Days of positives and negatives

 Thanks once again for the comments, I really appreciate your support.  Ruth - yes, just that.  And my husband only (I say 'only') has cognitive impairment, it's not even dementia, so goodness only knows how relatives of people afflicted with dementia cope.  It's odd, but sometimes he has the occasional day - or few hours - when he seems completely normal.  Other days, yesterday was one, he cannot remember anything at all.....in the space of about an hour yesterday afternoon, he'd asked me about 6 times what we were having for dinner.

The covid jabs went off without a hitch, very well organised again and got in on time.  Didn't have to wait for 15 mins afterwards either.  No side effects, other than a bit of a sore arm, although husband felt tired and went to bed for a couple of hours in the afternoon, but he quite often does that anyway.

Going to the farmers market for cheeses and veg, maybe some meat, this morning.  I've got quite a few pots of homemade stock in the freezer - chicken, bacon and veg - so will start using them up for soups and stews.  I want to do a couple of trayfuls of roasted veggies to freeze in portions, and have a big bagful of gifted home grown tomatoes in the freezer that I'll use to make pasta sauce this weekend.

The farmers harvested the back field full of maize (for winter animal feed) the other day, then cut all the hedges front and back, so we have good clear far reaching views again.  I'll miss these views, and how the farmers work through the changing of the seasons, when we do finally move house.  No suitable housing on the list for the past two weeks, nearly all flats without gardens, which obviously we don't want.  I couldn't imagine living somewhere without a garden, I'd hate it.  And obviously Betty needs a garden.

My weight loss is back on track, I'm pleased to say, it's become second nature now to follow my healthy way of eating.  No breakfast (never really been much of a breakfast eater), a small light 'brunch' around 11.30 or 12 noon, then a sensible (and fairly small) dinner around 5.30 or 6 pm of fish or a homemade vegetarian thing with extra veggies on the side.  I generally have an easy peeler or nectarine for dessert.  Husband still has his 3 meals a day, bigger portions than me and usually including meat of some kind, although he finally seems to have got out of the habit of snacking between meals, thank goodness.  He was never going to lose weight if he carried on snacking - now he's lost 6lb.  Occasionally on a Saturday we might have something with chips - a pie (veggie for me, meat for husband) or a pizza e.g., but not every weekend.  I should think my diabetes nurse will be pleased when I go for my annual review next month....my diabetes is well controlled anyway, but both my weight and cholesterol should be a fair bit down on last year.  My last 2 or 3 BP readings have been normal - perfect, in the words of my GP.

Our new normal is far from that

 The crisis I mentioned 3 or 4 weeks ago has had a profound effect on us, and we are still dealing with the fallout from it....when I said it had been resolved to our satisfaction, that was actually stretching the truth somewhat.  Or I was in denial.  It feels like life for us will never be normal again - but I guess this is actually our new normal, and somehow we just have to get used to it.  It's affected me very deeply, both physically and mentally, stress, anxiety and worry are now with me every single day as, along with having to cope with the daily problems raised by husband's heart failure and cognitive impairment, I now have so much more to take on board.  

I'm becoming more of a homebody.....I wouldn't say I'm actually agoraphobic, but am definitely feeling - well, safer shall we say, in my own home.  I'm not feeling inclined to see or talk to people either.  As I said before in a previous blog, a crisis definitely shows you who your friends are, and the ones who didn't put themselves out to help much, or even distanced themselves, for their own reasons.  Still, it is what it is, we can't put the clock back (I wish).

I'm taking anti-anxiety meds twice a day now, hopefully they'll help in time.

It's very difficult nowadays for me to have a conversation with husband about things which are personal, private or we don't necessarily want everyone knowing - because he WILL repeat it, whatever it is.  He has absolutely no filter now and cannot remember that he's supposed to keep some things to himself, he just blurts out to whoever he's talking to the first thing that pops into his head.  So I have to be very careful what I say to him, which doesn't feel right sometimes.

The ratatouille topped with a savoury oat & cheese crumble I made yesterday was delicious, husband liked it too.  I also made the new potato dauphinoise thing for dinner tonight, and a cauli cheese which has gone in the freezer.  After the cooking morning and then lunch, we took Betty out in the back field, then I went upstairs for the afternoon, as I had a tension headache and my hip was really painful.

Covid jabs this morning, I'm hoping we'll just get the usual sore arm.

Gemma's Person - my apologies, I think I inadvertently deleted your comment asking what the consultant said about statins - blonde moment!  He went on about the importance of cholesterol being kept in check (mine is slightly raised but not terribly), he mentioned it 2 or 3 times.

Lie in and Covid jabs

 I got up at my usual time (around 05.45), went to the loo, then thought actually I'm still really sleepy, think I'll go back to bed.  So I did!  And, amazingly, slept, until Betty decided it was time we were getting up just before 7.00.....I think she heard husband getting up and opening his curtains.  She came and cuddled up next to me, pressing her back right along my side, then rolled over on her back for a tummy rub.  Lovely way to wake up.

We're having our Covid jabs tomorrow so I'm making food today that can just be reheated tomorrow, in case I don't feel like cooking.  I'll make a new potato and leek dauphinoise-type thing, we'll have it with fishcakes and peas.  For today, I'm doing a sort of ratatouille as I have an aubergine and a couple of wrinkly courgettes to use up, with a red onion and some frozen sliced peppers added.  I think I'll put it in a baking dish and add a savoury herby oat crumble to the top - as the oven will be on for the potato thing, I may as well make use of it for other things.  I might make a few cheese scones for the freezer as well.  Husband will have bacon with his ratatouille, something green on the side with mine.

My weight is coming down again, having reduced my carbs and portion sizes, I've lost 2 of the 3 lbs I'd put back on a couple of weeks ago.

The weather forecast has just been on the TV, it's back to warm and sunny, a late summer for a few days, how lovely.  Pity we can't make the most of it and go to the caravan, we've got a few things on here which stops us going.  It's looking like we won't get back to the van until probably the last week in the month - which will be ok, we know several other owners will be there too, closing down for the winter.

I've just read that Sue is taking a break from her Smaller and Simpler and Wartime Rations blogs - I'll miss reading them every day, but we all need to do what's best for ourselves.  Take all the time you need, Sue, look after yourself.  I hope you come back!

Cherie, you asked if hiring the dog field is expensive - no, I don't think so.  It costs £4.50 per half hour, which I think is money well spent.  Actually, that's cheaper than most - I saw one the other day which charges £6.50 per half hour, most seem to be around £5.  The only thing that's a bit irritating is that they are now very popular, meaning we can only book 2 or 3 weeks in advance - but of course we don't know what the weather will be like that far ahead!  None of us (Betty included) are fond of wet and windy conditions.  I'll have to look at the website T&Cs to see if we can carry our booking fee over to another slot if we can't (or don't want to) go on the day.

Statins and dogs

 With regard to the statins....out of interest, I looked up both of the ones the cardiologist mentioned in his letter to my GP - one he recommended trying first, then if that one wasn't tolerated, a different one.  Both of them have similar listed side effects.  Now I know not everyone gets side effects, or, if they do, not the same side effects.  But as the listed possible side effects include muscle weakness, joint pains, brain fog, headaches, sleep disturbance, gastrointestinal upset, amongst others - well I'm not willing to take the chance of exacerbating things I already suffer with.  As a matter of interest....several years ago when I had a discussion with my GP about statins and told him why I didn't want to take them, I asked him if he himself took them, or would take them if offered.  His answer to both questions was a firm No!  So that more or less made the decision definite for me.  He did, however, say that he was duty bound as a doctor to offer them to patients, which is only right and proper.  I think what annoyed me the most was that after me telling the consultant exactly why I wasn't going to take statins, he completely disregarded what I'd said and told the GP to start me on them....as if I'd not spoken and am not involved in my own care.

Betty loved the dog field, not so much for the charging around freely - she's a right scent hound, her nose is always to the ground or lifted up sniffing the air.  She spent ages trotting around the entire field sniffing all the lovely doggy smells, no doubt checking out who'd already been there.  She wasn't particularly interested in all the doggy toys and apparatus - she wouldn't go on the ramps or through the 2 tunnels, even when I stood peering through the other end of them calling her, she just ran around them! There's a mini mountain of different sized tyres filled in with sand, she briefly checked out the lower levels of that.  Not interested in playing on anything really, other than sniffing all the different things - there are the sorts of things you see at those collie agility games on TV or at country fairs.  Certainly plenty to keep all sorts of dogs happy.  Oh, the pond, quite large and completely fenced/gated, was very muddy around the perimeter (understandably, as it had been raining quite hard).  I wouldn't let her go in there even if she showed any interest in it (which she didn't) - as a brachycephalic (short and crinkly snouted) dog, she's not overly keen on going in water, and the pond is 1 metre deep, according to the sign, so not safe for her.  I wouldn't even know if she can swim, she's never been in water deep enough to try, nor shown any inclination to.

There was a big boxful of balls of different sizes - we'd taken her favourite ball with us as well.  She's not that interested in playing with balls though - she only half-heartedly runs after them and only when she feels like it, and almost never brings them back.  She just likes chewing them - she only likes her favourite one because it squeaks.  There's a big waste bin for doggy poos and signs asking owners to pick up - which we would anyway.  One or two people had complained on FB about poo not being picked up.....I have to say we only found one pile - or rather, husband did when he trod in it!  He ALWAYS does that (as he never looks where he's putting his feet when walking) - it's a standing joke that if there's any poo around, husband will find (and tread in) it!! 😂😒.  All in all, for quite a big field I was pleasantly surprised at the lack of poo.  We'll definitely be taking Betty again, they're a very good idea as a safe and secure place to let dogs run around without the distraction of other dogs, if yours is reactive - the field is hired by the hour or half hour and you have exclusive use of it for that time.  We noticed the other day there's another new one opened up in another direction, a bit nearer to us, so we'll check that one out too, we're going that way in a few days.

Thank you for comments about the statins, I know we're all different and have to make our own choices about our own health care.  Husband takes a statin, he has done for years.  He had problems tolerating the first one he was on, the GP changed it and he's had no trouble with the second one.  However, I recall my mother having a lot of problems with side effects, her GP tried her with several different statins and she had trouble with all of them.

Rambler, you asked about my mini processor - I'm sorry, I can't tell you what make it is, I've had it a few years now and the name has worn off!  I'm fairly sure it was only quite a cheap one though, I seem to remember getting it from Amazon.  Perhaps other readers can help?  My one takes up next to no room (the motor unit thing fits on top of the bowl) and, despite not being a big brand name, still works perfectly.  I use it a lot.

Weight irritation, dog treat, and not being listened to

 I've put 3lbs back on, which is annoying.  I'm sure it's because I've started eating more carbs - carbs are really bad news for me....carbs in pasta, bread, rice and potatoes that is, even though we always have wholemeal or wholegrain versions of them.  So I'm cutting back on them again.  

We're taking Betty to a secure fenced purpose made dog exercise field today, there are quite a few springing up around here.  This one has plenty of 'toys' for dogs to play with or train on (if that's your thing) - giant tractor tyres, ramps, tunnels, etc, even a pond your dog can play in (fenced and gated in case you don't want the dog to go in it).  There's a hut for shelter, with a raised platform for brushing or towelling off your dogs, and a water supply with hose to wash them or give them a drink.  You hire the field for 30 mins or an hour, giving you exclusive use of it for that time.  It's a great space for safe and secure private play for your dog/s - Betty does have a strong prey drive and races off in pursuit of pheasants, rabbits or deer in the field behind us, there's less likelihood of her seeing them in the exercise field.  (She never catches them, she's a sprinter not a marathon runner, she runs out of steam quite quickly).  She's also not terribly keen on other dogs and especially doesn't like them sticking their noses up her backside - which most dogs do, it's their way of greeting each other and finding out about them.  Can't say I blame her!  This is a trial run, if she likes it in the field we'll take her regularly.

I got a lovely shower jacket at Clarks Village yesterday, a black quilted one with a hood, just what I wanted, from M&S.  No winter boots though, nothing really took my fancy - I did get a new veg peeler though!  I've tried it out already this morning, peeling some carrots - wow, it's so smooth and quick, like a knife through butter, I can't believe I've been using that same old blunt one for years.  And it is old, I've had it a very long time, it's in the bin now.

I had a copy of the letter the cardiology consultant has sent to my GP (that was quick!).  The consultant wanted to know why I didn't take a statin - so I told him, giving my reasons quite clearly (I have done plenty of research into statins).  He said we need to weigh up the risks and benefits, he was clearly in favour of taking them.  In the letter to my GP, he recommends that the GP start me on statins!  Now, my GP knows why I won't take them and is fine with it being my choice - the consultant, however, clearly pretty much ignored my wishes and has ridden rough shod over them.  Well, I'm not taking them (should my GP try to prescribe them) and that's that.  I thought the consultant was a nice man when I saw him, now I'm not so sure.  I know he has to put forward what he thinks is the best course of action, but to totally ignore my views and tell my GP to prescribe a drug that I've firmly stated I'm not happy to take just strikes me as bullying.  It's my body and I'm not being browbeaten into doing something I don't want to do.

Mock Turkey (with thanks to Sue and Carolyn)

 The Mock Turkey recipe came out beautifully - Sue mentioned it on her Wartime Rations blog, it came from Carolyn of the 1940s Experiment and she in turn got it from somewhere else (a wartime themed book I think), it's mentioned a lot if you google it, as are several different versions of it.  I didn't stick exactly to quantities, but just did it by eye and judgement.  I used a pack (1lb, 454g) of turkey sausages - you could use any sausage, including veggie or vegan ones.  For the breadcrumbs, I used 4 wholemeal pitta breads and 3 Swedish ryebread slices, as that's what I had in the freezer (I defrosted them first), whizzed up in my mini processor.  Again, I'm sure you could use any bread of your choice.  One very large red onion and a huge homegrown apple, the biggest of our homegrown apple (very small) haul, rather than grating them (onions make me cry like a baby, and I always seem to grate my fingers) I also chopped them in the mini processor.  A heaped dessertspoon of dried sage, a squirt each of garlic and tomato puree and plenty of salt & pepper.  To mix it all up thoroughly, it really is best to get your hands in and squish it all together....quite therapeutic actually, like mixing bread dough by hand.  It made a lot - I didn't bother pressing it all out into a turkey shape - for just husband and I, it would make far too much in one go.  So I put it into those 1lb oblong foil loaf tins, it filled three of them....each one would serve 4.  I laid streaky bacon rashers on the top - I like the taste that bacon imparts, although I probably wouldn't eat it - husband had the bacon yesterday.  They took about 50 mins or so to cook, covered with foil for the first 30 mins.

I had a portion of one for my Sunday dinner, with roast and green veggies and gravy....husband had some as stuffing to accompany his roast chicken.  I didn't give Betty any, of course, as it's got onions in it.  The rest we'll have today for dinner - I did plenty of extra veggies yesterday so we could have them reheated today, as we'll be out all morning, so I won't have to think about cooking when we get home.  The other 2 foil tins I've frozen.  The Mock Turkey - I can't call it Murkey, it sounds revolting! - is really nice and I'll definitely make it again.  It's really just a variation of a stuffing mix after all, and I've always liked stuffing.

So this morning we're off to Clarks Village at Street (Street is the name of the town) to get a showerproof jacket for me, possibly some winter boots as well.  Husband wants to look for some clothes, and I need a new veg peeler!

I'm very pleased Strictly is back on, it's one of the highlights of my Autumn Saturday evenings.  I won't mention the name of the person who went out yesterday, in case any of you have got it recorded.  Suffice it to say I'm not surprised, it was the right choice.

To those of you who suggest writing lists or notes for husband to jog his memory - thank you, but as I've mentioned before, husband is quite severely dyslexic so writing lists for him is a bit problematic, as he generally has to ask me what it says anyway.  He can read, but letters and words get jumbled up (in his words), which makes it difficult for him.

Good thinking, mock turkey and planning

 Thank you for the comments again, it's always lovely to read them.  Jane, that idea about a sort of 'checklist' is a good one, thanks.  I know husband can't help forgetting things (everything), it's not his fault and he doesn't do it deliberately, I do know that.  But it's so frustrating - and stressful - when I have to keep repeating myself constantly throughout the day.....well, you know that!  So I might give your checklist thing a try - anything that helps husband and keeps my stress levels down is good.

It's really sensible thinking, actually - e.g. when we've been shopping, on the way home I generally say to husband "Please don't put the shopping away, leave it for me" - but he's almost always forgotten I said that by the time we get home.  (The reason I don't like him putting stuff away is that he never puts it where it's actually supposed to go, he just puts it wherever there's a space, and I can never find it afterwards!).  So it would actually be better if I waited until we got home and he's carried the bags into the kitchen - thanking him then telling him there and then that I'll put it away does mean that I'll only have to say it once.

I didn't do a lot yesterday as I had a really bad night Friday with not much sleep at all, so my brain was fried.  However, last night I slept really well, only waking up a couple of times and going virtually straight back off to sleep.  I didn't need to get up for the loo either, and didn't wake up until nearly 7 am - a lie-in for me.  So today I'm raring to go and will hopefully be getting loads done.  Doing a dog blanket wash right now - we have fleece blankets for Betty to lie on, on the sofa, my bed, her own bed in her cage under the stairs and her bed in the back of the car.  It's a good drying day - dry and breezy - so they'll be going out on the line.  Husband and Betty will be having roast chicken today, I'm going to make that wartime Mock Turkey (basically a sort of stuffing or meatloaf) and will have some of that for my dinner, along with all the usual roasted and green veggies.  I've got lots of veggies to prep, cook and freeze - I prefer to get all the veggies for the week prepped as much as possible in one go, that way they don't go off and get wasted.  Then this afternoon I want to sit and read through the leaflets and info the Carers Champion sent me, not got round to it yet.

I need to plan when we'll be going back to the caravan for our last time this year, we'll probably stay for a couple of nights and then drain down/shut everything off for next year.  We've got our Covid jabs this coming Friday 6th then our flu jabs Saturday 14th, so possibly a few days in between those.  Or we might go the week beginning Monday 23rd, the last full week in October....quite a few owners go then, with it being the October schools half term and the last week of our park's season.  Sad to think it's nearly the end of our lovely caravan season for this year, we just haven't been there as often this year because the weather wasn't that good - well, not consistently anyway - or health stuff got in the way.