The crisis I mentioned 3 or 4 weeks ago has had a profound effect on us, and we are still dealing with the fallout from it....when I said it had been resolved to our satisfaction, that was actually stretching the truth somewhat. Or I was in denial. It feels like life for us will never be normal again - but I guess this is actually our new normal, and somehow we just have to get used to it. It's affected me very deeply, both physically and mentally, stress, anxiety and worry are now with me every single day as, along with having to cope with the daily problems raised by husband's heart failure and cognitive impairment, I now have so much more to take on board.
I'm becoming more of a homebody.....I wouldn't say I'm actually agoraphobic, but am definitely feeling - well, safer shall we say, in my own home. I'm not feeling inclined to see or talk to people either. As I said before in a previous blog, a crisis definitely shows you who your friends are, and the ones who didn't put themselves out to help much, or even distanced themselves, for their own reasons. Still, it is what it is, we can't put the clock back (I wish).
I'm taking anti-anxiety meds twice a day now, hopefully they'll help in time.
It's very difficult nowadays for me to have a conversation with husband about things which are personal, private or we don't necessarily want everyone knowing - because he WILL repeat it, whatever it is. He has absolutely no filter now and cannot remember that he's supposed to keep some things to himself, he just blurts out to whoever he's talking to the first thing that pops into his head. So I have to be very careful what I say to him, which doesn't feel right sometimes.
The ratatouille topped with a savoury oat & cheese crumble I made yesterday was delicious, husband liked it too. I also made the new potato dauphinoise thing for dinner tonight, and a cauli cheese which has gone in the freezer. After the cooking morning and then lunch, we took Betty out in the back field, then I went upstairs for the afternoon, as I had a tension headache and my hip was really painful.
Covid jabs this morning, I'm hoping we'll just get the usual sore arm.
Gemma's Person - my apologies, I think I inadvertently deleted your comment asking what the consultant said about statins - blonde moment! He went on about the importance of cholesterol being kept in check (mine is slightly raised but not terribly), he mentioned it 2 or 3 times.
Oh, Sooze, you must feel like you're treading on eggshells. It must be very wearing having to filter what you say to your husband. I do feel for you. I hope the anti-anxiety meds help. Hugs, dear friend. xx
ReplyDeleteI am sorry you are going through this. 🩷
ReplyDeleteSo, in a sense, you have lost your best friend, your husband, because you can no longer share your inmost feelings with him and have confidence that he will keep your thoughts and feelings to himself. This will take time to adjust to, I'm sure. This may cause feelings of grief and sadness as you process the situation. Yes, there probably has to be a "new normal" way of doing many things. You will be the main worker, financial clerk, decision maker, etc., beyond doing the housekeeping, shopping, laundry and cooking. Little by little, a step at a time.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear you are going through such a rough time. We are here for you even if we don't write comments everyday. Do look after yourself xxx
ReplyDeleteOh Sooze love. Life is being very unkind to you lately.. I wish I could say something helpful but please know that we're all here for you in blog land.
ReplyDeleteI was just wondering if like your regular dr. the consultant would take them himself , like your doctor said he wouldn't. The consultant would have to give me a good list of the good it was doing to outweigh the harm that it can do. Be able to explain himself about it. You are great , you did what you should have the way I see it and your knowledge of bad side effects. :)
ReplyDeleteI missed this last week, sorry. Just wanted to send my love. xx
ReplyDelete