Thanks for the comments re the BT resolution, it's just a pity that I had to go to those lengths and suffer so much stress to get it resolved. It wore me out, frankly. I'm happy it's dealt with, but will never be fully confident that the problems won't recur. At least though, if they do, I can ring the exec assistant direct, as per her instructions, and she'll get it resolved.
My better sleep was just a one-off, I had a terrible night last night. Yesterday, my sister managed to take Mum to her church meeting, for the first time in months....Mum had been saying she really missed the meeting and all her friends. It took a lot of organisation for sis, and they only stayed for a short while as she knew it would take it out of Mum. Sis sent me a photo she took of Mum and her best friend, Rose, sitting beside each other in their wheelchairs after the service. Oh it made me cry - Rose, who's as unwell as Mum and has had as many hospital admissions, looks hale and hearty. Mum looks utterly dreadful, she's lost loads of weight (sis did tell me she's just skin and bone now), she has a deathly pallor, her hair is extremely thin and wispy, she's gaunt and haggard and just looks like a corpse, the contrast between the two of them is startling. Mum's gone downhill so much in the 2 months since sis last sent me a photo of her, she's practically unrecognisable as the same person. The only saving grace is that Mum has a smile on her face and actually looks happy. The photo haunted me all night, I couldn't get it out of my mind.
I know I should go and see Mum, before it's too late, to be blunt. I don't want to ask husband to take me up there, it's too long a journey for him now. Both times recently when he's had to do longish journeys (to Aunt's funeral and nephew's wedding, both in nearby towns and the journeys thus taking similar times) he's been totally worn out when we've got home, he says he hates driving any distance now as he finds it too much of a strain both physically and mentally. And those journeys took about 2 hours.....it's about 3.5 hours up to see Mum. I know I could go with my brother....except that he's very busy with work at the moment (he's self employed in a tourist based business). But the real reason is that I don't really want to go - I don't want my last visual memories of my Mum to be as a wizened haggard thin very ill old lady with dementia. And coming so soon after seeing my beloved Aunt's final terrible illness and death in hospital, it's just too upsetting.
I know it's selfish of me and I do feel extremely guilty about it, but I just can't do it. I'm very tearful today.