Making a start

 I've made a start on planning things - I've ordered some strong packaging boxes online and decided which rooms we're going to start decluttering first - the dining room and kitchen, followed by the utility room.  The dining room has a big built-in sideboard thing with a double cupboard above and crappy storage shelves to each side, built by the previous tenant. The cupboard is full of assorted crockery, storage containers, bakeware and glassware, most of which we don't even use nowadays, or only rarely.  So there's no point in keeping it all.  There are a few things I might try listing for sale on the local Marketplace selling page, otherwise most of it can go to the big Cancer charity shop.  I suppose I could offer some of the stuff (dinner service, cookware, glasses) as free for someone starting out in their first home.  I do have a lot of baking tins (most of which I certainly don't need now I've just bought the shiny new ones) and saucepans that I've had for donkeys years, I expect most of those will go to the tip, they're a bit battered and not really good enough for giving away.  I've also got quite a lot of cookery books which I rarely even look at, let alone cook from - if I need a reminder of a recipe nowadays, I generally look it up on the internet on my phone.  So most of the books can go.

The utility room is quite big and is full of junk.....it's not really a proper utility room as such, more a breeze block outhouse stuck on the side of the house as an afterthought years ago, although it had a very small washroom built into it and has no heating.  The previous tenant had put up lots of wall cupboards (mismatched old ones he got from who knows where), he also took out the toilet and basin that used to be in the tiny cloakroom there and instead used the cloakroom as a coal shed! (the house originally had a Rayburn, long since condemned and taken out, and an open fire in the lounge, capped off years ago).  We did up the room a few years ago, a neighbour who's a plasterer replastered the ceiling and laid a new concrete floor (the landlord paid for the work).  We painted all the walls white (it was a very dark room, with only one window), laid vinyl flooring and recovered all the cupboard doors with sticky backed vinyl to make them look better and more uniform.  My washing machine, tumble dryer, large upright freezer and an under-counter fridge and small freezer are all in there.  The tumble dryer gave up the ghost ages ago and the under-counter fridge and freezer, which were both given to us, are old, going rusty and currently unused, so all of those can go to the tip.  I do keep quite a lot of tinned and jarred food, long life milk and juice cartons, etc, in the cupboards and a couple of big plastic lidded storage boxes, but husband also contributes to the junk - tools mainly, much to my annoyance, empty boxes from things he's ordered online, and loads of who knows what else - it's basically several piles of junk!  He can sort that lot out.  I want as much cleared out of there as possible, as we'll need the space to stack boxes as and when we pack up stuff we're taking with us.

It's wearing me out already

 Yesterday morning I gathered together the medical evidence the Housing Dept requested - 3 GP and consultant letters for husband, 1 consultant letter for me.  I don't have anything in writing though for my hip, knee and back problems (I'm still waiting for my first physiotherapy appointment, the initial referral having been done over the phone).  However, everything is noted on my medical record online, with my back, knee and hip problems going back years - there's an option on the website for people to 'share/export' their records to others, but, surprise, surprise, our surgery doesn't offer this option.  I pondered over it for a while, but then realised I could simply screenshot the relevant pages and then upload the screenshots to the Housing Dept.  I hope they'll accept them, I don't see why they wouldn't, it's all clearly stated on my medical notes from our surgery.  In any case, husband's evidence by itself should be sufficient to upgrade our application.

Now that things seem to be getting underway, my head of course is buzzing, meaning I didn't get much sleep for the past couple of nights and I'm having difficulty remembering what day of the week it is.  I must sit and make some lists and definite plans of what needs doing, so I feel in control....otherwise I'll just get more and more stressed.

We're £hundreds in credit with both our home and the caravan electricity accounts, so I know I can always get refunds and put the money into my new removal expenses savings account...in fact it might be worth doing it now, why should the elec company be getting the interest on my money when the cash could be in my account?  And when we leave this house, we'll get our initial £500 deposit back, which will help a lot.  For all our previous house moves, we've done it all ourselves - husband hiring a 7.5 ton van and us loading/unloading with the help of friends and family.  However, that's not an option now - husband's age means he can't hire a vehicle now, as we found out when we were trying to hire a van to take away all the old furniture and kitchen fittings and cooker we took out of the caravan.  I assume it's something to do with insurance.  So we'll be hiring a removals firm to do it for us - in any case, our age and health means we're not really up to lugging heavy furniture and boxes around nowadays.  Just out of interest, I've already checked out a few local removals firms, to get an idea of costs.  But this is all getting ahead of myself, we won't be moving anytime soon.

I'll try to get the lists and plans done over this weekend, so next week we can begin the decluttering in earnest, and get a few things listed for sale on the local social media pages.  I'm trying not to get overwhelmed by it all - obviously all the planning of everything is down to me.  Husband is still saying about putting our excess furniture and belongings in storage, or hiring a garage from the Council to put it in (Council properties don't generally come with their own garages, but one can usually be hired in a block not far from your property).  I've already told him, but he doesn't seem to grasp it (or has forgotten) - what's the point of storing excess stuff?  If it doesn't fit in the property, then we won't ever be using it!!  We WILL have to downsize and get rid of quite a bit of excess furniture - we'll be leaving a 3-bedroomed house with dining room and utility room, garage and large shed and going into a 2-bedroom bungalow with, almost certainly, no dining or utility rooms.....certainly no garage and probably not a shed.  I'll just have to keep reminding him, and go ahead with listing excess stuff for sale.

Progress at last!

 Yesterday morning husband wasn't feeling very well - dizzy and nauseous, with a headache.  He had a couple of slices of toast and felt a bit better (nothing seems to affect his appetite) but only took Betty out into the garden.  So after another hour I said we'd both take her out - she needed a walk, but neither of us is really safe walking her on our own!  Honestly, we were like 2 old crocks - he's slow, a bit breathless and gets off balance easily, my bad hips (and yesterday my left knee was playing up as well) mean I can't walk fast and I limp.  We didn't go far, not that Betty minded, she didn't seem to be in a lively mood either, but by the time we got back husband was fit to drop and I could barely walk.  I suppose we're lucky that Betty isn't a particularly energetic dog, she doesn't go in for really long walks.  After a cup of tea (all 3 of us, Betty likes the occasional bowl of tea with my lactose-free milk) and a brief rest, husband went upstairs for a lie down, whilst I got on with things in the kitchen.  If I don't get stuff done in the mornings, I'm generally flagging by the afternoon.  On a positive note, I'm now down to just 2 or 3 coughing fits a day, so the virus is buggering off.

I did a chicken (using drumsticks), potato, lemon and herb traybake, with cauliflower cheese and peas on the side.  I also peeled and sliced a load of apples and lightly cooked them, some for breakfast with Greek yogurt, the rest frozen.  Think there's about 12 or 15 apples left now from our tree.

I've decided that this year we won't be doing anything in the garden, other than keeping it tidy and the weeds down.  Husband has just gone off gardening completely, he's got no enthusiasm for growing veg and I don't have the time (my bad hips and knees mean I can't easily bend anyway).  And I don't see the point of buying and putting in any new plants when we may hopefully be moving house sometime in the not too distant future.  All I'll do is get some bedding plants to fill the pots in the front garden.  The 2 flower beds we planted up last year in the back garden should hopefully look nice from the kitchen window this year, all the other raised veg beds will be covered over with old carpet or membrane, just to stop weeds.  As we intend to spend a lot of time at the caravan again this year, we don't want the home garden to become a jungle.  I won't be growing tomatoes or salad stuff in pots at the caravan this year either, with the excessive heat we had last year they didn't do very well, the heat and lack of daily watering pretty much finished them off during the short periods we spent at home.  The two things that thrived in the heat were pelargoniums and petunias, they put on a lovely show, flowering their heads off all summer, so I'll definitely have those again, both at home and at the van.  I do like to sit looking at pots of colourful flowers.

And the big news....late yesterday afternoon I had an email from the housing dept.....looks like they're accepting us on the housing register, but they want medical evidence in support to put us on a higher band.  No problem, we both have letters (husband has loads) from GP and consultants, although mine aren't as recent as his.  The cheeky thing though is that they want the evidence uploaded within the next 7 days - actually it's 6 days as I didn't receive the email until late afternoon yesterday - whereas they've taken 8 WEEKS to even look at our application!  If people needed to get in touch with their doctors and ask for written evidence, they'd stand little chance of getting it within 7 days, so we're fortunate we have it already.  I'll sort out the letters and upload them today.

The banding for the housing register is bronze, silver and gold - everyone is assessed for need based on factors such as homelessness, present housing too small or in poor repair, health needs.  When people put in bids for a property (a bid is an expression of interest, it's not a monetary thing), the Council offers the property to whoever fits the criteria best and has the highest banding - e.g. if 3 people bid, one each of a bronze, silver and gold banding, the property will initially be offered to the people holding the gold band,  If they refuse, it'll be offered to the silver banders, and so on.  So we would stand more chance the higher the band we are allocated.  As I keep saying, it's unlikely we'll be offered a suitable property anytime soon, but that's fine.  At least things are under way now, and it'll spur us on to get on with the decluttering and hopefully selling of surplus items.

Spending money wisely, and post-viral

 We managed to spend all of the Christmas voucher money in the garden centre yesterday, and I'm very happy with our purchases.  The big garden centre sells all manner of kitchen and homewares, clothes and footwear, food and drinks, along with all the garden stuff and houseplants.  They have lots of Christmas stuff, which was all half price, not that I looked at any.  Nor did I give more than a cursory glance at the clothes - I don't need any.  However, I got some high quality (20 yr guarantee) oven baking trays which were in the sale, so I can throw out several of the old battered ones I've had for years.  Husband spotted some reductions in the cheese cabinet in the food section - packs of XX mature proper Somerset cave-aged Cheddar, very similar to Parmesan.  They were two-thirds off the original price as they were short-dated - no matter, it'll freeze well.  I got five packs (there were lots) - we, me especially, are very fond of cheese and that will keep us going for a few weeks....along with all the other cheeses left from Christmas.

Stopped off at Aldi on the way home and stocked up with loads of fresh veg and salad - I decided against fruit as we have a boxful of homegrown apples still, some of which I'll be processing today to go with breakfast yogurt.

We had a homemade potato, cheese and caramelised onion pastry topped pie out of the freezer for dinner yesterday, along with lots of green veg.  Today it's a chicken and potato, lemon and herb traybake, with something green alongside.  For lunches for the next few days we're having a bed of salad, topped with tinned fish, cheese or hardboiled eggs.  It's not really salad weather I know, and obviously the salad stuff available right now isn't British grown, but I think we need it at the moment.

Joy mentioned on her blog Diary of a Retired Teacher yesterday that she felt a bit 'post-viral'.  I know exactly what you mean Joy - whilst I feel heaps better, and even the cough is going, there are days when I'm suddenly overwhelmed with tiredness and just have to stop whatever I'm doing and go upstairs for a nap - yesterday afternoon was like that.  And it does come on suddenly, it's like all the energy just gets sucked out of me all at once.

Washing, housework and meal planning today, just mundane stuff.  I had a few texts from our lovely caravan neighbour Jean yesterday, she said now that Christmas is over, the height of their excitement is doing a 2000 piece jigsaw puzzle, she reckoned it would take them till Easter to do.  She does make me laugh - and smile, she said they really miss us and can't wait for the start of the caravan season in March.  How nice, we miss them too.  It's a pity they live so far away from us.  55 days till the start of caravan season!

Carb bloat and lack of exercise

 Thank goodness everything feels like it's getting back to normal - now all we want is for the weather to be better.  It's become quite mild, but is also cloudy and very dull with a lot of rain and wind (yesterday's weather) - today there's apparently a few sunny spells forecast, not that you can tell right now.  The next week ahead is very mixed - showers, wind, some sun, one of those weeks when the weather can't make up its mind.  

Over the Christmas period when I wasn't well, I didn't eat much in the way of regular healthy meals - it was more carb-laden stuff - sandwiches, cheese on toast, pizza, sausage rolls, crisps, chips - because that's what I fancied.  Carbs do me no good at all.....I feel bloated, sluggish and achey.  But we have a lot of carby frozen food to use up still - homemade pies, tarts, sausage rolls, bread and rolls, pasta bakes, roasted root veg and root mash.  We've got to eat it, throwing food away nowadays is not an option.  And the big upright freezer in the utility room is in dire need of defrosting, especially the top 2 drawers, they're very iced up.  So we need to eat through whatever's in there pretty quick.  

I guess the best thing I can do is try to eat just one carb-heavy meal out of the freezer per day, and make breakfast (if I eat it) and lunch very low carb.  Husband could eat something carby for lunch, carbs don't affect him like they do me.  Today we'll be going shopping for green veg, salad veg, fruit and Greek yogurt, we don't need anything else.  I'm really craving some fresh veg.  

Husband was saying the other day that when Betty dies (charming subject!!) we won't get another dog....hmm, we'll see about that!  I pointed out that if we didn't have a dog, he certainly wouldn't be going out for walks twice a day - he's been told by his cardiologist that he must exercise, I need to as well, but my painful hips make that difficult right now.  We both know we each need more exercise, hopefully when the weather is better we'll start walking more - I don't do walking in bad weather.

Using up leftovers

 I've got quite a lot of leftovers - gammon, cheeses, veggies - so am using them up as best I can.  I also had a few things in the spare fridge in the utility room which needed using quickly, two of which were already out of date - a carton of Greek yogurt and a ready-rolled sheet of puff pastry.  Examined and smelt both of them and they were fine.  An unopened wedge of Brie had a use-by date of today - it too was fine, although oozingly ripe.  So it's a cooking day.  We had a swede and a bag of carrots that were going a bit soft and limp, so I got husband on those - he peeled, chopped and cooked them together, then added herbs, seasoning and a bit of butter and mashed them.  I'll portion it up when cold and freeze.

The gammon left over was quite a big lump - husband had some as a roast dinner yesterday, I had homemade nut roast with my veggies.  I got him to slice up enough ham for lunchtime sandwiches for him to have for the next 3 days.  I shredded some to make a puff pastry open tart with - spread cranberry sauce on the out-of-date pastry sheet, scattered over the ham shreds, halved a load of going-soft baby plum tomatoes and put those on, then cut up the Brie as best I could and put that on top.  A little sprinkle of grated Cheddar and baked, that'll be dinner tonight with some veggies left from yesterday.  The rest of the tart will be frozen.  I got husband to dice up the rest of the ham and split it into 3 bags to freeze - it'll do him for a ham, leek and mushroom pie (his request), a pasta bake and a risotto.

I bought 4 jars of mincemeat on Saturday, all reduced to 50p.  I've used half of one of the jars this morning to make mincemeat scones, which also used up half of the carton of yogurt.  I always use yogurt for scones, it makes them nice and light.  The other half I'll have for breakfast tomorrow with some stewed apple - we've still got loads of homegrown apples in a box in the cold utility room.  I'll mix the other half of the open mincemeat jar with some sliced apples to make a crumble to freeze for husband.

So that's most of the leftovers used up and dealt with, although I did have to throw away a piece of Stilton - it had got pushed to the back of the spare fridge and forgotten about (the pack had already been opened).  It had gone slimy and very strong-smelling, I didn't want to take any chances with it so it had to go.

Observations on the last year

 During the 10 years + that we've lived here in this tiny hamlet surrounded by farmland, nobody living here has EVER set off any fireworks....too much respect for the livestock (cattle, sheep, pheasants and chickens) I expect.  Well, last night at midnight, the family living 3 houses away set off several big rockets, ear shatteringly loud, which obviously woke us all up (Betty and I went up to bed around 9.30, husband about an hour later).  Betty was terrified, she was whimpering, panting and licking her lips, her fur was standing on end, she kept getting behind my legs (I was sitting on the edge of the bed) and even tried to get under the bed.  It took over an hour before she eventually calmed down enough to stop pacing around the house and get back on my bed and go back to sleep.  Sometime during the night she was sick on the stairs.  My poor baby.  It's not like that family are newcomers, they've lived there for 3 or 4 years, and the father initially worked on the nearest (dairy) farm so should certainly know better.  And the thing that annoyed me the most - he never even warned any of us that they were having fireworks.  Bloody irresponsible prick.  

Some of the past year was good, very good in fact, and some not so good - quite bad actually.

The time we spent at the caravan (more than 12 weeks in total) was wonderful, buying that caravan was truly one of the best decisions we ever made.  I love the van (I expect you noticed! 😂  I bored you all to death with my constant talking about it), we've made such fabulous friends there, it's a real friendly little community.  And the lifestyle we have there is just so relaxing.  I think that's the best thing about it - unlike at home, I have very few responsibilities or jobs to do there - it doesn't take long to tidy and clean a static caravan, and I don't do very much actual cooking, we eat very simple meals there.  It's a pity that we do have to go home every week or 10 days, so I can do washing, tidy up the garden, do a bit of batch cooking of meals to take back to the van, go through the post and action whatever needs doing.  Oh, and for husband - and occasionally me - to attend a few medical appointments.  We fully intend to do more of the same next year, we'll spend as much time as we can there at the park.

Health matters weren't so good, husband's heart failure got a bit worse, resulting in him being prescribed yet more medication (3 extra meds), he had more problems with his feet, and my hips became much more of a problem.  I still haven't heard anything from the physiotherapy department, but they did tell me there's a very long waiting list.  In the meantime, I just use my walking stick when I have to, have a sit down and rest when I've been standing in the kitchen for a long while or doing housework, and take codeine when the pain is really bad.  I cope, and that's enough for now.

There was a time when I thought my marriage was probably over, I'd become so resentful of just how little husband did around the house and even the garden, which he's completely lost interest in.  And he was so oblivious to everything I did and I really felt taken for granted.  It was noticeable more when we were with others - other husbands thank their wives for doing even simple things, mine never did.  I felt I was little more than a skivvy, housekeeper, cook, admin clerk, carer, etc etc, and felt completely taken for granted.  He was literally happy to do nothing, just lounging in his chair and watching TV - all day long if I let him.  And he moaned like hell every time I asked him to do anything or take me anywhere.  After a few rows, where he promised to help out more but which only lasted a couple of days before he went back to his bone idle ways, and my realisation that I couldn't leave even if I wanted to, I knew things had to change, and I was the one who had to make those changes happen.  The reality was that I had nowhere to go (and with Betty in tow, I wouldn't leave her behind) and couldn't afford to support myself on my small private pension.  Nor would my conscience let me leave husband on his own - he'd find it next to impossible to survive without me, with his health problems and his severe dyslexia.  Taking steps towards moving sometime in the foreseeable future to an area closer to amenities, and a bungalow with a wet room, was the first thing - it would make our lives so much easier.  And applying for Attendance Allowance, and then Carers Allowance - my sister, who has both for her husband, who has numerous health problems, had been telling me for ages to apply but I honestly didn't think we'd be eligible.  Seeing the lovely advisor from Age UK though made me think differently - she was of the opinion that we would almost certainly be eligible (prior to joining Age UK, she'd been a benefits advisor for the DWP).  If we get those allowances, not only will it help a lot financially, especially with our eventual moving costs, it kind of underlines all those things I've been doing for husband for the past year or two - it's a sort of validation of my existence, if you like.

Also, my attitude towards husband has changed - instead of feeling resentful, I now just take charge and ask him to do things when I want them done, and say "Now, please" so he's under no illusion that he can get away with not doing it if he just ignores me.  I do appreciate that there are times when he really doesn't feel well enough to do things, so I take account of that.  But he also has to realise that I'm sometimes not well enough either, but I just do it regardless - as I've said a few times lately, someone has to!

So I'm going into 2023 with a positive attitude, and with plans and changes on the horizon.  But then, having said all that......yesterday husband said something that was just so ungrateful and spiteful, so much so that I felt like whacking him round the lughole with my slipper.  Instead, I took myself off upstairs for a couple of hours, so I didn't have to see or speak to him.  He did eventually apologise.  I shall still be positive!  And self reliant.

Wishing all of you good things for the coming year, and sending thanks for the unending support you've given me for the past year, and for all your lovely blogs.