Sunday 1 September 2019

Being sent to Coventry

I really appreciate all the support and comments about your own experiences, thank you so much.  Joan, I don't think anyone was referring to your comment, but rather meaning the relatives who are clearly upset with me and my decision.  I stand by my decision, I'm not going to change my mind regardless of what family and friends think.  It is upsetting, though, when people just think you're wrong and won't even consider your reasons why you've made that decision.  

At the moment I'm being sent to Coventry (for readers abroad, that means being ignored and not spoken to), I hope that will change but if not, so be it.

I'm going to have to really watch my diet this next week or so, I'm having so much gut trouble, I know it's a reaction to all the stress.  I'll be cutting back drastically on simple carbs, spices, sauces etc and not eating anything I haven't made myself, so it'll be mainly plain meat and fish meals with plenty of veg.  Speaking of which, husband yesterday brought in from the garden the biggest butternut squash I've ever seen - and it's not even ripe yet!  He accidentally snapped it off when he was doing a bit of pruning and weeding, it'll ripen indoors no problem.  I'll put a photo of it on my food blog.

I'll sit and make lots of cards the next few days, that'll help get my stress levels down, I'll also put photos of those on my card blog.  I can't do very much at the moment anyway, as my backache is truly awful at the mo.  Now that the school holidays are at an end, along with the too hot weather, we can at least get back to going for walks on our favourite beach, we haven't been very often the past few weeks because of it being too crowded for our liking.  Gentle walks will help with the pain and stiffness of my back, although it does tend to exacerbate my hip pain for a while.  


  1. I'm very sorry they are giving you such a hard time. Sending love.

  2. You're right to just get on with things and manage your stress levels. Beach walks and cardmaking are just the things to do it! I'll start going into our beaches now again. I know the holiday makers bring a huge amount of income to the south west, but it is lovely to have the beaches to ourselves for a while.....until half term :)

  3. Being sent to Coventry-never heard that
    Thanks for the explanation

  4. I am sorry to hear that you have made your decision but that not everyone respects that - it echos the country at the moment with Brexit. I always think that the differing points of view that people have is a bit like looking at the same mountain but from a different side. It is fundamentally the same mounain but looks completely different from the other side.
    In my situation my sister has the lion's share of looking after my mum simply because she is only a few miles away whereas we are about 90 miles away. Until a few years ago it was the other way round as mum was just down the road from me and I know how much her constant demands wore me out at the time - now my sister has to face this. The few visits we have to go up and relieve her by takng mum out for the day or having her stay here are much appreciated as she gets quite worn out with being on call all week and taking her to doctor's and hospital appointments. I often wonder if my sister feels we should be there more and I hope if it all gets too much for her she would say something - but even then I am not sure what we could do to help more on a daily basis. When my dad was ill she had to leave everything to me in a similar way.
    It is a tricky situation and I wonder if this might be one of the reasons for your relatives being upset by your choice not to go but then they are not being very understanding of your circumstances.
    We readers can understand your stress and the reasons behind your decision as we are reading about it daily and how painful this is for you and that visiting and the journey is not easy for you even if you did want to go. It is very hard to see people deteriorate rapidly and suddenly rather than little by little, day by day, as your sister and brother or other close by relatives might it will have been a big shock to you and maybe they don't appreciate this.
    I think your idea of sending cards and letters is a good one - this way everyone including your mum, whilst she is in her lucid moments, will know that you care very much. There is little you can do to help anyway on an occassional visit for the day and soon, as you say, you might make the trip and your mum not know you at all. In the meantime you can be assured she will be well cared for by the carers and it might be inevitable that she has to go back into hospital soon.
    Whoops sorry Sooze this has become a bit of an essay! But remember you have a lot of support here outside of your relatives. Take care. Sending hugs. x
    PS looking forward to seeing your crafting

  5. Just a thought, and feel free to ignore it, as you know your relatives better than me, but have you thought about writing to them explaining your decision? It's often easier to explain in a letter, than face to face (or over the phone) as things won't be said "in the heat of the moment". Anyway, stick to your guns. You have decided what works for you. I can see both sides, but if your relatives care about you, they will accept your decision. It may take time, things are stressful for all concerned at the moment, but hang in there! Sending warm thoughts. xx

  6. Stay firm my darling - nil carborundum as they say around here!

    (Don't let the bu**ers grind you down.) HUGS! xx

  7. This is a hard one for me to write as I have been reading your previous post...and I am a great fan of your blog!.So please dont take it wrong and it is just explaining how it was for us as a family.My hubby is one of 7,and there was only 3 of us taking care of my hubbies mam.All the rest of the family,lived nearer,but chose not to visit.We all live in the same town.Every other day,I had my mother in law for dinner with her 2 daughters doing alternate days.This was to make sure that she was eating because she was starving herself.For 3 years we didnt have a holiday..before that we were taking her with us.The others,just wanted holidays on their own,letting us take the strain of it all.When she died,by then she was in a care home and they never visited..maybe only on her birthday with a bunch of flowers.Again,the care home was near to where they live.We used to take her out of the care home for days out,Birthday parties at my house,every day she had a visit from my Hubby,me and his 2 sisters...the others never went..or very rarely.When she died,she had said to us beforehand,not to tell the others that she had died.She didnt want them at her funeral.But they found out that she had died,from another family member and turned up at the funeral and chose to sit at the back of the church.I havent got the heart to tell them that their mam didnt want them there.We dont speak now.I know that this is so different for you because you live so far away from your mam,but I send my love to you because I know that you are doing what you think best and I respect that.Love and hugs to you all,xxx


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