Jeremy Beadle-esque shopping, and my New Year word

 I may have said this before, but going shopping with husband is a complete nightmare!

I had a list of things I wanted to get in Dunelm this morning - some bedding, pillows, and several kitchen and bathroom things, I was hoping to be able to get them all in their sale.  We went early to beat any sales crowds - it's a 45 minute drive out there, so husband has to take me, no chance of me going alone, there's no direct bus route.  Plus I wouldn't be able to carry everything!  We got there around 09.30, it was almost empty then.  Husband didn't want to wait in the car as he said there were a couple of things he wanted to look at - fair enough, but he spent the first 10 mins or so trailing around after me like a spare part, talking at me and suggesting cheaper options - cheap is always what husband goes for, whereas I like to get the best quality at a price I'm happy to pay.  So I suggested he go off and look for the things he wanted, and asked him to also look for a couple of the kitchen things I wanted - simple things he couldn't get confused over, like a plastic jug, thus giving me more browsing time alone.  He was back after just 5 minutes.....although he actually walked past me twice, just 6 feet away from me, and didn't notice me as he was looking in every direction except towards me!  When he eventually found me he said he couldn't find/or they didn't have the items....funnily enough when we both went together, I found them within a minute or two with no trouble - he must have had blinkers on (or his eyes shut).

Anyhow, I got everything on my list, and all at between 30-50% off in the sales, except one thing which I was happy to pay full price for as it was only £5 anyway (a hessian potato storage bag lined with black material inside to stop spuds going green and sprouting in the light).  Got to the checkouts - 3 staff members milling around apparently doing nothing behind the checkouts - certainly not serving as they told us we had to use the self service tills!  Why is it that so many shops now are forcing people to use self service tills, even when they appear to have sufficient staff to man the tills as normal?  Grrr.  Anyway, got it all scanned and loaded back into the trolley and paid for.....and then husband sauntered off outside with his hands in his pockets, leaving me loaded up like a packhorse with the full trolley (2 big thick quilted bedspreads, 3 packs of pillowcases, assorted kitchen and bathroom bits) and a pack of two pillows under my arm, along with my shoulder bag.  When I got out of the doors the sun was blazingly bright and due to the time of year, low and dazzling me so I couldn't see.  I stopped and scrabbled about in my shoulder bag, looking for my sunglasses (dropping the pillows in the process), which meant I had to let go of the trolley, which promptly rolled down the incline outside the door towards the car park.  So of course I had to run after it and grab it before it crashed into a car or knocked somebody over (the car park was filling up by now).  I called out for husband, who was nearly at the car, completely oblivious to my plight (of course he was!! 😒).  Hence why I'd much rather shop on my own!  I'm happy to have got everything I wanted though, and at good prices, although I did kind of expect Jeremy Beadle (remember him?) to be lurking outside with a hidden camera 😂😂

Many of you have been doing end of year reviews on your blogs, which set me thinking about our year.  Frankly, it's not been a good one, what with one thing and another.  Having thought about it, I've realised that I've spent a lot of time reacting to things husband has said or done, giving in for the sake of peace quite often too.  If I want our lives - and more specifically, my life - to improve, then I've got to stop merely being reactive and start being proactive - the only person who can make my life better is me.  And that means setting boundaries and reiterating them when necessary (which will be often, but if I don't do it then husband will keep on pushing the boundaries, leaving me feeling frustrated and resentful).  I have to start being more active and doing more activities to improve my health, both physical and mental, and keep encouraging husband to do the same, reminding him that his present very sedentary lifestyle is doing him no good at all.  If I want us to go on outings, especially whilst husband has still got the car, then I've got to plan and initiate them, regardless of his complaints - hoping he'll come up with something is a waste of time, he never does.  Once I've got my bus pass I shall start going into town, or elsewhere, once I've investigated where buses go.  And when we've no longer got the car, I'll still plan for us both to have trips out together as well.  So 2026 is going to be the year of being PROACTIVE.

Problem relative has been very troublesome these past couple of weeks also - I know it's largely due to the time of year.  He's become one of the most selfish and self absorbed people going, he has zero empathy or understanding of how his behaviour affects others, he really does expect us all to do everything he wants.  I and other family members have bent over backwards to help him for so many years, including arranging for expert outside help - he nearly always flatly refuses this help, or initially accepts it and then very quickly starts being rude and obstructive to the people offering help, resulting in the services being withdrawn.  Following family discussion, we've agreed that he's got to be told that we cannot do everything he wants, when he wants, and he's got to start helping himself or accepting the outside help in a calm, polite and friendly manner - or else he'll be on his own.  Harsh but got to be done.

Wishing you all a very happy and healthy New Year, and thank you all most kindly for all the friendship, help, support and advice you've given me over the past year, I appreciate it more than you know.

Sooze xx