So, besides being proactive this year, I've been thinking about what I want to achieve. The little legacy I received a couple of months ago was a huge boon, it's enabled me to achieve all of my Needs and Wants list for last year. I've spent quite a lot these last couple of weeks on the new mattress, bedding, assorted small kitchen and bathroom things, and now I don't want - or need - to spend any more. Husband has a couple of biggish purchases in mind - that's fine, they're quite sensible things so nothing I need to try and talk him out of, and he's got the money in his own account for what he wants. I'd like to concentrate on building up a fair amount of savings, to give me some peace of mind that I'll have sufficient savings to cover any appliance breakdowns, or major vet bills - Betty is insured but only for a relatively modest amount, things like x-rays or operations cost £100s, £1000s even and would soon exceed the insured amount. Her insurance premium has risen by a vast amount due to her age and breeds, shar peis and bulldogs (she's a cross of both) cost more to insure because of genetic health problems, ironically none of which Betty suffers from. The legacy has given me a headstart on this, I've a good amount of savings already but will keep on building this up.
I've done a freezer and larder inventory this morning, including the 2 larder boxes under my bed. I've got the makings of probably 4 weeks of meals, if not more, which I'm pleased about, my shopping spend for January should be very low, needing only milk, bread for husband (I've got 2 sourdough loaves for myself in the freezer, which will last me at least a month), fresh fruit and, towards the end of the month, fresh veg. So the money I don't spend on shopping can go into savings.
I've also decided to change the way that things get done around here. Normally, what happens is that in the mornings I get on with the jobs I need to do, and then do a few things that husband should be doing but often doesn't. The reason being that I get fed up of asking and being ignored and getting resentful at him just lounging around doing nothing.....so I just get on and do it myself, because these things need doing, someone's got to do them and so I do for the sake of a quiet life and because I want them done. There's no point in me hoping that he'll realise that a) or b) needs doing and get on with it, his mind just doesn't work like that, he's pretty much oblivious. And I guess, as one or two of you have mentioned, I'm enabling him to sit and do bugger all and expect me to do everything - because I do it! So from now on he's going to do a few more jobs - all of which he is perfectly capable of, it's just a case of me asking him once, then possibly reminding him once, and then if necessary get the big guns out and insist he does it now! I have also had a chat with him this morning and said he's got to do more as it's not fair to expect me to do everything. He agreed quite amiably, but will of course need reminding from time to time. So that's the start of me being proactive!
Good on you, on several counts! Having a financial cushion is such a good feeling. A bit like insurance, you hope you never need it, but just knowing it's there takes a weight off your mind. Getting your husband to help is a big hurdle because of his health issues and the fact that he now (probably unknowingly) expects the little house elf (😉) to do it, but I'm sure, with constant reminders, he'll get there. xx
ReplyDeleteI’m going to follow your example Sooze. I’m exhausted and resentful doing everything. It’s not good for me or my husband. I think consistency is they way to go. I always give up because it’s easier to do it myself and exhausting insisting…if asked to anything he’s like a grumpy teenager. Onwards and upwards in 2026. June xx
ReplyDeleteThat all sounds very sensible. I've found that if I have to remind my husband to do something then it doesn't work if I just call out or ask in passing. I stand in front of him, or at least fully in his eye line, and remind him that it's time to do X now. Then I stand there, just neutrally and not looming or anything 😉 until he gets up to go and do X. Then I say "that's great, thanks" or some such thing, to encourage him. It took a little while, but my husband eventually cottoned on to the fact that I wasn't going away until he stopped what he was doing and began the task he needed to do. I'm sharing the strategy (which I was given by a dementia nurse) in case it's useful for you or for any of the other ladies here who are coping with the same sorts of struggles. I think your idea or boosting your savings is an excellent one: every woman needs some money of her own tucked away, and if you can grow the fund a bit then that's all to the good!
ReplyDeleteOh thank you Jane that’s such a good tip. I never thought to do it like that. Between you and Sooze I feel so positive. June x
ReplyDeleteI hope the new strategy keeps working for you. I fully understand the 'just do it yourself, it's easier' way of doing things. Great that you will be more insistent though and Jane's way of doing things seems like a good idea.
ReplyDeleteIt is good to have a brand new year to make a new start. I feel so lucky that my husband is helpful, sometimes too helpful, it is my mum who refuses to do anything to help herself. I hope your husband will at least meet you halfway and attempt some of the tasks that you need help with. Good luck.
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ReplyDeleteYou have a great plan. I am glad that you are going to get your Hubby up and doing more. Good for you and good for him.
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
Give him a WRITTEN list and a pencil to checkoff the things as they are done. We learned this with an employee one time. He was excellent and quite capable. He just couldn’t get it together. We found that giving a list (action items) worked wonders. Carolyn Green
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