Thursday 6 October 2022

Makes it real

 First of all, thank you, just.....thank you 💜  And for the emails.

I've been very tearful and down the last couple of days.....unburdening myself and putting it all 'out there' to the whole world on my blog, whilst being sort of cathartic, also makes it all so real.  Admitting my long marriage (39 years married, 42 years together) has collapsed, after going downhill for the past 2 or 3 years, makes me feel a failure.  I don't know what will happen in the future - I have no immediate plans to leave, as I said I can't as I simply cannot support myself financially.  And if husband's heart failure is getting worse, then there's no way I can even contemplate leaving, I just couldn't leave him to cope alone, he wouldn't be able to.  Even if he was in good health, he'd have a hard time doing everything that I do, on his own.  Although he claims he'd be fine on his own (when I've semi-jokingly threatened to leave in the past) - I seriously doubt that.

Over the past couple of days I've been making him do some jobs - every time I ask him to do anything, he grumbles under his breath, heaves big sighs (god forbid I should interrupt his computer game playing!) or moans outright.  At the moment, I'm just ignoring his moans and moodiness, I simply say "Just do it, please", my tone of voice giving him no choice.  Eventually though I am going to have it out with him.

I have started making some plans and set some things in motion, I'll say more about that next time.  I went to the GP yesterday about my hip, he thinks the pain is caused by either osteoarthritis, bursitis (which I already have in my other hip) or osteoporosis.  I didn't even have to ask for an xray, he suggested it as the first step in diagnosing the cause of my pain.  I'm having the xray on Sunday - as I'm having the Covid jab on Saturday I just hope that doesn't affect me too much - but I think I'll be dragging myself to the hospital for the xray even if I feel terrible, I'm that desperate to get this hip pain sorted.


  1. Often a problem shared is a problem halved. Could you perhaps get him to drop you off at the caravan so you could have time on your own away from it all for as long as you need. Tell him you need some space.

  2. Men's standards fall far short of women's standards when it comes to everyday living chores. I for one cannot go a day without cleaning my kitchen window, the slightest smudge drives me bonkers. The man on the other hand wouldn't notice if the glass pane falls out. I think we are wired different. Good luck with getting your hip sorted, I'm going through the same problem, even after physical therapy for six weeks.

  3. You're not a failure. All relationships go through some rocky patches, sometimes they can be ridden out, sometimes not. You've made the first steps in getting him to help out. The tricky thing is to talk to him, without getting upset or angry. Maybe calmly explain that you both have health problems which make things difficult and that you think allocating chores will help both of you. Pick a few chores that you know he can do without supervision and write out what each of you will be responsible for. As Jo says, men's standards fall way below women's, so you may need to turn a blind eye for a while!
    As for family, have you asked them why they've left you out of plans? It could be something as simple as they thought you'd got enough on your plate. If it really is that they're deliberately snubbing you, it may be time to cut them out of your life. You don't need that sort of aggro.
    So pleased you're getting your hip pain sorted. Pain is wearing and makes everything seem so much worse. We had our flu jabs on Friday and our Covid jabs on Saturday. Apart from a slightly sore injection site, no ill effects. Hopefully you'll be the same.🤞 Sorry for the lengthy comment. I just care about you. xx

  4. I hope the Xray helps to find out what's going on with your hip.
    (still thinking of you and sending love). xxx

  5. I know of several friends who have recently had their Covid/Flu jabs, one in each arm, and had only very mild after-effects so I reckon you'll be OK to go for your Xray.
    I truly hope you can be helped with all you are suffering with - including your husband (who I suspect has got far too used to getting his own way and making a cock-up of some jobs so that you take over and do it yourself!!!)

  6. You are not a failure my dear.

    Hope you find out what is wrong with your hip very soon.

    God bless.

  7. You are never a failure, the one that realises that something needs to be done and actually starts to do something about it is the stronger one. I walked out on my first marriage after 26 years and I have never regretted it. It took an immense amount of strength but once I realised that it had to be done, I literally just did it. The relief was worth all the fear and upset.

  8. Life is short…trust me when I say that.


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