Betty's lovely playtime, and feeling yuck

 Betty had a wonderful time at the dog exercise field yesterday (sorry no pictures, didn't even occur to me).  For the first time she actually went on a couple of the exercise/agility things - she particularly loved the tyre mountain.  It's a load of various sized tyres, from car to tractor sizes, all piled up and filled in with sand, once she realised it was sand she was all over it, as she loves playing in the sand on the beach.  She did exactly what she does on the beach - dug holes in the sand, threw herself down in them on her back and rolled around.  Filled my heart with joy to see her enjoying herself so much.  There are 2 tunnels, big tubes around 10 or 12 feet long - she won't go in them though, even with us throwing balls through them and calling her, she just runs around the side of them!  So funny.  She also spent 10 mins or so just running around with her nose to the ground, hoovering up all the smells from the previous dozens and dozens of dogs that have been there before.  She was zonked out fast asleep for an hour soon after we got home.  Because of all the rain we've had, the field was extremely muddy in places though, and will obviously get worse as even more rain is forecast.  I think the owners of the field will have to address that, perhaps bring in some grit or bark chips to cover the worst areas.

I think I'm coming down with something, it started last night with a fit of sneezing, followed by a headache, overwhelming tiredness and aching muscles, so I went to bed early.  I slept reasonably  well, but still feel under the weather this morning, in fact I feel pretty rotten.  Hopefully it's just a cold coming on and won't hang about.

Gloomy dark evenings

 Thank you all for your comments, and my apologies for being so haphazard in answering them - I know sometimes I do, but quite often I don't.  I do certainly read them all though, and appreciate them.

I woke up ridiculously early this morning, due to the clock change, but just lay in bed reading the papers on my phone.  I was sorry to read Matthew Perry has died, he's certainly had a troubled life, poor man.  I'm sure the pressures of fame must cause no end of problems for some.  This time of year, from the clocks going back to the winter solstice on 21/22 December is the period I dislike the most, it just signals short, dark, gloomy days for me.  I know 21 December is the middle of winter, but it's the time when the days start getting longer, albeit by just a minute or 2 per day.  So it's uphill from there to Spring, as far as I'm concerned.  Out of all the months of the year, December is my least favourite, I think.  I'm not overly keen on Christmas and all the 'Buy me!  You need this!' hype surrounding it, and with my lovely Mum having died on Christmas Eve, and my beloved Nanna on Boxing Day, it's not a particularly happy time.  But at least December does seem to speed by in a mad rush each year.

I bought a leg of pork for husband for his roast dinner today, I'll have all the usual roast and green veg, with stuffing and apple sauce.  I may even have a bit of crackling.  The pork will give him dinners for the next couple of days as well, along with sandwiches for his lunch.  Any leftovers after that will be sliced or diced and frozen.  I'll do plenty of veg so we can have bubble and squeak tomorrow, with a fried egg for me, the same for husband with the addition of some cold pork.

Tomorrow morning we're taking Betty to the dog exercise field, there's no rain in the forecast which is good.  It's a pity the dog field has quickly become so popular to hire, we can only manage to book it about every 3 weeks or so, and obviously we don't know what the weather's going to be like that far ahead.  Betty's not a fan of walks in the rain, and I'm certainly not either.  We've got to take her to the vets in the afternoon, she's having trouble with one of her ears again, and her anal glands need emptying - that's not something that husband or I want to do, it absolutely stinks to high heaven.  I do love my baby, but I draw a line at doing that!

Double charged, contradictions and worry

 In Sainsburys yesterday, the checkout cashier was young, disinterested, unsmiling, yawning and clearly didn't want to be there, she didn't look at or speak to us.  Whilst I was packing things, I happened to notice that she scanned one thing twice - I pointed it out to her.  A minute or two later, she did it again with another product - not deliberately, just carelessness.  So again I had to tell her so she could void it, she didn't apologise either time, just voided the item without a word.  When we'd finished and paid, I spent a couple of minutes going through my receipt before leaving the shop, just to make sure we hadn't been double charged for any other items, fortunately we hadn't.  When I briefly worked in a supermarket, we were expressly told to be polite and friendly and engage with the customers - the girl yesterday must have missed that training talk!  And it made me wonder just how many other customers she'd inadvertently overcharged with her carelessness.

The coffee morning at the neighbour's house was good, mostly.  I say mostly because, as always, husband never stops talking, he could talk the hind legs off a donkey.  He's always been the same so I mostly stay quiet and let him do the talking.  The thing that does irritate me though is that, whenever I do talk, he will constantly butt in and finish whatever I was talking about.  And, even more irritating - and this is a fairly recent thing - he almost always contradicts me, regardless of what I was saying.  I don't think he actually means to, it's just that with his very poor memory nowadays, his recollection of events is often very different to mine.  It's like the Queen said when Harry & Meghan had come out with some claims....Recollections may vary!  But it's annoying because it makes it seem like I was lying.  I sometimes long for time alone, or at least time to spend with friends without husband dominating every conversation.

He actually did go out yesterday afternoon, so I had a lovely hour or two of total peace and quiet, getting on with the crochet blanket.  I've finished the border and made a start on a few little flowers - another couple of sessions should see it completed and ready to gift.

With regard to the housing situation....I know we'll get offered a place sooner or later - well, it's most likely to be later.  The Council themselves say the average waiting time for someone to be offered a property is around 3 years, or more, unless they are on the Homeless and Emergency list, which we're not.  It's not uncommon to have a wait of 5 years - there are very many more tenants waiting for homes than there are available properties.  My worry is that the longer we have to wait, the older we'll be - if we have to wait 5 years, husband will be 77, I'll be 68, and our health conditions aren't getting any better.  I'm just worried that I might not have the physical or mental capacity to cope with it all when the time comes - and it will be me who has to deal with everything.  It's all such a worry.

Deciding what to get rid of...

 Beautifully sunny morning yesterday so we took Betty to the nearby nature reserve, not been there for a while.  Had a lovely walk, with hardly anybody there - we generally go on one of the less popular paths anyway, the ones which have the bird hides tend to be busier.

I went through my clothes again yesterday - suddenly remembered I had a plastic lidded box under my bed containing clothes which I hadn't worn for probably a year.  I kept a couple of things, but the rest have been bagged up for the charity shop, along with some other clothes which are now too big.  I decided I'm not keeping them as I don't want to grow back into them!  I suggested husband sort through his wardrobe as well - it's stuffed with shirts and smart trousers which he never wears, except for rare weddings and funerals.  I said it would be sensible to keep a couple of shirts, but he really doesn't need 6 or 8 that he literally never wears.  Same with the smart trousers - he lives in shorts during the summer, and tracksuit trousers in winter, and nearly all of the smart trousers no longer fit him anyway, as his waistline has expanded over the past couple of years.  He hasn't started on it yet, but I'll suggest it again this afternoon.

I think when we do finally move home, we'll probably get rid of his wardrobe - it's a great big heavy antique pine one, it is very nice but will most likely be far too big when we're downsizing to a smaller property.  He's got a really nice antique pine chest of drawers, he could probably have one of my 3 smaller sets of pine drawers to add to that, plus a simple clothes rail if he wants one.  We do have a fair bit of excess furniture we'll no longer need - or fit - in a smaller place....e.g. as well as the leather sofa which turns into a very nice comfy sofa bed, which we'll be keeping, we currently have 5 armchairs of different types.  Three are in the lounge, one in the dining room and one upstairs in my bedroom - I'll be keeping that as it's a recliner and I use it a lot.  Two of the downstairs armchairs will go though.  Our dining table is a big and old drop leaf solid oak one, very cumbersome and heavy, along with heavy oak chairs.  We will get rid of those and buy a small 2-seater table - we already have 2 further more modern light wood dining chairs, currently in my craft room, which we'll keep and try to get a table to match.  Husband has a large corner pine desk, that'll go too, we'll get a smaller computer console desk, the student kind that kids have in their bedrooms.

Another thing to go will be our large upright fridge freezer - it's fairly old now, although still works perfectly.  We have another spare much newer under counter fridge in the utility room, we were given it by my brother who was having a new kitchen fitted, we'll keep that instead, along with the big upright freezer in the utility room.  When the time comes I'll advertise all this stuff on our local Marketplace page, at cheap prices so it all goes quickly.  Husband was rubbing his hands with glee at the thought of getting loadsamoney for all this stuff, but I said it'll be far better to sell it all cheaply so it gets sold rapidly.  If we charge the sort of prices he wants, we'll never sell it and I don't want to take unnecessary surplus stuff with us when we move.  It'll all be extra money anyway, and we have plenty of money in our house move savings fund, due to my careful saving and transferring extra amounts into it, such as the surprise legacy from the deceased relative I never knew I had.

We're still no nearer getting a house move - all we can do is keep putting in bids on suitable properties each week, one day we'll get lucky and it'll be our turn.  Only one property worth putting a bid on this week.....the bungalow itself is not ideal, and it doesn't have a front garden or a drive for the car, parking is on the street.  But the location is good, close to a supermarket and GP surgery.  It is a bit soul destroying putting all these bids in week after week and getting nowhere, we've been on the housing list for almost a year now.  Just got to keep doing it and keep our fingers crossed.

Going shopping early this morning, as we've been invited to a neighbour's coffee and cake morning at 11.00 am.  I really must get on with the baby blanket this afternoon, I didn't do any yesterday.  Feeling a bit flat and despondent today.

I see I'm getting a ton of spam comments again, advertising links to who knows what.  I don't know why they bother, they're never going to get published - well not on this blog anyway.

I'll be eating prawns for months!

 We needed to stock up on frozen food - we go shopping for freezer stuff about every couple of months.  We decided to try FarmFoods instead of the usual Iceland Food Warehouse - they're next door to each other in our town and neither is ever busy when we go, quite frankly I don't know how they manage to stay open when they're in direct competition with each other and being next door.  My main gripe with FarmFoods is that half the shop is given over to - well, crap basically - rows and rows of multipacks of canned pop, crisps, biscuits and sweets.  And their fresh fruit and veg isn't up to much - not good quality and very limited choice.  However, they do have some good bargains on fresh dairy stuff and frozen foods, although it is a bit hit and miss.....e.g. their frozen cauli and broccoli (I buy it for Betty's homemade food) is in smaller packs and isn't particularly good value.  I buy big bags of frozen diced ready cooked chicken for Betty too, it's good value and convenient.  They do big bags (1.5kg) of frozen tiger king prawns - really massive prawns, which I love.  They're £19.99 each or 2 bags for £30 - I got 2 yesterday.  They're expensive, but they last a long time as I don't need to use many because of them being so huge.  Husband likes them too, I used them to make a Thai prawn curry for us both for dinner last night - scrumptious.  They also quite often do special offers on butter - last time we went, they were doing 500g tubs of Country Life butter for 99p.  No such luck this time, but they did have 750g tubs at £4.00, which is £1 cheaper than Sainsburys.

I noticed Lidl had some of their £1.50 veg boxes - fresh fruit & veg that's nearing the end of its life and will otherwise be thrown out.  So I went and had a look - some people on FB rave about them, but I have to say I have rarely seen one that I would buy, even for £1.50 - the ones they had yesterday had veg and fruit that was so far gone I'd just throw it on the compost heap.  Lettuces that were slimy, tomatoes so soft and squidgy they'd split, very brown bananas, carrots that were going mouldy.  Yuck.  

Seems lots of us count marrying our husbands as one of our best life decisions - which is just as well I suppose!  Another good decision I made was to drive up to the Midlands to see my Mum in hospital on the last day of her life, on Christmas Eve 2019.  We got there 10 minutes after she died, and to this day I don't regret that, as I said all along I didn't want to watch her die.  However, I'm so glad I could give her a hug and kiss whilst she was still warm, rather than seeing her cold and waxy body in the sterile and soulless environment of a funeral home.

And of course another great decision was getting my beautiful Betty, she's my baby (I've never had nor wanted children) and brings me so much joy, she makes me smile literally every single day.  It's her birthday today, she's 7 years old, we've had her since she was just 8 weeks old and I can't believe how quickly the time has gone by.

In common with some of you, husband's had a letter to say he's getting a payment of £500 for the Winter Fuel Allowance again.  I'm so grateful for this, it really does make a big difference to us.  We'll have no worries about turning the central heating up if it's cold this winter (we've not needed to put it on yet), and it'll mean we can put another big chunk into our moving house savings.

Best decisions

 Yesterday was sunny and calm, albeit a bit cold, so we took the opportunity to go out for a walk.  We went to Watchet, a pretty little harbour town and one of our favourite places, we love walking along the pier and leaning on the wall looking out to sea.

Do you ever think that some decisions you made in life were the best things ever?  I'm sure most of us would be so glad we made certain decisions.  Moving down here to Somerset from a large Midlands town (and prior to that, a busy and noisy London suburb near to Heathrow Airport) was probably the best decision we ever made, along with buying our cheap dilapidated old caravan and doing it up to be the perfect holiday home.  We love our rural life here in Somerset and couldn't ever envisage moving back up north to a heavily built up and populated area.  Obviously as we get older rural living presents more problems, and we know we have to move for our future health needs, but hopefully it will still be a nice area with fields nearby, on the edge of a small town.

And of course, getting married to my husband was the best decision, he's always been and still is my soulmate.  At times his behaviour is very frustrating and challenging, but I remind myself it's not his fault, he didn't choose to have heart failure and cognitive impairment.  I sometimes think, when it's been an especially stressful day because of something he's done - I didn't sign up for this life.  But actually I did - our marriage vows are for better or worse, in sickness and in health.  So whatever life throws at us, I will deal with it.

I've made some good friends over the years too, it's a pity I don't see enough of my couple of best friends - time and distance constraints.

What are the best decisions you ever made?  And are there any you regret?  Obviously, there are some things I regret, but I tend to think they're in the past and nothing we can do about them - except try not to make the same mistakes again.

A hug for Sue, and a hippyish baby blanket

 I'd like to start off by saying I hope Sue of A Smaller and Simpler Life/A Year of Modern Rationing is well and enjoying her blogging break.  I miss your blogs Sue, as I'm sure we all do, but understand that we must all do what is best for us.  I hope you'll return to Blogland, but that's a selfish point of view.  Take care Sue, and please have a (collective) virtual hug from us all.

I finished the main body of the crochet baby blanket yesterday, and started on the border, it's a couple of rows of single crochet and then a scalloped shell edge.  I'm now going to crochet a few single and double flowers, and maybe a couple of butterflies, and sew them on.  The main part of the blanket is in a deep aubergine colour, the border is lilac and the flowers and butterflies will be lilac and shades of pink.  Our neighbour dresses in quite a Bohemian, hippyish way and is having a little girl, so slightly unconventional colours would I feel be more suited to her than the normal plain cream and pink.  I was initially going to do the blanket in shades of dove grey, teal green and mustard yellow - that was before I knew she was having a girl though....those colours would have been more suited to a boy I think.  I've enjoyed making this one, once finished I might carry on with the dove grey one - I'd started it some weeks back, before changing to the aubergine colour scheme.  The dove grey one can go in my stash - I'm sure there'll be a baby boy born sooner or later.  I do like crocheting, especially baby blankets, through the winter - it's nice to have a warm lapful of wool.  Oh and I'll put a pic of the blanket on here when it's done.

I made a lovely dinner yesterday, if I do say so myself.  It was new potatoes thinly sliced and layered with sliced leeks and smoked salmon, I made a cheese, pesto and cream sauce to pour over it (had part of a tub of fresh pesto to use up) and baked it in the oven.  It was gorgeous, even husband really liked it and he's not really a fan of smoked salmon - says it's too strong tasting.  Served it with long stemmed broccoli.  Today husband's having roast chicken slices I froze in gravy, he's asked for mash and peas with it.  I'm having a portion of the herby crumble-topped ratatouille I made and froze a couple of weeks ago.  So it's a non-cooking day today.

Packed up, loads of washing, and crochet to finish

 We had a really lovely last day at the caravan yesterday, and the sun shone all day, with a few spots of rain as we were leaving.  We got everything done at a leisurely pace, car packed up throughout the day, and we didn't forget anything, for a change.  One or two minor irritations - husband twice put bags in the car before I'd finished packing stuff into them, and he turned the water off when I still had a bit of washing up to do and the sink/drainer to wash down.  He has this habit of doing things thinking he's being helpful, but without asking me first, so they're not really that helpful.  And for some inexplicable reason, he put the coolbag that we'd taken our packed lunch and 2 milk cartons in (his ordinary milk and my lactose-free one) on its side in the car.  He'd cross-threaded the lid on his milk carton, meaning of course it leaked out on the way home in the tipped up on its side coolbag.  Well, at least it was in the coolbag I suppose, and not loose in the car where it would have stunk the car out for weeks.

There were fewer people there at the park than I was expecting, apparently some had already been down last week to close up.  One couple, friends of ours, are staying until the 31st, the last day of the season - they're even planning on decorating the outside of their van for Halloween this coming weekend!  And they told us another owner, one of the vans on the upper area near to us, died last week after being ill for some weeks.  Don't know what her husband will do now, he may not want to come on his own so might sell up.  As it's mainly an older population of owners on our park, there are one or two deaths every year, sadly.

I brought all the toiletries and tinned/packet foods back from the van, now we're well stocked up at home for the next few weeks.  From next January, I'll start buying a couple of things along with the fortnightly shopping, to restock the van when we go back early March.  Got a large laundry bag full of bedding, towels, tea towels and our van dressing gowns to wash this week.

So that's another year of breaks at our lovely van over with, we didn't go as often this year due to the weather not being so good.  We'll try to go more often next year, even if only for a couple of days at a time - we have to pay the site fees regardless of whether we use the van or not, so it makes sense to go as often as we can.  The friends we were talking to today practically live at their van most of the season - unfortunately for them, they have problem neighbours where they live at home, so prefer to be in their van where it's so much more peaceful.  They're both retired, obviously.

It was one of those nights where I couldn't get comfortable in bed (my back and hip are being especially painful at the moment) and couldn't shut my mind down, so not much sleep.  I must get round to reading that Sleep book that Jayne recommended!  Not had a chance yet (or been too tired, haha).  Today and tomorrow I must get on with the crocheted baby blanket and try and get it finished....the neighbour's baby is due imminently.  The main body of the blanket is nearly done, just another couple of rows, then I've the border to do and a few crochet flowers to make and sew on, so I'm on the home straight really.

Final van day

 Thanks for the comments, I doubt the problem relative will be in touch again anytime soon, seeing as she didn't get the response she wanted.  I'm highly suspicious of her motives, too many years of history to think she might have changed.  We've just found out she had a phone conversation with another relative just prior to her ringing us, and was also very abusive to them.  As I said yesterday, a leopard doesn't change its spots.

Nice sunny day today by the looks of things, so the ideal day to go off to the caravan.  We shall be spending the day there, giving it a thorough clean and packing up stuff to bring home - we don't leave any food, toiletries or clothes there over winter, although I do leave clean bedding and towels in plastic lidded boxes.  We'll be catching up with/saying au revoir to the other owners who'll be doing the same thing.  Giving the garden a final tidy up, then draining down the water system and closing everything down for winter.  I'm taking a packed lunch - who knows, it might even be nice enough to sit in the garden one final time and eat it.  I don't feel as sad this time - the van will still be there next year, we'll be going back early March to re-stock it and get it ready for our first stay of next season.....when that will be depends on the weather at the time.  The anticipation of going back for the first time at the start of the new season is always good, I've planted lots of Spring bulbs again so that'll be a nice colourful display to look forward to.

I've got a homemade chicken and veg stew out of the freezer to have when we get home, I just make sure husband gets all the chicken when I serve it up.

We've actually got nothing much on this week, for a change.  Husband needs a new dressing gown and slippers - with proper slippers rather than the open toed leather slider things he wears indoors, there may be less chance of him catching the front of them on the stairs and falling up them, as he does so often.  Or else he'll have to practise lifting his feet up more, and watching what he does!  So we may go and do a bit of clothes shopping for him, and I might have a browse in a garden centre, not done that for a while.  So it's an easy week coming up - hopefully it'll stay that way!

Nope, not happening

 It's cold, drizzly and breezy this morning, but that's alright, we don't have to go anywhere.  And I think we've got off extremely lightly in comparison to other areas, mainly up North, where there are terrible floods and people have died.  Must be absolutely devastating to have your home flooded, or to lose a loved one to the extreme weather.

Here at home, Mr Clumsy strikes again - husband tripped up the stairs yesterday, a fairly regular occurrence.....fortunately, he generally falls UPstairs and not down.  He was wearing his open-toed leather slippers and bashed his toes and this morning one of his toes is going black - badly bruised I guess.  He said he'll go to the GP on Monday if it gets any worse.

Both husband and I have, shall we say, 'problem' relatives in our extended families - I expect lots of people have.  My problem relative has been fairly quiet recently, although that could change at any time.  Yesterday we had a phone call out of the blue from husband's problem relative, who we haven't heard from or had any contact with for 4 or 5 years, thankfully.  She rang to say she wants to come and stay with us, with her new boyfriend (she gets through numerous men) and her 2 granddaughters.  Nope, not happening - my first thought was 'Why?  Why now?  What does she want this time?'.  She's extremely abrasive, rude, foul-mouthed and sarcastic and I really struggle to get on with her.  The last contact we had with her some years ago was a text from her begging us for money, as she said she'd got serious rent arrears and was threatened with eviction.  After some discussion, we gave her some money - she then well and truly abused our trust by not using the money to pay off her arrears (that's if she actually had any) but instead buying some designer stuff which she then proceeded to flaunt pictures of on FB.  She then quickly compounded the insult by prompting her daughter and son to both come to us with sob stories of their own and ask for yet more money - as we'd coughed up, she clearly thought we were a soft touch and an ongoing open wallet.  We soon disabused them of that idea, we didn't give them any, telling them we're not cash cows.  That was the last we heard from any of them.

I just think she's after something (probably money) and wants to bring her granddaughters as a way of playing on our - well, husband's - emotions, he is a bit of a softy where children are concerned.  I know some of you may be thinking well she might have changed, give her a chance.  So I'd like to say to you all - please don't, none of you know the family dynamics, the amount of trouble she's caused over the years and just how rude she's been to both of us, lots of times.  A leopard doesn't change its spots, as far as I'm concerned.  Hopefully that will be the end of it and we won't hear from her again.  The older I get, the less I want unnecessary hassle and am no longer prepared to tolerate it.

The odds and ends of bread I found in the freezer made a huge bread pudding, I've cut it into 12 large slices and frozen most of them, that'll please husband for some time to come.  I also used up some marmalade in it - husband wanted a jar of marmalade a few weeks back so I told him to get one whilst he was out.....he bought the cheapest value range one which is more or less just sweetened jelly with a few strands of peel in it.  Surprisingly (not!) he doesn't like it on his toast!  I've told him on numerous occasions that buying the cheapest of anything is not necessarily a good idea, but he's a lifelong skinflint. Well, at least it's got used rather than being chucked, and husband said he likes the orangey flavour in the bread pud.

Freezer done and blimmin dentists

 We got both freezers defrosted yesterday and the up to date inventory done.  I found several packs of bread oddments, I'll use those to make a bread pudding for husband.  Nothing else needed to be thrown out, thankfully, although there were 2 tubs of turkey and chicken stocks that I'm fairly sure are from last year, so I'll be making soup with those next week to use them up.  The freezer de-icer spray certainly speeded up the defrosting, but it needed longer than the stated 10 minutes to work.....more like 20 mins, scrape out some of the softened ice, then another spray and waiting another 20 mins...several times.  It all got done quicker than our normal hairdryer method though.  Only one casualty - husband broke my wooden spatula - he normally breaks the plastic ones so thought using the wooden one would be better....obviously not!  He does go at things like a bull in a china shop.

I got a letter from my dental practice yesterday, saying they are no longer going to provide NHS services and wanting me to sign up to a monthly private plan, for which limited places are available, apparently (rubbish, that's just to panic people into signing up for it).  The closing date for signing up to this plan is (or rather, was) the 16th October - I received the letter on the 18th.  It wasn't dated or postmarked so I have no idea when it was sent - but we have been having ongoing problems with postal deliveries in this area for months (not enough staff) so it's possible the letter has just been sitting around in the sorting office for days.  We only really get post once or perhaps twice a week.  I don't know what I'm going to do about the dentist at the moment - I expect they'd bend the rules if I rang and told them I'd only just received the letter, but I'm not sure whether I want to be coerced into paying a monthly fee after having NHS dentistry all my life.  Having said that, I doubt whether I'd find it easy to sign up with a different NHS dentist - there are hardly any practices offering NHS treatment now, or accepting new patients on the NHS.  Oh, and the monthly fee for this new private plan has quite a lot of treatment exclusions, so I'd still have to pay extra for some things!  It's no wonder that all the dentists at my practice have very expensive cars (a top of the range, Range Rover and some bright yellow expensive looking low-slung sporty thing being 2 of them).

Odd weather yesterday - we had some really heavy showers, with periods of bright sunshine in between.  I want to get washing out on the line today, so hope that's possible, nobody likes wet washing hanging around on airers indoors do they?  I've done my little shopping list, so will be going to Aldi today.  I'm much better at sticking to the list nowadays - unless there's a really good reduction on something we always have, then it makes sense to get it.

I feel really tired this morning - a few nights of very disturbed sleep have caught up with me.  Oh, by the way Jayne - the sleep book arrived yesterday, not had chance to look at it yet.

Freezer day

 We have 2 freezers - a tall fridge-freezer (half and half) in the kitchen, and another 6ft tall upright freezer in the utility room (well of course it's an upright....I'd need a ladder to get into a 6ft tall chest freezer, duh!!).  Both freezers are around half full, and both badly in need of defrosting.  So today's the day.  This morning I've transferred about a 1/3 of the contents of the utility room freezer into the kitchen one, the rest will go in our big coolbox.  It also gives me a chance to do a full inventory, and possibly throw out anything that's really old, got freezer burn and is potentially unusable.  I've found a tub of something which husband froze some while back - instead of asking me to write the contents on it, he's just written his name and not what it is.  Of course, it's now a frozen solid block of something unidentifiable, and naturally he can't remember what it is.  So one day next week he's going to have a surprise dinner!

I've set him the task of the defrosting.  We normally use a hairdryer and plastic ice scraper, which does take a long time - this time we've bought a big freezer defrosting spray, apparently you just spray it on, leave for 10 mins and then the softened ice will come out easily.  Allegedly.  Once he's defrosted, wiped it all out and washed and dried the drawers, I'll put everything back, writing the inventory as I go.  I have a system for filling the drawers - the top drawer holds dog food, the 2nd one down is milk, 3rd is husband's meaty meals, 4th is my fish and veggie meals.  5th is home cooked ready meals, 6th is vegetables and potato products, the bottom drawer holds a couple of loaves of bread and some stocks.  It works well, I know where everything is.  If I let husband put things away, he would literally just shove them wherever there's a space, with no regard for the contents, so I would never find anything.  I do have a tendency to micro-manage things I know, but I like to be organised and in control or it causes me stress!

If we have time, we'll defrost the fridge-freezer in the kitchen this afternoon.  I might be doing it myself though, as husband likes to go up for a nap in the afternoons - that's fine, I'll be able to get on and do it in peace with just the radio on and no constant chatter.  Husband couldn't keep quiet if he tried, bless him.

I then need to write a small shopping list for Aldi, just a few things we're running out of and some veggies.  My new system for shopping is working out really well - a fortnightly shop in Sainsburys, the in-between weeks I do a small top-up shop in Aldi and go to the farmers market, if needed.  I don't need to go to the farmers market this week, we still have plenty of cheese and meats for husband.

There are now 50 people with higher priority than us on the bids list for that perfect bungalow, which doesn't surprise me, I'm sure they all think it's perfect too.  So sadly it's highly unlikely we'll even get a viewing.  But I know we'll get a nice place sooner or later.  Hopefully there'll be less people bidding for homes during the winter, they'll be preoccupied with Christmas and, besides, nobody really wants to move in winter do they?  It wouldn't be my preference either, but if we managed to get somewhere nice, we would jump at the chance whatever time of year.

Just perfect - if only!

 Storm Babet is here, but I don't think we're suffering as much as other places - it's raining, breezy, cold and very dreary, not the sort of weather you'd want to be out in, but I wouldn't call it a bad storm.  It's supposed to be better tomorrow though.  I hope so anyway, I've got washing to put on and get out, I didn't bother putting it on this morning.

Sunday looks like it'll be a good day to go to the caravan - we won't be staying overnight, just spending the day there giving it a good clean, packing up things to bring home, doing a final tidy up of the garden and draining down/switching everything off.  And saying goodbye to the other owners there, until next March.

Today's the day the new available housing list comes out, and this time there is possibly the most perfect property we've seen thus far, I've put in a bid for it but doubt we'll be successful, there are already 40 others with more entitlement in front of us on the bidding list.  Ah well.  It's a 2-bed very pretty detached bungalow, with a wet room, a car port and a nice size rear garden surrounded by 6ft brick walls, so very secure for Betty.  It's situated on a smallish housing estate on the edge of a nice town, there's a field at the front for dog walking and on the other side of the field is a Sainsburys and pet shop.  A good GP surgery is less than a mile away, it's a bit nearer to the caravan park, and also slightly nearer the vets.  So, for a change, both the property itself and the location are exactly what we'd want, if we could choose.

Husband's having a clumsy day today....one of those days when things just slip through his fingers and end up on the floor.  His memory is much the same as usual today, but at least he's not talking gibberish like he was the day after our flu jabs.  And yes I do think his very odd symptoms on Sunday were down to the flu jab.

My eye screening went off ok yesterday, the technician said there didn't appear to be any problems and she thought everything seemed the same as last year, so no worries there.

My lovely friend popped in yesterday for a coffee, so that was nice.  We don't see nearly enough of each other.

He's alright

 Thank you for all the comments - I must say though that husband isn't like that every day, he has good days and not so good ones, and that particular day (Sunday) was probably his worst one so far.  Most days he's relatively fine, except for his short term memory which is never good.  I think Sunday was bad for him because he was suffering extreme tiredness, probably as a result of the flu jab we had on Saturday.  I also felt the tiredness effects, feeling even more tired than usual.  Yesterday husband was his normal self, no issues other than the 'normal' forgetting what I'd told him/or he'd told me.

Today I've got my diabetic eye screening at lunchtime, I'll be getting all my jobs done this morning so I don't have to do anything this afternoon.  It does take a while (for me anyway) for the effects of the pupil-dilating drops to wear off, and the examination itself generally gives me a headache and/or neck ache.

Nothing on for the rest of the week (fortunately, as tomorrow's weather looks dreadful).  Both freezers need defrosting, so that'll get done.  Then I want to start using up the stocks I have frozen and make soups, plus more meals for the freezer.  We're keeping an eye on the weather forecast for next week, as we'll be going to the caravan for the last time this year, to give it a good clean and close it up for winter.  We might stay for a night or two, we might not, don't know yet.  We'd rather go when the weather is set to be at least dry, as outside jobs need to be done when closing up.  The van garden needs a final weed, prune and sort out before winter too.

My back is still giving me a lot of trouble, the pain is hanging around longer than usual.  I'm sure it will ease up soon - and yes I am taking painkillers regularly.

When it's bad, it's quite bad

 Most of the time husband is quite lucid - well, to me anyway because I understand him after all these years, although he does sometimes attract puzzled looks from others who are bemused by something he's said.  Occasionally though there's a day when he's not - yesterday was one of them.  He was chattering away most of the day, as he always does (he's almost never quiet), but several times I had to say "What?  Say that again, in a different way".  Or I just looked at him and thought "what on earth is he talking about?".  It was one of those days when it was almost as if he was talking a foreign language.  I know he was tired, as was I, more so than usual - a reaction from our flu jabs I think - so perhaps that's why he was much more confusing than normal.  Whatever the reason, it was certainly a difficult day.  

It wasn't just his speech either.  I was crippled with back pain yesterday, it was really bad, much worse than usual.  Once the dinner was cooked, I asked husband if he'd mind serving it up, he readily agreed.  10 minutes later, I got up and went into the kitchen to see how he was getting on - all he'd done was make the gravy (just gravy granules, so simply a matter of pouring boiling water on them).  He was just moving dishes around without any clear idea of what to put on the plates first, it was as if he couldn't work out what to do next.  So I took over.  A bit worrying, actually.  He seems alright this morning though....so far - well, other than the fact that he came downstairs in just his boxers and a t-shirt (his sleeping attire) and complained that he was cold.  "Well, put your dressing gown on" I told him...."Oh yeah, I'd forgotten about that!". 😒

The temperature has certainly dropped quite dramatically, both overnight and during the day, we'll be putting the heating on very soon I expect, although we don't feel in need of it right now (husband's put his dressing gown on and now says he feels fine).

My fortnightly shopping, instead of going when we've run out of something, is now working out very well.  I'm making sure I get enough supplies to last us at least a fortnight, so it's rare for me to run out of anything, and if it happens, I can just make do until we go again.  It's definitely saving us money, which means more can go into the savings accounts.

The back is still painful, I sat down a lot yesterday as it was just too painful to move really, but today I'm going to try being on my feet and moving about as much as possible, along with some gentle stretches.  It'll get better soon, it always does.

More on sleep, aching arm and pinging tablets

 Thank you for all the comments and suggestions about sleeplessness, it all made very interesting reading.  However, I'm not sure I agree with the theories about the '2 sleeps', or about not using modern technology (mobile phones, internet, blue screen etc) to help with sleep.  

Re the '2 sleeps' of the Middle Ages - I don't have just one period of wakefulness between two distinct periods of sleep.....I have several waking periods, almost every night, always have.  As for not using phones or internet in the period before sleep - all I can say to that is that I've suffered with insomnia my entire life, and obviously there was no internet or mobile phones etc years ago, so it's not my use of them now that keeps me from falling asleep - I didn't have them years ago, but still didn't sleep.  And my Mum made sure we had a sensible wind-down routine each evening - bath, quiet reading, small cup of warm milk with honey.  Nope, still didn't work.  I think that family doctor of years ago was probably right - overactive imagination.  Although he clearly wasn't right about the 'growing out of it' part.

I've tried meditation apps on my phone - they're soothing yes, and I do drop off to sleep fairly quickly.  But then I usually do anyway....although there are nights when it takes me ages to get off to sleep.  My main problem has always been waking up several times during the night, and often being unable to get back to sleep quickly, if at all.  But the meditation apps don't seem to work as well during the night for getting me back off to sleep, for whatever reason.  My mind is always on the go, that's for sure, so it seems likely that's the root of the problem.  I know some people say, well put the light on and write down your worries, or list of things you need to do the next day.  Yep, tried that too.....as I said before, I've tried pretty much everything.  After all these years, I think it's just a case now of accepting the wakefulness, not worrying about it, quietly reading or going downstairs to make myself a cup of hot milk, and knowing I will eventually, even if it's a few nights later, get a half decent night's sleep.  I also know to be kind to myself and not expect to do too much (especially any computer work or banking) on the day following a very bad night.

We had our flu jabs first thing this morning.....last week following the Covid jabs, neither of us had any reaction to speak of, a mildly sore arm and that was it.  Today though, nearly 3 hours after the flu jab, my arm is beginning to feel quite achy, as if I'd been punched.  Hopefully it'll wear off soon, and if that's the extent of the side effects, then I don't mind at all.  

Once home, we had a coffee then sat at the table and did husband's tablet sorting into his daily medication box.  Not fun, but it has to be done, it saves the uncertainty of him missing out some dosages - and of him pinging the tablets all over the place, as he often did! (I'm the one who now gets them out of the packets).  It always worried me when he dropped the tablets - he wasn't very good at finding them and was prone to giving up.  The worry being not only that it was a med he might not then take, but because of the possibility of Betty finding them on the floor and her eating them.  Now that could be very dangerous.

I made a veggie & cheese tart yesterday, using a grated butternut squash, finely sliced shallots, a whole pack of crumbled Feta, a handful of grated Emmental, lots of sage, all bound together with 3 eggs beaten with some single cream, in a shortcrust pastry base.  Cut into 8 portions, we'll have 2 for lunch today and tomorrow and the other 4 slices I've frozen.  For dinner tonight husband's having bbq ribs and spicy rice, I'm having scampi, we'll have salad on the side.  Dinner tomorrow is roast chicken again for husband (his choice) and the usual roast and green veggies for me.

Sleeplessness

 Do you ever get so bone-wearingly tired that you literally cannot do anything, not even cry, even though you really feel like crying, because it would just take too much effort?  Well, last night was one of those nights. 

I've suffered with insomnia my entire life - my mother took me to the doctor when I was about 7 or 8 because she was worried about me lying awake half the night, she said I didn't even sleep for very long as a baby.  I don't recall if the doctor did any tests or anything, but I do remember him saying that I had an overactive imagination and I'd grow out of it!  Well, here I am well over 50 years later, and still waiting to grow out of it.  I don't get so wound up about not sleeping like I used to years ago when I was working - having to drag myself out of bed early each morning after a wakeful night knowing I had to go to work caused me so much stress.  Nowadays, I don't go out to work, of course, and whatever I have to do each day can usually be done at my own pace or put off to another day, except for appointments obviously.

But our bodies and minds still need a decent amount of sleep, and we do suffer if we don't get sufficient and good quality sleep.  I sometimes get to the point where my brain just feels at the point of shutdown, I cannot think straight at all.  I'm also extremely irritable when I'm really tired.  A few years back my GP referred me to an online sleep clinic, there were rules and tasks to follow and a sleep diary to fill out each day.  It basically involved making me go to bed and get up at a set time every day - around 2 hours later than I normally went, and getting up an hour or 2 earlier than usual.  I was told not to doze off in an armchair in the evening, or have a nap during the day, regardless of how tired I was.  Nor could I put the alarm on snooze and have a few extra minutes in the morning - I had to get up as soon as the alarm went off.  It was supposed to reset my sleep patterns.  I also had to fill out numerous questionnaires and time sheets, every day, giving full details of what times I woke up/went back to sleep in the night (which meant I had to note it down in the middle of the night, which just made me even more awake), what I did whilst awake, how I felt, how many times I got up for a wee, what tablets I'd taken, the times I ate meals and what I'd had to drink, especially in the evenings.  I lasted on the course for about a month before giving up - frankly, the short amount of hours I was actually in bed under their regime (which was only about 5 hours to begin with) was brutal, and I just didn't have the time (or the inclination) to fill out all those forms and details every single day.

Now I just basically put up with the lack of sleep, in the knowledge that sooner or later I will have one or two fairly decent nights when I sleep through sheer exhaustion.  If I could be granted one wish by a fairy godmother, other than wishing for humankind to stop all the absolutely awful mindless brutality that's currently going on in Israel etc, then I would wish for just one night a week where I slept soundly literally all night long.  That would be absolute bliss.

I think I've tried everything imaginable to try and sleep.  Now I just accept it - it is what it is.

A good day

 Yesterday was a pretty good day - now that's something you don't often read on my blog!  We spent the morning in Minehead - somewhere we don't go during school holidays, as there's a big holiday camp there and it's overrun with tourists during holiday season.  We just browsed in the shops, stopping to have a coffee halfway through.  I did buy 2 very nice jumpers though.  Husband was clearly having a good day, he was fairly on the ball and I didn't have to keep repeating things, which was nice.  He did have a bit of a lapse when we got home though - we'd popped into the Co-op to get kitchen roll, as we'd run out, and husband saw a pack of 2 cooked chicken thighs that had been reduced.  He said he'd have those with a couple of wholemeal rolls for his lunch (I had cheese, some cucumber slices and an apple).  However, when we got home he put the chicken away in the fridge and promptly got out an unopened pack of ham and some sliced bread to make himself a ham sandwich.  "Erm, I thought you were having chicken rolls?" I asked him.  "Oh yes, I'd forgotten about that"!! - despite having literally just put the chicken away.  Sometimes he cannot keep a thought in his head for even seconds.

There were 2 nice bungalows on the housing list this week, either of which we'd be happy to have as they are both in areas we'd be happy to live.  I've put in bids for both, but so have loads of other people so I doubt we'll get them.  Still, we live in hope.

The garage checked over the car and said there's nothing wrong with it.....I wasn't aware of there being any kind of problem anyway, but husband was being his usual nitpicking obsessive self.  The trouble is, he really wants a 'perfect' car, which with the type of older second-hand cars we buy, he's never going to get.  So long as it works alright, doesn't give us trouble or cost us loads of money, I don't really care.  The mechanic did tell husband he'll need to get 2 new front tyres before the next MOT is due, which isn't until next summer anyway, so that's nothing to worry about.

We found out yesterday that my uncle, who'd been in hospital more or less at death's door for the past few weeks, has rallied round and recovered sufficiently to be sent home - miracle!  He's already survived a massive heart attack a few years ago and has Parkinsons, but he's continuing to surprise everyone.  He's clearly not ready to go yet!

Although I've lost the 3 or 4 lbs I'd put back on a few weeks ago, my weight loss has, annoyingly, stalled since then and I've not lost any more.  I put it down to the fact that I've been eating more carbs recently - potatoes twice this week, pasta yesterday and bread a few times.  So I'm going very low carb again to kickstart the weight loss back up....losing a stone so far is very nice, but I'm not done losing weight yet.  Another 2 stones would be my aim.

Thank you for the lovely and very supportive comments, I appreciate them so much.  Sometimes I just really miss having my sister and my best friend to talk to, face to face.

Sorry

 I know my blog isn't to everyone's taste....it's not all dreamy country living in a cottage with roses round the door (even though we do have roses round the door!), baking bread, sewing (I loathe sewing of any kind) and crocheting, sitting outside shelling peas and listening to the birds sing.  My life - as with most people's lives if truth be told - isn't all lovely, it's bloody hard, extremely stressful and anxiety inducing a lot of the time.  And yes I do post a lot of negative stuff and it can come across as complaining a lot of the time.  

We can't all be upbeat, happy, shrugging off the negative stuff all the time - for those who are, well, good for you.  Unfortunately, I'm not like that.  I have a friend who's always positive and turns everything into a joke, he can find humour in absolutely any situation, whereas my sense of humour deserts me entirely in stressful situations.  But that friend comes across as ruthless and uncaring.

All of our family, both mine and husband's, live far away from here, so we only rarely see them.  Especially now that husband is unable to drive long distances.  We do keep in contact by phone (our internet here is so slow and weak that video calls are pretty much out of the question), but it's not the same as actually seeing and talking to people face to face - you can't hug someone over the phone.  Several people I was close to have died in the past 2 or 3 years - mostly before they had a chance to get old.  Some of our friends have quietly withdrawn from us over the past few months, it seems the more problems we've had, the less they've been in contact.  That's fair enough, I know not everybody can cope with difficult situations or, especially, depression and anxiety.  As a matter of fact, I sometimes feel that I can't cope - but I don't have the option of withdrawing from the situation, I HAVE to cope whether I want to or not.

So since I no longer have a close confidante anymore - husband or nearby friend - I post the negative stuff or whatever's worrying me on here, my blog.  (Well, most of it....there are things I don't post and never will, it's a public blog after all and I'm not airing all of my dirty linen in public.)  It gets it all off my chest and out of my head - if I didn't let it out, I'd go stark raving mad.

So I'm sorry if my seemingly constant whingeing annoys people - I didn't choose to have problems, especially ongoing ones, and we all cope with things in different ways, we're not all clones of my above-mentioned friend with his lovely life and laughing outlook on everything.

Husband's latest obsession

 Another week gone by, it'll soon be time for the clocks to go back.  At least that means another hour in bed, although I hate the darker even earlier evenings.  However, it then doesn't seem long until the Winter Solstice on 21 December, when the days start getting a bit longer, albeit only by a couple of minutes a day.  As for Christmas, I'm not even thinking about it.  Whether or not I'll make (or even send) Christmas cards this year I really don't know, at the moment I don't feel much like doing it.  I've hardly made any cards this year actually - I have made the odd few, just one at a time when I need one for a family or friend occasion, but haven't had any sessions where I've sat and made several.  I did fill a bag with excess craft supplies back in the summer and gave it to the 12 y.o. girl next door, she made me a thank you card in return, using what I'd given her.

Tip run today, getting rid of some old clothes and shoes that wouldn't be any good for passing on to a charity shop.  A couple of old dog mattresses too, and some other rubbish (of husband's) that has accumulated in the utility room, he always seems to dump stuff in there....until I get fed up with tripping over it or moving his junk away from my food boxes or laundry supplies.  We'll be going to the cancer charity shop too, to offload another bagful of clothes and a load of books, and I'll choose another pile of books.  Yes Heather (I didn't realise you lived this way) their books are a bargain, 2 books for £1 is absolutely dirt cheap and since I give the books back to them to re-sell once I've finished them, I support them twice.  My neighbour who I generally exchange books with (she also buys them 2nd hand) isn't doing much reading lately, she's doing a lot of painting instead (she's an extremely talented artist who paints pet pictures and has a lot of commissions, she's done a couple for us).

Husband's latest 'obsession' is with his bank account - he never really used to bother much about it before, he left all financial stuff to me.....now it's like he's turned into an accountant, and a miserly one at that.  We each have our own bank account, plus a joint one - husband's private pensions and Attendance Allowance go into his and all the car bills (road tax, insurance etc) come out of it.  My Carers Allowance goes into my account.  Husband's state pension and my private pension go into our joint account, which all our household bills and direct debits come out of.  I also have 3 savings accounts, each for a different purpose, which I transfer money into regularly.  Just lately husband has taken to questioning me about what I spend, and is fixated on who pays for what - e.g. every time we have to take Betty to the vets for her regular ear treatment, or flea and worming tablets, he wants to know whether he's paying or I am, and is quick to point out when it's 'my turn' to pay as he paid last time.  He quibbles about every payment in shops etc - especially if it's something I'm buying - do I really need it, could I have got it cheaper elsewhere?  He's also taken to going on and on about who will pay for what when we (finally) move house, and obsesses about whether we've got enough money to pay the expected one month's rent in advance, and the removal costs.  Each time he does this, I get up all our accounts online and show him what's in each account, including the savings account I have that's purely for removal costs.  It satisfies him temporarily, but then a few days later he's off on his obsessive money counting thing again.  Drives me nuts - well, it's the constant repetition because he just doesn't remember that's the annoying thing.  I just have to keep telling myself that he can't help it......

Despite his money counting, he's now decided he wants some new clothes - fine by me, he's got the money and it will make a change for him to actually buy clothes - up till recently he's never been interested in buying himself clothes, it was always me who told him he needed new stuff (and usually had to buy them for him).  The next thing will be persuading him to actually wear them, rather than sticking to his usual scruffy old things.  For years now I've been telling him, when we're going out, to please change into something more suitable as I don't want to go out with him looking like a scarecrow!

A month's worth of cheese

 The cheese and cold meats man at the farmers market was his usual cheery self, he loves banter with the customers.  I got a huge 2 1/2 kg block of mature farmhouse Cheddar for £15, plus 3 packs of wrapped cheeses from a selection, £5 for any 3, I chose Cheddar with mango & ginger, Stilton with cranberries and a large piece of Jarlsberg.  I cut the big Cheddar block into several smaller pieces, grating about half of them into 3 bags, one in the fridge and froze two.  One block for slicing went in the fridge, another 3 blocks in the freezer.  This, along with the 3 other cheeses, will keep us going for a few weeks.  I do love cheese and eat a lot of it, more so now I don't eat meat.

We also got some fruit and veg, at much cheaper prices than the supermarkets.  I have to say you do have to pick and choose carefully though (it's all laid out on trestle tables for you to pick your own) as some of it isn't the best quality.  I was more than happy with what we got, including a 5kg brown sack of locally grown potatoes for just £3.  We used to buy potatoes in 25kg sacks a few years ago, but we don't eat potatoes that often now so it's not worth buying that amount.  Fruit and veg keeps well in our unheated utility room.

We've got a few things on this coming week - husband's taking the car to the local garage for some minor problem on Tuesday (not worth taking it back to the seller garage under warranty, our local garage is nearer and husband knows them well).  It's nothing drastic or expensive, he's just a bit fussy about things.  We need to do a tip run one day, I've been doing some more sorting and have some things to get rid of.  I also need to take a load of books back to the cancer charity shop and pick up some more.  I want to do some more batch cooking and freezing....I definitely want 1 or 2 days each week where I don't have to cook and just pull something readymade out of the freezer.  I also want to do some crocheting, a few baby blankets ready for gifting, we know a few pregnant ladies.  Oh, and we've got our flu jabs at the end of the week too.  I'm pleased to say we've had next to no reaction to our covid jabs, I had a mildly sore arm when I got up yesterday, same as husband, but that was all.

I've got an upset stomach at the moment, it's been a bit of a stressful week.  Well, every week is stressful now, some more than others.  Never mind, a couple of days of very plain eating should sort it out.  Oddly enough Betty must have had a poorly tummy too in the early hours of this morning, she was sick on the landing.  I must have been well away in the land of nod, I didn't hear her....husband did and cleared it up, bless him.  She's still fast asleep (and having a woofy dream) in her cage bed right now, I'm sure she's fine.

Days of positives and negatives

 Thanks once again for the comments, I really appreciate your support.  Ruth - yes, just that.  And my husband only (I say 'only') has cognitive impairment, it's not even dementia, so goodness only knows how relatives of people afflicted with dementia cope.  It's odd, but sometimes he has the occasional day - or few hours - when he seems completely normal.  Other days, yesterday was one, he cannot remember anything at all.....in the space of about an hour yesterday afternoon, he'd asked me about 6 times what we were having for dinner.

The covid jabs went off without a hitch, very well organised again and got in on time.  Didn't have to wait for 15 mins afterwards either.  No side effects, other than a bit of a sore arm, although husband felt tired and went to bed for a couple of hours in the afternoon, but he quite often does that anyway.

Going to the farmers market for cheeses and veg, maybe some meat, this morning.  I've got quite a few pots of homemade stock in the freezer - chicken, bacon and veg - so will start using them up for soups and stews.  I want to do a couple of trayfuls of roasted veggies to freeze in portions, and have a big bagful of gifted home grown tomatoes in the freezer that I'll use to make pasta sauce this weekend.

The farmers harvested the back field full of maize (for winter animal feed) the other day, then cut all the hedges front and back, so we have good clear far reaching views again.  I'll miss these views, and how the farmers work through the changing of the seasons, when we do finally move house.  No suitable housing on the list for the past two weeks, nearly all flats without gardens, which obviously we don't want.  I couldn't imagine living somewhere without a garden, I'd hate it.  And obviously Betty needs a garden.

My weight loss is back on track, I'm pleased to say, it's become second nature now to follow my healthy way of eating.  No breakfast (never really been much of a breakfast eater), a small light 'brunch' around 11.30 or 12 noon, then a sensible (and fairly small) dinner around 5.30 or 6 pm of fish or a homemade vegetarian thing with extra veggies on the side.  I generally have an easy peeler or nectarine for dessert.  Husband still has his 3 meals a day, bigger portions than me and usually including meat of some kind, although he finally seems to have got out of the habit of snacking between meals, thank goodness.  He was never going to lose weight if he carried on snacking - now he's lost 6lb.  Occasionally on a Saturday we might have something with chips - a pie (veggie for me, meat for husband) or a pizza e.g., but not every weekend.  I should think my diabetes nurse will be pleased when I go for my annual review next month....my diabetes is well controlled anyway, but both my weight and cholesterol should be a fair bit down on last year.  My last 2 or 3 BP readings have been normal - perfect, in the words of my GP.

Our new normal is far from that

 The crisis I mentioned 3 or 4 weeks ago has had a profound effect on us, and we are still dealing with the fallout from it....when I said it had been resolved to our satisfaction, that was actually stretching the truth somewhat.  Or I was in denial.  It feels like life for us will never be normal again - but I guess this is actually our new normal, and somehow we just have to get used to it.  It's affected me very deeply, both physically and mentally, stress, anxiety and worry are now with me every single day as, along with having to cope with the daily problems raised by husband's heart failure and cognitive impairment, I now have so much more to take on board.  

I'm becoming more of a homebody.....I wouldn't say I'm actually agoraphobic, but am definitely feeling - well, safer shall we say, in my own home.  I'm not feeling inclined to see or talk to people either.  As I said before in a previous blog, a crisis definitely shows you who your friends are, and the ones who didn't put themselves out to help much, or even distanced themselves, for their own reasons.  Still, it is what it is, we can't put the clock back (I wish).

I'm taking anti-anxiety meds twice a day now, hopefully they'll help in time.

It's very difficult nowadays for me to have a conversation with husband about things which are personal, private or we don't necessarily want everyone knowing - because he WILL repeat it, whatever it is.  He has absolutely no filter now and cannot remember that he's supposed to keep some things to himself, he just blurts out to whoever he's talking to the first thing that pops into his head.  So I have to be very careful what I say to him, which doesn't feel right sometimes.

The ratatouille topped with a savoury oat & cheese crumble I made yesterday was delicious, husband liked it too.  I also made the new potato dauphinoise thing for dinner tonight, and a cauli cheese which has gone in the freezer.  After the cooking morning and then lunch, we took Betty out in the back field, then I went upstairs for the afternoon, as I had a tension headache and my hip was really painful.

Covid jabs this morning, I'm hoping we'll just get the usual sore arm.

Gemma's Person - my apologies, I think I inadvertently deleted your comment asking what the consultant said about statins - blonde moment!  He went on about the importance of cholesterol being kept in check (mine is slightly raised but not terribly), he mentioned it 2 or 3 times.

Lie in and Covid jabs

 I got up at my usual time (around 05.45), went to the loo, then thought actually I'm still really sleepy, think I'll go back to bed.  So I did!  And, amazingly, slept, until Betty decided it was time we were getting up just before 7.00.....I think she heard husband getting up and opening his curtains.  She came and cuddled up next to me, pressing her back right along my side, then rolled over on her back for a tummy rub.  Lovely way to wake up.

We're having our Covid jabs tomorrow so I'm making food today that can just be reheated tomorrow, in case I don't feel like cooking.  I'll make a new potato and leek dauphinoise-type thing, we'll have it with fishcakes and peas.  For today, I'm doing a sort of ratatouille as I have an aubergine and a couple of wrinkly courgettes to use up, with a red onion and some frozen sliced peppers added.  I think I'll put it in a baking dish and add a savoury herby oat crumble to the top - as the oven will be on for the potato thing, I may as well make use of it for other things.  I might make a few cheese scones for the freezer as well.  Husband will have bacon with his ratatouille, something green on the side with mine.

My weight is coming down again, having reduced my carbs and portion sizes, I've lost 2 of the 3 lbs I'd put back on a couple of weeks ago.

The weather forecast has just been on the TV, it's back to warm and sunny, a late summer for a few days, how lovely.  Pity we can't make the most of it and go to the caravan, we've got a few things on here which stops us going.  It's looking like we won't get back to the van until probably the last week in the month - which will be ok, we know several other owners will be there too, closing down for the winter.

I've just read that Sue is taking a break from her Smaller and Simpler and Wartime Rations blogs - I'll miss reading them every day, but we all need to do what's best for ourselves.  Take all the time you need, Sue, look after yourself.  I hope you come back!

Cherie, you asked if hiring the dog field is expensive - no, I don't think so.  It costs £4.50 per half hour, which I think is money well spent.  Actually, that's cheaper than most - I saw one the other day which charges £6.50 per half hour, most seem to be around £5.  The only thing that's a bit irritating is that they are now very popular, meaning we can only book 2 or 3 weeks in advance - but of course we don't know what the weather will be like that far ahead!  None of us (Betty included) are fond of wet and windy conditions.  I'll have to look at the website T&Cs to see if we can carry our booking fee over to another slot if we can't (or don't want to) go on the day.

Statins and dogs

 With regard to the statins....out of interest, I looked up both of the ones the cardiologist mentioned in his letter to my GP - one he recommended trying first, then if that one wasn't tolerated, a different one.  Both of them have similar listed side effects.  Now I know not everyone gets side effects, or, if they do, not the same side effects.  But as the listed possible side effects include muscle weakness, joint pains, brain fog, headaches, sleep disturbance, gastrointestinal upset, amongst others - well I'm not willing to take the chance of exacerbating things I already suffer with.  As a matter of interest....several years ago when I had a discussion with my GP about statins and told him why I didn't want to take them, I asked him if he himself took them, or would take them if offered.  His answer to both questions was a firm No!  So that more or less made the decision definite for me.  He did, however, say that he was duty bound as a doctor to offer them to patients, which is only right and proper.  I think what annoyed me the most was that after me telling the consultant exactly why I wasn't going to take statins, he completely disregarded what I'd said and told the GP to start me on them....as if I'd not spoken and am not involved in my own care.

Betty loved the dog field, not so much for the charging around freely - she's a right scent hound, her nose is always to the ground or lifted up sniffing the air.  She spent ages trotting around the entire field sniffing all the lovely doggy smells, no doubt checking out who'd already been there.  She wasn't particularly interested in all the doggy toys and apparatus - she wouldn't go on the ramps or through the 2 tunnels, even when I stood peering through the other end of them calling her, she just ran around them! There's a mini mountain of different sized tyres filled in with sand, she briefly checked out the lower levels of that.  Not interested in playing on anything really, other than sniffing all the different things - there are the sorts of things you see at those collie agility games on TV or at country fairs.  Certainly plenty to keep all sorts of dogs happy.  Oh, the pond, quite large and completely fenced/gated, was very muddy around the perimeter (understandably, as it had been raining quite hard).  I wouldn't let her go in there even if she showed any interest in it (which she didn't) - as a brachycephalic (short and crinkly snouted) dog, she's not overly keen on going in water, and the pond is 1 metre deep, according to the sign, so not safe for her.  I wouldn't even know if she can swim, she's never been in water deep enough to try, nor shown any inclination to.

There was a big boxful of balls of different sizes - we'd taken her favourite ball with us as well.  She's not that interested in playing with balls though - she only half-heartedly runs after them and only when she feels like it, and almost never brings them back.  She just likes chewing them - she only likes her favourite one because it squeaks.  There's a big waste bin for doggy poos and signs asking owners to pick up - which we would anyway.  One or two people had complained on FB about poo not being picked up.....I have to say we only found one pile - or rather, husband did when he trod in it!  He ALWAYS does that (as he never looks where he's putting his feet when walking) - it's a standing joke that if there's any poo around, husband will find (and tread in) it!! 😂😒.  All in all, for quite a big field I was pleasantly surprised at the lack of poo.  We'll definitely be taking Betty again, they're a very good idea as a safe and secure place to let dogs run around without the distraction of other dogs, if yours is reactive - the field is hired by the hour or half hour and you have exclusive use of it for that time.  We noticed the other day there's another new one opened up in another direction, a bit nearer to us, so we'll check that one out too, we're going that way in a few days.

Thank you for comments about the statins, I know we're all different and have to make our own choices about our own health care.  Husband takes a statin, he has done for years.  He had problems tolerating the first one he was on, the GP changed it and he's had no trouble with the second one.  However, I recall my mother having a lot of problems with side effects, her GP tried her with several different statins and she had trouble with all of them.

Rambler, you asked about my mini processor - I'm sorry, I can't tell you what make it is, I've had it a few years now and the name has worn off!  I'm fairly sure it was only quite a cheap one though, I seem to remember getting it from Amazon.  Perhaps other readers can help?  My one takes up next to no room (the motor unit thing fits on top of the bowl) and, despite not being a big brand name, still works perfectly.  I use it a lot.

Weight irritation, dog treat, and not being listened to

 I've put 3lbs back on, which is annoying.  I'm sure it's because I've started eating more carbs - carbs are really bad news for me....carbs in pasta, bread, rice and potatoes that is, even though we always have wholemeal or wholegrain versions of them.  So I'm cutting back on them again.  

We're taking Betty to a secure fenced purpose made dog exercise field today, there are quite a few springing up around here.  This one has plenty of 'toys' for dogs to play with or train on (if that's your thing) - giant tractor tyres, ramps, tunnels, etc, even a pond your dog can play in (fenced and gated in case you don't want the dog to go in it).  There's a hut for shelter, with a raised platform for brushing or towelling off your dogs, and a water supply with hose to wash them or give them a drink.  You hire the field for 30 mins or an hour, giving you exclusive use of it for that time.  It's a great space for safe and secure private play for your dog/s - Betty does have a strong prey drive and races off in pursuit of pheasants, rabbits or deer in the field behind us, there's less likelihood of her seeing them in the exercise field.  (She never catches them, she's a sprinter not a marathon runner, she runs out of steam quite quickly).  She's also not terribly keen on other dogs and especially doesn't like them sticking their noses up her backside - which most dogs do, it's their way of greeting each other and finding out about them.  Can't say I blame her!  This is a trial run, if she likes it in the field we'll take her regularly.

I got a lovely shower jacket at Clarks Village yesterday, a black quilted one with a hood, just what I wanted, from M&S.  No winter boots though, nothing really took my fancy - I did get a new veg peeler though!  I've tried it out already this morning, peeling some carrots - wow, it's so smooth and quick, like a knife through butter, I can't believe I've been using that same old blunt one for years.  And it is old, I've had it a very long time, it's in the bin now.

I had a copy of the letter the cardiology consultant has sent to my GP (that was quick!).  The consultant wanted to know why I didn't take a statin - so I told him, giving my reasons quite clearly (I have done plenty of research into statins).  He said we need to weigh up the risks and benefits, he was clearly in favour of taking them.  In the letter to my GP, he recommends that the GP start me on statins!  Now, my GP knows why I won't take them and is fine with it being my choice - the consultant, however, clearly pretty much ignored my wishes and has ridden rough shod over them.  Well, I'm not taking them (should my GP try to prescribe them) and that's that.  I thought the consultant was a nice man when I saw him, now I'm not so sure.  I know he has to put forward what he thinks is the best course of action, but to totally ignore my views and tell my GP to prescribe a drug that I've firmly stated I'm not happy to take just strikes me as bullying.  It's my body and I'm not being browbeaten into doing something I don't want to do.

Mock Turkey (with thanks to Sue and Carolyn)

 The Mock Turkey recipe came out beautifully - Sue mentioned it on her Wartime Rations blog, it came from Carolyn of the 1940s Experiment and she in turn got it from somewhere else (a wartime themed book I think), it's mentioned a lot if you google it, as are several different versions of it.  I didn't stick exactly to quantities, but just did it by eye and judgement.  I used a pack (1lb, 454g) of turkey sausages - you could use any sausage, including veggie or vegan ones.  For the breadcrumbs, I used 4 wholemeal pitta breads and 3 Swedish ryebread slices, as that's what I had in the freezer (I defrosted them first), whizzed up in my mini processor.  Again, I'm sure you could use any bread of your choice.  One very large red onion and a huge homegrown apple, the biggest of our homegrown apple (very small) haul, rather than grating them (onions make me cry like a baby, and I always seem to grate my fingers) I also chopped them in the mini processor.  A heaped dessertspoon of dried sage, a squirt each of garlic and tomato puree and plenty of salt & pepper.  To mix it all up thoroughly, it really is best to get your hands in and squish it all together....quite therapeutic actually, like mixing bread dough by hand.  It made a lot - I didn't bother pressing it all out into a turkey shape - for just husband and I, it would make far too much in one go.  So I put it into those 1lb oblong foil loaf tins, it filled three of them....each one would serve 4.  I laid streaky bacon rashers on the top - I like the taste that bacon imparts, although I probably wouldn't eat it - husband had the bacon yesterday.  They took about 50 mins or so to cook, covered with foil for the first 30 mins.

I had a portion of one for my Sunday dinner, with roast and green veggies and gravy....husband had some as stuffing to accompany his roast chicken.  I didn't give Betty any, of course, as it's got onions in it.  The rest we'll have today for dinner - I did plenty of extra veggies yesterday so we could have them reheated today, as we'll be out all morning, so I won't have to think about cooking when we get home.  The other 2 foil tins I've frozen.  The Mock Turkey - I can't call it Murkey, it sounds revolting! - is really nice and I'll definitely make it again.  It's really just a variation of a stuffing mix after all, and I've always liked stuffing.

So this morning we're off to Clarks Village at Street (Street is the name of the town) to get a showerproof jacket for me, possibly some winter boots as well.  Husband wants to look for some clothes, and I need a new veg peeler!

I'm very pleased Strictly is back on, it's one of the highlights of my Autumn Saturday evenings.  I won't mention the name of the person who went out yesterday, in case any of you have got it recorded.  Suffice it to say I'm not surprised, it was the right choice.

To those of you who suggest writing lists or notes for husband to jog his memory - thank you, but as I've mentioned before, husband is quite severely dyslexic so writing lists for him is a bit problematic, as he generally has to ask me what it says anyway.  He can read, but letters and words get jumbled up (in his words), which makes it difficult for him.

Good thinking, mock turkey and planning

 Thank you for the comments again, it's always lovely to read them.  Jane, that idea about a sort of 'checklist' is a good one, thanks.  I know husband can't help forgetting things (everything), it's not his fault and he doesn't do it deliberately, I do know that.  But it's so frustrating - and stressful - when I have to keep repeating myself constantly throughout the day.....well, you know that!  So I might give your checklist thing a try - anything that helps husband and keeps my stress levels down is good.

It's really sensible thinking, actually - e.g. when we've been shopping, on the way home I generally say to husband "Please don't put the shopping away, leave it for me" - but he's almost always forgotten I said that by the time we get home.  (The reason I don't like him putting stuff away is that he never puts it where it's actually supposed to go, he just puts it wherever there's a space, and I can never find it afterwards!).  So it would actually be better if I waited until we got home and he's carried the bags into the kitchen - thanking him then telling him there and then that I'll put it away does mean that I'll only have to say it once.

I didn't do a lot yesterday as I had a really bad night Friday with not much sleep at all, so my brain was fried.  However, last night I slept really well, only waking up a couple of times and going virtually straight back off to sleep.  I didn't need to get up for the loo either, and didn't wake up until nearly 7 am - a lie-in for me.  So today I'm raring to go and will hopefully be getting loads done.  Doing a dog blanket wash right now - we have fleece blankets for Betty to lie on, on the sofa, my bed, her own bed in her cage under the stairs and her bed in the back of the car.  It's a good drying day - dry and breezy - so they'll be going out on the line.  Husband and Betty will be having roast chicken today, I'm going to make that wartime Mock Turkey (basically a sort of stuffing or meatloaf) and will have some of that for my dinner, along with all the usual roasted and green veggies.  I've got lots of veggies to prep, cook and freeze - I prefer to get all the veggies for the week prepped as much as possible in one go, that way they don't go off and get wasted.  Then this afternoon I want to sit and read through the leaflets and info the Carers Champion sent me, not got round to it yet.

I need to plan when we'll be going back to the caravan for our last time this year, we'll probably stay for a couple of nights and then drain down/shut everything off for next year.  We've got our Covid jabs this coming Friday 6th then our flu jabs Saturday 14th, so possibly a few days in between those.  Or we might go the week beginning Monday 23rd, the last full week in October....quite a few owners go then, with it being the October schools half term and the last week of our park's season.  Sad to think it's nearly the end of our lovely caravan season for this year, we just haven't been there as often this year because the weather wasn't that good - well, not consistently anyway - or health stuff got in the way.