Wrung out and sleepless

 I've been awake since just before 03.00, I did try reading in bed for a while but couldn't concentrate on the book, so I got up about 04.30.  My mind was full of husband's assessment and tests yesterday and what the outcome will be.  Hannah (the doctor) was asking husband all sorts of questions about his childhood, medical history, employment history past and present (well, until he retired), hobbies (he didn't say TV watching!), what he did last week - I guessed she was testing to see how his memory was working for both past and present events.  She occasionally asked me if I agreed with what he was saying.  She asked if he'd ever been knocked unconscious or had any kind of head injury.  She took copious notes - I wished I could see what she was writing!  I've been trying to work out what she was thinking he could be suffering from - trying to second guess her I suppose, which is ridiculous really.  She did say that if it's not a form of dementia, it could be a kind of cognitive impairment - whatever that means.  Having to wait now until the end of next week is going to be agonising - although husband said yesterday that he feels relieved, I could see for myself that he seemed lighter and less stressed.  Personally, I just feel wrung out now.  I shall just have to try and keep as occupied as possible for the coming week.

This morning we're going to be doing some gardening, as the forecast is very good.  Husband will cut the grass and do a bit of tidying up in the back garden, whilst I sort out all the pots in the front garden - quite a few have flowering Spring bulbs (going over now) and anemones, but they're also full of weeds.  Some have perennials in which need last year's dead growth taking off, and most need top dressing with fresh compost.  We might have a drive out somewhere this afternoon.  Tomorrow afternoon we're going to friends for a barbecue, which will be good.  I want to do a bit more decluttering and sorting next week, husband has said he wants to thin down his wardrobe and shoe storage - amazingly.  He has about twice as many shoes as I do!  All my footwear fits in a small square Lloyd Loom ottoman, his footwear is all over the place.  And he's just bought a new pair of walking boots, his previous most-used ones have split and started leaking.....so throw them out then, not much point in keeping them!

I need to have a day doing batch cooking, and I think I'll make some cheese biscuits to take with us to our friends tomorrow.  I bought several packs of cheap veggies - carrots, parsnips, swede and Savoy cabbages all on offer for Easter at 19p.  Most of the carrots and parsnips I'll prep and roast in the air fryer, the swede will be boiled and mashed and all frozen.  I'll make coleslaw to have with dinner tonight - salmon and a jacket potato I think.  

Thank you so much everyone for the supportive comments and good wishes, I really appreciate it.

And breathe......

 Phew!  

The doctor was very nice, despite looking about 12!  She was married and had a German Shepherd dog, however, so clearly not as young as she looked....and anyone who's a dog lover is obviously nice!

She told us what would be happening during the assessment and tests, and said that she firstly needed to tell us that if the assessment raised any serious concerns for her, then she could ask husband to stop driving immediately - bit scary, but not surprising, I guess.  Fortunately, at the end she said she had no immediate worries about husband carrying on driving, although stressed that this could change at a later date.

She asked questions about husband's recent problems, then about his previous health, early life, employment history etc.  She then gave him some written and verbal tests, helping him out with the written ones due to his dyslexia, which she was quite interested in.  She also gave me a sheet of questions about my observations about husband, which required tick box answers.  She took reams of notes.

She said she couldn't give us any definitive answers today, she would go away and write up her report and then it would be discussed at the team meeting next Wednesday, when it will be decided if husband needs to have a head scan.  The head scan will show if his carotid arteries are narrowed, and if there are any areas of concern in his brain caused by his heart failure or diabetes.  I wouldn't have thought his borderline diabetes had caused any problems.....although, having said that, he already has some minor retinopathy and neuropathy issues, whereas I have none, despite me being diabetic for 10 or 11 years.  We will get the results of the assessment at the end of next week, so not too long to wait - I don't know how long the head scan results will take.  Husband said he feels relieved.  I'm relieved that the assessment is over, but won't feel entirely happy until we hear back from her.  We should both sleep better tonight though.  I feel as if I've been holding my breath for the past fortnight, and can now let it out.....slowly.

The Sword of Damocles

 Thank you for all the good wishes yesterday, right now it feels like the sword of Damocles is hanging over our heads (I'm such a drama queen! 😂).  I don't know whether we'll be told the results or conclusions of the tests/assessment today, we'll just have to wait and see I guess.

We shared the housework jobs yesterday and so were finished by lunchtime, makes it so much easier when both of us are doing it.  I didn't have to press-gang husband into doing it either, he volunteered - wanting to keep himself busy.  Made a few plans in the afternoon, discussing what we're going to do in the garden this year - not much, just keeping it tidy really.  The pots in the front garden need sorting out, weeding and top dressing with new compost, I'll get some petunias and geraniums to go in them.  I had those at the caravan last year and they put on a really good display all summer long, they weren't too bothered about the lack of consistent watering, the geraniums especially, when we weren't there either.  Got a tiny bit of top up shopping to do tomorrow morning, things I forgot the other day, so I'll get the plants then.  

I didn't sleep very well last night, as expected.....husband said he slept reasonably well though.  He's pulled a muscle or something in his back so took paracetamol and codeine last night, which probably helped him sleep.

Mostly sunny today and tomorrow, thankfully.  That's all I've got to say, for now.

Taking our minds off things

 We're keeping busy today as it's husband's memory assessment tomorrow.  I asked him how he's feeling about it - he said the thing that worries him the most is being told he's lost his driving licence.  I said that's not guaranteed by any means, it may not be a form of dementia at all, and even if it is, he's highly unlikely to lose his licence immediately.  I said we'll cope with it, whatever it is.  It's the uncertainty that's the most worrying, once we know what we're facing - if anything at all - then it'll be easier to deal with.  And even if it is some kind of dementia, then there's help available - not a cure but medication to help slow it down.  And I'm sure there'll be other kinds of therapy or assistance.

The assessment and tests are going to take around 2 to 2.5 hours apparently, the doctor (a psychiatrist who specialises in memory assessments, so I've been told) is coming here to our home.  That should help husband relax a bit more than if he had to go to a hospital or clinic.  I think we'll have a day out somewhere on Friday, to either console ourselves or celebrate!

What a change in the weather today, it's gone from warm bright sunshine for the past 2 or 3 days to grey and rainy again.  Consistency would be good!

Lovely time

 We've had an absolutely lovely couple of days away, it's done us both good.  The days were sunny and warm enough to sit outside, the nights however - well, the early hours of the morning to be precise - were blimmin freezing.  I'd forgotten just how cold it can get in an old caravan that has no central heating and only single glazed windows.  We have an electric fire in the lounge and electric oil-filled radiators in the bedrooms, but it was still really cold - frosty and -1 deg outside early mornings (I know for some of my overseas readers that's quite mild!!).  Oh, and the electric fire has developed problems - it has 3 heat settings but now 2 of them don't work, only the lowest one does!  Good job we have plenty of blankets in the van.  Husband doesn't know how to fix the fire (or even if it can be fixed) so we'll probably buy another - that one was second hand anyway, it only cost us £30 and has lasted 2 years, so we can't complain.

One of our neighbours on the upper level was there, so caught up with them, there were quite a few owners on the lower level.  I also spent a couple of hours chatting in the lovely sunshine yesterday with the site owner and his partner and their lovely Labradoodle Molly, such a nice-natured friendly dog.  She's very old now, 14.5 yrs, partially sighted and half deaf and has heart problems, so probably won't be around much longer, her owners will be heartbroken when she goes.

We discovered a very small patch of damp in the corner of the ceiling in the back bedroom of the van.  I asked our caravan engineer friend for advice and we followed his suggestions, husband was up a stepladder (with me firmly holding the bottom part and keeping an eye on him) this morning cleaning off the roof and gutter and applying the recommended flashing sticky tape.  The damp patch inside actually doesn't feel damp, it appears dry (we assume it happened over the winter sometime).....in a few weeks when hopefully it will be completely dry, we'll paint over it, we have plenty of the paint we used to decorate left.  If our friend pops over in the meantime, he can test it for us with his professional damp meter.

Some of our plants in pots there don't look like they've survived the harsh winter, so I'll get some more.  We're intending to go back and stay for a longer time in a couple of weeks, our lovely van neighbours C & J will be going then also.  We don't really want to go for Easter weekend, we know it'll be busy there, several families with children are going and it'll be a bit noisy - it was busy and noisy Easter last year, I think, I'm pretty sure we were there at that time.

Got back home just before lunchtime today, after unpacking the car and putting things away (only took 20 mins or so) and having a quick lunch, we went shopping to stock up on frozen stuff, as we've been eating through the freezer food and have plenty of room in the big freezer now.  We went to Iceland Food Warehouse, it's pensioner discount day on Tuesdays, 10% off - every little helps!  I stocked up on fish, frozen veg and some pork steaks, chicken and a couple of small meat joints for husband.  We've been to the surgery and collected our prescriptions and sorted things out with the receptionist - the mysterious phone call husband had was made in error, as I guessed.  I didn't ask about the registering as an official carer thing, I'll wait until we find out the results of husband's memory assessment on Thursday.  He's not been grumpy or verbally aggressive since I had a word with him about it a couple of weeks ago, so I think it was just a case of him worrying, understandably.  His memory is still shot to pieces though, no change there.  I hope the tests get to the bottom of it, not knowing what is causing it is worrying in itself.  We'll soon know though and can then begin to deal with it.

That lovely bungalow we saw that ticks all our boxes, other than being over an hour away from all our friends here, still hasn't been let, so we're still sort of in the running for it.  There are several people with greater eligibility than us in front of us in the queue though, so it's unlikely we'd get it.  I'm still feeling ambivalent about it.....if only I could pick it up and move it nearer here!

Excitement!

 It's a lovely morning, blue sky and sunshine and the wind has dropped considerably.  We're off to the caravan as soon as we're ready, which will be around 09.30 ish, back sometime on Tuesday morning (have to come back then as we need to go to the surgery to collect prescriptions and have a word with the receptionist).  I'm so looking forward to these first couple of days away there, even Betty's excited (she's clearly picking up on my excitement!).  Had a text from our lovely van neighbours C & J yesterday to say they'll be down for their first visit in 2 or 3 weeks, it'll be so nice to see and catch up with them.

I'm not taking my laptop and doubt I'll be blogging on my phone, so will post again Tuesday.  Have a lovely few days everyone.

Preparations, and a bit of sadness

 Thank you everyone for the comments.  We already gave the surgery signed authority for them to speak to either of us about the other a few years ago.  It might be a good idea though to ask for a note to be put on husband's records to say that any phone calls to him should have me included as well, thanks for that suggestion Marlene.  We'll be going to the surgery next Tuesday to collect our repeat prescriptions, so I'll have a word with them then in person.  Apparently, I can also ask to be registered on their records as an official carer, so I'll find out about that as well - although what benefit that brings, if any, I don't know.

Yesterday I made a dozen large sausage rolls, a few to take with us to the caravan and the rest have been frozen.  I also made a fruit cake for husband, using half a jar of the mincemeat I bought very much reduced just after Christmas, it makes a lovely moist cake.  Today I'm making a rice pudding as I have a pint of milk and bit of cream to use up, I'll also use a tin of coconut milk, we like that in a rice pud.  Again, some of the pudding will be frozen, it freezes alright, just needing a bit of a stir when it's defrosted and reheated.

Just got a change of clothes to pack, along with the food - the towels and bed linen we already took over to the van on one of our day trips, along with toiletries.  Tinned food and treats already in the van for Betty, along with some of her toys and a new bed.  I'm really looking forward to staying over, I've been itching to do it ever since the 1 March!

Husband was having a clumsy day yesterday, he'd already dropped a kitchen knife and a large chopping board in the kitchen before it was even breakfast time.  He's always making Betty jump out of her skin, poor thing.  Fortunately, he's not like it every day.  He asked me the other day if I would still take care of him when he's completely ga-ga....he said he wouldn't expect me to.  I said of course I would, there's no question of me not doing it, but there's no certainty yet that he will be affected like that!  It's obviously preying on his mind though, bless him.  I had to go upstairs, shut myself in the bathroom and have a little weep.

The galeforce winds were terrible last night, Betty really didn't like it at all, she was very unsettled.  She was up and down stairs, whining, fidgeting, so consequently keeping me awake too.  She went to sleep eventually.  So I feel a bit like death warmed up today, just when I have quite a lot to do - I'll get it all done this morning so I can rest this afternoon.  Fortunately, the wind has died down quite a bit this morning, whilst it's not very good today it is forecast to be really quite nice for the next 2 or 3 days.  I think we might well be staying at the van until Tuesday.