Eeks!

 I got out of the shower this morning and grabbed the bath towel off the heated towel rail, opened it up....and there was an 8-legged thing on it (they're called eeks in our house, I can't even say the word, I have a pathological fear of them).  I dropped the towel on the floor and ran out of the bathroom naked and dripping everywhere, yelling for husband, who came upstairs to deal with it.  Unfortunately, he's so slow coming up the stairs nowadays, the thing had disappeared by the time he got in the bathroom.  So now I know there's one in there somewhere (probably loads actually) and I'll be thinking about that every time I go for a wee. 😒 Not a good start to the day!

Oddly enough, I don't mind them too much in the garden (although I wouldn't like one running over my foot) - I guess because it's their domain, not an enclosed space, and a much bigger area.  We do get quite a lot of them in our house though, in fact I feel like a nervous wreck sometimes in late summer when they all start appearing regularly - especially the big ones.  I'm just glad husband doesn't mind them and can deal with them, goodness knows what I'd be like if he wasn't around.  Betty will pounce on them and eat them if she sees one, which is just as gruesome.  Ones on the ceiling are the worst, as far as I'm concerned, the thought of one drop----oh I'm not even going to finish the sentence *shudders*.  I once saw the comedian Phill Jupitus do a stand up comedy routine on TV years ago, about a big 8-legged thing in his house - apparently he's scared of them too.  The story he told was clearly very exaggerated for comedy purposes, but it was just so exactly how I would feel that I was absolutely helpless with laughter, I could identify with every word he said.

And sorry to those of you who love all creatures and won't harm any of them - in our house husband whacks them....none of this putting the poor things outside - they'll only come back in again!  It's either me or them - and I'm more important, I cook his meals, wash his clothes, do all his admin, and remind him where he's put his house/car/garage/shed keys (as he always forgets).

It's a lovely day again, clear blue sky and sunshine, although still a bit chilly, not shorts weather yet.  Going to make an asparagus, leek and goats cheese quiche for lunch, using our own leeks and the first of our new year's asparagus.  Fish and chips for tea, from the freezer not the chippy - husband can do it to give me a break.

Husbands and clothes shopping

 What's your other half like when it comes to clothes?  Mine has no interest in clothes at all - clothes to him are just things to cover him up and keep him warm, he really doesn't care what he or the clothes look like.  He has plenty of clothes, but wears the same 2 or 3 pairs of scruffy track suit bottoms and t-shirts or rugby shirts all the time.....consequently, he looks like a scarecrow or a tramp most of the time.  And I'm not even joking!  He wears his clothes literally until they fall to bits, or I throw them out.  It hasn't mattered much during the last year of lockdown, but now things are easing and we're starting to think about going out a bit more, it does matter - I don't want him going out wearing the same scruffy old ripped or dirty clothes he wears at home.  I try to make an effort, even at home - I wear coordinating colours, at least!

Trying to get him to actually buy new clothes is a nightmare - I honestly think he would be happy wearing the same thing all the time....I sometimes have to tell him to PLEASE put his clothes in the wash!  On the rare occasion when I've got him to a clothes store, he acts like a sulky teenager - slouching around with his hands in his pockets, refusing to try anything on and asking if I'VE finished - when it's stuff for him I'm looking at!  I did actually persuade him to order himself some clothes online the other week - he got half a dozen assorted tops (no bottoms).....he's worn one of them once in the 3 weeks or so since they arrived.  I don't think he's even tried the rest on.  There's no point in me ordering him anything myself - I've tried that, he just complains he doesn't like them and refuses to wear most of it.  He also thinks anything that costs more than £10 is daylight robbery. 😖

Well, I've told him today that he MUST get new clothes before we go on holiday, as I'm just not going away with him looking like a tramp....he's reluctantly agreed.  So one day next week we are going shopping for clothes for him - I might have to take a handful of my anti-anxiety meds beforehand 😂  (Or buy myself something new as a consolation for the stress of it).

I know the past year has been difficult for everyone, in one way or another - I just think that being stuck at home for so long unable to do all the odd jobs, gardening etc he normally does for neighbours, and then the 6 or 8 weeks when his foot was in plaster and he couldn't put any weight on it so couldn't go out, has taken away his motivation.  He's not depressed, he's just got quite lazy and stuck in a rut.

Some good things at last

 Thank you for all the good wishes and comments.  My consultant assured me there's no sign of cancer in my kidneys (a particular concern since both my mum and sister had kidney cancer), and no diabetic nerve damage in my bladder.  He's referring me on to another department for further treatment.  How long I'll have to wait for that remains to be seen, but I'm relieved by what he said.  Meanwhile, I have a GP appointment next week for a somewhat related problem, which I'm hoping is easily treatable.

Husband and I now have a new goal on the horizon, it's something that I can't talk about yet, but will hopefully give us a lot of pleasure in the future.  It's certainly picked me up, I'm doing things to prepare for it and making lots of lists.  Being able to cross a few things off the list makes me happy.

A bit of time spent with my best friend this week also gave me a huge boost and made me smile a lot.

So things are getting better, there are more positives and things to look forward to.  Husband has his 2nd jab in just over a week, and then there's our upcoming holiday.....which incidentally I must start thinking about.  I shall be cooking and freezing meals to take with us - I don't want to be cooking all the time whilst we're away, that's not much of a holiday for me.  Nor do we really want to eat out all the time - both because of the cost and from a Covid point of view.  I don't mind eating a bag of chips sitting by the sea, or a takeaway frothy coffee, but I'm not comfortable with the idea of sitting with lots of other people at a cafe or pub, even if it is outside.

Lovely sunny start with blue sky and some frost around, no rain forecast, it's going to be a nice day.  Washing to go out on the line again today, always a good thing.

Pending

 Thank you for your enquiries and kind comments, they mean a lot, you're a great bunch.

I have been very low indeed, but things are picking up now and I'm feeling much more positive.  Not got a lot to write about yet, but will be back soon.

I'm glad lockdown is easing off.....not that we've rushed out to the pub or been on a giant shopping trip - we haven't.  I popped into a shoe shop yesterday and bought a much needed pair of shoes (went early and there were only 3 other people in the shop), then did our normal food shop, and that was it, enough excitement for one day.  Not been out anywhere today.

Tomorrow I have a hospital appointment, a follow up with the consultant who did my bladder exploratory op back in January.  I hope he'll have some good news, or some useful suggestions as to what happens next, as the problems are ongoing.  

Helping myself

 My life feels like it's totally beyond my control at the moment.  It isn't, it's just the way I'm feeling, I am very depressed, owing to things I've been desperately upset by recently but which I can't do anything about.  And a lack of support from one source, which has really hurt me.

The one thing I can control though is my weight.  Having lost over a stone last year on the advice of my consultant prior to my bladder op, I then put most of it back on again - the 3rd lockdown, Christmas and worsening depression being my excuse....I'm a comfort eater.  Not that getting fatter is much comfort.  So my siblings and I have decided to form our own slimming group - we've all put on weight and want to get it off.  Starting today - been shopping early for healthy supplies.  Last night I sat and planned a week's meals.....I'm doing Pinch of Nom - for those who don't know, it's kind of loosely based on Slimming World and is how I lost the weight last year.  I have the books and there are some lovely recipes in them - in fact I don't think there's any I didn't like.  Husband really liked all the meals too (he's also wanting to lose the weight he's put on)....but then he's not really a fussy eater, he'll eat pretty much anything.

Thank you for the lovely comments on my flower pictures.  I wouldn't say I'm talented at all - it's just something I've found I really enjoy doing.  I just watch a youtube video or two, then get up some images of a particular flower and just go for it, copying the basic shape but putting my own interpretation on it.  It's amazing what we can do when we put our minds to it, and it helps a lot if we like it.  I think some of my drawings look quite amateurish - well, they are!  But it pleases me to do it.  My artist friend has given me lots of advice and encouragement.

Flower drawings

 Hazel, I'm so sorry to read about your son.  Thank you so much for all the other comments.

I've been drawing the last few days, it helps me to relax.  Flower pictures for my bedroom:-

Lilac - the colours look quite washed out here in the photo, more vibrant in real life.

More lavender.  Apologies for the window reflection on the photo, I've mounted the drawings on simple glass frames.

A lily, I like drawing lilies.  This one is a mixture of pencils and watercolour pens.  Again, sorry about the reflection from the window, I'm a bit rubbish at taking photos.

No but thank you

 I've had several messages and emails asking if I'm alright.  No, i'm very, very far from alright.  It's not something I can talk about, other than being severely depressed.  Thank you for asking, it's nice to know some people care.