voiced exactly what I'm feeling. It really was the best thing for Mum, her life had deteriorated to the point of being absolutely bloody awful, for her and for us feeling so helpless. I'm just so sad that I'll never see her again. Thank you, I know you understand and am sorry if I'm bringing up sad memories for you. xx

    2. I think I never want to stop the tears coming for Mum because that would mean I had forgotten about what she meant to me. So please don;t worry - the memories may be sad but they are good and the tears are good too.

  2. I had exactly the same experience as you when I went through my Mum's 'memory' box. A number of items from my early childhood but nothing from my younger brother. Maybe it was the excitement of the first born and when my brother came along it was a matter of been there done that (to put it rather crudely) Mind you she was very unwell after my brother, as she had a double embolism and it was touch and go whether she would survive it.

    Grieving is such a complicated process and everyone experiences it differently and needs to cope with it in their own way but I feel quite strongly that it is best not to try and bottle it up. There is absolutely nothing wrong with remembering and having a good laugh about the funny events and lovable quirks and foibles of the departed, that's why we loved them and that's how we can be grateful for their being and how we can keep them in our hearts. xx

  3. Oh, Sooze, you've brought back so many emotions. Even after 7 years for Dad and 4 years for Mum, something can touch a nerve and have me shedding a tear. I just tell myself, as in the words of "I am a Rock" by Simon and Garfunkel, "If I'd never loved, I never would have cried." Doesn't stop the feeling of loss, but makes me remember why I'm crying. That period between the death and the funeral is awful. So many things to do, and you dread the funeral. All I can say is, the funeral (in my experience) is never as bad as you think it's going to be. Laugh, cry and do whatever you need to do to cope with the maelstrom of emotion. Sending love your way. xx

  4. The feeling of loss and emptiness never goes and tears are never very far away when I think of my dad each day and it will be 14 years this coming February since he died. Even though he isn't here with me I talk to him and still find myself asking 'what do you think dad, what would you do' when I have important things to consider. Emotions can be very hard to deal with but a great release - just go with the flow of each day. Sending love and prayers xx

  5. I don't really have anything to add to all the wonderful comments above, but I just wanted to let you know that, although I have never met you, I am thinking of you. X

  6. It is all the worst. Hugs. Crying makes me feel better sometimes, letting the emotions go in private. But, for me it is hard to do it just in private. The more people care for me the more it touches my heart and makes me burst into tears.
    Let your love for your mom and siblings surround you and give you comfort. Enjoy the time now with your siblings and family, while you are together.


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