Thank you for all the encouraging comments, I wish friends and family were the same, I feel totally abandoned by them lately. I don't blame them I guess, it feels like they're all either totally fed up with me, don't believe there's anything wrong with me or just don't want to know.
My life has been completely taken over with not feeling well physically, in fact there are some days where I feel so ill I'd like to just stay in bed, not that I ever have. And all the physical stuff is pulling me down mentally, I feel depressed, empty and tearful. It's all medical stuff at the moment, for both husband and I (we both have several hospital and GP appointments coming up), and my mum has gone downhill again, sister texted on Saturday to say that it looked like mum was on her last legs, although she did improve slightly yesterday afternoon. To be fair, this has happened several times - mum being at death's door, by the looks of things, and then pulling out of it a few hours later. But we know that one day soon, she won't.
I've just had another choose and book letter in for yet another hospital appointment, this time for my feet. I'm having a bit of a problem with mainly my right foot, being diabetic it might be a neuropathy thing or it might be nothing. When it first happened, months ago, my diabetes nurse referred me for further investigations, I had a letter (eventually, after several weeks) from the hospital, basically saying go away, we're very busy and you're not a priority. Well, now it's come in and all I can think is oh I can't be bothered, it's just something else to add to the list.
Husband has also had an appointment for a pre-op assessment for his feet - his is a tendon problem, he needs an op (on both feet) to reverse damage caused by years of wearing constrictive steel-capped rigid work boots. The problem is, once he has the op he'll be on crutches and unable to drive for 6-8 weeks, and won't actually be able to walk much at all for the first week or so. With his current UTI and prostate problems and upcoming further tests and an op for that, it couldn't have come at a worse time, so he's going to have to postpone the foot thing. Oh, and we're going on holiday in 3 weeks, and we both desperately need it.
I did actually feel slightly better the latter part of last week, for the first time in weeks. But it was shortlived, I had a terrible weekend, felt worse than ever and still feel very unwell now.
It's all getting on top of me at the moment, I just feel like hiding in a corner and doing absolutely nothing, don't think i could even cry, just feeling empty. Well i know i can't carry on like this, i don't want to be moping around doing sod all on holiday, i want to enjoy it. So I have to pull myself out of it and help myself - nobody else is going to!
I need to do some food prep and batch cooking for the freezer, it's all gone by the wayside recently as I just haven't felt up to it, we still have loads of home grown fruit and veg languishing in the utility room and if I don't do something with it in the next few days, it's going to go to waste and I don't want that to happen.
I know it is easier said than done but try and not panic. Hospitals often have volunteer drivers friends you can book a car with to take you to and from hospital at low charges, if any charge at all. My friend couldn't drive and that is how he got to and from hospital for months. Hubby needs to have his op done if you can arrange such cars. With regard to your foot problem, don't put it off, it could turn into something very nasty.
ReplyDeleteSooze, you are perfectly entitled to a good bout of self pity. You are having a horrible time of things and can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Don't give up pet. We blogging buddies have very strong shoulders if you need a good weep.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you are finally getting an offer to have your foot problem investigated, my Mother procrastinated with hers and ended up having had a toe amputated.
ReplyDeleteOh, Sooze, you really are having a tough time, and no-one would blame you for feeling it's all too much. It's important to get your foot problem sorted. At least, if you do, it'll be one less thing to worry about! I remember my Mum being like that - at death's door one minute, then OK the next. That wears you down too. So much emotion, that it feels like you're on a roller coaster with no way to get off. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Maybe set yourself one small, achievable goal each day, that will only take about half an hour. Then if you feel like doing more, great. If not, no problem! And as Dc said, ask about lifts to & from the hospital. Most people are kind and want to help, so ask friends/neighbours for help too. There is a way through this all, Sooze. All your bloggy friends are rooting for you! xx
ReplyDeleteNo wonder you are at your wits end, it's just one thing after another - but do get yourself sorted as I know the problems there can be with feet and diabetes that can get much worse.
ReplyDeleteWish some of us lived nearer. As well as hospital transport some villages have a neighbourhood volunteer scheme to give people lifts?
I hope you will start feeling better. You have a heavy load right now and are really handling it well !
ReplyDeleteYour and your husband are in my prayers.
Can't add anything to what's been said, so sending love, prayers and a hug x
ReplyDeleteOn this beautiful day , let the sun shine upon your faces and make your pains ease. And a hug to boot.
ReplyDeleteYou are allowed to feel the way you are, Sooze. You are having to deal with so much and have done for a while now. I wiould agree with others, that you should still go for your foot appointment and also look into hospital transport post hubby's op. Some time away will be so good for you both, something to look forward to xx
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