Thursday, 29 August 2019

The consequences

Thank you for all your comments on my wish to remember my Mum as she was in happier, healthier times, and not as she is now, which I find just too distressing.  Just thinking about the photo sis sent me reduces me to tears, I don't even have to look at it.  I know I won't be able to hold back the tears if I actually see Mum, and that's not going to help either of us.  Some of my family and friends don't agree with my decision, but it is mine to make and I have to live with the consequences of that.

I've decided I'm going to make and send her cards a couple of times a week, with brief chatty messages about what we've been doing.  Mum's eyesight is very poor so sis or younger bro will have to read the cards out to her, but I'll make them bright and colourful so she'll be able to just about see the front of the cards.  Ringing Mum is getting to be more and more problematical - sometimes she's fairly lucid, other times not, increasingly so, cards seem to be a better alternative.  Wish I'd thought of it before.

Just about everything I eat seems to be upsetting my stomach at the mo, all my muscles and joints are aching, my sleep (lack of) is back to the worst, and I have palpitations and tension headaches - I know it's all to do with Mum and a couple of other stressful things.  It'll all sort itself out the meantime, I'm being extremely careful about what I eat.  

It's my 60th birthday in a couple of's been a standing joke in my family for years and years that I'm 39 every birthday as I refuse to accept that my body is getting that old whilst my mind and outlook remain young.  However, I must say I do feel my age at the moment.


  1. There are times when it all just hits hard, aren't there? I think your idea of cards is utterly brilliant and something quite different for your mum, something she can continue to pick up and look at again and again. My mum used to read and re-read the emails my brothers and Beth sent regularly and seemed to get equal pleasure every time. She also loved photos - maybe you could take some of your countryside or places you go to, to print out and include with the card.

  2. A silly question, does your Mum have a magnifying glass? When my Mum's eyesight deteriorated (due to diabetes that was detected too late) she was never without one.

  3. Nice you are sending cards to your Mum. When my sister was terminally ill I sent postcards everyday to her and went everywhere to get lots of different places to remind her of days gone by. The nurses loved the idea and told lots of people to do it.
    Hazel c uk

  4. Making cards for your Mum is a wonderful idea, Sooze. That will really brighten her days!
    As for you, just take each day as it comes, sleep when you feel the need and eat what you feel like (within reason, 10 Cornettos probably isn't a good idea, haha!) Does she like music? Perhaps send her a cd of music she likes :)

  5. A great idea to make cards for your Mum. She'll be able to look at them over and over again. Also, if she hasn't got one already,have you thought about a twiddlemuff? They're easy to make if you (or anyone you know) can knit or crochet. I made one for my Father-in-law (unfortunately, I hadn't heard of them when my parents were very poorly with dementia) and he enjoyed fiddling with it. I used an "eyelash" yarn to crochet a sort of cat's tail which he liked to stroke on his nose! Sleep isn't easy when your mind is in a whirl. Take care of yourself, doze when you can, try to eat healthily and keep telling yourself "This too will pass!" xx

  6. I can understand your decision Sue that you want to remember your mum in happier times when she wasn't so unwell, I know when my father inlaw had a turn and on the way out, my husband wanted to remember him as he was, my husband who used to be a professional driver for many years doesn't like doing the long haul journeys anymore. I also know what its like when family don't agree with decisions we make, my two sisters treat me like shit now, my mother had a mini stroke a couple of years ago and they live nearer than we do, and just because we did't rush to her bedside I am now the black sheep of the family now, I did ring the hospital and was kept informed how she was, she was sent home 24 hours after, so it wasn't a major stroke. Since then there have been various things I haven't agreed with and they have turned really nasty once again, and they did something really hurtful to my son so sadly I don't think I shall be having anything to do with them anymore.

  7. Your mum will love your cards and it will be a good way to communicate with her without seeing her. x

  8. That is a good idea, sending you lovley handmade cards! Keep on the sunny side my lovely. Hugs! xx


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