Buckling

 We've had to come home a day early, there was another problem whilst away which, once again, I had to deal with and smooth things over, after which I just wanted to be home.  

We've taken down the gazebo in the van garden and covered over the garden furniture, emptied out pots of summer bedding and planted some more bulbs in pots.  Garden all swept and tidied, so that's one closing-down job out of the way.  We'll be going back in a week or two to stay for the final time before putting the van to bed for the winter.

I've come home to several letters needing my attention, a couple of medical appointments (for me, not husband, for a change), some emails to deal with and phone calls to make and a thick envelope stuffed with leaflets and reading matter from the Carers Champion at the surgery.  I can't read all that yet, my brain is too full already.  I have a telephone consultation with the GP later on this afternoon.

These last couple of days, I have tried to impress upon husband that I am buckling under the weight of responsibilities and not coping very well at all - he just doesn't seem to get it though.  I told him I look after him and the dog to the best of my ability, but who looks after me?  He merely looked blank, shrugged and said well he could do some cooking.  See - he doesn't get it, cooking is the very least of my worries.

We've had a few too many carb-heavy foods over the last few days - not exactly planned, but sometimes life gets in the way of healthy eating and it's necessary just to eat something quick and easy.  So consequently my guts and joints are rebelling.  

I need to write a few 'to do' lists and change a few things to make my life easier, or I'm going to break.  At the moment I feel like I'm standing on the very edge of a precipice, and totally alone.

And I've just found out that a very dear friend has a major health problem, which has had both she and me in tears.