Wednesday 9 November 2022

Back to square one

 After a flurry of activity, doing a few jobs and helping me out with things around the house for the past few weeks, husband is now back to doing what he does best - lazing around, TV on, falling asleep and playing games on his computer.  Although why I should call it 'helping me out around the house' I don't know - we both live here, make things dirty, eat, etc, so why the hell should it just be me who does everything?  I'm not a servant or au pair, even though it feels like it.  But then I guess that's my fault for doing (practically) everything and letting him get away with it for years.

Before anyone says well he has got heart failure......yes, but he's not at death's door, he's not sprawled in an armchair clutching his chest and gasping for breath all the time, he doesn't even look ill.  The heart meds he's been on for 6 years, plus the new medication his GP put him on a month ago, are doing their job of keeping him pretty well, the angina pains have gone completely, the breathlessness has eased off considerably.  He only gets breathless upon a fair bit of exertion, and then it eases off quickly, within minutes.  So I'm not being unreasonable and forcing an ill man into jobs he's not capable of.  I don't force him into anything actually.  And I do tell him to pace himself, that he doesn't have to do everything all at once, and to take regular breaks.....a brief sit down every 30 mins or after one job, eg.  After all, that's what I do myself.

So we've had ANOTHER talk.  I reminded him that I'm not in the best of health myself and find it difficult to do a lot of things.....but I do them, because they need doing!  I asked if he thinks it's fair that I struggle on doing everything whilst he does little or nothing....he said no, of course.  I told him just how soul-destroyingly wearing it is to have to keep reminding him to do a job he's supposed (and has agreed) to be doing, only for him to moan and grumble and say 'Yeah yeah' - and then still not do it until some time later when I lose my temper and say 'Now, please!!'.  So yesterday he did a few things I asked him to do - like hoovering the lounge (the rugs were thick with dog hair), emptying the kitchen bin and putting a new bin liner in, cooking some liver for the dog, he also changed his bed linen.  It'll be alright for another month or so, and then he'll be back to his old bone idle ways.  And so the cycle will start again, and each time it wears me down more.

The birthday meal - well, the less said about that the better, it wasn't really a success.  Then waiting in all morning for a plumber who didn't turn up on Monday, followed by the shopping trip from hell yesterday - lots of empty shelves (including no milk whatsoever, literally none), hardly any staff around, nobody on the bread counter to slice a loaf, lots of shelf edge price labels missing, overcharged on about 4 items at the till (price that came up didn't match the shelf price label).  And then having to go to another shop to get the items missing from the first one.  Think it's time to go back to online shopping, or sending husband on his own.  Which has it's own set of problems.


  1. Oh, Sooze, you have been having a crap time. I wish I knew what to say to help, but I've got one of those men, too! I hope things settle down for you and start to run a bit more smoothly. Sending hugs. xx

  2. Our milk usually gets delivered overnight but there wasn't any yesterday until later in the morning. I think it was due to a very stormy night, so that might have been the reason for the shortages you experienced. Everything is delayed and sodden with rain during the last few days.
    Hope things get easier for you soon and husband continues to be helpful. Mine is yet again in front of the telly until I shout at him in despair to give it a **** rest and read instead! Best wishes from another skivvy! x

  3. I would make him a weekly rota, a bit like a meal plan, but with his tasks each day, and keep him doing his task, not yours, his. You are a partnership and he has to pull his weight, as you say you both live in your house and you are not his maid. My hubby has the same issues as yours and he is able to do most things, here we have separate task, he cooks and does the laundry including ironing, I clean the house and gardening. It's better for us this way, as we each know what needs doing.

  4. I feel for you…been there…prayers…I wish you could move closer to a town where you could get out and about on your own. I know you are trying to do that…

  5. I like the weekly list idea too. Include his days to make the meals in there.
    He can surely heat up something or make a salad or sandwich. I know it won't be your superb cooking. No matter, it always tastes better when you don't have to fix it.

  6. I thought of another idea, make one day a week or every two weeks to go to the beach or a nearby park and have a walk around and take lunch or just a snack. Act like a tourist for the day. Hugs .

  7. That's a really good idea, Gemma's person. Having a day out somewhere and taking a sandwich/drink/ fruit, etc so that you don't have to spend money in cafes. Especially during the months when you can't go to the caravan.

  8. My husband will clear the table after dinner but if I don't ask I do any dishes that don't fit in the dishwasher ( large pots) myself. I just call him in. Remind him everyday, don't get upset. I think a lot of men don't see what needs done so they just don't.

  9. I think the weekly list is a great idea. That way he could work his way through the list and perhaps you will be pleasantly surprised.

    God bless.

  10. I guess it is one of those ongoing processes. Annoying though. And I'm so sorry the birthday meal didn't work out as you wanted. (((hugs)))
    A weekly list or, even better, a daily one is a great idea - assuming he remembered to use it!

  11. I was grinning at your first two paragraphs at your choice of words hahaha.
    Have your plans to live nearer more folks moved on any yet? If you lived near me - you could bring Betty round and we could complain about the other halves till kingdom come!!
    SO Sooze, what first attracted you this useless bone idle lazy git?
    I'd be reluctant to start writing lists because then that's just another job to do! Try and have something nice for you today!

  12. Get a rota for both of you of all the household jobs stuck up on the fridge and then cross off jobs as they are accomplished each of you with a different colour marker. Most men like a list, they do need telling what to do ... even more so as they get older. If you list some jobs as for either of you to do, you might even find he does them just so that he can cross it off in his colour pen!! Men like to win ... he won't even realise that in fact YOU are the winner. :-)


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