Understanding husband's Cognitive Impairment (CI)

 Thank you for all the comments once again.  I think it might be helpful to give a reminder about what CI is - and the fact that husband suffers from it.  The following list of symptoms is taken from an NHS website:-

What is a Cognitive Impairment?

Cognitive Impairment is the medical term for problems with any aspect of thinking ability. 

Symptoms of a Cognitive Impairment can include:

Memory problems

Understanding

Reasoning

Organizing

Problem solving

Decision making 

Attention

Difficulty interpreting the world around (visual-spatial skills)

Speech and language

Husband has all of the above.  He was clinically diagnosed with CI around 4 or 5 years ago, following a brain scan and a series of cognitive tests conducted by a consultant psychologist, which I attended with husband having been asked to by the psychologist.  He also has a number of behavioural changes too - apathy, indifference, lack of empathy, inappropriate talk and behaviour, delusional ideas and obsessional behaviour.  The psychologist explained to me that CI can be, although not always, a precursor to various forms of dementia - whilst not everyone with CI automatically goes on to develop dementia, many do - people with CI are statistically much more likely to develop some form of dementia - there are many types although everyone generally thinks of Alzheimers first.

Husband has historically always been known for being very laid back, easygoing, very humorous (life and soul of the party), very kind and helpful, very industrious - he'd always worked hard, both at work and at home.  That man who I was married to for decades has pretty much vanished, being replaced with a virtual stranger who I no longer recognise, except for very brief flashes.  He's now obstinate, argumentative, confrontational, lazy, tells lies, with a short term memory that is completely shot to pieces.  Oh and did I mention obstinate? - that's one of his most annoying traits.

So 'normal' requests for husband to do something don't really work.  Nor does writing a list of jobs, as some of you have suggested - I've tried that and it just doesn't work.  In any case, he's also severely dyslexic so reading/writing aren't easy for him.

The past couple of days he has actually done a few little jobs I've requested, with a few reminders and some firmness on my part.  Persistence and standing firm is the key, but in a calm manner.  Adjusting my own behaviour is also necessary - I basically need to stop doing everything myself simply because it's quicker and easier and avoids the grumbles, complaints and arguments I get from him.  But then I'm left feeling resentful and frustrated, which ends up spiralling.

Life is not easy nowadays, hasn't been for a couple of years as husband's CI has progressed.  However, I'm determined to try and improve things, for both of us, this year....or the reality is I'll end up having a breakdown or walking out.