I guess the saving grace for husband is that he doesn't worry about what's happening to him. He's aware that his short term memory is terrible and sometimes gives a sigh of exasperation when he realises he's forgotten something yet again, but that's about it. He's not really a deep or introspective thinker, never has been, so doesn't sit there worrying about the future. Whereas I do, big time. And I have to cope with the fallout, every day, of his memory lapses, lack of concentration, inability to recognise hazards, leaving things lying about that he or I could trip over, him constantly losing things or putting things away in totally the wrong places meaning it sometimes takes days to find them. Everything is stressful for me, fortunately not for him. But I'm finding all the stress really debilitating right now.
We're going to the garden centre shortly, I want to buy some flowering shrubs and a few colourful bedding plants - getting new plants, gardening, weeding and deadheading is calming and enjoyable for me and I need that at the moment, life is threatening to overwhelm me. It's overcast with a few spots of rain here and there, so it'll be a case of dashing into the garden in between light showers, but that's alright. At least it's not bucketing down or freezing cold, and not too hot.
I can't imagine the relentlessness of it all for you. Take whatever release from the worry and stress you can. Just a quiet potter in the garden, disappearing into your own space to read, doze or whatever. Email me whenever you want. I may not be there in person to give you a hug and a shoulder to cry on, but I will lend an ear and never, ever judge you. xx
ReplyDeleteHi, I have read your blog for some time and have refrained from giving advice as I very much believe that it's your choice and as your husbands "expert carer " you know him and yourself best. As a former Carers Officer in a northern Local Authority, I have commissioned and monitored a wide range of services to support carers such as yourself. These were only set up after thorough consultation with people like you and your husband. Examples include a phone-in just for a chat, groups you could attend, an emergency plan so that should you need to go into hospital what you would want to happen in terms of support for your husband whilst you couldn't care, respite breaks and occasionally financial support. I have had a quick Google of Somerset Carers Services and there is quite a lot of info there, obviously all local authorities are different. (Ignore references to homecare workers they are not an unpaid carer like you) You may have already looked and dismissed this and that's fine/your choice. From experience most carers just struggle on out of love or duty until its too late and care breaks down and they then beat themselves up feeling so guilty.
ReplyDeleteYou are an excellent planner in other aspects of your life. Use these skills with support to hopefully give yourselves a better more maneagable future of your choice.
I hope you find a nice selection of plants at the garden centre and are able to have some quiet time in the garden later. Catriona
ReplyDeleteThe garden is my safe haven and I love to sit out there and just admire it!
ReplyDeleteI hope that you found all the plants that you needed, and have made your garden a place of peace for you. Constant worry is extremely debilitating so I hope you take care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteGod bless.