A typical day

 Thank you for all the support, both comments and emails, I can't thank you all individually but please know that I'm very grateful.

One particular day earlier in the week ended with me sobbing my heart out, it had been the worst day in a series of seemingly neverending bad days.  This was what happened throughout the day:-

It didn't start off well, as the previous day husband had accidentally switched on the alarm on the clock radio in the kitchen, when turning the radio off so he could watch TV.  So the alarm - a loud strident buzzer - went off at midnight (whenever we have a power cut, the alarm resets to midnight), waking us all up, and I couldn't get back to sleep for hours.  This is about the 4th or 5th time he's done this, he blames the clock radio but the truth is it's just him being careless, as it happens regularly I'll have to get rid of that and buy a different one.  So we were all grumpy to start with.  After his breakfast husband went out to pick tomatoes in the garden, he hadn't taken a container out with him and so carried them in his hands, which resulted in him dropping several on the ground, which he didn't even notice.  He then trod on one, again not noticing, squashing it on the bottom of his shoe and treading it indoors.....luckily the kitchen floor is wipe clean, although the lounge carpet isn't!  A bit later I was just coming through the lounge doorway when husband literally barged past me (he needed the loo), instead of saying 'excuse me' or waiting 2 seconds for me to enter the room, he knocked me into the doorframe and trod on my foot as well.  As I wear flipflops I am essentially barefooted, he wears shoes so it hurt.  He didn't mean to shove me out of the way, he was in a hurry and it was accidental, still hurt my bad shoulder and toes anyway.  At lunchtime he got himself a salad and sprinkled it with grated cheese from a packet, one of those with the plastic press together openings.  He didn't close it up, simply folded the bag in half and shoved it back in the fridge.....with the opening underneath.  When I got the bag out of the fridge later, not realising it wasn't closed up and was upside down, it promptly showered grated cheese all over the kitchen floor (much to Betty's delight, she loves cheese).  I'd washed up the lunch things, a bit later on he emptied the dish drainer to put things away - dropping several pieces of cutlery, the dog's metal food dish and a plastic container on the floor (obviously having an especially clumsy day).  Nothing was broken but Betty and I jumped every time something crashed to the floor.  

We drove to the seafront for a walk along the prom, the ice cream van was there so husband asked if I wanted a cone, I said yes please and that I'd eat it in the car (it was hot and windy).  He was the only customer but was stood there at the van for ages, chatting to the vendor, during which time the ice creams were starting to melt.  He got back to the car, opened his door, stumbled and fell into the car and promptly dripped chocolate ice cream all over my white capri leggings.

I'd put washing out in the morning, husband carried the washing and peg basket outside for me, he dropped the peg basket scattering the pegs everywhere.....he did pick them up but I was still finding the odd stray peg or 6 in the flowerbed the next day.  In the afternoon I went in the bedroom for a nap (having had not much sleep the night before due to the radio alarm incident), I lay on the bed with Betty, we both dropped off to sleep.  Husband decided to get the washing in for me - which was kind of him, I hadn't asked him to.  My bedroom door was pushed up, he shoved it open, hard (he doesn't know his own strength) with the washing basket, causing the door to crash against the bookcase behind the door, making Betty and I jump out of our skins.  And finally, in the evening he trod on the dog's tail, making her yelp loudly and me dissolve into tears, it was the last straw, my nerves were shredded to pieces by then.

And that's just one day, a typical day - things like this happen literally every day.  As well as that, can you stop for a minute to imagine what it's like to have to repeat yourself, the same thing over and over (like reminding husband I cannot hear him when he talks to me from another room or when I'm standing next to a working appliance like the radio, kettle, electric fan or microwave e.g. - I'm partially deaf) and he forgets every single time?  So I have to say the same thing dozens of times a day?

I KNOW he's got all these medical conditions which cause him to be like this/do these things, I do know it's not his fault, he can't help it.  But it doesn't make it any easier to cope with it all!  I also know they're all relatively minor things....but when it's one thing after another, day after day after day, and having to repeat things over and over and over, my nerves are at breaking point.

I've got a phone call booked for tomorrow with an independent counsellor from a FB carers group I've belonged to for a while, I've only just found out that they provide this service, a free 30 min phone chat with a trained counsellor who is a carer themselves (you can have as many calls as you like, although each one is limited to 30 minutes).  So it'll be a chance to actually talk to someone who understands.