Dying a slow death

 It occurred to me the other day, after doing some thinking (I've been doing a lot of thinking lately) that husband is doing just what his brother-in-law did over the last year of his life (he died a couple of years ago).  His BiL did have a few major health problems and also suffered with depression - for his final year he basically just killed himself with a very slow, long-drawn-out death.  He did literally nothing to help himself, he just sat around.  He frequently didn't take his meds, he ate a load of rubbish (he was diabetic which wasn't well controlled at all) and drank heavily, both beers and sweet fizzy pop.  He wouldn't see the GP and wouldn't go anywhere or do anything.  His wife, husband's sister, tried her utmost to get him to take his meds, see the GP, eat healthily, do things - all to no avail, he just refused point blank.  Eventually she gave up and left him to it.  The sad thing is that they have children and grandchildren, he could and should have lived for them but even that couldn't persuade him.  No doubt the severe depression did that, but if he flat out refused to help himself, there wasn't much his wife could do.

Husband isn't as bad as that - yet - but he is in danger of going the same way.  We've had a talk this morning and I've said all this to him - gently and calmly, I haven't shouted at him or got angry and have tried to keep a lid on my frustration.  I did say to him that it's obviously up to him if he chooses to give up, but the sad and unfair thing is that he's bringing Betty and I down with him.  I don't want to give up on life and die before I've even reached my State pension age!  (Husband is 9 years older than me).  He was saying the other day, in order to explain why he was only out with Betty for less than 10 minutes, that she just doesn't want to walk and shows no interest.  Well, I've seen him from the window when he's been in the back field with her - he trudges along with his hands in his pockets, shoulders slumped, not looking at anything.  So it's no wonder Betty finds no joy in the walk - she takes her cue from him!  When I take her out, I enjoy looking around bird and insect spotting, looking at all the trees and plants and I engage with Betty all the time, talking to her.

Husband is still adamant that he doesn't want to take any antidepressants or anxiety meds, he's understandably reluctant to add any more tablets to the loads he already takes.  Nor does he want counselling or any talking therapies - that's not his scene and he just won't do it.  So I've said, for starters, we should go out more - have a day, or half a day, out each week, weather permitting.  Today we're going to go and park up in a car park near the Taunton Canal and go for a walk along the towpath.  We'll take a picnic with us, and there's a pub on the canal bank so we might even sit in their garden with Betty (we're taking her, of course) and have a coffee afterwards.  It's not sunny today, but it's dry (for a change!) and the wind has dropped, so the weather will be fine for walking, actually.

Whenever I make any suggestions to husband for things we/he could do, changes we/he could make, etc, he is usually agreeable, although not always.  However, starting is all very well - it's getting him to continue that's the big problem.  But I have to try, not only for his mental and physical health but for mine and Betty's too.