Wednesday 8 March 2023

A sledgehammer to crack a nut

 Well we have snow, surprisingly, about an inch at the moment and it is still snowing, albeit not fast or big flakes.  Betty's already been out and had a run round the garden, she's like a lawnmower in the snow, she has her nose right in it and charges round like she's hoovering the snow up!  The sky looks full of it, so we obviously have more to come.  I just hope it doesn't hang around - well, the temperature is due to rise from tomorrow and more rain forecast, so that'll get rid of it.

Thank you all for the kind and supportive comments.  I didn't sleep well, understandably, after yesterday's revelations....husband seems ok, he didn't sleep too badly.  He did suggest, however, not going for the tests - because he too is worrying about being told he might have his licence taken away.  I will make sure he goes though - we need to know what's causing his terrible short term memory loss, whatever the outcome may be.  It just feels like we've had the rug pulled out from under our feet right now.  Having only been told by the GP that he'd arrange for husband to have a brain scan and take it from there, we only expected for husband to go and have an MRI or CT scan.  We had absolutely no idea that he'd be having all these memory and mental health tests imminently, and to be told straight away that he might lose his driving licence was such a shock - like frightening the life out of us before he's even diagnosed.  It's like using a sledgehammer to crack a nut.  If they routinely tell people that straight away up front, my feeling is that it may well put people off having the tests - like it did husband.

There's no doubt that if husband does lose his licence, it will adversely affect every single aspect of our lives.  We'd have to give up the caravan for a start, to my great disappointment, it would be difficult to get Betty to the vet (we don't go to the nearest vet [even the nearest isn't near us], we go to one over half an hour away, as they are without a doubt the best vets in the area.  Similarly, my dentist is over 30 mins away, although husband goes to one in town.  Both hospitals - the small cottage-type one and the big general one - are a fair distance away, the small one the other side of Bridgwater, the big one 40+ mins drive away in Taunton.  Every single facility, service and shopping area we use needs a car to get there - no public transport here as you know.

I know if the worst happens and husband is diagnosed with some form of dementia and has to lose his licence, it may well bump up our housing needs ranking.  But even then, it won't happen overnight, that will take time, the housing dept will require further written evidence and may want to get in touch with the doctors.  And even then it might take a while - several weeks or months even - to be offered a new home.  And, the worst thing, we may then be forced to accept a home that, whilst it may be deemed to meet our requirements, it may be a type of property and an area that we don't really want.  We would hate to have to move to a flat (no garden) in the centre of a very built up area - we really don't want to be forced to live somewhere that we'll both hate.

Right now, I feel like we are both being forced to confront something major head on that might turn out to be nothing.....if it's just meds related.  As for husband's driving - I'm with him in the car for most journeys, and I don't feel scared stiff!  If I thought there was a big problem with his driving, then I'd say so.  He feels, as do I, that the fact that he was a professional driver of lorries, and buses/coaches before that, for nearly all his working life, right up until he retired in 2017, and all the intensive driving training he went through, stands him in good stead and his driving skills are deeply ingrained in him.  Obviously, though, if he is diagnosed with dementia of some sort, then he will eventually have to give up driving - I've looked on the Dementia UK website and it's not necessarily going to happen straight away, he may be able to continue driving for a while.

I just feel the woman from the Memory Assessment team put the fear of God into us right from the start yesterday, completely unnecessarily and prematurely, and I will be mentioning that to them when we both go for these tests (they've said I should accompany husband so I can give my insights into his problems).

I just knew this run of good stuff happening in our lives wouldn't last!! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜’

One positive thing to come out of yesterday was that in the afternoon I had a good long video chat with my sister, who is a fulltime carer to her husband, who has numerous medical problems, he is immobile and housebound.  So she at least can empathise 100% with everything I'm feeling at the moment.  I said that, notwithstanding our 'in sickness and in health' marriage vows, we both feel that we didn't sign up for this!!  And we both had tears streaming down our faces whilst laughing our heads off.


  1. I do agree about telling you straight away that husband might have to give up driving. Insensitive to say the least. That's a conversation to have, face to face, once all the tests have been done AND the scan results are in.
    No snow here (yet) but frosty. Hopefully, it'll pass us by! xx

  2. I hope the tests turn out to be nothing serious Sooze. It's dreadful to have that thrown at you so unexpectedly. They should be a little more sensitive when giving out that kind of information.

  3. It was a remarkably insensitive thing to do to you both although I guess it's in the 'small print' that they have to mention it to you.

    We have snow too - not much and it's slushing on the pavements but quite enough for me, thank you very much. Beeb says it will go in a while - I hope they are right. xx

  4. I'm glad l you had that long chat with your sister, you really do need to be able to talk to someone that understands to that extent. Just try to take things as and when they happen. Just reading your words, makes me feel that your brain is working in overdrive at the moment, don't let it take you on a negative spiral.

  5. Just wondering...Do you drive?
    And being from the USA, I'm not understanding why you'd be forced to move houses?
    Praying for you both!

    1. No I don't drive, Donna. We live in a tiny hamlet in a very rural area with no services at all nearby, and if husband had to relinquish his driving licence, life here would be nigh on impossible for us both.

  6. I have every sympathy with you for the insensitive way in which the potential loss of licence was sprung on you both. Having family who lived in isolated areas I can easily imagine how dire that prospect would be for every aspect of daily life. I truly hope that it proves to be unduly pessimistic.

  7. This would be one set of tests they can put off like everything else that doesn't get immediate attention. Until the Dr. gets his meds straightened out, talk about putting the cart before the horse. Hang in there and stand your ground...don't let them push you around. Hugs my good woman.

  8. I am keeping my fingers crossed that all works out. Hang in there.

    God bless.


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